Chapter 11
The sun was setting in. It was getting cold as nakusha sat with her knees folded at entrance of the house. Lowering her head she was teaching annay how to make the rangoli. The design was outlined with white powder and annay watched closely how she filled the design with different colors. Her fingers were swift but not careless. The gaps were being filled in neatly and carefully. It fascinated annay to see how the rangoli was shaping up. It was a new form of art for him where coloring was not just restricted to books.
" achcha ab main karta hoon." With absolute concentration he began finishing the rangoli. He was being extra cautious not to mess with the design. She gazed at him fondly as he took his own sweet time to sprinkle color. And then her mind drifted to what had happened in the bedroom. She had been dripping wet and had hardly expected him to turn up...and see her in such a state. Just the thought about it made her body warm and cheeks turn crimson. What exactly was she thinking when he had leaned over, that he would...get intimate? She pressed her lips together, well nothing of that sort had happened. He had bent over only to pick up his file from the table that was behind her. And when she'd slowly opened her eyes, he had been standing straight, staring back at her with the file in his hands. Without saying anything he'd turned and left. She smiled coyly at her thoughts and wondered what must be running in his mind at that point of time? Before she could ponder more, her thoughts were interrupted.
" vaheni , tent aur mithai wale aaye hain." She glanced up at laxmi and nodded.
The boxes of sweets were well packed, she asked them to be kept in the kitchen. Overlooking the arrangements of the tent she was unable to stop herself from thinking about the times when she had gathered with other villagers and stood in a queue to collect sweets from this place. Never had she thought or imagined that one day she would be standing on the other side. Instead of holding her hands out to receive she would be giving away. Had her life actually changed that much? She always wished for a better life and now when it was, she had to pinch herself to believe that she wasn't dreaming. All this was for real.
Annay came up to her and tugged the end of her sari.
" maami , maine rangoli bana di." She pulled his cheek and said," andhar jaakar mausi se kaho tumhein khaana daal dengi..main abhi aayi." He ran inside screaming for laxmi to serve him dinner.
Satisfied that the outside work was done, nakusha went in and found annay still relishing his food. She crossed the hall to get to the puja area. There was one rangoli that she had to make there too. She was engrossed in drawing the design when annay came calling her. She didn't raise her head instead simply asked," kya hai?" while focussing on the rangoli.
" yeh dekho , maamu ne apke liye kya bheja hai?"
Then mention of dutta compelled her to look up. Annay was holding two shopping bags in his tiny little hands. She drew her brows together in question. What was there in the bags? Annay dropped next to her and began emptying the bags. Her eyes grew wide in surprise, there were more than half a dozen new saris...for her!
" arey waah ! kitni sundar sariyaan hai nah?" annay smiled broadly while glancing at nakusha. Indeed they were pretty and surely quite expensive still she couldn't believe that he had sent something not something but so many saris for her?
" yeh sab kaun laaya?"
Laxmi who was passing by too stopped in her tracks to look at the saris.
" woh bahar koi aaya tha ..usne kaha maamu ne aapke liye bheja hai."
Nakusha admired the saris and smiled softly. While laxmi simply shook her head and rolled her eyes. She was about to leave when nakusha asked her to take the saris to her room. Nakusha lifted her hands to show that they were dirty otherwise she would have taken the shopping bags herself. Laxmi forced a smile and nodded.
" main bhi karoon?" annay said while glancing at the unfinished rangoli. This design was huge and elaborate and it would take another hour to finish it. However it was turning out to be really beautiful. They both were busy sprinkling the colored powder when nakusha noticed annay yawning. It was past his bedtime.
" tum so jao..main karlegi." Feeling slightly embarrassed that he was sleepy, he slowly stood up and stretched his hands above his head before saying," main thoda thak gaya hoon ..nahin toh main poora banata." Nakusha smiled at him, there was no need to explain, she could see how diligently he had worked on the rangolis. He openly yawned again, though it was not an appropriate behavior yet he couldn't help it, he was actually tired and went back to his room.
