Hi!! This is a fix-it, per say? Wrote this because I wanted so much from Shiva-Raavi and the makers just seem :( Basically, how I pictured the misunderstandings getting resolved? Slowly and steadily. We'll now take matters into our own hands. Hope you enjoying reading :)
Husband-Wife
She walks away.
It was inevitable, she thinks. She was naïve to hope and wish, someday they can try to make this work. She had been wishing for a fairytale, she had been wishing for—happiness. But happiness doesn’t just fall in your lap. She was naïve to hope that someday they could look past it all-
What did Shiva remind her of the other day?
Shuruwat se shuru karne ke liye, bachpan mein jaana padega.
He was right, she thinks to herself.
Aur mere bachpan ke har hisse mein, tujhse ladai ke kisse hai.
They can’t.
That’s the way their story was written, that’s the way their story has always been written—few rituals cannot change their fate.
So, she walks away.
…
He watches her walk away.
A part of him is aware he’ll regret the outburst when his anger subsides but there was no point—
There was no match here.
He wonders what made everyone think this will work in the first place. A relationship is established between two equals.
Mein zameen, aur tujhe toh aasmaan chahiye.
They were never that.
Aag aur Paani.
And what happens when fire and water collide?
It leaves ashes in its wake.
...
Childhood enemies
She doesn’t sleep a lot.
She sighs for the umpteenth time, her pillow pressed against her chest. She entered her house days ago, her Maasi showering her with all kinds of love while belittling Shiva in the next breath and Raavi honestly did not have the energy to counter her.
It’s futile anyway, she knows. It’s not like he’ll ever see that she’s on his side.
She may not be on his team but she’s always been on his side, she thinks.
Woh jaisa bhi hai, apna hai.
She’s been thinking about her childhood a lot—she expected to miss the Pandya family because that is what she had always wanted—just a big family.
But it’s Shiva she misses the most.
She supposes it makes sense—he is husband after all. She spent most of her time with him but it’s also surprising in a way.
Life somehow feels empty, she thinks.
Is that what being divorced is going to be like? She wonders and despite telling herself, her heart clenches—because then what will happen to the two of them? Will this be the end? Will she stay inside her house forever and he’ll seethe in his own house and never come across each other?
It claws her on the inside—the emptiness. Not hearing the same words—the anger, the protectiveness, she misses it despite everything.
There was something binding the two together and now that it’s gone—it leaves emptiness behind.
Tu yaha nafrat ki ratt lagaye baitha aur bhagwaan tujhe mujhse pyaar ki dor se baandh rahe hai.
There was life before she married Shiva.
There was life after she married Shiva.
But what about life without Shiva?
She doesn’t know.
She’s never known.
She eventually falls asleep.
…
Everything reminds him of her.
It eats him out on the inside, it’s annoying, she’s annoying and yet, yet he misses her.
Mein toh tera hi wait kar rahi thi na, Bhootnath.
There was no one waiting for him this time round though. This room reminds him of her, and it’s different than before. He remembers her bangles lying next to the mirror, he remembers her struggling to get the mattress back up—it’s her, it’s all her and he finds himself surrounded. The bed was for her, there is a black shirt in his almirah, a black clutcher behind the cushion—he knows, he knows it all.
He hates it.
To make matters worse, it’s just not just the past incidents that he remembers—he remembers it all.
Tujh jaisi gareeb dil ke ladke ko, mujh jaisi pyaari ladki se jod rahe hai.
He wonders why.
It’s all vacant—he never realized how much he had been used to her. Ever since they were little, she talked and she talked a lot and Shiva? He just listened. He gave it back to her eventually but he listened to it all.
He knew how to deal with her, let her speak her heart out because Raavi did not know how to shut up and then, then kick her out.
But this time round, this silence hurts in more ways than one. He isn’t used to it, isn’t used to a life without her—even before marriage.
“Ab yeh sannata bhi kaatne ko daud raha hai,” He murmurs to himself, his arm placed right above his eyes as he tries to block all those thoughts away.
Teri toh duniya hi Raavi ke ird gird ghoomti hai.
Were they right?
Honestly, now that he thought about it—she’s the one person who had always been around him apart from his family. The only one he entertained and the only one he pushed away—
Maami ki behen ki beti.
No, it wasn’t possible. He’d always hated her, hated her stupid long talks, hated her beautiful smile, her big eyes that went wide at the smallest of things—the way she never gave up when it came to him, he disliked it all. There was no match here.
Tum dono ek doosre ko bachpan se pasand karte ho, na yeh woh samajh paayi, na tu.
They’d spent their entire lives around each other, fighting like cats and dogs—where there was Shiva, you’d definitely find Raavi in tow, ready to annoy the living h*ll out of him. Now that he thought of it, she tried her best really—trying to become his friend, trying to establish a bond.
Like he was worthy, his mind supplies. Like his opinion mattered and for a brief moment, he fools himself--
Pati ke chote bhai.
He snaps out of it.
“There is no match here,” He whispers to himself, “You can’t battle fate, Shiva. Stop thinking about things that are not meant for you,” He goes to sleep.
