Posted:
My justification for writing this shit: I was annoyed with certain "penguins" in my life for being annoying and head aching.
Get Lucky.
Get Lucky.
"RK you have kept me up every night for the past week."
"And..." he nestled closer gripping her waist.
"And that means no 'boodegy-woogedy' tonight." She fumed pushing his advances off.
"But..." he sounded like a dying puppy.
"No if, ands, or buts. Well at least not mine. Now leave me alone." She was this close to loosing it. A woman running on 3 hours per sleep for the past week is never a good sign.
Ok, the situation was serious. This calls for drastic measures.
That's right, the jealousy card.
"In my span as a superstar, I've err... come across many women. They would die to give me company on this lonely cold night." He said with an animate voice.
She was half asleep by now. "Go buy them an entire island for all I care just please let me sleep."
WHAT? What was this ish? Women always fell for the jealousy card.
"Are you sure?" He tried getting a reaction out of her.
"I'm more sure than you are when you sign half of your films. Now vamoose!" She chucked a pillow at him.
Hey! He knows how to pick his films! How dare she question...! Ugh... Never mind. Just think cool and charming. Cool and charming.
"Biwi your so beautiful," he whispered, poising himself up with an elbow overlooking her tired face.
He heard the sound of crickets chirping... Ok well not really but it was dead silent in there. Once again no reaction.
Cool and charming.
Cheesy pickup line time! It might earn him a slap but it was worth a try.
"Madhu your so gorgeous you put the 'desi' in desirable."
He awaited the slap he knew was on his way but still nothing. He hovered over her face for a few seconds and watched her sleep. She was flawless...
It was then when a few strands of her hair flew onto her face, blocking his view of the beautiful goddess. He placed a gentle hand on her face as he tried to brush the strands to the side when...
"AHH!! RAPIST!!! CHOR!!!! CHOR RAPIST!!!!" She started screaming attacking RK with a pillow.
"What the-?" RK exclaimed trying to stop his Jhansi Ki Rani biwi who refused to look to stop attacking him.
One thing was for sure, his izzat was safe as long as Jhansi Ki Rani aka Biwi was there.
"SHARM NAHI ATI! TERE GHAR MAIN MAA BHEN NAHI HAI!" She continued her assault.
"Biwi what the hell are you doing open your freakin eyes woman!" He grabbed her arms pinning her down.
"RK? Tum?"
"Ji haan main!"
"TUM? TUMHE SHARM NAHI ATI! KHUDKI BIWI KA RAPE KAROGE TUM?" She got up and chucked the alarm clock at him.
"Woah! Wait! Biwi we really need to take you to that psychologist." He used his pillow as a shield.
"Psychologist? And me? Well at least I'm not the one who's trying to freakin rape my spouse!" She unplugged the lamp and picked it up to throw it at him when RK quickly grabbed a tissue from the side.
"Peace! Peace!" He waved it in the air as if it was his only hope to survival.
He opened his eyes to see she had put the lamp down. "Fine but say sorry."
"Why?"
"You tried to rape me?"
"But Madhu, I didn't try to ra-"
"Say. Sorry. Or this lamp will forever become a part of your anatomy." She threatened.
He certainly didn't want to find out if her threat was executable, "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry Sorry Sorry!" He chanted.
She slid back onto the bed, quite cranky now for being awakened from her sleep.
Time for the last and final card. Pati-Vrata Patni Card.
He clenched his chest and prepared himself for the performance.
Lights! (should be turned off) Camera! (he hopes not) Action (sadly there is none)!
He made loud struggling-to-breathe sounds as took deep breathes making them seem difficult as he let his chest heave up and down in struggle.
"RK? RK what happened?" She cradled his face.
"Can't... breathe... C...P...R..." He pretended to manage out.
"Right!" She started punching his guts.
"YEOW! What the heck are you doing!" He yelped in pain as he quickly freed himself from her arms.
"RK! Your alive! Thank god!" She hugged him, "I should seriously consider becoming a doctor!"
"Doctor my foot? What was that?" He questioned her about her little stunt.
"CPR, tumne toh kaha."
"Biwi a CPR is mouth to mouth!"
"Oh yeah... I think this was the Heimlich Maneuver." She bit her nails.
"Heimlich Maneuver? This was the Instant Death Madhubala Edition!" He coughed clutching his stomach.
"I'm sorry RK..." She apologized.
Perfect chance!
"It's alright but you have to pay for this gustakhi of yours," he smirked.
Madhu's face immediately fell. She knew her husband a little too well. This whole stunt was an act wasn't it? She was beyond pissed right now.
Getting up with a start, she grabbed the box of the Trojan "protective love gloves" and threw them out the window with a sarcastic smile. Walking back to the bed, she slipped into her covers and went back to sleep, her actions leaving a very confused RK awake.
It was few moments of silence after which RK finally made sense of the situation and spoke, "No condoms? So want to start the family huh?"
She had reached her boiling point. With her back facing him she spoke through clenched teeth. "You. Couch. NOW."
"But..."
"For the rest of the week."
"Biwi!"
"You have 5 seconds to save it from becoming the rest of the month."
The heartbroken soul got up from the bed and crawled over to the couch. "Good night behenji." He commented sarcastically taking pity on his situation.
"Good night," she wished with the same audacity.
It was going to be a long week.
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A/N: I honestly don't see how, but I hope you liked it. I don't expect you to Be mindful this was written by a poor soul (me) who is being tortured by not being granted the permission to sleep. (Not like Madhu's situation, don't worry I would senselessly smack anyone who approached me with the horny who's.) And as usual, I decided to inflict my pain upon RK in some way.
PS. I know I said no excessive caps but I wanted to show her screaming and so I left the actual dialogue in caps but not the dialogue tag. It was there to create an effect.
Love (sleep),
Shweta <3
Book Talk
Shiv Shakti
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