Nakusha too went back to what she doing, even though her neck was straining still she had to get done with it. While picking on the colors her thoughts once again drifted back to him. He went to a shop, selected and bought saris for her? unbelievable! Moreover it was hard to digest that he thought about her because someone who barely interacted with her, spoke only when it was needed...went ahead and did this for her was definitely quite surprising if not shocking. She wondered what made him do that? And the colors that he chose were totally opposite to the light and pastel colors that she wore. Though she had a few darker ones, one of which she would wear tomorrow but usually she preferred the lighter ones. Those colors soothed her. While he had bought her saris in dark and deep colors, similar to what he wore. Did he wish to color her in his own colors? She bit her lower lip and smiled. Perhaps it was better if some questions remained unanswered.
Nakusha stood on her feet and pressed the back of her neck while rotating it. At last the rangoli was done. She looked around, there was no one. The servants after finishing their chores had retired. She too blinked her tired eyes and thought if all was done and she wasn't forgetting anything. A moment later it struck her, she was supposed to make salary envelops as well. She went to the dining table, picked up the piece of paper on which laxmi had stated the salaries of the servants working in PN then moved towards her room to get money. She sat on the couch, carefully counted the money and sealed them in the envelops. The clock struck twelve. She smiled. A new day, a new year and a new beginning.
There was a loud thud. She went out and stood on the small balcony to look down at the hall area. She saw dutta walking in and exhaled in relief. Finally he was back home. She turned on her heels to serve him dinner but before that she went to the room to keep back the remaining money. She locked the safe and tied the key to the end of her sari. Pacing down the stairs she was going toward the kitchen when she noticed him heading toward the puja area. She followed him and stopped next to the pillar while his back faced her.
Dutta gazed down at the colorful rangoli and smirked. His eyes didn't appreciate what they saw. He stared at it for a long minute attempting to curb the emotions that were rising within him. His face grew stiff as the pain began to shred him. Unable to bear more he finally lifted the bottle to his mouth and took a large swig. The alcohol burned his throat in a soothing way. Still he didn't feel relieved. He was still trapped and captivated. He had to get past this as soon as possible. So he upturned the bottle and slowly poured the alcohol over the design. His eyes gleamed as the rangoli distorted and scattered. He poured till the design was completely messed and the bottle fully empty. In the end he threw the empty bottle with all vengeance on the rangoli. The bottle shattered on the floor. Jerking his head back he looked at the ceiling above and thought about the rangoli at the doorstep. A triumphant smile spread across his lips. No , no he didn't spoil that one on purpose. He absent mindedly overstepped on it. Swaying in his happiness he laughed. Pain and destruction accomplished!
Astonished and frightened nakusha hid behind the pillar. Seeing the broken glass pieces and ruined rangoli made her shiver from head to toe. Heart wrenching and soul piercing memories flooded her mind. Fear crawled in every pore of her body. Her heart pounded after witnessing the whole scene. She parted her lips as she fought for breath. And when he walked past her to go to the hall she pressed her body hard against the pillar hoping to evade his gaze. Thankfully he didn't see her, he was too drunk and lost in his world to notice anybody around. As usual he peeked inside annay's room, finding him asleep he came back and dropped himself on the three seater sofa and dozed off.
For a long time nakusha stood hidden behind the pillar, contemplating whether to wait more or simply run off to the room? she poked her head out. He was sleeping soundly with his one leg dangling down. Swallowing the lump formed inside her throat she slowly and cautiously stepped out, making a beeline for the stair case when she halted and looked over in his direction. Oblivious to what got inside her she found herself approaching him. Gazing down at his sleepy form she bent down , lifted his hanging leg and placed it carefully on the sofa. Unsure whether to do this or not she bent again with a racing heart and lifted his head enough to sneak a small cushion underneath it. He smelled of alcohol which made her cringe. She hated that smell and feared everything that was associated with it. He stirred slightly and she caught her breath. But he didn't wake up. She let out an audible and turned to leave when a strong hand clasped her wrist. She clamped her mouth shut so that she wouldn't scream. Fearfully she glanced over her shoulder and found him holding her hand in sleep. She clenched her teeth together to prevent her lips from quivering. Terror raw and numbingly threatened to overcome her senses. Pain and memories that she tried so hard to forget were seeping back to the surface. She had to flee from them otherwise she wouldn't be able to survive. She twisted her wrist and pulled her hand back from his grip. Then without thinking twice she rushed to her room, running away from her dreadful past that was ready to pounce on her. She slammed the door shut behind her and slipped on the floor panting.
