Jeevika let out an audible, heartfelt sigh as she sank deeper into Viren's garden bathtub, the hot water and bubbles covering nearly her entire body, leaving only her head bobbing above the water. He had offered her the use of his tub in the master bath any time she wanted it, but she had never taken him up on the offer. She had a perfectly wonderful tub and shower attached to her own room, but it wasn't nearly as elaborate as this one.
Admit it. It isn't the size of the tub. It's the fact that it's his that made you come in here.
She didn't want to admit that she missed Viren so desperately that she wanted to use the tub he used, breath in his scent that lingered in his bathroom.
Refusing to have sex with him was your brilliant idea.
Yeah, it was. But she was seriously re-thinking that decision. It had felt like the right thing to do at the time. She wanted to be with him knowing that he trusted her completely. Not knowing what had happened to him could cause her to make other mistakes, to hurt him inadvertently. She couldn't stand that thought. She'd hoped he might open up and share his experience with her, let her help him through it.
But she had been dead wrong.
He had distanced himself, pulled away rather than share his internal torment. He hadn't touched her, hadn't kissed her, since she had told him that she couldn't make love with him unless he told her about the incident. What in the hell had happened to him? Had she pushed him too far, too fast? Would it have been better to settle for only what he was able to give?
Viren made her feel beautiful.
He made her feel safe.
God...she loved her primitive, protective, possessive male who had a heart of gold.
Oh hell, he was her every erotic fantasy come to life in stunning, glorious color and there wasn't a thing she didn't love about him.
A lone tear streaked down her cheek.
Three days. It had only been three days and she was already a mess. The lonely yearning for him was already pulverizing her, swallowing her whole. Not only was he her erotic fantasy, he was her complete fantasy. The whole damn package. She had never met a man like him, and probably never would again.
He was sweet, although he would deny it.
He was tender, although he would deny that too.
Kind.
Compassionate.
A freaking genius, a man she learned something from every single day, although she definitely knew he would blow that off too.
Because he was also humble. Viren Vadhera didn't ever see himself as someone special. But she saw him as he was; a man to grab hold of and never let go.
A second tear flowed down her other cheek as her heart crumbled.
She didn't want to go back to her life before Viren. And not because she cared about being poor. She had always lived in poverty and had never planned on being anything other than comfortable. Secure. Money didn't buy happiness, and having material things couldn't even come close to competing with having love, having that one special person who could make her complete, whole. What good were things and money if a person wasn't emotionally fulfilled, happy with their accomplishments, no matter how big or how small?
I'd feel exactly the same way about Viren even if he wasn't wealthy. As long as he was happy.
Granted, Viren was too intelligent, too ambitious not to be successful. But there were times when she wished he wasn't quite so wealthy, didn't work so hard. But his intelligence, his drive to make his products the very best, were parts of him that she loved. She accepted the whole package, freaking adored the sexy, masculine, quirky bundle of testosterone that made him uniquely...Viren.
*****
Jeevika has no reason to stay.
Viren's gut clenched as he knocked on the door of Jeevika's room, waiting for her to answer. Hoffman had called him less than an hour ago, informing him that the police had apprehended the second offender, the other bas***d who had tried to abduct Jeevika.
Cursing under his breath, he pushed the door open, finding her bedroom empty. He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw her cell phone and her backpack sitting on her bed. She was home, still somewhere in the condo. She'd never leave without her pack.
Does she know? Had Detective Harris called her? Knowing very well that he shouldn't, he picked up her phone, thumbing through her missed calls. There was only one that was recent. It had occurred thirty minutes earlier, and it was from Harris. There was a voice mail, but he drew the line at listening to her messages. He already knew what the message was about. She was safe, the men who had attacked her both locked up.
The reason for her being here with him...gone.
He had to tell her.He wouldn't let Jeevika spend another minute fearing that someone was on the loose, trying to kill her.
As far as he knew, she hadn't suffered another nightmare. God knew that he listened closely every night, left his bedroom door open in case she needed him. She hadn't.
