Aashlok - Pictures - Episode 412 - 13th January 2015

TFS Clarisa 🤗

leech used to unsettle my otherwise calm world but now im indifferent

im over

im facing real life situations

my grandma has this alzheimer and she is right now remembering only me and waiting for me as i used to go , i am getting phone calls from the neighbors

she gets out of home even at midnight or during day and wait for me , like ankita is coming and wont get into the home, i am in usa and she is in india😭 and my tickets are booked for feb 5 and its very painful to talk to her on phone, she wont understand and she has forgotten like 15 years , she recognized my voice and then would go and on like come here, im tired , i am hungry, \she is living in a enclosed community that wont allow anyone to enter after 10 pm for security reasons unless preapproval and asks me to come inside before the gates closes😭 and she now even wants to go out to look out for me😭 its really painful, and all of these just strikes me at any time in the day and i just cant believe the life's reality, i have heard previously oldies in my near relations going into such mental paranoia state but did not realize what the close ones suffer in these situations, i tried to take an escape route, denial which i took when i was 17 when my grand father was suffering from cancer, i am closest to him till date, i would not just believe and i stopped going to stay with him after this diagnosis so that i dont have to undergo pain at that time, i would just go for family visits but that vacation did not go to stay with him like i did every year, i instead enjoyed with cousins and everything and during the last visit he asked me , would i now not come to stay with him? and i replied that i will after im done with the practicals, i had given the 12th exam and had like 15 days between , i could have stayed but i became an escapist so that i would not have to undergo the pain at that time, but the result had drastic change in my life, he died in 10 days after the first practical and had to stay for two more practicals, and when i went after the practical exams, he was already cremated, so no evidence of life or death,

i could never believe that he was dead, i waited for him every night when i lived with my grandmother like he used to come home after the discourses, i waited to listen that the door will soon open and he will enter but he would not, i went into sever undiagnosed depression for years and could not form a bond now with any other person that i had with him,

i finally accepted the truth that he is no more and not going to come back only recently after 20 years

and now i am preparing for another blow of my grandmother's situation and i am not running away this time from pain, first decided to be escapist once again and not go there , i had not gathered the courage to call her back, its really painful but now i m not going to let myself go once again through the same pain for years , i will go there and stay with her for nearly two months in feb and march and will face the pain and overcome it by accepting the reality of life

and i m no more concerned about any other fake tv couple