Why did it happen like this? Just when she thought that even she could be happy and prepared herself to take a step forward in life, her past grabbed and pulled her back into darkness. Just when she thought that her circumstances had slightly changed and improved, those horrific images replayed before her eyes making her realize that nothing had changed for her. Her present and if at all there was any future were still under the clutches of her past.
When the most terrifying night of her life flashed before her eyes, tears streamed down her cheeks , she drew her knees close to her chest and dropped her head in defeat... succumbing to her past.
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Dutta squinted his drowsy eyes open and held his head in his hands for some time before getting up. He was striding toward his room to fresh n up when with the corner of his eye he found nakusha sweeping the floor. The broken pieces of the bottle clinked as she swept them. She noticed his feet but didn't lift her head and continued to gather those pieces. What he'd done had surely left her curious and confused but had also pricked her wounds. She was disturbed and hurt.
" naya saal Mubarak ho." She said, still not looking at him. When he didn't respond she finally raised her head and saw him staring down at the shattered pieces. His face twisted in pain as though those pieces were pricking him too. And that tugged her heart. Shoving her annoyance aside she asked him softly," sahab...aapne aisa kyun kiya?" she wasn't accusing instead she was concerned for him.
Her unexpected and direct question compelled him to lift his lashes and look at her. There was ache and anguish in his eyes... And then it struck him that last night she was looking over him. He camouflaged all his pain with anger because that was the only way he could escape. So he gritted his teeth and threw her a furious gaze before turning around to head his room.
She stared at his back. Like always he silenced her not with his words but with his anger and glares. Like always he preferred to escape the situation instead of confronting it. The hurt that was subsiding resurfaced. She had no idea why his pain affected and moved her so much? She was sad that he was suffering and mad that he wasn't willing to share his pain with her.
Even though both of them were sailing in the same boat , they both had some issues to deal with but still she felt there was a difference. The difference being that she didn't have anybody to confide in and he in spite of having her was holding himself back. Unlike her, he was suffering not out of compulsion but out of choice. And that irked her.
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Dressed in his new jacket and jeans annay excitedly came out of his room. First he rushed out of the house then came back and ran toward the puja area. Dutta who was sitting on the dining chair reading a file, going through the quotations of various suppliers of tractors because the following day he was supposed to go to Mumbai to buy tractors for his fields, watched annay sprint all over the place. And then he screamed," MAAMI"
Hearing him nakusha hurriedly came out of the kitchen. What was wrong with him?
" maami ...humari dono rangoli gayab ho gayi." He was so eager to see how they had shaped up but now he failed to spot them. He was surprised that they had vanished.
Nakusha didn't know how to tell him, she averted her gaze and replied," woh dono kharaab ho gayi."
" kaise?" annay sounded shocked and disbelieved .
" bahar hawa thi na toh..hawa se kharaab ho gayi."
" lekin jo wahan thi?" he asked pointing in the direction of puja area, that couldn't be ruined because of wind.
Nakusha pressed her lips and said softly," us par kuch gir gaya."
" kya?"
" chodo na hum aur bana lenge."
Annay stepped close to nakusha and peered up at her with a gloomy face," lekin maami maine kitne pyaar se banaya tha..aise kaise sab kharab hogaya ?" she could see that he was close to tears and it made her miserable. Now she was really upset with her husband for hurting annay. She kneeled before him and combed his hair with her fingers before saying," saal ke pehle din aise udaas nahin hote." He wasn't convinced he was still heartbroken and crossed his arms before his chest after turning away from her. Nakusha let out a helpless sigh and turned him so that he was facing her. She knew exactly what the little boy was feeling and she wished she could change it.
" annay main boli na agli baar hum is se bhi sundar rangoli banayenge..ab chalo puja ke liye der ho rahi hai."
" nahin." He pouted and shook his head like a stubborn child. He wasn't excited for anything.
" chalooo." She stood up, held his hand and dragged him for the puja.