Dev was wrong.
….
What if?
This is the new normal.
She lives here, he lives there. They had come across each other once and she remembers that very distinctly—she wanted him to stop her, or she wanted to stop him, she doesn’t know. But she wanted something.
She’s managed to think about him every day.
There was a phase where anger had taken over the pain—just a question roaming in her head, why?
He was changing, she knew he was.
Has she been that bad? It had started with God taking away her parents and then Dev and now it’s him.
This one hurts the most, she thinks.
She didn’t even feel this way when Dev had abandoned her. It was easy to move on from him, she thinks. That man didn’t have the guts to reveal the truth, didn’t even come to check up on her—she’s clearly been thinking a lot lately.
She never gave herself time, she realized. She’d been so caught up in trying to fix her life at every step, be it being left at the wedding, being married to her arch nemesis, trying to fix a marriage that she could see ending in doom—
She was always scrambling to fix it. Because she needed it. She needed to feel loved, she needed a family—and now that she realizes, she needed him too.
Reality dawns on her for the second time and this time, she did not have Shiva around to save her.
She always did. Maybe that’s why she’d always been running after him for his approval. She had wanted him to be a part of her life oh so, desperately.
She wonders what would have happened had she ended up marrying someone like Dev.
She would have the man she had always envisioned—somebody who had saved her in her childhood, a gentleman—she furrows her eyebrows, recalling Shiva’s words.
But what follows is a sense of dread, because Dev wasn’t who she thought he was. To her, he left her at the altar and Shiva saved her. She impulsively tried taking a big step but he stopped her from falling.
Her so-called nemesis defended her within minutes of her marriage, something Dev never had the guts to do.
She knew Shiva, in and out. She didn’t know what it was—but there had been a thread binding the two of them since the very beginning.
Something.
Her marriage may have been many things, but it had never been empty. Ever.
Ek khokhle rishte se behtar hai, koi taar toh juda ho.
And without him—it’s all just empty right now. Like her heart is hollow. If she had never felt anything for him, why did it hurt so much? Why had she been so hurt by his words that she ended up slapping him?
Extremities. That’s what they had always been—with their enmity, with their desires. With each other. The anger.
Two poles—she briefly entertains the idea—the what if. If they make their marriage work--
Love.
Would that be extreme too? Hope bubbles in her chest.
She knows they weren’t there yet, but she feels something because what else could explain this hollowness—she knows it wasn’t the family because they had visited her a few times and yet her eyes always try to seek him.
She recalls all their moments and thinks how he saves her too, how he looks out for her too. How he manages to bring parts of herself out that she doesn’t even know exist.
She shows it all.
He doesn’t show it.
Opposites in multiple ways, always trying to get under each other’s skin and maybe he’d managed to do that.
Maybe she had been chasing the wrong dream all along.
It was all good on paper but things on paper are rarely ever that good in reality.
She just wanted someone to hold her hand in the dark and even if it was for a brief period—he had been that person.
Tera har ilzaam manzoor hai, lekin yeh nahi ki mein tujhe chodke bhaag jauga.
She pauses.
She knows what pushed him away—the diary. She’s been well aware of it and had been trying to fix the mess, but since when did he care?
Why did he care?
Tabhi jo log mere baarein mein sochte hai, tu bhi wahi maanti hai.
Because they were husband and wife now.
Maybe he felt something for her too? Is that why he was so hurt?
She remembers him pushing her away and she flinches.
Her mausapa visits her and sits beside her, a wry smile on his face, trying to reassure her, “You can fix what went wrong, Raavi. Toote ko joda jaa sakta hai.”
She stares at her diary, the burnt piece with his name on it glaring at her and she thinks, she’s tried—she had tried before and she had failed.
But does she want to give up again? Not when she knows there might be something on the other end—does he feel something for her too? Is that why she affected him so much?
Maybe if they just tried to see each other as people rather than childhood enemies, they may be able to talk it through.
“Jod sakte hai.” She murmurs, a small smile forming on her face.
There is too much to discover here for her to just let go.
….
He thinks about her a lot.
Sometimes, he wishes to go back—maybe if he hadn’t thrown that drink at Raavi, maybe even if hadn’t actively tried to push her away things could have been different.
It’s all a what if—that’s what their marriage has come down to. What if he had been her dream man?
Dhara Bhabhi tells him things can change if he decides to apologize for his words. She’s right, he should.
If anything, it would give them closure—for now, he seems to be holding onto a thread that leads him to her.
He knows he’s been unfair to her. Lashing out on her when she didn’t deserve any of it—she deserved the world.
Ek din yeh gussa tujhe bhasm kardega, Shiva.
He can’t give that to her.
There is so much she had wanted from this marriage, until the very end but the word compromise never left his head, a constant reminder that she had been adjusting, she was giving this a chance because this was her fate, not because she wanted to.
He also knows this isn’t what he wanted either, so maybe he isn’t being fair. She is his first thought now but back then—
She was his first thought then too, he realises. Not in the best way but she was.
Teri toh duniya hi Raavi ke ird gird ghoomti hai.
