Kumkum Bhagya OS Writing Contest ~Voting Round~ [Important Note Pg 4]

~KUMKUM BHAGYA OS WRITING CONTEST VOTING ROUND~

We are very lucky to get some brilliantly written entries . So let's read them and decide the winner ! Before proceeding further, here are some of the rules you need to keep in mind to vote for your favorite entries.

RULES

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2) Give your votes in the following format in reply. Votes in other than this format won't be counted.

#[Entry number] [Title of the entry]

#[Entry number] [Title of the entry]

If the entry doesn't have any title, then vote in this format.

#[Entry number]

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5) Avoid MID voting, writers do not vote for your own OS , if you like others you can vote for them . Newbies votes would be only counted if they have 30 posts made.

6) Avoid spamming and discussion or any couple fight please.

Have a wonderful time voting! Voting round will end on 21st April .

It is the heart that matters..

Dance is cleansing. Dance is healing. People think I dance for the crowd, for fame and appreciation, but the fact is that I dance to fight my own demons, to keep my mind sane and my heart secure. Dance is not a hobby, but a passion fuelled by the everyday happenings of life. Swaying to the rhythm of different overlapping beats is my way of accepting life and all its intricacies. The more intricate my moves are, the less entangled life seems. It is thus a personal war I fight and win inside every time I dance, and so it is imperative that I be the sole creator of the show. Even though this makes me come across as a snobbish dancer who never lets anyone else choreograph for him or even select his songs, I never care to explain why I crave this personal space while preparing for a performance. For me it is not just a professional pursuit but a personal journey that commences with the drawing of the curtain and ends with the sound of applause.

She did not understand all this when she challenged my authority and that too moments before going on-stage. I made up my mind then and there to hate her for the rest of my life, but my heart decided otherwise. It fell in love, the kind it had not known before.

A fortnight ago...

Event-management is not a piece of cake', thought Pragya as she waited for a meeting with the PA of rockstar Abhi, a name she had to get familiar with in the next few of days.

"Miss Pragya" called a voice from behind the reception desk. Pragya got up from her seat as she went over in her mind what she had planned to propose and entered the cabin with a sense of purpose. The meeting went well. She learnt that Purab was not Abhi's PA but a close friend who looked after his dealings. Abhi was very busy focusing on his international shows at that moment but since this was a charity's function, one where his grandmother made donations too, he could not turn this down. Also a lot of millionaires and eminent people were going to attend and Abhi saw great potential in networking with them. Pragya just had one point. 50% of the hall must be reserved for the deaf and dumb children the charity took care of. Purab was pleased with the suggestion but could not promise anything as Abhi's friend-list and fan-list far surpassed the seating capacity of the hall.

"He is very particular about who attends his shows. In fact he promises his friends way in advance. Then there are all kinds of contests on radio channels and elsewhere where fans win free passes. You know part of the marketing..", said Purab.

Pragya knew all this but since the charity had appointed her to look after the event she wanted to do it in a way that upheld their vision, which was making the special children feel special and in the least, equal with the rest.

Purab respected her views and promised to talk to Abhi. He said that Abhi would not refuse him as even though he has an arrogant image he was someone who always fulfilled the wishes of those he loved.

"If this were indeed true then this rockstar and I have at least one thing in common", thought Pragya and left the office looking forward to the event.

Two days ago...

Abhi felt the same rush of adrenalin that he felt before every performance as he set out of the green room. He was always the happiest right before going on stage. He could already feel the vibration of the music he would tap his feet to and could imagine the crowd going beserk at his signature steps. But just as he reached backstage, he saw the sponsors of the show having a heated discussion with a young woman clad in a blue anarkali.

They fell silent as he approached.

"What's going on?" he asked. The sponsors looked agitated and apprehensive at the same time.

"Sir", said the girl in a calm voice, free from the agitation that he could feel in the air, "there has been a problem with the music systems in this cultural hall. There was a short circuit in the morning due to which the sound system has crashed. We are extremely sorry for the inconvenience."

"What!!" raged Abhi. "What kind of an organization is this?" he stormed at her, "You are telling me that there is no sound facility moments before I am to go on stage!! Inexperienced people like you should never be allowed to handle events like these. I should have got my own team of event managers but I thought the charity would be comfortable with someone they trusted and now look what you have done!"

He stared daggers at her. She met the scorn in his eyes with softness in her own and said in an apologetic tone, "Sir the sound engineers are trying to fix the problem but it will take a while. Meanwhile could I make a request of you?"