Dutta curled his fingers around the coffee mug and gripped it hard. What had he done in rage? He had ended up hurting annay! Whenever it came to dealing with his past he never ever thought straight. Anger always overtook him. Inflicting pain on himself or others would become a necessity for him but this time he was ashamed of his reckless action. He hated colors in his life and any colorful sight no matter how beautiful it was for the world, for him it was the ugliest sight. He despised colors that much. Having said that he could still not forgive himself. He had acted really low. What was painful for him was wonderful for annay. But in his fit of rage he had ruined it.
He shut his eyes and clenched his teeth, what if last night instead of nakusha, annay had seen him spoiling the rangoli and that too with alcohol? What would have annay thought of him? How would have he justified his mindless act before him?
Annay coiled his tiny fingers around dutta's hand and shook him.
" maamu ..puja ke liye chalo." Dutta looked at him blankly, he could see traces of sadness in annay's eyes and it disgusted him. Annay had to shake him again to gain his attention. He reluctantly stood on his feet and followed.
He shot nakusha a side glance. She was gazing at the idol and humming the arti. He had disappointed her as well and not just today but on several occasions. There were several things that needed to be dealt with but he chose to sweep them under the carpet. And that was annoying her.
Annay nudged him and when he looked down he found him gesturing to fold his hands. Dutta did as asked however his mind was busy drowning in guilt, he failed to realize when the puja got over until when he saw nakusha standing before him with the lighted lamp on the plate. Her eyes remained downcast when dutta brushed his hands over the lamp. She gave him a ladoo without glancing up and moved to annay. She was upset and she was clearly...avoiding him. Wonderful. He deserved it.
The villagers had gathered in the courtyard like every year to greet him. Dutta gave them a curt nod when they wished him and distributed the sweet boxes. Nakusha stood at the end of the table and her eyes moved frantically all over the place. All the time it worried her that out of nowhere roopa might turn up before him. Fidgeting with her gold chain, nakusha's eyes searched the whole tent area to spot her in the crowd. Her husband had literally thrown roopa out of the village and if he saw her today then he wouldn't wait to repeat his action all over again.
Slowly the crowd started diminishing and it relieved nakusha to find roopa absent. She was glad that her sister followed her advice and left for her own good. Annay came to nakusha and pulled her hand to take her to where dutta was standing. She glanced at annay and shot him a questioning look. Before he could answer she saw dutta holding out a box of sweets in her direction. She lifted her lashes to look at him. He gestured her to hand over the box to the people who had shown up. They folded their hands to greet her and she wished them back with a smile. Later she passed on the box to annay to give it away. Dutta simply shook his head, she could be equally stubborn if she wished to be.
When the villagers finally left, nakusha threw dutta a brief look then turned to annay and said," main abhi aayi." Few minutes later she came back with the salary envelops and just like dutta she too held out those envelops to him.
" tu khudh dede." He ordered and before she could open her mouth and say something a guard came over and said," bhau kuch samaan aaya hai." Dutta gave him a slight nod. The guard brought something big wrapped up like a gift and placed before them. Nakusha moved to pay the salary to all the servants who had queued up.
" annay yeh dekh maine tere liye kya mangwaya hai."
Nakusha glanced over her shoulder to see what dutta had bought for annay and missed the grimacing look thrown at her by laxmi. Annay couldn't contain his excitement and started tearing the gift paper apart. His cute eyes twinkled in surprise on see a brand new bicycle.
" mere liye?" he asked in delight. Dutta smiled and nodded his head in agreement. He knew annay would love it.
" lekin maamu main toh is se gir jaunga." Apparently this cycle didn't have small wheels on both the sides of the wheel behind to keep balance. His previous bicycle had those wheels attached when he had moved on from riding a tricycle to a bicycle. Now he was clueless how to balance the cycle on just two wheels.
" girega kaise ..main hoon na..main sikhaata hoon." Dutta's words assured him that he wouldn't fall.
" ab chal."
Annay smiled and took off his jacket, it was bright and sunny in the open, he didn't need the jacket. He hopped on the cycle and sat. dutta held his seat from behind to keep the cycle in balance.
" maine peeche se pakda hai tu chala."
As annay pedaled, the cycle slowly started moving ahead. From time to time he glanced over his shoulder to ensure that dutta was holding the cycle from behind.
" tu aaghe dekh ...haan aise ..dekh tu khudh chala raha hai." Dutta kept encouraging him from behind and held the seat till he finished taking one full circle of the courtyard.
