Manav ka Swayamvar (Grand Finale Page 23) - Page 19

(A big event. Manav is in dulha attire. Host is Satish ji)

Satish- deviyon aur sajjano'aakhir kaar woh lamha aa gaya hai jab aap sabhi ke chahite Manav aap mein se hi kisi ke gale mein varmala dalenge. pichhle kai hafton mein jitne jhagde hue jitney dange fasad hue Manav keliye, usko madde nazar rakh ke humne Mumbai police se special protection manga rakhi hai. Jo koi dunga karne ki koshish karega use hawalat mein kaisi hawa khani padegi yeh aap deshmukh family se puch lijiyega. Hawa ka naam leke mujhe ek khubsoorat sa gaana yaad aa gaya

Jhaunka hawa ka aaj bhi zulfe udata hoga na

( Audience mein se Piya ki awaz aati hai- abe tera gaana sunne nahin hum Manav se shaadi karne aaye hain. Jaldi kar)

Satish- haan to ladies and gentlemen SMS announces "Manav ka swayambar"

(Manav stage pe aata hai. Ladkiyan chillati hain manav manav manav)

Manav- Ji..main aap logon se ek ek karke baat karna chaunga.

ladkiyon mein fight shuru ho jati hai kaun pehle jayega. Police aake control karti hai situation ko. Par ladkiyan stage mein chadhne ki koshish karti hai. Bas mou aur tazi stage pe chadh pati hain baki reh jati hain neeche)

Mou ke haath mein sab se pehle mic phone aa jata hai.

Mou- mere manav..mujhe apna lo'pata hai yeh ladkiyan kyun chilla rahi hain..sabhi aapki saali banna chahti hai. Mujhe behen manti hain na sabhi'.

Manav- aisi baat hai to theek hai..swayambar ki kya zaroorat hai

( taazi aake mic Mou se chin leti hai)

Taazi- main taazi

Manav- kaun si sabji?

Taazi- mera naam tass hai mannu, mere humdum..pata hai main bahut kam baat karti hun. Yeh jo ladki Mou hai na in fact aap ko bhai manti hai. Kal raat ko ache se soi nahin uska dimaag fir gaya hai. Kal mujhe keh rahi thi taazi mere bhai Manav keliye tu hi theek rahegi aur pata hai manav kal se mujhe bhabhi bhabhi bula rahi hai aur meri jaisi bhabhi milegi yeh sochke khushi se pagal ho gayi. Raat bhar soyi nahin aur..ab pata nahin kya bad bada rahi hai

Mou- (chilla rahi hai) mannu yeh sirf meri nahi tumhari bhi behen hai. Tum khud hi socho isse behen banaoge ya saali.

Taazi- pata hai manav main jyada bol nahin pa rahi na tabhi yeh Mou jyada bol rahi hai mujhe bolne nahin de rahi hai. Bachpan se hi gandi aadat hai meri kam bolne ki. pata hai mannu jab raat ko so jati hun na 8 hr chup rehti hun..aur baki 16 hr mein to kam se kam 15-20 min aise hote hain jab main chup rehti hun'hun na main chhui mui si chup chap si ladki. Par yeh mat samajhna ki shaadi ke baad bhi pure 8 hr soungi..samajh rahe ho na mere dilwar ( Sharma ke kehti hai)

Manav- ji par

Mou- (seh nahin pati aur aake manav ke haath pakad leti hai seene mein lipatne ki koshish karti hai) tumhe roz machhli curry khilaungi manav. Aur tumhari saali tass tumhe chhed rahi hai uski baton ka bura mat mano

Taazi- ( wo bhi aake gale lag jati hai manav ke) dekho kitni baaten kar karke mere manav ka dimaag kha rahi hai. Abhi main jyada bolti nahin iska matlab yeh nahin ki mere manav ko koi mujh se chin lega aur main chup reh jaungi

(host satish aa jata hai )

Satish- are dono mein se ek mere gale lag jao..thodi thandak mujhe bhi to pahunche

Taazi- manav manav'mujhe kahin le chalo sitaron ke desh mein..jahan tum ho main rahun aur haan Mou apne bhai keliye har saal raakhi zaroor bhej dena. Warna tera bhai bura man jayega. Main to jyada bolti nahin isliye har saal phone karke tujhe yaad bhi dilaungi nahin. Tu hi raakhi ka tyohaar kab hai calander se note karke apne mannu bhaiya keliye bhejti rehna.

Mou- Raakhi bandh tu..mere mannu ke gale se apne haath nikal..tu koi bachhi nahin rahi jo apne jijju ke gale lag jayegi itne logo ke saamne..sharm haya naam ki cheez kuch hai ya nahin

( Mou aur taazi ladne lag jati hai aur police aake dono ko back stage le jati hai)

Satish- to manav aapko kaun achhi lagi?