Dropping her phone back on the bed, he yanked at his tie, undoing the knot completely, leaving the material to drape around his neck. He had discarded his jacket in the kitchen a few minutes earlier when he had arrived home. Uncertainty settled over him like a dark cloud as he exited her bedroom. Would she stay even though the immediate threat to her was gone? And if she wanted to leave, how in the hell could he ever let her go?
Not happening. She's mine, damn it!
Gritting his teeth, his emotions bouncing between determination and fear, he went in search of her. Most likely, she was in the office.
He checked the Office, but she wasn't there. She had to be in the gym. Hesitating as he headed in that direction, he started to unbutton his shirt, heading toward his bedroom. He wanted to get out of this irritating, stiff shirt and pants, throw on some workout clothes and pump iron until his body relaxed. How in the hell he could relax when he saw Jeevika in her skimpy exercise clothing he didn't know, but he wanted to be with her, ached to see her.
He wouldn't blame her if she turned on her heel and left the minute he walked into the room, but he hoped she didn't. Honestly, he would deserve it. The last three days had been tense, and he had been a complete jerk to her, answering her cheerful questions with one-word, terse answers, practically ignoring her presence when she was in the room with him. Slowly, she had become as withdrawn as he was, speaking only when they had to communicate. Still friendly, but distant.
As he made his way down the hall to his room, he promised himself that he would resolve that issue. He couldn't take it anymore. Virat was right -- for once! He needed Jeevika, and feeling her move further and further away from him was like cutting off a limb. It was more like cutting out his heart with a dull knife.
Ripping the tie from his neck, he dropped it on his bed and finished unbuttoning his shirt. He had just picked both of the top to put in his hamper when he heard her.
Damn She was coming out from his bathroom while humming an "Oh-so-romantic" tune.
"Viren."
Jeevika ! Where were u ! I got so tensed whn I didn't saw u in ur room. U r the only thing that I have in my life. Don't ever leave me and go away. I wont be able to survive without u.
She sighed. "I missed you. I know I pushed you away. I shouldn't have. I just wanted you to share what happened with me, to help me understand what happened the other night. I'm really sorry, Viren. I--"
"Shhh...stop!" His mouth to her ear, he whispered, "It isn't you, Jeevika." Hell, it made his chest hurt to hear her apologizing when he should be begging her to forgive him. He'd treated her poorly. Shut her out. He just wasn't used to a woman who actually wanted to be close to him, a woman who actually gave a shit enough to try. "It's my problem. Something that I've never told anyone. I never even told the shrink that mom made me see after the whole thing happened. Not the whole truth anyway."
"Your mom had you see a counselor?" she questioned in a low, thoughtful voice. Her hands covering the arms that he had wrapped around her waist, she squeezed gently in a comforting gesture.
He shivered. Taking in a deep breath, he exhaled slowly, knowing that at this point...he was all in. It was time to risk it all, throw all his cards on the table and pray that he came out the winner, that she cared enough to stay with him. Truth was, he did trust Jeevika. Did he want to talk about his shame and irrational fears? Oh, hell no...he absolutely didn't want to talk about it. But his obsession was to be close to the woman he was holding in his arms, the woman who was leaning back against him with complete faith and trust, a gentleness and patience that held him in awe of her.
Nothing between us. Ever.
"Yeah, she did. I saw Dr. Evans for over a year." His voice was hoarse and hesitant as his instincts warred with his emotions. "Mom wanted to make sure I was okay emotionally."
She squirmed back against him, pushing her body tightly against his, getting as close as she possibly could. Her hands slid down his arms, entwining their fingers together.
He breathed in the scent of her as she tilted her head, resting it against his jaw, her fragrance surrounding him.
"Viren?" she whispered softly.
"Yeah?" He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze.
"I love you." Her voice was barely audible. "I love everything that you are, every part of you. Nothing that happened in your distant past is going to change that. I even love you when you're bossy."
"I'm never bossy." He answered automatically, the walls around his heart crumbling, allowing his heart to soar.He had wanted her to say it, but he had never imagined that it was would feel this damn amazing to hear it. He wasn't sure what he had ever done to deserve a woman like her, but he wasn't stupid. He was keeping her. "You know that I'll never let you go now, don't you?" It wasn't really a question, but he figured that she should know his intentions.