"I will kill you if this is the moment you have chosen to ask for an autograph!!" he shouted. His sarcasm made her smile and this infuriated him further but before he could say anything she turned on her heels and approached the wings. He followed her and tried hard to suppress his anger.

"Have you taken a look at your audience?", she asked. Abhi peeped in through the wings to see the crowd. He spotted his Grandmother and her friends, few eminent people of the music industry and other fields and people from the press; but behind the two rows occupied by them there were streams of children.

"What's the point?" he asked, confused and still a little irritated.

"Most of your audience can only feel the music and not hear it. They are the lovely children this charity takes care of. You don't need guitar or violin strings to tug at their heart strings. If you have taken up this show to make them happy, then you should pay respect to their spirit and perform like they do in daily life", she said and placed her hand on his chest. "If you feel it here, which I believe you do, then you don't need any external impetus to guide you."

He stared at her in disbelief, "You think this is a movie going on? Real life is not that filmy and dramatic." He asserted.

"May be not." she shrugged, "But be it in movies or in real life, it is always the heart that matters."

Abhi did not know what to do but till date he had never kept his audience waiting and hated the mere thought of it. He entered the stage through the wing without looking at her.

The crowd erupted with applause as they saw him but fell silent when he took his starting pose. He took a deep breath and without a single thought in mind, started dancing. He could see that the media people and other occupants of the first two rows had started murmuring and whispering among themselves confused by his silent performance; but when he turned his gaze to the children all he could see was glee and excitement on their faces. Sudden inspiration struck him as he saw pure, unadulterated warmth in their eyes. He started tapping his feet to a different beat all together. Soon his heart caught on to a rhythm of its own and his body followed its guidance with the perfect blend of vigour and grace. All the murmuring stopped once he had picked up pace and he could hear his heart even better. Dance was testimony to the struggles of his childhood, to the innocence that was a part of his younger self and to the maturity that had seeped into his personality as he grew up. While he danced, he felt the power of his being that had overcome all odds and moved up the ladder of success. This feeling translated into powerful steps that rocked the stage. As he danced to his heart's content he felt a liberation he had not felt before. The crowd responded to his energy and charisma with thunderous applause and he expressed his gratitude towards them by smiling and bowing. He looked at his grandmother and saw that she had tears in her eyes. She had seen so many of his shows and yet had never cried out of joy before. This brought tears to his own eyes and his dance now assumed a softness that complemented the deep love he felt for her.

The children waved their arms across their heads in slow motion and he was amazed at how well they had understood the change in the mood of his performance. As he swayed to this new found rhythm he thought of the woman standing in the wing and watching him. Today he had danced truly from his heart without any external impetus. In fact it was today that he was the sole creator of the show in real terms and he owed this to her. He touched his heart in the place where she had placed her hand and in one swift heartbeat it conveyed to him that it had fallen in love. With this realization he finished his performance, striking the perfect pose with his arms stretched out, his eyes teary and his lips drawn into the best smile he had ever smiled.

The cheer and applause from the crowd was enormous. As the curtains closed he turned to look for the girl but there was no sign of her. He was pulled into tight hugs by his friends who had rushed to meet him backstage. He fought through the crowd to find Purab. Purab hugged him excitedly and patted his back saying that he had made all of them proud. He told him that the press was covering it as a big moral message sent out by the rockstar, about how we should all salute the spirit of the special children who were our guests today. Abhi confided in him that it was a technical glitch and that it was not his idea but that of the girl who was the event manager.

"Who? Pragya?", said Purab, "She is no event manager. She is a professor who does voluntary work for this charity. Her own sister Bulbul is deaf and dumb which is why she is so much attached to these children."

Today..

I cannot blame my heart for thinking about her ever since. In the silence of my heart, I found the voice of love and as she said it is always the heart that matters.

ENTRY 2

Confession - wrapped notes

As abhi sat on bed waiting for pragya, he recalled the incidents that happened since morning, making the day a roller coaster ride especially for him !! He never expected that this day will become so special and surprising in his life, when he is yet to spill those three magical words.

Early morning, when he was returning from studio, he didn't expect the welcome to turn out this way. He stood at the door of his room adoring the sight of his sleeping beauty, his pragya. An orange hue entered the room through the huge French doors, further enhancing her glowing face. Pragya leisurely opened her eyes and noticed the pleasantly bright surroundings. Stretching herself, she walked over to have a glimpse of the outside world.