Manav- ek patakha thi to doosri thi dhamaka. Dono se kaash shaadi kar sakta main'.ab kisse choose karun main confused hun

( Piya aur aarti dono stage pe chadh jate hain)

Aarti- Manav kal maza aaya na?

Manav- kis mein

Aarti- jaanu abhi bhi thake hue ho kya..

Piya- aye ladki aisa keh rahi hai jaise mera manav kahin mitti khod raha tha ..

Aarti-(haske) are nahin re..woh mere sath the kal..din bhar aur hum dono ne kya kya nahin kiya..tabhi itne exhausted lag rahe hain mere manav

Piya- kya kehna chahati hai jhoothi ladki

Manav- aap dono tamiz se baat kariye na

Piya- tamiz gayi tel bechne re baba'mere aur tumhare beech jo bhi aayega na use katke rakh dungi main

Aarti- manav is nadan ko samjhao na. main kisi ki beech mein nahin aa rahi hai. Main bas enjoy kar rahi hun pure pure din tumhare sath'hai na Manav

Piya- aye sath mein honeymoon ki ticket leke aayi hun main. Pure din 'main aur Manav bas karmre mein rahnege

Aarti- ohoooooo tum future ki baat kyun karti ho main bas kal ki baat kar rahi hun

Piya- manav sirf mera hai sun le tu. Main use leke Switzerland ja chuki hun. Ab Africa jane wali hun. Wo sirf mera hai'.(mann mein sochti hai jhooth bolna mujhe bhi aata hai)

Aarti- Piya itni narazgi kis baat ki? Shaadi ke pavitra bandhan mein bandh jao tum dono. Baki kis ko kitna waqt Manav denge yeh apni apni kismet pe chhod do

Piya- badmash ladki Manav sirf mera hai

Aarti- haan tumhara hai...roz raat ko already exhausted manav thak ke aayega aur so jayega..tum usko dekh dekh ke so jaaana. Aur koi gaana ga lena jaise ki "mera bulbul so raha hai" Bolo deal pakki???

Piya- mar dalegi re main tujhko.

Satish- waise aarti din bhar Manav ke sath ghumo firo koi dikkat nahin par shaadi to kisi ke sath karogi..to wo mujh se kyun nahin?

Manav- aap dono yeh kya keh rahi hain..aur piya aap mein to meri aai ki chhavi dikhti hai.

Aarti ' aur mujh mein ek premika ki chhavi ! hai na mere mannu (aake gale lag jati hai)

Piya- gale lag jati hai jaise teri property hai mera manav..

(Piya ab aarti ko manav se juda karke uske upar toot padti hai. Police aake dono ko back stage le jati hai)

Satish- Manav in dono mein se to kisi ko choose kar lete aap

Manav- yaar soch raha hun Piya se shaadi kar lun aur Aarti to aise hi pure din sath rahegi. Bas Piya se khali peelie loyal banne ke natak karunga.

Satish- aur pehli wali do ladkiyan?

Satish- are haan'.wo bhi achhi thi yaar..main kya karun

(Nikita, Kachipata yeh dono stage pe aati hain)

Nikita- manav aapko mujhse achhi ladki milegi nahin'main ek doctor hun, mujhe global warming keliye tension hai aur aap ka aur mera bachhe ka naam bhi maine soch rakha hai. Aap apni barat local train se hi lana

Manav- really?

(manav kachipata ko kehta hai)

Manav- maa ji aap ki bachhi thodi chhoti nahin lag rahi shaadi keliye?

Kachipata- nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'tumne mujhe maa ji kaha!!! yeh main sunne se pehle mar kyon na gayi? Main aaj tak tumhare khatir kunwari baithi rahi aur tumne mujhe aisa sila diya ( apne aap ko rok nahin pati aur ro roke stage se chali jati hai)

Nikita- wow manav..ab tumhare mere beech koi nahin hai..chalo savita aai se ashirwaad lete hain.

Manav- par

( devu aur nishi aa jati hai stage pe)

Devu- aise kaise le logi mere Manav ko mujh se

Manav- achha main aapka hun kya

Devu- aur kya yeh dharti bani jab se tera mera lafda hai tab se

Nikita- devu didi man jao na..manav ko is janam keliye mujhe de do agle janam tum le lena

Devu 'agle janam bhagwan mohe bitiya banayega iski koi guaranty hai?

Nikita- nahin didi man jao

Devu- didi didi kehke tu to Manav ko mujh se chin hi legi..ja teri baat main nahin manti..