"I didn't tell you so that you would feel obligated. I just wanted you to know." In a lighter tone, she added, "And you are bossy. Now tell me about Dr. Evans."
Obligated? She wasn't an obligation. She was his whole damn life. His arms tightened around her convulsively.
She loves me!
He relaxed, the tension draining from his body. Suddenly, talking about the past didn't seem quite so difficult.He needed to explain what had happened the other night, and the only way to do it was to talk about the past.
She loves me.
He started to talk.
"Before I tell you about Dr. Evans, I guess I should start at the beginning."
Jeevika nodded, not wanting to interrupt the flow of his words with any questions or comments. She hadn't meant to confess her love, but she hadn't been able to help herself, hadn't been able to hold back the words. And she didn't regret it. She was weary from trying to hide it, and no man deserved to be loved more than Viren.
"My father died a month before the incident. Overdose. Drugs and alcohol. He was foolish enough to steal drugs from one of the biggest drug dealers on the west coast, a guy he ran errands for or distributed drugs for in return for enough drugs and booze to feed his own habit. He rarely got paid in cash, and even if he did, he didn't use it to feed his family or his wife." His voice was low, seething with distain for the man that had fathered him. "Mom tried her best, but she had dropped out of high school and couldn't get anything but minimum wage jobs. She did whatever she could to feed us and keep dear old dad's business away from our apartment and away from me and Virat. Mostly, she kept us out of trouble, making us see that we could be something more, something better." His voice cracked, his adoration for his mother evident.
Everything that Vanshikha had told her made sense now. Vanshikha blamed herself for not being able to give her boys a better childhood. Jeevika frowned as she remembered the sorrow in Vanshikha's eyes when she had talked about her boys, their crappy childhood. Didn't Vanshikha realize that she had given her boys something to cling to in their childhood, something they desperately needed to survive intact? Vanshikha had given Viren and Virat love...and hope.
Viren's voice strengthened as he continued. "kate was my childhood friend, really my only friend other than Virat. She grew up in the apartment next to ours. She was a year old than me." He turned uncomfortably, his foot bouncing as though he were nervous. "We were as close as friends can be until my hormones started to rage and I started to see her as a female. I cared about her a lot and I thought she cared about me."
"So you did have a girlfriend when you were a teenager?" She wasn't sure where he was going with his explanation, but she sensed that it was important to his history.
"Yes and no. I guess. We kissed, we held hands. I had teenage-boy wet dreams about her.I wasn't exactly an attractive teenager. I was quiet and skinny, not much to look at. Clumsy as hell. I read a lot. Mom made sure Virat and I had books from the library or reading programs. But Kate seemed to like me even though I was a gawky, ugly kid."
Jeevika's heart contracted, trying to picture a young, awkward teenage Viren. She was willing to bet her medical career that he had been adorable.
"She started changing when she turned seventeen. She dropped out of school, started hanging with my father's crowd, wouldn't talk to me anymore or was so distant that she acted like I was nobody."
She squeezed his hands. "That must have hurt."
"It did." He didn't bother to deny it. "I knew she was using, stoned out of her mind most of the time. I begged her to let me help her, but she wouldn't listen. She just laughed in my face, saying that there was nothing I could do because I was as poor as she was. And she was right, damn it! But I wanted to help her get clean. And stop working the streets."
"She became a prostitute?" Oh God, poor Viren.
She couldn't see him, but she felt his shoulders lift in a shrug. "She had to pay for her habit somehow and I know she gave some of the money to her mom to help her younger brother."
"You didn't give up, did you?" Jeevika didn't need an answer. She already knew. Viren was stubborn and tenacious, his rescuer tendencies still alive and well. It wasn't in his nature to stop trying.
"No. I wanted to believe that the Kate I knew was still inside of her, waiting to come out again." He snorted. "It didn't matter how many times she tried to avoid me or told me go away, I still tried. I was pretty naive, I guess."