But he was never hers, and he has never given her a reason to be so either. He doesn't blame her. He refuses to do so for her now, because it’s best for her to walk away. He isn’t the man she wants.
And he could never be the man she wants.
The realization is crushing.
Maybe it would have been good had she married Dev.
He wonders what life would have been like then—would their lives still revolve around each other? Of course, he knows. It couldn’t and for a selfish moment he is grateful it did not happen because life without her seems nothing.
But he has to get used to it.
He wonders where they should go from here—he’s actively pushed his family away, Raavi and he barely see eye to eye, they are stuck in this limbo.
He thinks how neither of the two are doing anything to make it better. His family’s pleas fall into deaf ears.
They are not doing anything to end this either.
He thinks about that too.
…
Strangers
They see each other a lot lately.
Raavi realizes his presence doesn’t make her angry anymore. Her blood doesn’t boil, their last moments flashing before her eyes—rather what is left behind is hurt and disappointment.
Maybe the reason why she had always been so comfortable with fighting with Shiva was because she believed that he could never hurt her. He was—is a good man, Raavi is aware of it.
They’ve always locked horns but this was different.
And it hurt because she expected better of him.
But she’s also managed to think more—since it was so out of character, she wonders what pushed him to the edge?
It makes her realise that they aren’t childhood enemies anymore—they are husband and wife.
Their relationship had taken a turn oh so suddenly, everything had changed in the blink of an eye. Maybe that’s why it all affected him so much, he wasn’t just a childhood enemy anymore, he was more—so much more.
And they can’t keep getting away with the same things and maybe he started to believe he isn’t good enough for her.
He was wrong, she thinks. Because he’s so much more than he gave himself credit for and Raavi wonders if she should take the first step—letting him know that she sees through him. Anger may get the best of her most of the time, but she does—she does.
But if anger gets the best of her—if she resorts to words, hurling insults she’d been using before—was she any different from him?
Does she respect him?
Yes.
Did she ever show that to him?
No.
It’s hard to break out of this relationship they’ve had for so long. If her emptiness tells her anything is that, her world revolved around him and his world revolved around her. So maybe they were on the right track? Because she knows she wants more but—
They weren’t enemies anymore, she knows. She knows. They had never been enemies, she thinks.
They’re not husband and wife either now. They were just--them. And she doesn't know how to define that now.
“Look who is here,” Krish tries to break the ice the second she enters the store.
She looks at him. He sees her walk in, his hand stopping midair and he doesn’t even look at her—doesn’t even spare her a glance. He turns around and walks away.
Her heart breaks.
Maybe trying wasn’t worth it.
Does he respect her?
She doesn’t know.
…
He doesn’t feel angry anymore.
If anything, he has come to realise—whenever he was angry, he lashed out at her, which wasn’t fair. She did not deserve any bit of it.
Shiva doesn’t really feel anything anymore lately.
The only time he feels something -- his heart maybe beating a little faster is when he sees her. She looks beautiful in pink today and she stares at him almost with expectation.
He wonders why and he wonders how.
He knows she won’t try anything, why should she? He asks himself, she’d tried in the past and he’d actively shut her down. Because there was no hope.
The silence is almost eerie. It’s one thing he would never get used to. No matter what, even in the past—they’d never struggled with talking. She always blabbered or he always countered, they’d always been something.
Always something.
There is awkwardness, staring at each other with hope, with expectation.
Why did they begin to expect from each other?
It is an obligation, he reminds himself.
He turns away.
…
Her friends join her.
Raavi does not expect them but as soon as she steps out of the store, she meets her friends. A grin forms on her face as they greet her.
She welcomes the relief for a split second before everything flashes before her eyes again and she hesitates.
“Raavi who uss din,” Rohan starts and Raavi finds herself looking at the ground for a split second, “Jo hua nahi hona chahiye tha.” She finishes for him, “My husband,” She pauses involuntarily, “I’m sorry about that.”
“Usse haath nahi uthaana chahiye tha,” She tells him and maybe it’s something she wants to tell herself too.
“Chod na Raavi,” Rohan shrugs, the other person in tow, “Vaise bhi usse zyaada umeed nahi ki jaa sakti.”
Raavi pauses, her eyebrows rising in question.
“Matlab kaha uss jungli, gawaar se you expected—” He laughs and Raavi feels this rush of anger—the last time this happened was with Sneha, “Pata nahi kaise phas gayi tu iske saath. Kaha woh aur kaha mein.”
There is anger and there is dread.
“Tum logo ki problem kya hai?” Raavi asks all of a sudden and the men before her remain still, caught by surprise, “Do you all think you all are very handsome?” She questions and realizes maybe her mistake had been letting it pass the first time.
She told Sneha to go away and she figured that to be enough. The other day when they tried talking bullsh*t again, Raavi was in no mood to create a scene, especially when they were on their way to the temple. She figured a shut up would be sufficient, to let them know it made her uncomfortable—he was her husband and more than that, he was Shiva.
How dare they talk this about someone they hardly even knew?
Sneha may have been her fault but she can fix this one—she knows. She should fix this one, she knows.
