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She loved nights in general. But tonight the calmness of the dark night made her shudder. She had felt this feeling so many times before. She had. After all it was their eighteenth break up. But there was something else that was floating inside her chest tonight. Something she hadn't felt in those last seventeen after break up states. Something dying. She tried to put a stop on the train of thoughts invading her brain and listen to the cries of almost dead as she figured out what it was, it was Hope.
Her hope was dying.
Even after being miles apart they weren't done hurting each other, she thought as his voice from the call replayed in her mind.
"Main ek step tumhari taraf leta hoon aur tum mujh par no trust ka bomb phenk deti ho. I can't take this anymore."
Or maybe this time it weren't 'they' hurting each other, maybe this time it was 'she' who was hurting him and driving him away but now the consequences were breaking her.
"I don't know Isha, I don't feel anything." His voice rang in her ears and she cuddled herself up, locking her arms around her knees and cried like she always does, alone.
She had always considered Sahir Bhasin as her weakness and so he was just doing what weakness are supposed to do, tearing her apart.
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He flew all the way from India to Bethlehem for just one reason, to keep his mind off from all the mess his life had piled up. He was here to get some clarity. That was his plan.
But then life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans'.
And so it happened.
Isha called him. Not as his producer but as his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend for that matter.
"I miss you Sahir!"
He would be lying if he said it didn't make his heart flutter because it did. It so did. Because it was so unexpected and because it was she who said it.
Inspite of the fact that the cool morning winds were feeling nice across his face, he pulled the blinds in. Just like Isha always let him go in spite of the fact that she knows she loves him. If there was anything in the world he didn't doubt, it was her love for him.
But love wasn't enough for him. It never is for anyone. Everything was so complicated between them. He did every effort to let go of his past for her but she continued to hold on to it. The more he tried to forget his past, the more she reminded him of it. They were just never on the same page, no matter how much he tried. She made his every attempt futile with her distrust.
"I thought tum Megha ki pregnancy ke liye responsible ho."
He never felt as exhausted as he had felt in that moment. The moment came and went like a storm but the impact it left on him was cruel.
Even after telling every bit of truth to her, she chose to doubt him.
And now he was afraid of walking back because he knew she would hurt him again. And because he knew that unlike to what he said once to her, they weren't meant to be.
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