No, you weren't. You were good, even though life had dealt you a crappy beginning. You were a dreamer who wanted to believe that everyone could be saved. You must have been as guileless, honest and direct as you are now. You just didn't hide it as well then.
"Having hope doesn't make you naive, Viren."
He laughed, but it was self-deprecating. "I was gullible. I didn't see her for about a month after my father died. Then one night, she showed up at our apartment, dressed in a short sexy skirt and a friendly smile. For a teenage guy...that was all it took for me. Mom was working and Virat had already gone to Florida to start a construction job there. I was getting ready to graduate from high school and Virat had made enough money working construction to bring us to Florida to join him."
"You were graduating from high school at the age of sixteen?"
"I skipped a grade. Twice. School was never difficult for me." He answered in a sheepish voice, like the fact that he was smart embarrassed him.
Why was she not surprised that he was a boy genius too? "So, what happened after she came in?"
"She came on to me .I responded like a sixteen-year-old. She had me in my bedroom within minutes. She was experienced and I let her take the lead. I really knew what was happening." He laughed, but there was no humor in the hollow sound. "Not that I would have objected. I had a beautiful woman I was a teenager in complete ecstasy."
Oh. Dear. God.
Jeevika bit back a horrified gasp. Her suspicions had to be wrong. It couldn't have happened that way.
"She had the knife." His voice trembled.
She wasn't wrong, and the nausea started to rise in her throat.
"So there I was, drowning in erotic bliss, never once thinking that there was something strange about the whole situation. She grabbed the knife and started stabbing It took me by surprise. She had stabbed me so many times before I realized what was happening that I didn't have a chance to defend myself." His chest was heaving, his voice strangled and raw.
Jeevika's whole body quivering with emotion, she turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Why?" she asked, her question coming in a short sob. "Why would she do that?" Burying her face in his neck, she let her tears flow unchecked down her face. All she could think about was the vulnerable teenage Viren, lying in a pool of blood, dying just because he was hormonal, a typical young man.
Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he answered in a graveled voice, "Revenge. My father died before he could be punished for stealing from a powerful boss in an organized and huge cartel. The organization was sending a message, letting people know what happens to a person or their family if they try to steal from them. They couldn't let my father's bad deed go unpunished. He died before they could send that message. I was just a substitute."
"But why Kate?"
"The boss knew we had been friends since childhood. Her loyalty was being tested. She was pretty deeply involved in the organization. They threatened to kill her mother and brother if she didn't kill me." Surprisingly, there was no bitterness in his voice.
Shaken to the depths of her soul, she choked out, "Is she in jail?"
"She's dead." His voice was flat. "She fled as soon as I passed out from blood loss, obviously convinced that I was a goner. She went straight to an alley, took a lethal amount of drugs and slit her wrists with the same knife she used to stab me. They found a suicide note and her confession in her pocket. She begged forgiveness from both her mother and mine, saying that she had to protect her family. She never knew that I survived. Mom came home a few minutes later and found me. If she hadn't, I would have been dead."
Unable to contain her horror, she sobbed into Viren's neck, crying for all of the pain that he had suffered, both emotionally and physically. How did one survive a betrayal like that? Especially by a friend, a woman he had adored. "I'm so sorry."
"Why?" he asked, sounding perplexed. "You didn't stab me." He rubbed his hand up and down her back. "Don't cry. I don't like it." His voice was demanding, but he rested his head against hers, his touch on her back gentle and comforting.
A sad smile crossed her lips as she tried to rein in her emotions. His comment was so...Viren. He had no idea why she was crying for him, hurt for him. Being loved by anyone other than his family was completely alien to him. "Tell me about your injuries?"
"I had stab wounds. Lots of them." His voice held a slightly teasing note. He paused and asked in a more hesitant, gruff voice, "Are you going to cry again if I tell you?"
Oh, good Lord. He's telling me about the most traumatic event of his life and he's worried about whether or not it will make me cry?
"I'll try to contain myself. Tell me."
"I was in the hospital for a while. Lucky for me, Kate was a lousy murderer. She managed to miss most of my vital organs and some of the wounds were shallow. They had to do surgery and repair a few organs, but I lived through it. As soon as I was well enough, Virat moved Mom and I to Tampa." He breathed a long, masculine sigh.