Yeah, he knew that ... She always described everything other than their room, or more precisely, his room as an entirely different universe.

She owned up everything of him, be it his family, his things, and even himself.

Though I myself, Mr. Abhishek mehra, whom she fondly calls " voh " and "suniye" was always averse to the idea of giving my life to her, she has managed to take over it without letting me know.

As she was lost in her thoughts, " fuggi !! " i called her to let her know my presence but stopped immediately at the complete view of my wife wearing my white shirt and her PJs !!

My eyes roamed over the shirt as if i was scanning her whole form, making pragya realize her blunder.

She turned her face away and got herself the much needed self confidence to retort, i guess... as she whispered something like ... " be strong pragya, and answer back to whatever he will hurl at you "

But when i was still silent, not my taunting self, she forced herself to look at me ... A single Look into my eyes brought a small smile on her face, as my eyes were already singing praises of her beauty. I stood in awe, taking a mental photo of her to cherish forever.

When none of us spoke out the words which were due since long, the silence prevailing at that moment conveyed it all ... !!

I slowly made way towards her ... slow steps, giving enough time for her to move back, or rather back out .

My mind was conflicting with my own ideas ..." back out ? What the hell are you thinking about ? "

I was still gauging her reactions, though I knew she loved me. Her proposal was the first best moment of us, together as a couple. But when she suddenly stopped me placing her hand on my chest, maintaining that one hand distance, She spoke breaking my trance ... " what are you doing ? I know that I'm wearing your shirt and I'm sorry for that. I'll return it after washing. "

" what ? " this was the first word of mine, since i saw her in my shirt. I quickly recovered ... " what did I do ? Anyway, you have to return it to me. But tell me, why did you wear it in the first place ? ... I guess you've enough clothes to wear and don't need mine. Even if you don't have sufficient clothes, you should've told me directly ... not like this, wearing my shirts, fuggi !! "

" yes, I've enough clothes, but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to wear shirts of my husband !! Every wife does that and hence forth, you'll also see me in your shirts quite frequently ... got it ? Now please excuse me !! " saying so, she disappeared from my sight within seconds leaving me amused.

This was the first shock of the day for me ... a bold and beautiful pragya !! But my mind was screaming ... a bold and sexy pragya !! I realized that she was ethereal way back, but this sensuality is something I had witnessed in her for the first time !!

This led my attraction for her to manifold. Manifold in many ways like my longing desire for her, ever since i realized my love for her.

The second shock of the day came through my dadi ... yeah, our cupid !!

dadi made a breakfast conference for her emergency to have a grandchild. When everyone was laughing at our expense, my wife yet again amused me saying ... " dadi ... you know, when he came to rescue me from goons...the moment I saw him, I handed over my life to him. From that moment onwards, my life took a drastic change, the running, chasing, drifting away and reunion, search and desperation to get to what we believe to be our home, our safe heaven is something which I'll cherish all my life. You must be thinking why I'm saying all these, right ? Lemme clarify ... the moment i found myself at the receiving end of so much of love and concern, I can't stop myself from declaring or professing my love for those very people who showered me with love and hence, I'll reciprocate this way ... I would love to eat tamarinds and raw mangoes this summer "

These words are just meant for me, I know !! ... I've lived these moments with her. It was like ... two birds in one shot !! ... pleasing my dadi and without letting anyone else understand the depth of the words, conveying certain things to me about which we never had a discussion. I was as overwhelmed as my dadi was, but the problem is ... how to approach her when I never really made her feel special !!

But this has to start somewhere and at sometime ... so, why not tonight ?

Yes, I'll accept her love. Though the proposal was done by her, I can at least make the acceptance a romantic one. I'll make this night the most memorable one for her, for myself and for us as a couple.

Pragya entered the room and saw abhi immersed in thoughts. She shook him, asking what he was thinking. Abhi made her sit beside him, handed her a wrapped box and signalled her to open it.

As she unwrapped the first cover, she found a note ... " to pragya, whom I married just to take revenge for my sister " big fat tears formed in her eyes. She didn't make an effort to hide them, instead, she wanted him to know that it hurts her, his hate for her hurts her the most. She wanted him clear her tears and tell her that it was just one of his stupid pranks, but she felt dejected when he strictly ordered her to open the next cover.

The second wrap had a note ... " to pragya, whom I can't even stand for a second " the tears which she held, now started flowing down her cheeks.

