Chapter 12
"So tell me Trish, how are you?" RK asked Trishna as they finally settled on the couch with their coffee.
"I am fine, Bhai. But how are you?" she softly asked, concern in her voice.
"I am ok." RK answered with as much of a straight face as he could manage.
"Don't lie bhai. So much happened and you didn't even call us. You know Mom was so upset." He had finally spoken to Manorama mami last week when she had called, reading the news of Dipali and Rishabh's divorce. She had asked what was going on, and Rishabh ended up telling her everything about Dipali, Sikander and Radha. Her heart had broken hearing such plight of her innocent nephew, but her own health wasn't too well and she encouraged Trishna to meet Rishabh before she became well enough to travel.
"I didn't know where to start. Frankly, I had no idea what hit me. I trusted...anyway, I guess it's all in the past now." Rishabh tried to sound as convincing as possible.
"How can you say that bhai? Are you going to let them get away with hurting you? They did all this for money. I mean Radha aunty..."
"Forget it Trish. I don't want to talk about all that."
"But I do. I need to know you're okay bhai. That's why I am here, in the middle of my college term, as soon as I could take two days off."
"Trish, honey, you shouldn't have."
"Not an option big brother. I was feeling so restless when Mom told me. And she is still recovering from her knee replacement surgery so she can't come. Maybe you should come with me to London. Be with us. You can't be all alone."
"Don't worry. I am ok. You're the kid sister right. Worry doesn't suit you! Now tell me, how are classes going?"
RK and Trish continued to chat for some time, but Trishna was acutely aware how hard her big brother was trying to act normal. She wondered what she could do to help him, to heal his pain. She knew how much he cared for everyone he loved. Ever since their childhood, he had pampered her and been a protective support every time she needed him. That's why she had continued to meet him and be in touch with him, even though Radha aunty had never encouraged her and on a few occasions been quite rude to her and her mother.
"Oh my God!" Trishna suddenly squealed, noticing the time and jumped off he couch.
"What happened?" RK stood up too, worried.
"How much do you talk Bhai? You know, mom always says I talk too much, but look at you. You just talk and talk and talk and you made me forget everything." she rambled on as she walked around to find the purse she had thrown somewhere in the living room when she'd arrived. HP had already left the rest of her stuff in one of the downstairs' guest bedrooms and she hoped the purse was still there.
"Nautanki! What happened? At least, tell me what you're looking for." RK followed Trishna, both walking around in circles.
"There it is!" Trishna squealed, finding the purse, then started fishing in it. "You are no help Bhai. First you completely distracted me, now you're yelling at me."
"I give up! You're impossible, woman." RK exclaimed and turned his back but Trish caught up to him in seconds and stopped him.
"Wait. Ok sorry sorry. Wait. See what I got."Trishna smiled, pointing at the small muffin in her hand.
"Mami sent it?" RK smiled, remembering how much he loved her home-made cakes and muffins.
"No."
"Then?"
"I made it."
"What?"
"Yep. It's the first thing I ever made. I mean I wanted to make a cake, but by the time I made something that wasn't burnt, there was only enough batter for a small muffin."
She grinned, and RK laughed a little. He tried to take the muffin, but she slapped his wrist and said "Not like this", then dragged him to the dining table and handed him a butter knife to cut it.
"Happy birthday bhai!" she said, enveloping her brother in a big embrace and pointing to the clock that had just turned 12.
There was a tear in her eye as they parted, and RK wiped it off.
"How could they do this to you, bhai? You're so good, so..."she started to say, but RK stopped her. He didn't want to revisit bad memories, and more importantly he didn't want to expose Trishna to the dirty details of how bad things had been, how cruel the words were that were said, and how broken he truly was. Even to mami, he had said he'd found out Dipali never loved him and instead loved Sikander, but he hadn't said how he had walked in to the two of them naked on his bed. That image hurt.
"Let's cut this, shall we?" RK pulled Trish's cheek and pointed to the muffin, bringing the chirpiness back on his little sister's face.
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Trishna finally went to bed at around 1, and RK too retired to his room. He lay on the bed, but sleep evaded him. Talking to Trishna had reopened his wounds, but he was somewhat relieved to learn that the pain did not pierce him as intensely as it used to. He was grateful for a slight sense of objectivity that accompanied his pain now in place of the rage and helpless anguish that used to be there. Perhaps, closing himself off, not talking about it and strengthening his defense walls had helped. Or perhaps, it was the explicit compassion he had felt from his sister that had been a balm to his betrayal - at least there was someone who genuinely cared for him.
Did Madhu care for him, he suddenly thought?
Probably not, but then she didn't need to care for him. Not in the same way.
It wasn't the same thing as Trish, but perhaps in her own way, her compassion had been slowly healing him all along, hadn't it? He didn't need explicit care from her, but he had needed the wordless companionship, the soothing words, the fresh innocence and the passionate solace that Madhu had provided him over the last 3 months.
Another question popped in his head all of a sudden - What would have happened if he hadn't found Madhu? And what would happen if she left?