"Were you scared?" She whispered against his neck, still visualizing a young, frightened, injured Viren. Her arms tightened around his shoulders, wishing she could have been there to comfort him.
"Honestly, I barely remember most of it." He shook his head slightly. "Virat said Mom was a total wreck. The only thing I remember was being ashamed when I was finally coherent. And sad because Kate was dead."
Her head jerked back abruptly in shock. Searching his eyes, confused, she asked, "Why? You didn't do anything wrong."
" Kate coming on to me wasn't logical. It didn't make any sense. I should have been suspicious. All she had said to me in months was to go to hell. Should have known something wasn't right. But I didn't think about anything but getting off." His face was dark and tortured. "I was pissed at myself. I put my mom and Virat through hell because I was stupid. I knew better. I grew up in the neighborhood. I sure as hell knew how to watch my own back."
Her palm lifted to his face, stroking over his jaw, realizing that he had been a man in a boy's body when he was injured, expecting himself to make rational decisions even when his hormones were raging. Didn't he realize, although he may have had the intelligence of an older man, his body had still been young, his maturity still that of a sixteen-year-old boy? "Viren...you were sixteen. Still a boy. You may have been a boy genius, but you were still a teenager."
"Yeah, and I didn't grow up to be exactly...uh...normal." He caught her hand that was roaming over the stubble on his face and brought it to his mouth. He kissed her palm gently and entwined their fingers, resting their conjoined hands over his heart.
"No, you didn't. You grew up to be extraordinary. You have reason not to trust easily. What happened with Dr. Evans?" Sure, he needed to have control, but given the circumstances surrounding the traumatic event, she was willing to bet that anyone would have their demons from that experience. She knew she would.
"He made me talk. I hated it, but I went every week to make my mom feel better. After a while, it got easier. He helped me through my feelings about Kate's death and about my father. But I never told him what really happened. I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone. Everyone assumed that Kate came in through an unlocked door and stabbed me while I was sleeping...and I just let them continue to think that. It seemed easier." His body tensed. "It was a coward's way out."
"But there must have been signs at the scene.
No one ever assumed that it was anything but an attack on me while I was asleep. A revenge hit against my father. You're the only person who knows. I couldn't even tell Virat." His voice trailed off in a husky whisper.
Her heart ached for him, her soul needing to somehow comfort him. Pulling her hand from his, she turned his face to hers, forcing him to meet her eyes. "Listen to me. You were attacked when you were young and vulnerable. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed. Not one bit of it was your fault. I understand why you have trust issues. I understand why you panicked the other night." She saw doubt in his eyes and it pissed her off. "But know this...you survived and grew into a gorgeous, sexy, brilliant, successful man in spite of the fact that you got a raw deal when you were younger. You're the most incredible man I've ever known. Do you understand me!?" Her statement was fierce and her eyes were shooting fire. Damn it, he needed to get it through his thick head that he was someone special.
His eyes grew warmer and his lips twitched. "Yeah. I got it. Can we go back to the sexy part?"
She rolled her eyes. Trust Viren to focus in on only the sex part of her statement.
"Is that the only part you heard?" she replied, exasperated.
"No. But it was the most interesting part." He grinned at her unashamedly.
Frustrated,. "I'm trying to explain something to you here."
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back into his body. "Do you want to know what I understand?"
She shivered as his arms slid tightly around her body, anchoring her against him. Unable to speak, she nodded.
His voice low and raspy, he answered, "I understand that I have to be luckiest guy on the planet because you love me, you accept me. Hell, I think you almost understand me--which is a miracle because sometimes I don't even understand myself. I don't really know how to romance you like I should, but it isn't because I don't want to. I just don't know how. I understand that before I met you I was living in a very small world, and somehow you dragged me into the light, made me look around and actually see things that I never saw before. I understand that you make me a better man." He snaked a hand around her neck and planted a fierce, possessive kiss on her lips. Pulling away abruptly, he cupped her chin, his eyes molten and fierce. "Is that enough understanding for you?"