So, she does.
“Tumhe pata hai meri shaadi pe hua kya tha?” She points out, “Tum the waha? Buhut acche dost bolte ho na,” She was using her loud voice now, “Tum the? Woh tha,” She moves her head to the side, ever so slightly as if pointing towards him.
She thinks of the multiple times he’s saved her life, saved her from herself really—never said a word ever.
“Uski barbari nahi kar paoge.” And she means it genuinely, she realizes. If anything, his absence has made her realise how no one can compare to him, his presence had always been a part of her life.
Without him, it was just--
There was nothing.
“Agli baar mere pati se aise baat ya pati ke baarein meh aise baat ki,” She warns and for a second, she feels like Shiva’s wife because there is anger because maybe he had been right, maybe her friends had been the problem here and she’d been blind—
“Toh mujhse bura koi nahi hoga.” She raises her finger, pointing it at the two, “Tum sab ya toh mere aur mere pati ki izzat karna seekhoge,” She declares, “Ya meri zindagi mein nahi rahoge.”
And surprisingly, it’s easy.
It’s very easy to cut people off from her life, she realizes.
It wasn’t easy to cut him off though, it was like he was a part of her. Since the very beginning.
The polythene she had been holding falls on the ground and she’d been so furious in the moment, she didn’t even notice.
“Raa-“ Her friends start and Raavi looks away, choosing to focus on the groceries fallen, “Get lost.” She murmurs in anger.
She looks up in the next second, her eyes meeting Shiva’s and she stops short. He’s standing at the very edge of the store, the fact that he heard everything is apparent and Raavi is stumped—
Tereko pata hai tere dost kya baatein kar rahe the--
Raavi’s mouth opens and closes for a second, an apology dying in her throat—she wonders if she should?
There are a lot of things they need to apologise to each other, she now thinks. A lot more things they need to talk about.
Shiva pauses at the door. He sees her friends look at him and their heads hang as if in shame and Shiva thinks—good. Despite everything, something blossoms in his chest.
Like she cared.
Maybe he had expectations too after all.
She stares at him and he knows she wants to say something, he also knows he should say something—he was at fault too that day. Somehow, they’ve addressed the elephant in the room without doing much.
Na ek doosre ki kadar karte ho, na ek doosre ki izzat karte ho.
They stare at each other.
They don’t say a word.
It’s also the most they’ve talked in weeks.
…
Friends
She sits on the edge of the bridge.
It’s late at night she’s aware, but she seeks peace so desperately that she finds herself on the bridge, right underneath the stars.
She looks up at the sky and lets out a sigh, she’s here because she misses her parents. Ever since she was little, she believed they were stars—watching over, always. Are they still looking out for her? She wonders.
Honestly, she misses everyone.
She recalls the conversation she had at the haveli once and for some reason, she wants to do it again. Because she was sad then, she’s miserable now.
“Khushiyan?” She whispers brokenly, “Kaha ho tum?” And she looks up at the sky, wishing for her parents, wishing for Shiva if she’s being honest.
So, she sits here in silence and she sobs. She cries her heart out, her petite body shaking, shoulders moving up and down because she’s tired.
Yesterday left her with a crippling realization.
She had no one.
No family, at least not anyone who cared just about her. Her Maasi was too obsessed with making the Pandyas payback, Anita Di was in her own land, her friends were absolute pieces of sh*t she realized and her husband—
She had no one.
Maybe this is her fate, she thinks to herself and that makes her sob harder. She doesn’t wipe her tears because it’s futile, she knows. The new ones replace them in a blink of an eye. Her eyes feel wet, her cheeks feel heavy and she feels warm. The last time she’d cried like this—she doesn’t know.
Was she the problem?
Parents died right after she was born. Left at the altar, her dream shattered in a second. She’d always envisioned having a big and loving family. Dev was always so kind to her that she stupidly made up these scenarios in her head until it all came crashing down.
Surprisingly, Shiva was the one constant in her life and even that had come crumbling down. She wonders if she even knows how to judge a person—was she always this naïve? This stupid? Gullible.
Now he isn’t around either.
The something binding them together is long gone, along with every other relationship in her life.
So much for a big happy family.
Shiva was right after all.
But it didn’t matter because she doesn’t think he cares either. There was a time he did, he always looked out for her regardless—she wondered what happened by the very end, it was almost as if her site repulsed him.
Perhaps it was also her fault, she never tried to understand him any better. She’s been trying to piece it all in her head for a while now and she thinks she sees it. Perhaps, she was no different. She should have talked to him, should have let him know so much but—
Jungli, gawaar—
She closes her eyes in despair.
How does one go back?
The tears subside, leaving small hiccups in its wake and Raavi thinks this is her reality—alone.
Does she want to go back?
Another wave of tears hit her.
Yeah, yeah, she does.
…
Shiva walks alone in the street.
He’s feeling restless again.
It’s unlike before, he realizes.
He keeps thinking about the moment he saw her, the two of them staring at each other, so much to say to each other and nothing to say either.
So close and yet so far.
He’s been smiling a little for the past two days and he hates it, he realizes. Makes him realise that she still affects him a lot.