Even before she can ask him as to what all this was, he spoke hastily ... " don't do emotional drama yaar, looking at me after unwrapping every cover. Its better I sit down, so that you need not worry that I might not notice. OK ? ... now, please do this fast. I've lots of important things to do tonight "

The third wrap note ... " to pragya, whom I regret marrying because you are not the one purab loves and also ... marriage with you distanced me from tanu "

As she felt the gift getting smaller, she was afraid of the inevitable ... the divorce papers, as she supposed !!

She screamed in agony ... " why are you doing this to me ? If you have to reject my proposal, do it directly. Why this torture ? Why do you feel the need to break me completely before I loose my love and life ? It'll eventually happen Mr.abhi. or, did you also take the opportunity to kill me yourself ? ... if this is all you wanted, just tell me and I swear I'll bring the knife myself in a minute along with as suicide note. Is this enough for you or do you want anything more ? " she broke down completely hugging her legs.

That was it !! ... he could no longer hold himself from hugging her. He grabbed her in a jiffy, hugged her tight, strong and lifting her from her legs, he murmured In her ears ... " I'm sorry ... sorry for everything and for this box !! Please first forgive me ... this is not a prank pragya !! "

She forcefully pushed him away from her " so, its not a prank and you are sorry for giving me this box. Its ok Mr.abhi, when this has to happen anytime and since you want this, I'll open it " she stopped him from approaching her, her eyes reflected pain, anger and refusing to listen to anything he says, grabbed the gift to unwrap the next one.

Fourth note ... " to pragya, whom my dadi loves and who loves my dadi unconditionally "

Fifth note ... " to pragya, who is my biggest fan and a great friend, who loves my whole family "

Sixth note ... " to pragya, who can sacrifice her life for her loved ones. I'm also one of them, in fact the second most important and loved person in her life " a smile replaced her pursed lips relaxing abhi a bit.

Seventh note ... " to pragya, for whom I can sacrifice my life " the smile widened into a huge grin plastering a similar one on his face.

Last love note ... " the before seven notes were my changing feelings towards you. When I realized the reason for change I understood that I love you, I've been in love with you for a while now, but I felt it within myself after your confession. " tears again formed in her eyes, but the happy ones.

Confession note ... " I LOVE YOU PRAGYA !! ... I LOVE YOU A LOT, I love your PATIENCE to put up with my nonsense, your PURE HEART, AND FORGIVING NATURE, your love for our family, for your INNOCENCE, for who you are and for what you make out of me, for your beautiful SMILE, your EYES ... hidden under those glasses, your sharp NOSE, your slender NECK, your petite FIGURE, your slim WAIST, and everything else about you which I can't yet describe without seeing, but will definitely complete this note when you let me to ... don't shy off reading this, you'll love it "

Pragya turned a scarlet making abhi blush at his own crazy deeds.

Union note ... pragya stopped at the title itself and lovingly scolded ... " what is this ? UNION NOTE ? Seriously ? Who will write such things ? You are shameless Mr. Abhi !! "

" I know that and it's you, who should be aware of my shameless nature and will soon come across. But first read the note pragya "

" it feels great to hear pragya from you, but I love your nick names as they are only for you to call "

" then, I'll think of another nice name for you, until then, it'll be pragya, as I've never really called you with that name of yours !! And, if you are so shy to read the union note in front of me, I'll close my eyes, you continue with note reading, as there is one more left after this one."

" I'm not going to read this note even if you are not around, ok ? I'm never going to read it for sure and the next one must be even gross... jeez !! "

" no yaar, that is a really cute one, at least read the next note !! "

" ok, but if that is ... I'll kill you !! "

" oh yeah ... I know, how well you can kill me, but be sure that after reading it, you will not go gaga over me that I'm the cutest and best husband "

" in your dreams !! "

Offspring note ... " I would love to feed you tamarinds and raw mangoes from next month itself, but I do need my special time with you before I share you with them. I want all of you at least for 9 months before they takeover my place in your lap !! If you are ready, then I'm the luckiest man on this earth. Let us give our love to our family and especially my dad I, our share of love to love, play and cherish as much as we will do !! Love you forever !! "

A smile reaching her eyes, her eyes twinkling like stars of love, his eyes reflecting the same ... and she swiftly threw herself on him, giving everything of her to him to love.

A simple hug went on to become a passionate embrace, followed by a soul searing kiss and love making sessions one after the other until they got hold of themselves and call it a night !!