Breathless, she peered at him with her heart in her eyes. Maybe he hadn't repeated exactly what she had been trying to convey, but it was a start. He was learning to be loved. Burying her face against his shoulder, she murmured against his skin, "It's enough. For now."
"I need you, Jeevika. Don't leave me again." His voice hoarse, he rubbed his face against her hair.
He hadn't told her that he loved her, but he had bared his soul, shared his secrets, made incredible leaps in sharing his emotions. And he had done it for her. So yeah, for now, it was more than enough. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Damn right you're not!" he growled.
She smiled, because even as he spoke the demanding words, he was rocking her in his arms, holding her like a tender lover. He was wrong about not knowing how to romance her. He showed her how much he cared in so many little ways that were mind-boggling, seductive, and addictive. It was like a missing piece of her soul had finally found her and clicked into place, making her feel complete.
"Did you love her?" She knew she should drop the subject, but she wanted to know.
"Who?"
"Kate? Did you love her?"
"No." His low voice answered quickly and without hesitation. "I cared about her as a friend and I had a gigantic crush on her. But I didn't love her. I didn't want her to die. The sad part of the whole thing is that she died for nothing. A few days after she killed herself the whole organization was brought down by the authorities. The boss and everyone associated with the cartel are going to rot in jail."
She could hear the sincerity, the acceptance of the whole situation in his voice. He wasn't angry, wasn't bitter. "Good therapist?"
"Yeah. Dr. Evans was the best. We still have dinner occasionally. I think he's still trying to figure me out." He laughed with genuine humor.
She smirked against his shoulder. "You're a fascinating subject."
"Are you saying that I'm odd?" he growled against her neck.
"Hmmm...I'm not sure.I think I need to study you a bit more before I come to any conclusions."saying so she moved away from him.
"Sweetheart, if you keep flashing that sexy body at me, I'm going to be doing my own studying." His grin widened and his eyes grew dark as he prowled after her, And I examine and test my data very thoroughly."
Laughing as he caught her around the waist before she could make it out the bedroom door, she squealed, "No. I'm thirsty."
As he pulled her back against his wet, solid chest, she wondered if she really needed water all that badly. God, he felt good.
"Are you thirsty?" His voice changed, instantly concerned. "Did you eat?"
She bit her lip as she peeked up at his face, his expression anxious and slightly agitated. "I'm not that hungry."
"You need hydration and food."
"Seriously, I'm not that hungry."
He grasped her hand and tugged, pulling her along behind him. "You'll eat." He stopped, piercing her with a dark, warning stare.
With a frustrated sigh, she let him pull her toward the kitchen. She knew that stubborn, determined look of his. He was determined to satisfy her needs, give her whatever she needed. One casual mention of being thirsty and Viren was a man on a mission, pushing his own needs and wants aside, taking care of her first.
And he wondered why she loved him?
Her heart turned over as he squeezed her hand, leading her with focused determination toward food and water. The man was a tantalizing mixture of intensity, tenderness, vulnerability and compassion. The perfect male wrapped up in a bossy, handsome, irresistible package.
Why did she love him? Shouldn't the question be...how could she not love him?
She smiled as she admitted to herself that she had never stood a chance against falling madly, completely and totally in love with this man. Something had drawn her to him from the moment they met, something elemental and primal. Maybe she had been afraid to recognize it for what it was, but it had always been there. Viren was like a force of nature"dangerous, yet compelling because of its fierce, wild and raw power.
She remembered her mom once saying that true love was not for the faint of heart, but the rewards were worth the risk. Jeevika had been young, not even a teenager, and she hadn't understood the meaning of her mom's statement.
Now, with Viren, the meaning of those words was crystal-clear and she understood exactly what her mom had meant. And she had finally found the man who was well worth the risk.
Sending a silent thank you to her mother for the words that it had taken her many years to understand, she allowed Viren to guide her out of the hallway and into the kitchen, a silly grin on her face.
This Is the Longest Piece Of Writing I have Ever Written. Do Respect that and Hit LIKE and COMMENT!!!!
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