Feeling restless, he sat up on the bed, not knowing what to think. As always, thinking about Madhu and his role in his life confused him. All these months, he had allowed himself to open up to Madhu somewhat and let her be, but he had to do it without thinking and analyzing what he was doing because thinking made him scared, restless and weirdly hopeful at the same time. He had been feeling his way through it, going with the flow and doing what felt better and peaceful. All questions floated in limbo, unanswered.
But was this sustainable? Trishna coming here and coming face-to-face with Madhu wasn't planned, and for a moment there he was lost about how to handle it. He had suddenly been reminded who Madhu really was. He saw the uncertainty on her face, her desire to escape, her fear of shame. He'd handled the moment, but that feeling persisted. Trishna had tricked him into taking both her and Madhu to Panchgani in the morning. In front of Trishna's excitement, and more importantly - noticing the look of longing in Madhu's eyes when she'd heard Panchgani - he couldn't find an excuse to deny the trip.
But what would happen if people saw him with Madhu? What would happen if Trishna found out who Madhu was? Would he have to let her go, even though he wasn't yet ready to give up the comfortable solace Madhu provided in his turbulent world? But what would the world label what he had with Madhu? What would he label it? How long was this going to go on?
Almost an hour later, frustrated with unanswerable questions and feeling more restless than ever, he ambled into Madhu's room without bothering to switch on the lights. He would remember to leave in a few hours before Trishna woke up, but right now he craved for Madhu's touch.Soundlessly, he slid next to her in bed and his arm went around Madhu's waist.
She shifted a little, snuggling closer and her hand came over the back of RK's hand and she started gently caressing him. Realizing that she was awake and his craving fueled by her gentle touch, he slipped his hand underneath her top and found her navel. His thumb rubbed over her belly button, and he felt Madhu's breathing shorten. A second later, she turned to face him, surprising RK, and in no time her lips had found his.
For a moment RK was stunned. Madhu had never kissed him before. She always responded to him, and had on occasion initiated a little hug or caress, but right now she was passionately kissing his lips and the heat between them was rising. RK felt her wet tongue on his lips and recovering from the shock, started to kiss her back, but she parted.
"Happy birthday Rishabh ji" she whispered, and then moved to turn the other way again, but RK held her by the shoulder before she could turn away and slammed his lips onto hers.
"Be ready at 7" he softly said as he slipped out of the bed 3 hours later. The storm of questions, the fear of nomenclature and the weight of uncertainty had all dissolved in the heat of all-consuming passion and a dreamless sleep that followed. Rishabh wasn't ready to let Madhu go.
For now.
Jo dil ko tassali de, woh saaz utha lao
Dum ghutne se pehle hi, awaaz utha lao
Khushiyon ka tarannum hai, ashkon ki zabaani hai...
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"How much longer?" Trishna squealed, from the tenth time since they had sat in the car.
"It's a 3.5 hour drive and we've only been on the road 45 minutes. Why did you come if you can't sit in the car? I told you." RK irritatingly answered Trishna, sitting on the back seat of the car with Madhu, who had been quietly watching outside the window the whole morning, while he sat on the passenger seat with the driver.
"Arey I am just askinggg" Trishna dramatically replied, getting bored sitting silently.
"Your asking every two minutes is not going to bring Panchgani closer, you know?" RK scowled, and noticed Madhu through the rear-view mirror trying hard not to chuckle.
"Ok ok, don't be mean. I'm just...I'm just...uhh...hungry."
"We had breakfast before leaving. It hasn't even been an hour?!" RK asked, horrified.
"So? Starve your little sister to death! You know, it's probably child abuse."
"You aren't that much of a child you know. How old are you - 25?"
"Haww. I am not even 21 yet. How mean! You are the old one!"
"Ok ok. There's a good place about 15 minutes away. We'll stop there, ok?"
"Fine. You know, young people need energy. Not all of us here are 50 year olds."
"Excuse me?"
"Yep. Look at the boring music you've put up. Who listens to 70s hindi songs anymore?"
"Fine. Here's the remote, you switch the music."
"No thanks. I will put my Spotify list. Um...what should we listen? Madhu, what kind of songs do you like?" Trish suddenly asked Madhu. Madhu looked startled and her eyes met with RK's who had caught her gaze through the rear view more. He blinked, as if giving her permission, and she answered.
"I...I like old hindi songs actually."
"What? No way? Bhai, you have found someone absolutely perfect for you!" RK immediately turned his head, taken aback at Trishna's words, but Trishna was busy pouring into her iPhone screen. He saw something - or maybe, he imagined something - flicker across Madhu's eyes before she removed her gaze. Trishna, oblivious to the silent mini-storm in the vehicle, was demanding Madhu's attention and music opinion. RK turned his head back to the front again and continued to hear Trishna insist Madhu pick another genre and then complain about a long list of things that included her hunger, the beats of the music, how not-cute was Macklemore's girlfriend, how old her iPhone already was and how Madhu should cut her hair differently, while RK's own mind wandered to a certain unique, soul-stirring albeit too-short kiss he had received the previous night.
Abhi to party shuru hui hai, blared the car speakers.
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