ENTRY 3

Maybe we were just not meant to be...


It was 5:00 A.M.


My buzzing of my alarm jerked me awake. I stumbled to turn it off before it would wake up the whole house. I reached out, trying to find the chashma on the table beside my bed. I slowly got out of my bed, careful to not wake up Bulbul. However, there was no point in doing so . Bulbul could sleep through tornado.

Nobody else got up as early as Pragya did in the Arora household. Bulbul, especially, thought it was pointless and dumb to wake up so early when she could be sleeping peacefully. She didn't even have to wake up so early for her college lectures, but she did anway.

She found it very peaceful and relaxing. There weren't any noisy sounds of traffic, BB belting out tunes along with her iPod, or her Daadi turning up her TV shows so loud that I couldn't even hear myself( according to her Daadi, this was budaapan ke side effects).

It was just her. The only time in which she could squeeze in some "me" time.

She sat down at her her desk and opened her planner. She smiled as she saw the warm tones of orange in the sky. Another reason why she liked to wake up early: sunrise was beautiful. As she turned on her desk lamp, she noticed the date on the planner. Her smile faltered. She traced the golden letterings with her finger as she smiled bitterly.

It was July 29th.

Funny were life's games. A year ago, that date was a memorial of their blooming marriage. Today, it was the grave of it.

It had been 6 months since their divorce


She had moved on. She was back to teaching, something that always gave her immense joy. She was back to hearing the cheerful chatter of her students, which brought back her own college memories and back to the delightful smell of her mom's Anda Burji. She had moved on. Or at least the rest of the world thought so..

She would rather smell his cologne wafting through the air, or hear his teasing remarks. Or his "Eey Chashmish"

But she couldn't go back to again. Never again would that happen again. Abhi probably had moved on with Tannu. And he was supposed to hate him. Supposed to. But she didn't. She couldn't do it as hard as she tried to.

It was not that she wasn't angry at him. She was very angry at him for playing with her feelings, but she couldn't hate him.

She had moved on for the rest of the world. She couldn't sit and wail in the corner, even if she wanted to as she had responsibilities of her own. She needed to act strong.

She picked up photo of Abhi from her drawer.

She had everything she could ever want, but she realized she didn't have it all..


She didn't have him.


And that was one sentence that said it all.


----

Pragya's POV

"Are you thinking about him again Di?,"accused Bulbul, interrupting my thoughts.

I turned around to see Bulbul behind me staring at the picture of Abhishek on my table. I realized that it was now 6:30 A.M

"I...," I began.

"Di, why do you do this to yourself? Why do you think about that useless man? That insensitive jerk... scheduling his wedding with his girlfriend behind your back while still married to you!!"

"Why Bulbul did you think he was going to marry me? It was not like you weren't aware of his relationship with Tannu..."

"Because Di...I thought would start to love you. You guys were perfect for each other...And I thought he finally did start to love you, but...

So did I. But ofcourse I didn't say that.

"Bulbul, not everything you hope for happens. And well..this was

I turn around and start to walk away.

"But why do you still think about him. Why do you keep on thinking about such a person, especially one who doesn't even care.

"Bulbul, I..."

"Why do you love him?," she asked almost accusingly and left the room in anger leaving me with my misery.

Bulbul's words echoed in my mind,"...especially for someone who doesn't even care."


But Bulbul was right. Why did I love him?

A little voice echoed in my head.

Maybe it was because of the little things he had done to make her smile, the never ending support he had given to my family, the admirable things he had done, his possessiveness over me, or even how him being so close to me always left me breathless and with desires.

But all of this didn't matter now because he wasn't mine anymore. In fact, he was never mine.

And he would never be.


------

Abhi fiddled with the button of his kurta. The Mehra Mansion was filled with color and vibrant music after a long time. It was supposed to be a happy occasion, but for the residents of the mansion it wasn't so much. It was just another day in the six month period.

Aaliya had not moved on yet. She was still haunted by Purab's thoughts however her plans to separate Rabul has definitely stopped. It just wasn't worth it anymore. It wasn't worth waiting for a guy who didn't even care.

The Daasis had long gone to Ludhiana. Now Daadi, was left alone. She had no one. Pragya had left months ago.The Aaliya she knew had gone long since. She wasn't the smart , sassy, but innocent girl that she was during her teenage years. She had turned into a cunning, and manipulative woman, but these days she had seen Aaliya transform into a quiet The Abhi she had always adored wasn't himself anymore. He wasn't himself anymore and became withdrawn. More than that, however, the things he had done disgusted her.