He thinks maybe she always affected him, he just never realized it.
“Farak toh padta hai,” He shakes his head and recalls her words to her friends, “Aur shayad usse bhi.”
Does he want to go back?
He sighs.
It doesn’t matter—or did it? He has been pushing everything to the side thinking he wasn’t worthy but it’s not like they ever talked about it?
If anything, her words made him think that she indeed did care and he was wrong.
He’d made mistakes in anger too, maybe she did too—
He stops short the second he sees her. She’s always been noticeable, he thinks. Like a bright ray of sunshine.
Iski pheekhi berang zindagi mein, koi toh please rang bhardo.
She was always so happy, he realizes. Even when he was mean to—even when he actively tried to push her away.
Always so forgiving too. Never budged at all. He wonders why and he wonders what changed along the way.
Perhaps, he just wasn’t worth trying anymore. He doesn’t blame her for it, he wanted it to happen.
He realizes it’s late and a frown forms on his forehead and he pauses, standing there. His gaze never wavers and he realizes she is crying.
His heart breaks and he walks forward, trying to catch a better look. He’s never been able to see her cry, he realizes. Not after the wedding he thinks. He still remembers that day, remembers her breaking down, falling apart right in the middle of the hall.
Everything changed that day.
“Tu—” He licks his lips, “Tu sach mein bhootni hai?” He asks and she whips her head in his direction, eyes narrowing ever so slightly.
And yet, nothing changed at all.
“Haan,” Raavi answers in a second. This is their second nature, always giving back to each other somehow and she stops hiccupping when she realizes they are talking,“Tu hi toh bolta hai, chalti firti bhootni.”
He contemplates leaving but he knows he's not leaving her here alone. It’s almost eleven at night and either he is with her or he’ll lurk around, wanting her to reach home safely.
Either way he’s here.
And so is she.
So, he talks.
“Why are you crying?” He crouches down, his hand fisting as if trying to stop himself from wiping her tears away. Their eyes meet and Raavi feels her breath hitch—it reminds her of the time at the Haveli when despite everything, her presence affected him.
It’s the sweetest he’s been to her in weeks.
All of this feels different somehow now, she realizes. She wants it to last. Her crying slows down, leaving tear tracks on her face.
“I—” She pauses, unsure what to say. It’s the most he’s asked her in weeks. It’s almost like he’s willing to listen to her and Raavi says the truth, “Khaali lag raha tha.”
Shiva frowns.
What reason did she have to feel this way?
So, he goes with the next plausible explanation.
“Dosto ki yaad aa rahi hai?” And he notices her glare hardening, her jaw locking and she answers back fiercely, “Nahi.”
“They are not worth that,” She whispers, looking down before turning her head towards him, their eyes locking.
“I’m sorry,” She says in the next instant, because she knows she was wrong and he deserved an apology, “Tu sahi tha unke baarein mein.”
Maybe it’s the fact that it’s been weeks, or the fact that he’s actually been missing her so much, he chooses to not push her away—he chooses to listen.
“Aur sorry for,” She recalls everything and it makes her realise that maybe she hadn’t been different after all, “tujhe gusse mein buhut cheezein boli hai. Mein galat thi,” She shrugs, “Shayad bachpan se hi.”
It makes him feel something, he isn’t sure. Maybe relief. He realises he should apologise too, because she deserves that.
And so, he sits down. His feet in the opposite direction, shoulder to shoulder and he looks at her, “I’m sorry,” He says it finally, “For what?” Raavi asks because she’s been burnt way too many times too, she realizes. She needs to hear it from him.
“Tu sahi thi ki unhe maarna nahi chahiye tha.” There is a pause, “Aur na hi tujh pe woh sab nikaalana chahiye tha,”
She waits for him to finish.
“I know how it sounded but mera woh iraada nahi tha. Tere character per kabhi nahi--” He is genuine and Raavi sighs in relief because she thinks she’s been waiting for this one for a while now, “Mein bas—” He starts to open up but then stops and thinks better, “Mein galat tha. Tu nahi deserve kart thi. Bachpan se hi, “ He repeats, “Tera haath pakadna, tujhpe gussa nikaalna jab ki khaami toh sab—” He stops short.
If anything, the time away has given him perspective. Maybe a part of him had been very adamant to push her away. Because if he cannot have all of her, what will he do with the rest?
There was no point, he thinks. Their relationship will always be a dead end.
And they are back in the same loop again.
“Khaami toh tujh mein hai?” She finished for him, asking more of a question and for a second, she swore she saw him flinch.
She still affected him, she realises.
Just like he affected her.
“Tujhe aisa kyu lagta hai?” She’s calm now and so is Shiva surprisingly.
Maybe the time away served them well.
This is probably the first time they've just talked about their issues. Burying them served neither of them any good, especially with the family shoving them in each other’s direction every time.
There was a good walk the two of them needed to go through—attraction may have always been there, given their proximity time and again and both of them were aware about it—but what about more?
They just never talked about it.
