~ SS ~ Dead Love ~ Thd 2 ~ Ch 24 on Pg 133 Updated 13/04/14 - Page 77

Jodha suffered from a miscarriage but unfortunately, there was no one with her at the time of mishap. She misunderstood Jalal and thought that he was only faking his love. When Hameeda told her about the truth, only then did she realize that she has misunderstood Jalal.

"Jodha Beta first calm down and tell me who dared to speak such offensive words to you... Please beta.. Tell me".. pleaded Hameeda.

"No Ammi-Jaan.. I am sorry.. I just want to be alone for sometime.. I promise you I'll tell you everything in sometime... I just need some time alone.. Please understand.", said Jodha with sobs forming in her voice.

Hameeda understood that Jodha needed sometime alone. But she was very angry with the Begum who had said such low words. She kissed on Jodha's forehead and asked her to take care of herself. Then she got up and made her way out of the room.

Jodha sat back on her bed. Her heart was pounding with enormous shock. Her heartbeats were not in her control. She felt so guilt struck because she had really done a grave mistake. She had done the mistake of judging him by his past deeds. How could she not cross-check the things with him once, before jumping to conclusions, when she had definitely seen the love in his eyes for the child. Was her new-building trust on him so weak that it got broken with some Begum's words? Definitely, she didn't believe or trust him like anything, but obviously, the new found concern and apology in his actions in the past few weeks had been really soothing for her. He really had managed to make a soft corner in her heart by his placid efforts.

Due to all these, she was fed up from all the thoughts in her mind. It felt like her mind was going to burst anytime soon. The biggest pain of her life was that she had lost her baby. How much attached she had become to her baby and now, it no more existed. She kept her palm upon her forehead, trying to gulp down all the shocks.

Why did you let this happen Kanha? Why? WHYYY? She nearly screamed in her heart. She was not yet out of the shock of losing her baby. And now she was hit with another reality.

She grabbed up the blanket upon her and tried to hide herself from everyone. Only when she was under the darkness and stillness of the blanket, did she remember what she had said to him a few days back.

"Hum aapke saamne prastut hain.. Pichli baar jo aapne humari marzi ke virudh kiya tha.. Is baar humari marzi se kar sakte hain.".. Oh no! Such bitter words she had uttered to him when he had come to care for her, in all his genuinity.

She covered her ears with both of her hands in order to prevent the echoes of her own words to reach to her ears.

Her life was meaningless now. Enough of pains, enough of worries and enough of allegations. She had no reason to live. She was not a coward, then why was she hiding herself from the world? She thought to herself. She had to something to end her miseries.

She removed the blanket, arranged her dress properly and got up from the bed. She was alone in her room for she had asked everyone to stay out since she needed sometime alone.

She took a deep breath. She heaved a big heavy sigh. Now she was alone. All alone. Her baby had left her. And when he had come to support her, she herself had refused his help. She also knew that her Ammi-Jaan was supporting her, but once she would get to know of what she had done to Jalal; her trust upon Jodha might shake vigorously.

She moved towards the bathroom. She badly wanted some mental peace before she implemented her thoughts to reality. She dragged her weak body to the bath tub and when she was there, she again took a deep breath and stepped inside the cool water.

She slowly placed herself comfortably in the cool calm and composed water. She very gradually took some water in her palms and splashed it gently on her face. Oh! How soothening this was. She felt the serenity that this silent surrounding was providing to her. A very faint smile crept upon her lips as she found herself in a little peace.

She joined both her palms and closed her eyes. She prayed to Kanha ,"Dhanyavaad humein ye jeevan dene ke liye Kanha.. Lekin humare jeevan mein naa to sukoon hai.. Naa hi shaanti.. Aapki bahaadur Jodha ab thak chuki hai.. Ab jeene ka koi kaaran bhi nahi hai.. Hum aapki sharan mei aana chaahte hain Kanha..".

With this, she went a little lower in the bathtub, which was fully filled with water and immersed herself in the soothening stagnant water. She drowned her head inside and tried to stop her breathing.

This was really giving her peace. There was no more pain, no more thoughts and no more worries. She felt water overcoming her body and her senses. Finally, she would be out of her trauma and more importantly, people will be at ease in her absence.

"Ammi-Jaan has done a lot for me.. She has been through pain as well. It's high time she lives her life happily. And that would be possible only when I am not around her"..thinking this, she immersed herself deeper in the bathtub, making sure that no atmospheric oxygen reached her lungs.

****

Jalal was making his way towards Jodha's chamber in his usual way, as he wanted her to have a regular health checkup. No doubt he was extremely hurt with her words, but may be that was because his own deeds had compelled Jodha to think about him like this, he believed.

But anyways, more than his hurt, his worry and concern for her were more important to him. He knew she was alone and she was going through unimaginable pain..and it was his prime duty to be by her side in her worries and bad times.

Finally he reached to her chamber, Hakim Sahibas along with him. His eyes did not have the natural gleam that they usually had, the reasons being many for this. He saw his mother and Moti Bai outside Jodha's chamber, discussing something among themselves. As soon as they saw Jalal there, they greeted him. Jalal hugged Hameeda very tight. Hameeda had tears in her eyes as she caressed her son's back. "Jalal..shaant ho jaiye beta.. Allah ke meher se sab theek ho jayega".

Her mother's words were like honey to his ears. He knew he had to be strong. He broke the hug and nodded his head in agreement to her mother.

Suddenly he realized that if his mother and Moti Bai were outside, then was she all alone in the room?!He became all alarmed at an instant.

"Kya Jodha Begum andar akelin hain?!" he asked them in a worried and shocked manner.

