Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within
James Baldwin
From the moment I was crowned and the sword thrust in my hand, I knew the days of Jalal-ud-din Mohammed were over and Shahenshah Jalal-ud-din Mohammed would take over.
I lost my childhood and myself. My life became a permanent battlefield where the only concern was which place to conquer next? I fought with every enemy, the grim of the wars, the emptiness of my heart and my feelings.
My base became such that I wanted to control everything that I came across, whether it be place or people.
Yet, my life changed the moment I heard your name. When that soldier took your name, it was like a breath of fresh air to me.
Jodha. The name itself had such passion and sensuality. I wondered what you looked like.
The wonder turned into curiosity, the curiosity turned into desire and the desire turned into obsession. I was obsessed about you. My every fiber was longing for even a glimpse of you.
I got the opportunity and I grabbed it. Moreover, the moment I saw you, I was determined that I should have you. Your rain kissed hair, the doe-like eyes and a perfect face made me go mad with longing.
When I finally got married to you, I was beyond euphoric. The moment your hand placed in mine, I closed my hand around it with victory.
However, you rejected me on the first night. Then I understood that you were a prize to be won over with hard slog not by force.
So I waited patiently. I saw you through your tantrums, taunts, and fit of anger, tears and even your plain hate of me, even saved you from yourself when you attempted suicide.
I reacted when it escalated to extremes. Especially when I thought, you were having an affair. I could not even tolerate the thought that another man could have even laid a finger on you.
We had many misunderstandings. Nevertheless, we emerged through them still intact and together.
I kept pressing my feelings for you down. Never did I even suspect that it was love.
I didn't realize that it was love that helped me cope with your rejection of mine, it was love that made me understand the depth of your words, it was love that helped me trust you even in the most torrid situations, it was love that made me feel like I conquered the world when I received the wrong letter instead of the one you'd written and it is love that I can't see you crying or even in slightest pain.
I am sorry that I did not trust you. Sorry is not enough to encompass my guilt, shame and wretchedness. I ache to take back all the words I said to you.
Today when I look at you lying there, struggling to stay alive, I break every minute with anguish. Anguish that I cannot save you.
If you die, the very reason of my existence is gone and I will collapse the moment your heart stops. Come back.
~xoxo~
Hey guys, it's been an awesome journey at IF and I've really enjoyed it to no end.
I really thank those one or two people who were really sweet to me and helped me with things like my siggie. Thanks to those who kept updating me even they knew I couldn't post a comment due to lack of time. Thanks to those who read my posts and OS.
Sorry if I hurt anyone here 🤢.
Alas it's time to bid adieu. My time at IF is over and this is my last post 😊.
Thanks Forumwaasis for a great time! I enjoyed being a silent member! 🤗
Cricket
Health and Fitness