“Kyu?” He scoffs, “Tel aur paani,” He raises his eyebrows, “Yahin kaha tha na? Nahi mil paate,”
“Mil toh gaye haina, Shiva?” Raavi opens her mouth to protest, suddenly miffed, “Soch badal bhi toh sakti haina? Tu in sab cheezo se zyaada hai, aur yeh tu bhi jaanta hai,” She continues, “Toh fir iss tarah se react karna? Mein jo bolti thi—gusse mein bolti thi. Bachpana tha, I never meant this. Aur tu bhi gusse mein bolta tha toh phir koshish karte haina—"
“Kyuki ab hum bacche nahi hai, Raavi. Samjhi? Tu mujhse shaadi karti agar mein tera pati na hota?” He throws back, not wanting her to say anything because he knows, it’s what he thinks about all the time.
It’s his fault, he thinks. He dared to dream. A dream that wasn’t meant to be his in the first place—how does he fit in a story where his brother is the protagonist and he has always been the devil lurking in the background.
It’s plain defeat, he realizes. It’s why he isn’t fighting back anymore—closure. Maybe then the two of them can walk away from each other.
“Tu mujhse shaadi karta agar mein teri patni na hoti?” She asks back and Shiva turns away because she was right.
“Hum dono ki shaadi jo hai, woh kisi ne nahi dekha thi,” She smiles a little thinking back to the time, almost like she is grateful for what happened and she wonders when it all began to change, “Lekin rishta toh bachpan se haina.” She tilts her head a little, staring at the rocks lying below her feet.
“Humesha se.” She says.
“Dushmani ka.” He corrects her, eyes finally meeting hers, his jaw locked. He says it adamantly like he’s trying to convince her and himself.
“Matlab, kabhi kabhi accha bhi tha,” Raavi narrows her eyes playfully, “Jab tu gussa kam karta tha,” She muffles, playing with her fingers.
“Haan toh bewakoofo wali baatein karegi toh yahin hoga,” Shiva retaliates, “Chup hi nahi hoti thi, aur jab dekho aise magnet ki tarah chipki rehti thi,” There is spark in his eyes and he would not admit it but this is the most he’s felt in weeks.
“Aur tere jo bewajah haath pao chalte the?” She gives it back, “Jabki mein bolti bhi tere liye hi thi bachpan mein. Lekin nahi, sir ko toh hero banna hai—"
“Toh meine toh kabhi kaha hi nahi,” He says back, “Full on chep. Pehle dimaag se nahi jaati thi, woh khaati thi—” He places his hand against his forehead, gesturing the same, “Aur ab dil se—”
He pauses.
He stops.
“Dil—” Raavi tilts her head, her eyes sparkling with something akin to hope and it makes her feel nice, knowing he may feel something too. If anything, the last few weeks have taught her that she does too.
“Whatever,” Shiva gets up in an instant, “This is too much.” He murmurs, not meeting her eyes, his stance turning rigid. This is what she does to him, he realizes.
Somehow, he loses control over his words, his heart for that matter and he’s always been in control, he realizes.
He’s fixed things in the past—whatever problem arose, he figures a way out and he helps, he helps in the best way possible. He gives and gives and he figures a way out.
But how does one battle fate? He can’t win this one.
And to be honest, he doesn’t want to give anymore.
Raavi sighs, her teeth gritting together, “Haan chale jaa,” She says, clearly annoyed. His back is towards her and this is what their relationship is like. She tries and he turns away.
But maybe she’d gotten better at this game, Raavi thinks. She smirks.
“Vaise bhi barah baj rahe hai,” She raises her voice a little, “Mein toh ghar jaa nahi rahi hoon. Who knows,” Her small eyes turn wide like planets, “What might happen. Kuch bhi ho sakta hai—”
“Haan toh ho jaa, jeeye marein mujhe isse kya.” He still does not move.
“Haan toh badiya haina. “ Raavi gives back, “Yahin se kood jaati hoon, tera bhi bhala hoga-”
Shiva turns around in an instant, the wedding day flashing before his eyes again.
Raavi grins.
“Teri bakwas nahi khatam nahi hoti na kabhi,” He’s angry, furious he thinks, “Kabhi bhi kuch bhi bolti hai. Bina sochein samjhe.”
Old Raavi may have been tempted, she realizes, but this one knew. She almost experienced death twice now, and somehow within that little time span she went from wanting to die to desperately wanting to live.
Maybe the reason was right in front of her all along and she was as blind as a bat. Now, it was time to make him see that too.
“Aur tu kuch nahi bolta,” Raavi is firm, “Kabhi bhi. Sirf gussa. Iske peeche chipke kya mila hai tujhe, Shiva?” She’s almost desperate now, she realizes. Her eyes almost turning wet, “Kabhi toh dhang se baat kar, abhi itna accha tha toh dil ki baat kar.”
His fists clench, teeth gritting together, “Dil ki baatein karna tujhe aata hai, mujhe nahi. Toh apni yeh bakwas,” He enunciates the word, “Apne pass rakh.”
Raavi closes her eyes in desperation. She doesn’t know how to reach out, she doesn’t know what will help—
Dil ki baatein karna tujhe aata hai, mujhe nahi.
