Originally posted by: Foucaults-qalam
Well, to be honest I do know a few decent ones, but they are exceptions. The qualities I describe above is not racial profiling. It is more an inevitable product of the inherent and completely normativ e cultural misogyny that is prevalent in Indian society. If you get half decent men at all, they are rare, and norm defying miracles. But conceded, a few such miracles do exist. We always have outliers in a statistical matrix.
And I don't think the norm will change unless there is a change in society's structure re the rights and roles of women, and an intelllectual acceptance of their equality both by men and by women.
FQ,
I cannot see what sort of social structural changes or intellectual evolution and acceptance from the same society of men and women equally; will pave the path of psychological changes in men or women's traits. I do not like to form general equations until I have felt what can really help us. I am thinking on as I write here.
One of the deadly Sin is Pride. However, in my life I have encountered cases of acute arrogance in girls and boys from emotionally secure families and also from emotionally disturbed families. Arrogance is New Sin that I see today which hurts people to the core. It produces Mental Rape on the subjects who are subjected to that attitude and I mean it. What RK does to MB is nothing as compared to what I have seen from people around us, especially our relatives and general populace in our native place. Well some are city bred too.. Ignorance and Envy too sometimes has left us shattered. Arrogance stems from step-up Ego, a compensation to an absence.
If you recall last week I said, not all people are so fortunate even if they are ready to go last mile with their hard work, optimism, determination and grit. And I cited that in context of family, because I know the details. Likewise today I included my father and brother in that men category that I don't have respect for.
Why I included them ? My brother can do anything for his sisters. My father has open mind better suited to his daughters than any other loving father that we know of. Then inspite of these qualities why I want to say what you said first. Two reasons
- The unconscious streaks of character weakness that surfaces causing hurt to sensitive souls like us three women (mom, me and sis).
- Probably their response was normal and our reaction is abnormal as we live in state of utopia. (Like you said Madhubala -the resolved character and yet perceived as the abnormal one)
If a man in this society has been put on the pedestal to be upholder of morals and ethics and if men get the upperhand in this patriarchal society, then I would rather see them behaving as one. Not less Not more. Just the fair levels.
But then, when I emotionally understand and trace the characteristic weakness to environmental factors of upbringing or born psychological weaknesses, it pressurizes me to accept their weakness. Here a wrong happens for accepting it. And accepting one wrong breeds more wrongs. This is how the disease affects the society. But the good deed of acceptance is deemed as being compassionate, sometimes social charity, sometimes love and sometimes tolerance and forgiveness.
If there was a social rule, that if the patron of the family becomes inefficient, then the efficient matron can take over, if the transition from patriarchal to matriarchal house rules and vice-versa was easy enough, if the legal structures, the law and enforcement agencies functional enough to facilitate changes in families in formal manner, with judicial recourse available, then I would not have cribbed "They are the most disgusting, repressed, multiple standard following, hypocritical, unthinking, convenient way out taking, misogynist idiots on the planet."
The same would be true for women too once they get the ruling power. In the end, it all about who chairs the meeting, who has veto power, who has influential power etc etc. Decisions and Actions from the Powers that Be. Operations in the alleyways of Power.
For me problem is in the psyche itself, the individual.
RK is traumatized and he develops behavioural problems.
Some who are not RK may not be traumatized. Their resilient psyche would have helped them to reconcile with circumstances.
Likewise a % of indian men in reality have behavioral issues.
The developed countries have shrinks.
Countries like India have visits to shrinks under taboo category, or taken up only when imminent judicial or other enforcement procedures are in queue waiting to happen.
Does it help us in any manner ?
The only way it helps the oppressed is take the cudgel in his hands and action the right. When backed by ethics and intelligence such retaliation is courage personified and when unintelligently done, a matter of suicidal or idiotic attempt.
What am I saying is are we going to account psychological factors when we wish for social structural changes ?
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