Nishi- aap log chup karo. Manav aap khud hi faisala lo

Satish- aise kisi ek se manav shaadi karega..aur doosri kisi se main shaadi kar lunga to koi dikkat nahin

3 ladkiyan milke kehti hai- rasika ne tera le liya ab tujhse kaun shaadi karega..ja varsha ke paas tu

Manav- main kuch faisala le nahin pa raha ..kaash main aap sab se shaadi kar pata

( back stage se sari ladkiyan saamne aati hai. Har ek ladki keliye 3 police women tainat hain)

Nishi- main aap ki sab se badi fan rahi hun Manav

Piya- theek hai jab main aur Manav bed pe ho aur power cut ho jaye tu aankhen band kar pankha karti rehna

Aarti- waise manav mere sath pure din rehke itna thaka hoga ki fan AC na chale bhi so jayega Piya..tu tension mat le

Piya ' teri to main

Satish- waise Piya aap mujh se shaadi kar sakti hai'aarti jo bhi kare manav ke sath aapko koi fark nahin padega

Piya ' varsha ko phone lagaun kya?

Mou- Kyon jhagad rahi ho ladkiyon..tumhe lag raha hai shaadi ke baad tumhari bhabhi yani ki main tumhe pyar nahin karungi'khana nahin dungi..are sab ko khana khilaungi main apne haathon ka

Taazi- kitna dimaag kha rahi ho tum sab mere manav ka'main aur tumhare jijju Manav aaj yeh wada karte hain tum sab ki shaadiyan hum dono karwaenege'piya keliye to kaka hain hi..baki sab keliye bhi ladke dhoond lenege hum

Piya- kaka ke sath muh kaala kar tu jake. Badi aayi mere Manav ko mujhse chinne wali. Manav chalo na jaldi kamre mein.

Manav- aap log jhagadna band karoge nahin to main pagal ho jaunga

Nikita- aap plz pagal ho jao'.main psychiatric ban jaungi aur aapka ilaaj karungi'wow..local train main aaap aur main'hayeeeeeee

Nishi- manav aap thodi der shanti se baith jaiye..sab se meri guzarish hai ki chup rahen'

Taazi- haan meri tarah chup rahen sab. Chalo manav main tumhe kamre mein le jati hun wahan lori gake sula dungi.

Piya- Sharm nahin aati kisi dossri ladki ke husband ke sath kamre mein jane ki baat karne mein

Satish- taazi aap mere sath kamre mein chal sakti hain

Taazi- koi is behude aadmi ko yahan se nikalo

( jhagda aur badhta hai)

Manav- (chilla ke kehta hai) mujhe kisi ke sath shaadi nahin karni

Aarti- that's cool. Matlab sirf affairs karne hain na'good

Manav- OMG..main kyun apne pyar ko chhod ke is swayambar ke chakkar mein fasa

( achanak ek car rukti hai bahar. Ek mahila burkha pehene andar aati hai aur manav se kehti hai)

Lady- Manav bas bahut ho gaya..ab apne dil ki awaz suno

Manav- pata nahin mera dil kya keh raha hai?

Lady- hmmm'..

Manav- par aap hain kaun

Lady- pehchana nahin'aaj jo kuch bhi ho mere liye ho

Manav- kaun?

( burkha utar deti hai)

Manav- Ekta madam aap?

Ekta- Haan manav'chalo shaadi keliye

Manav-main archana ka intezaar kar raha tha..pyar to usi se karta hun. Main aap se shaadi nahin kar sakta.

Ekta- haan thodi na main tumse shaadi karne ko keh rahi thi. Archana bahar hai. Waiting for you. Go ahead baby.

( saari ladkiyan rone lagti hain aur Manav stage se daudne lagta hai. Saari ladkiyan SD ki talaash mein nikalti hai. Uski wajeh se itne hungame hue aur itne dil toote.SD to mila nahin Guptil mil jata hai)

Ladkiyan- guptil hum log tumhari jaan le lenge

Guptil- meri kya galati hai'yeh to bas ek natak tha yeh dekhne keliye ki Manav jo sirf archana ka hai usi pe marta hai..aap log sab yeh jan ke bhi uskeliye apne aap mein jhagad rahi hain'

Ladkiyan- (ek awaz main film style mein) Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

(The End)

Originally posted by: guptill

SD bhai, that was relly funny and very well written...😆

Lekin, ladkiyan meri jaan kyun lengi??? writer to aap ho..😆

Magar 1 baat 100% right hai.. Manav sirf Archana ka hai..😆

mauka e bardaat pe hum mehzood nahin the Ali...show ke manager ke haisiyat se aap ko nazniyon ka gussa sehna pada.