So, she does exactly that.
“Mein yaha,” She starts, “Isiliye aayi thi kyuki mein aapne maa papa ko miss kar rahi thi,” She entangles her fingers together, as if garnering the strength, “Khaali isiliye lag raha tha kyuki aisa lag raha tha koi nahi, tu bhi nahi aur tu toh humesha se tha,” She looks up and the frown lines on his forehead lessen just a bit.
Unbeknownst to her, he starts to relax, just a little.
“In do hafto mein meine buhut socha hai,” Raavi looks ahead this time round, as if saying everything, like he was her diary, which was almost fitting really—he was in all parts of it, in every corner of the book you’d find his name, every part of her life, he was there.
Always right there.
Maybe God was right, binding them together. Because they’d been bound together in inexplicable ways before they ever got hitched.
“Dev par buhut gussa aata hai,” She begins to say, “Iss baat ka nahi ki jo socha tha woh nahi hua, magar iss baat ki uske baad—” She frowns, “Kuch nahi hua. Sab sochte hai wapas jaana asaan hai aur meine koshish bhi ki lekin us din mein marr jaati toh?” She quirks an eyebrow in his direction and he’s staring at her intensely, “Bachpan se sirf ek family ka socha tha—anaath hoon na,”
Shiva’s hand begins to flex, wanting to reach her. He never really gave it a thought, he realizes. He knows she’s been through things but she’d been so good at shielding them, unlike him, he realizes. He’s always been good at shielding too until her. But that’s how it’s always been, she is capable of bringing the worst and now surprisingly the best out of him.
He’s felt bad for her before. He knows she was subjected to a life she’d never asked for, but to know she’s carrying this inside of her heart gives him perspective. Maybe both of them were fighting their own battles, their own struggles.
She needed someone, and maybe he just needed to feel worthy—maybe two broken pieces can actually fit together.
Maybe.
“Lekin ab aisa lagta hai koi nahi hai,” She states, “Sapna bhi shayad woh nahi tha—aisa lagta hai zindagi wapas shuru karni pad rahi hai aur darr lagta hai,” She says, “Buhut darr lagta hai,” Raavi says.
“Aur mein chahti hoon isse chance dena kyuki mein shayad—”
Her husband narrows his eyes.
Tujhe chahti hoon? She frowns as she recollects her words in her head.
She didn’t have the courage to say that, she thinks—they weren't there, not yet, “Kyuki kuch hai humare beech. Shuru se, ab se, kab se—” She enunciates.
Humesha se.
“Aur mein chahti hoon dekhna kyuki mein akele yeh sab—"
“Yeh sab tu mujhe kyu bata rahi hai?”
Raavi turns around completely, “Tune hi toh kaha dil ki baat,” She enunciates, “Aur dil ki baat toh meine humesha tujhse hi kari hai Shiva. Dev ko nahi pata hoga ki mein pagal thi, lekin tujhe pata tha—tune toh humesha suni hai meri. Jitna andar tere mein, utna mere mein,” She tries to make him understand.
“Akele sab hote hai Raavi,” He’s softer this time, realizing how she’s shared her heart out with him, “Iska matlab yeh nahi hai kisi ka bhi haath thaam lo. Aage jaake jab regret hoga ispe, toh aur dukh hoga.”
It’s another reason, he thinks. She deserves better.
It’s tempting he realizes, to give in. But then what if she resents him? It’s hard, he muses. He’s always been on the receiving end of her hate, but this time round it feels different because—if he allows himself to give in, he may just fall in love and she may not feel anything.
He turns his face away.
Raavi’s face falls.
“I want this to work because I want it dammit!” She lashes out and there it is—the anger, he has the capability of bringing the most out of her, always, “Mujhe yeh rishta chahiye kyuki mujhe tu pasand hai. Mein chahati hoon yeh aage bade, hum log dekhe. Mujhe aur kisi cheez se farak nahi padta,”
Shiva’s eyes widen just a little, maybe this is what he wanted to hear all along—she wants it, like she wanted it once before, that this marriage is not some consolation prize for her but more.
“Lekin tere matar jaise dimaag mein toh yeh ghusega nahi,” She points towards his head, “Ek kaam kar, yahin rahe. Akele sadh. Agli baar na divorce papers bhi bhijwa dugi, khatam karte haina,” She is furious, “Kya fayda jab kuch bacha hi nahi.”
She walks away.
Divorce.
Shiva wonders if he should stop her. It feels like deja vu, everything happening over again. Her words play in his mind and he realizes she is right—she wants to give this a chance. Not because they are trapped in this marriage but because she sees that there is something—
She’s right, he knows she’s right.
But is it worth it? What if the end is bad? What if in the end, she becomes heartbroken? It makes him realise that he really doesn't care if he ends up alone, but she having to settle her whole life bothers him.
But didn’t she just say that, did she? Shouldn’t she get the say? And she wants to give it a try—
Kuch toh hai.
She’s trying, he realizes.
He lets her.
