Will you work in this office

Here is an office 'memo' to employees of a BPO. Read on to find out exactly why people left the company in a jiffy.

Dear Colleagues,

To help us work better, here are some fresh set of rules that every employee has to follow.

Sickness and related leave
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Surgery
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything.

We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Bereavement leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers.

Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.

We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done well in advance. .

Your own death

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

Restroom use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. Kindly follow the following chart:

All employees whose names begin with 'A' : 8:00 to 8:10
All employees whose names begin with 'B' : 8:10 to 8:20 and so on.

If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker.

Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

Paycheck guide

The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks:
Item Amount Gross pay Rs1,222.02
Incoming tax Rs 244.40
Outgoing tax Rs 45.21
State tax Rs 11.61
Interstate tax Rs 61.10
County tax Rs 6.11
City tax Rs 12.22
Rural tax Rs 4.44
Back tax Rs 1.11
Front tax Rs 1.16
Side tax Rs 1.61
Up tax Rs 1.08
Down tax Rs 1.14
Tic-Tacs Rs 1.98
Thumbtacks Rs 3.93
Carpet tacks Rs 0.98
Stadium tax Rs 0.69
Flat tax Rs8.32
Surtax Rs 2.23
Ma'am tax Rs 1.23
Corporate tax Rs 2.60
Parking fee Rs 5.00
F.I.C.A. Rs 81.88
T.G.I.F. Fund Rs 9.95

The taxable income list continues

Life insurance Rs 5.85
Health insurance Rs 16.23
Dental insurance Rs 4.50
Mental insurance Rs 4.33
Disability Rs 2.50
Ability Rs 0.25
Liability Rs 3.41
Coffee Rs 6.85
Coffee Cups Rs 66.51
Floor rental Rs 16.85
Chair rental Rs 0.32
Desk rental Rs 4.32
Union dues Rs 5.85
Union don'ts Rs 3.77
Cash advance Rs 0.69
Cash retreats Rs 121.35
Overtime Rs 1.26
Undertime Rs 54.83
Eastern time Rs 9.00
Central time Rs 8.00
Mountain time Rs 7.00
Pacific time Rs 6.00
Time Out Rs 12.21
Oxygen Rs 10.02
Water Rs 16.54
Heat Rs 51.42
Cool air Rs 26.83
Hot air Rs 20.00
Miscellaneous Rs 113.29
Various Rs 8.01
Sundry Rs 12.09
Net Take Home Pay Rs0.02

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

The Management