"Haan Jalal.. Vo kuch waqt akele rehna chahti hain.. Humnein unse baat karne ki koshish ki lekin vo behad pareshaan thin.. Jabse humnein unhe bataya hai ki aap jung mein gaye the, isliye unke paas nahi aa paye the, tab se naa jaane vo kyon behad pareshaan hain...(Now Hameeda suddenly remembered what Jodha had said to her about one Begum..and what all things that Begum had said..She turned to Jalal to tell him about this but all she found was a flabbergasted Jalal.)

"Jalal... Kya hua.." before Hameeda could say anything further, Jalal ran inside the chamber.

He had understood everything within a second. Oh no! Oh no.. She must be going through hell. As far as I know, she must be cursing herself for all the things that had happened between us in the past few days. Damn!

As soon as he entered her room, he ran his eyes to have the full view of the room, obviously to find her. And to his very surprise, she was nowhere to be seen.

"Yaa Allah"..he said aloud in worry. Hameeda and Moti followed him inside the room. They were shocked as well as they didn't find Jodha there.

Jalal ran and checked each corner of the chamber to find her, but she wasn't there. His heart was beating faster than ever, worry evident on his face.

*****

Worse thoughts started coming to his mind. He knew what sort of person she was. If she could be hell upset and angry with someone's wrong deeds towards her, she could be hell upset with herself as well if it came to her mistake. Damn!

"Aap log Jodha Begum ko akele kaise chod sakte hain.. vo bhi is haalat mein jab aap jaante hain ki vo be-intehaan dard se guzar rahin hain.. Ya Allah..".. he nearly shouted on his mother and Moti for being so careless about their duty.

Suddenly, he realized that he hadn't checked the bathroom. He rushed into the bathroom. What he saw there in, brought time to a standstill. He was SHOCKED. Oh my god! There! There she was. He saw her immersed in the bathtub water, her eyes were closed and there was no movement in her body. Numbing shivers rolled down his spine.

Hameeda and Moti also saw the very shocking scene and they were flabbergasted as well. As Moti was about to go towards Jodha, Jalal stopped her in midway. His anger was so clear in his eyes.

At this moment, he was not the Jalal who was always in the regretting phase of his past deeds. He was the husband, the lover of his wife, and he was way beyond angry to see his wife lying lifelessly in front of his eyes. He could not see her so weak. He ran to her screaming "Jodhaa Begumm..." aloud. His heart skipped a beat seeing her pale face drowned in the water.

"What the hell has she done to herself?" he swore aloud to himself. He reached near the bathtub. Immediately, he leaned inside and held her by her shoulders. He held her firmly and pulled her upwards, her body nearly colliding with his. His heart was beating very fast. Never had he felt so helpless and panicked so much, not even when he had lost his child, as he felt now. He squirmed his one hand around her waist and other around her back, and gently brought her out of the bathtub.

Hameeda and Moti were already in a big shock by realizing that Jodha had taken a very drastic step for herself. They were not only worried but angry as well. This was not done. Just not done. How could she do this? Did she find it so easy to leave all of her close ones just like that?

Anyways, these questions could be answered later. Right now they needed to take care of her. Jalal lifted Jodha in his arms, his eyes still brimming with painful tears, and made his way towards the bedroom.

As he reached to the bed, he gently made her lay down. He was panicking very badly inside. But he didn't want to act foolish or stupid due to his fears. After all, it was the question of his beloved wife. He asked Moti to bring a towel as soon as possible and Moti followed his order without a word.

Jalal sat by Jodha's side and wiped off her face gently with towel. "Ye aapne kya kiyaa Jodha Begum?".. He cried silently with a drop of tear falling right from his eye on her forehead. He asked Moti to wipe off the water from her body and he himself ran to her feet. He rubbed her feet in concern while continuously blabbering "Hosh mein aaiye Jodha Begum.. ".

He again ran back to her side and gently moved his palm around her cheek. "Aankhein kholiye Jodha Begum"... He pleaded to her. He saw some water oozing out from her mouth and no longer after this, he knew that water had settles into her body in more amount than required.

Damn! He was shocked. He roared on the Hakims to do everything they could to bring her to her conscious, to bring her to her life. He interlocked his fingers and joined both his palms. He very tenderly kept his palms on her abdomen and pressed gently. Some more water oozed out from her mouth. He kept pressing it until no more water seemed to come out from her body.

"Jalal.. aap yahaan se thodi der ke liye hat jaiye.. Hakim Sahibaa ko apna kaam kar lene dijiye.." Hameeda tried to make him understand but all went in vain. Jalal was really terrified.

Suddenly, Jodha coughed out some water. A ray of hope returned in Jalal's and everyone's eyes as they saw her gaining her conscious.

"Jalall... Hatiye.. Hakim Sahiba ko dekh lene dijiye..".. Hameeda said in a firm tone.

Now Jalal was little relieved and he moved back. He was still not out of the shock that Jodha had tried to do something like this. She definitely owed a big explanation for this major step. And he wanted answers now. Yeah, he had done mistakes as well, but this was something beyond his tolerance level. If something would have happened to her, he would not have been able to meet his own eyes.

He backed off with a strange mix of relief and frustration. Hakim Sahibas initiated Jodha's treatment and in around half an hour, they gave their verdict that she was alright only because she was saved just on time otherwise she had been drowned in the water for long enough to injure herself.

Jalal heaved a sigh of relief but he was very angry. He waited for her to gain her conscious and then he would demand his answers. Hameeda was angry as well. But one thing that she had really liked was the love that Jalal had for his wife. Now she prayed to Allah for the welfare of their lives.