He grabs onto her dupatta, effectively stopping her, “Aye Maami ki behen ki beti,”
Raavi stops, a hint of a smile beginning to form on her face, some hope blossoming in her heart as she turns her head, “Tujhe kya lagta hai? Sunake chali jaayegi aur mein sunta rahuga? Divorce ki dhamki kisi de rahi hai?” He plays it the way he always has.
“Toh kya zindagi bhar tera wait karoon? Accha haina, kisi ko dhoondhugi jaise tu bolta hai. Gentleman,” She points out, “Mein kisi gadhe ki palle bandh jaugi. Mujhe yaha se bhi le jaayega aur tereko toh farak padta nahi hai—”
Unbeknownst to her, he’s thought about this scenario in the past. It’s why he was willing to let go, he realizes. Because he thought she deserved better.
But who was he to decide? Not when she is right before, asking for more. Not when she likes him—for who he is.
The realisation is euphoric.
They may not be there yet, but they can get there eventually. And he can try, one step at a time. Because he wants it all—all of her, he wants a relationship.
And that had to start somewhere.
And so does she.
He grins.
So does she.
“Farak padta hai,” He says sternly, his grip on her dupatta tightening, “Padta hai.” He repeats and he knows what he means, he was never someone who listened to people, he’s never going to change but knowing he wasn’t good enough for her, “Isse nahi, kahin baaton se padta hai. Dil patthar ka nahi hai—” He tells her affirmatively, “Nahi hai.”
Patthar aakhir, patthar hi rehta hai.
Raavi tilts her head a little in understanding.
“Insaan hoon. Choti si duniya hai meri,” He smiles fondly, thinking of everyone, “Aur chahke na chahke bhi, tu us duniya ka hissa ban gayi.”
Parivaar ka hissa hoon, lekin tere hisse mein nahi aata.
He’s always been someone who doesn’t share a lot. Not with his family, not with anyone really but come to think of it, no one really asks him what he feels either. Not anymore.
There is this moment—it’s the most they’ve connected ever. They’ve bickered in the past but there was always this wall, because they were enemies, or so they thought. Never faltering before each other so they gave back each and every time, letting the other person know they weren’t weak. That they were wrong.
It takes him back to the wedding. It was the most vulnerable he’s ever seen her. Her face was full of tears, her lifelong dream crumbling before her eyes and he didn’t know how to react because he’d never seen her like this. It was almost shocking, somebody so lively and she somehow had started to lose it all.
It makes him think, maybe he would have married her without his Bhabhi insisting so. Because it meant saving her and he would have done that in a heartbeat.
Shiva didn’t even know he was capable of having feelings for someone, but here they were.
He also didn’t think he was worthy but she was right here.
“Vaise bhi tujhe handle kaun kar sakta hai? Divorce leke jayegi kaha?” And the moment is over. He doesn’t talk a lot about his feelings, Raavi knows. Always hiding in the shadows until something big happens but he feels, of course he does.
It’s subtle, but it’s there.
“Chal chal,” Raavi gestures towards her dupatta, still in his clutches, ”Abhi chodega, ya kal tak ka wait karna hai?” He abruptly leaves the cloth, suddenly conscious, hand flexing the second it loses purchase, “Haan toh theekh haina,” He rolls his eyes, “Zyada ud mat,”
She brings her dupatta close, a big grin on her face this time as she adjusts it. It gives her hope that they will be okay after all.
Shiva walks towards her before stopping right beside her, “Kya?” Raavi asks innocently, her lips turning into a pout.
“Abey,” Shiva raises his hand, “Ghar chalna hai? Jaanta hoon yaha sab bhooth, chipkali tere dost hai lekin andhera hai.”
Raavi lets out a humm, like a sing song as she pretends to consider, “Zyaada drama mat kar, vaise teri fategi abhi jayegi toh,” Shiva cuts her trail of thought and Raavi glares at him, “Haan toh theekh haina, insaano ko andhero se darr hi lagta hai,” She grins, “Bhooto ko nahi.” She gestured towards him.
She almost begins when his soft voice stops her and she’s caught off guard, “Dariyo mat,” He tells her, “Mein hoon tere saath.” And she knows he means it sincerely.
Buhut darr lagta hai.
He’s unpredictable, she thinks.
Raavi realizes they never needed to shed their old façade, because they were literally connected that way. It’s how they were bonded together, oh so uniquely.
Since the very beginning.
Rather, they can discover new things about each other.
Shiva doesn’t let her dwell much on it as he starts to walk only for his wife to come rushing and stand right beside him, a small hop in her footsteps as if she is happy and he won’t admit it, he finds it adorable—“Mein bhi.”
Farak padta hai.
Shiva looks at her.
“Hoon tere saath.” Raavi states and she’s looking ahead, not meeting his eyes.
Shiva scoffs and smiles a little.
They walk together.
...
If you stuck around, thank you! This was long. Had this idea in my head because all they need to do, is talk.
I had a whole idea in my head of this developing further where they grow together and then finally are in love. From friends, to more and then husband wife. Wanted bike rides with her hand on his shoulder :( But alas. If motivation ever hits I guess.
Hope you enjoyed :)
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