" accha ab main chod raha hoon."
" NAHIN.." annay yelled and immediately got off the cycle. Nakusha too panicked on seeing dutta leave annay so quickly. The boy was still not confident of riding on his own then how could he stop holding the seat from behind?
" nahin maamu main gir jaunga."
" tu itna accha chalata hai kaise girega?" dutta was absolutely sure that annay wouldn't fall
Nakusha felt the need to intervene and hurriedly moved toward them and offered to hold the seat.
" main pakde thodi der ke liye?"
" nahin..koi zaroorat nahin ..annay chalalega." Dutta instantly stopped her in clear words. She could see the fear of falling in annay's eyes.
" maamu main keh raha hoon..main gir jaunga ..aap pakoda nah." He pleaded but dutta wasn't willing to budge. He couldn't see annay grow up as a weak person. He wanted his nephew to be strong and tough.
" agar gir bhi gaya toh kya ho jayega..girega tabhi toh seekhega."
Nakusha stared at dutta in shock, what was he saying? Was this the only way to teach the child to ride? And he didn't care if annay fell down and hurt himself? What was wrong with him? Someone who was overtly possessive and protective of his nephew, was today behaving completely the opposite. She failed to understand his ways of raising a child.
" chal annay..kuch nahin hoga." He beckoned annay who in return looked back warily and shook his head. Dutta glared at him.
" par sahab.." he thrust up his hand and didn't let her finish. Unwilling annay sat on the seat and turned to look at dutta one more time, hoping that he would help him to balance the cycle. But he was sad when dutta didn't move. Nakusha gulped and took a step forward to hold the cycle but dutta caught her by the arm and pulled her back. With shaking legs annay beagan to peddle, the cycle swayed and moved ahead. He had covered a very short distance when annay lost balance and fell hard on the ground.
" annay." Nakusha shrieked and dutta rushed to him. He moved the cycle aside and stood up annay. Tears brimmed in his eyes when he gazed at his scrapped elbows. Dutta too looked at his bruised elbows and quickly said," kuch nahin hua ..dekh..choti si chot hai." He cupped annay's face and kissed his forehead," tu toh mera bahadur bachcha hai nah?" annay fought back his tears and nodded slowly. He was in pain but he wouldn't cry and show his uncle that he was weak. He didn't want to disappoint him, he loved his uncle a lot.
Dutta straightened the cycle and annay took that moment to turn around and wipe his eyes. Nakusha's heart ripped and tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't believe how dutta could turn a blind eye to annay's pain. She curled her fingers to control the anger that was building inside her. Dutta wrapped his arm around annay and motioned him toward the bicycle. For the first time nakusha thought that had this man lost his mind? Instead of nursing the wounds he was compelling annay to ride again?
She grabbed annay's wrist from behind and said,"baaki annay kal seekhega." And without waiting for dutta's reaction she took annay along with her.
" lekin nakusha.." he protested from behind and this time she didn't let him finish and spoke through clenched teeth," bus sahab..aaj ke liye bahut hogaya." Her eyes were spitting fire. She'd had enough of his nonsense. Dutta kept staring at her retreating back in silence.
She left annay in his room and fetched some ice and turmeric paste. She carefully cleaned his bruises with ice. The cold water didn't hurt instead relieved his pain. She took some paste in her fingers and said," annay ..yeh thoda sa jalega...phir chot theekh ho jayegi"
Annay shook his head," koi baat nahin." Nakusha smiled, he was a brave boy. She carefully applied the paste on his elbows and blewed on the scrapes.
" ho gaya." Nakusha declared. Annay bent forward and took little bit of the paste on his fingers. Nakusha frowned at him. He then leaned over, smeared the paste over her scar.
He looked back innocently and said," aapki chot bhi theekh ho jayegi."
Tears clogged nakusha's throat and unlike annay she didn't push them back instead allowed them to roll down her cheeks. She flung her arms around annay and hugged him tightly. Sobbing silently.
Oblivious to both of them, dutta who was standing at the door stretched his lips. Lowering his head he walked away with the antiseptic and cotton in his hand.
Thanks for reading and wish you all a very Happy Friendship Day
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