Rajbir - 2

Kabir reached home in a daze. Viraj Singh Rathore. His elder brother. Of all the people in this entire world, they had to be connected. Immediately, Kabir felt disgusted with himself. Viraj was the four year old waiting for his Mumma, who would never return. Yet, that child was happier than the grown-up Viraj, who didn't have even the hope that the little one did. Viraj went out of his way to be kind to him on many occasions, inspite of his many personal pains. Kabir was proud to have a brother like him.

What sort of a brother had he been though? Irritating Viraj with his "Big Bro" comments, keeping his mother away from him, stealing Nisha.. "No!", said a furious voice in his head," Nisha is not an object. He hadn't stolen her. She wanted him as he did. They loved each other". Kabir felt a sense of relief which faded away the next second. What if he had never come to India? Then, Nisha and Viraj would still be together. His stomach twisted and he sat at the coffee table in terrible agony.

Kabir was suddenly aware of the doorbell ringing persistently. He glanced at the clock - 1:30 a.m. Cautiously, he moved towards the door. "Rajbir! Rajbir! It's Viraj. Open the door! Are you alright?". Kabir froze. What was Viraj doing here? Did he come to know? Kabir stood confused. Should he ask Viraj to go away? Or run himself? Kabir shook his head. Viraj deserved better than this. Kabir wrenched the door open.

Viraj stood on the other side with Sabu. "Sukhbir", he said, moving past Kabir and switching on the lights. "What took you so long to open the door. Are you-?". Viraj stopped short, taking in the sight before him. Kabir's eyes were red, his face looked exhausted and somehow scared. Viraj become alert , keenly looking around. "Sukhbir", he whispered,"is there anyone else here?". Kabir mutely stared at Viraj. Viraj shook his shoulders. "What's the matter?".

Kabir mumbled,"What are you doing here?". "I finally found Sabu", said Viraj, a little excitement creeping in his voice,"Ask him about your brother". Sabu shook his head firmly. Viraj looked at Sabu with undisguised anger. "I have refrained from using violence against you so far. If you deny Kabir the information he wants, your life will turn into a living hell faster than you can blink".

Kabir pressed his temples, trying to control the pain. "Big B- Vir - Mr. Rathore, you didn't go home? You came here directly?". Viraj frowned. "Of course, Lakir. You have waited for too long. This is most important". Kabir closed his eyes, tears escaping his tight control. It was the inevitable moment of truth then.

"Sabu, there is no point in hiding the truth. I know who my brother is". Viraj was stunned while Sabu looked in disbelief. "My brother", continued Kabir," my br- brother is - Viraj Singh Rathore".

"Lakir, this is no time for jokes. Sabu,---". Sabu bowed his head. "Yes. Viraj's bua had threatened my family. That was the reason I ran away. You both are connected by your mother. Sons of the same mother. Yes. Viraj is your stepbrother. Please forgive me". Sabu folded his hands and walked away.

Kabir took a deep breath and found the courage to see his brother's face. Viraj could have been carved from stone. He was immobile. "Vi - Mr. Rathore, I am sorry. I didn't know about us till-". "You live with your mother in Dubai?". "Yes", answered Kabir. He couldn't read Viraj's expressions. "Your father?". Kabir swallowed. "Died eleven years ago". "Your mother loved him?".

Kabir felt the hair at the back of his hair rise. He didn't respond. Viraj pounded his fist on the table. "I asked if she loved your dad?". "Viraj, -". Suddenly, Kabir found his back against the wall with Viraj's hands on his collar.

"You and your dad are the reason I lost everything", said Viraj, fury in every word," You were responsible for me being away from my mother. Me and my father were replaced by you and your dad. All the times I saw the other kids being left to school by their mother, their wounds taken care of, bedtime stories, the love and care of a Mother.. You were the reason my Mother never missed me..".

"No! How can you say that?", shouted Kabir, desperate to make Viraj understand," Mumma never forgot you. She left for your own good---".

Viraj's face twisted into an ugly smile and he released his hold on Kabir without being aware of it. "For my own good. Of course. She left me for my own good", said Viraj, walking slowly around the room," And see my happy life, Kabir! Abandoned by my mother at the age of four, my father's death when I was seven, struggling to make something out of myself to honour my Dad with the help of only Dadji, fending off greedy relatives clamoring to take advantage of a scared boy and then a paralysed man, losing Aarti, then Nis-".

Kabir flinched. Viraj stared at Kabir as though seeing him for the first time. "Yes, my mother left me for my own good. What about you, Kabir? How was your life? A totally loving Mom and Dad with you every step of your childhood? Birthday parties, grand festival celebrations? Did your Mom bake your favourite deserts as treats for every little achievement of yours? Did your Dad ever proudly declare to everyone he met that you were his son? Family vacations and outings every single time you all got the chance? Did you know that no matter how bad things were, it would all be alright in the end, because your parents were there for you? Tell me, Kabir".

Kabir couldn't look at Viraj, let alone answering. All that Viraj had said was true. He had an easy and happy life thanks to his parents. Kabir saw hatred and disgust in every line of Viraj's face. And a lifetime of hurt.

Kabir felt a sinking sensation in his heart. For Kabir realised that Viraj would never forgive him, would never be his brother. Not when his mistake was his existence. How had he became so attached to Viraj in such a short time, he didn't know. All he knew that he had been unable to tolerate even Viraj's dislike when Viraj was little more than a stranger to him. Now that Kabir knew that Viraj was his brother, his hatred cut like a shard in his heart. He felt like he couldn't breathe and wanted to escape from there. Wherever his feet took him but not this small room which could not simulatenously contain Viraj's hatred and his unwanted younger brother.

Kabir's hand was on the doorknob when he made a decision. No matter how much Mr. Rathore hated his dad and him, he must know the truth about Mumma. Kabir couldn't stand the thought of him believing for one more second that he had no one in this world except himself.

"Mr. Rathore, there was never a day when Mumma didn't shed a tear for you, when she didn't miss you, when she didn't pray for you.. On my graduation, birthday parties, treats, achievements and all the other things you just said, as well as the other normal days, my Mother was always happy and sad. Happy to see her one son growing through life and sad because she had could never experience all this in her other son's life.. I have never been an alone child, I have lived with your shadow. I could never give Mumma a single day of pure happiness, not tinged with regret and sadness for the past twenty four years of my life. If you believe me to be a replacement, then know that I was a poor replacement and could never be the original. I..".

Kabir found it difficult to continue but steeled himself," You made Mumma a mother. Her first born. You were first in- first in - Nishu's heart. No one can replace you. Don't punish Mumma because of me. You are the son she deserves. The one who will never leave her, never hurt her, the one who can give her unconditional love and respect. I..I only cause trouble everywhere I go. I am sorry".

Kabir said everything he could to convince Viraj of Mumma's love and his place in her life. To believe or not was Viraj's choice. He knew that Viraj needed time to accept and heal. But he also knew from his personal experiences that misunderstandings festered with time. It had to be nipped in the bud. Which he had tried to do. And could do no more. He was fatigued.

Kabir walked into the moonless night, seeking solace.