Racho was as stubborn as ever, and Aakash, as much as he tried to make amends, she wouldn't let him.

Taiji, Mithali and Raj were as miserable as ever.


And Tayaji was upset about the fact that his family was tearing apart and he couldn't
do anything about it.

And how happy was he(Abhi)? It didn't matter much to him at the moment. Everything in his wedding had to be perfect.

Abhi walked down the stairs with a fake smile plastered on his face. Within minutes, a beautiful bride was in sight, walking down the stairs. The bride was no other than Tannu.

Although, it was supposed to be a happy occasion, the residents of the Mehra House were melancholy. What reason did they have to be happy?
-----

As the panditji was reciting the mantras, Abhi had flashes of his and Pragya's wedding.

Her hope-filled eyes in her wedding outfit, her look of care towards his Daadi was almost unbearable for him to think about. A nauseous feeling settled into his stomach. If only he had stopped that stupid revenge ploy and stopped the marriage.

If he had stopped this wedding, then he wouldn't be so depressed with his life. He wouldn't be introduced to Fuggy, who came like a refreshing jolt of breeze into his life. He wouldn't meet the Arora family, who gave him a loving maa, a rocking Daadi, and Bulbul, who was like his choti behen.

If only.

Too bad mistakes weren't corrected by "if only's".

The pandit asking for someone to tie the end of the bride's and groom's garments so the could perform the saat phere, yanked him from his thoughts.

He got up and tied the shawl and dupatta of the bride and groom: Tannu and Sanjay Khandelwal, a rich bussiness tycoon.

After, Pragya went away from him, he realized he couldn't marry Tannu. He couldn't bind her in a relationship where he didn't love her, and where both of them wouldn't be happy.

So he was very encouraging and tried to find another guy in which Tannu would be happy.

A little voice appeared in his head. Why not do the same for Pragya?

Pragya had outright refused when he offered to help.

He remembered the moment clearly:

----
"What...are you now trying to make yourself feel better by trying to help?,"she said bitterly. "I don't need you or your favors."

---

But it was more than that. He could have persisted. But he couldn't bear to see another guy beside her as her husband. He knew he was being selfish. The nauseous feeling in his stomach was growing.

As the kanyadaan was going on, he remembered Pragya's kanyadaan. The amount of hope she showed that this marriage would actually work out. He broke all of her hopes, dreams, and promises...

He missed her and her love. He wished she was theirs beside him, comforting him as she always had done. Putting a hand on his shoulder, and telling him that everything was going to be alright.

But she wasn't there.


He just couldn't take it anymore, and ran to the bathroom, almost throwing up. Tears poured out.

Funny were life's games. On their marriage day, he couldn't wait to get rid of Pragya. But now, in their anniversary, he couldn't forget her as much as he tried.

But destiny was even funnier. Sometimes it has things planned that you can't even imagine.

Not even in your wildest dreams

ENTRY 4

The biggest test of my life

The alarm rang. It was 7 am. I had to get up. Today is an important day of my life. I am going to face the biggest test; the result is going to change my life. I lost the habit of using my alarm to wake up ever since I married her.

Many things changed after our marriage I never cared for my things in my room because if at all I lost something she was there to help me find out.

I woke up and got ready I was going to meet her after a month aka 30 days. It was only 30 days she left me but now I wonder how I spent 30 years without her. I married her to hate her. I tortured her but still she loved me. How can she be so nice?

I wore the shirt she gifted, I teased her for her taste but now this is my favourite shirt.

As I walk to the dressing table to set my hair like everyday I can feel her near me. This is not new to me. First I was shocked as I was hallucinating but later got used to it. Nobody knew it or they must have taken me to a psychiatrist and the news must have spread all over...

Rock star abhi has lost his senses.

Every day, every inch of my room I can see her.

I searched for my socks for 15 minutes. This is also not new to me I am doing it every day since she left, misplacing things searching for them and shouting on robin if I don't get them. Poor boy he still works for me, I should give him a hike every month for bearing my tantrums. Now my car keys ,where the hell I kept them. Earlier before I married her my dadi used to take care of me but when she left and my dadi knew the reason she left to her sister's house too.

Finally got my keys I walked downstairs and walked out through the door of my mansion which became lifeless after her exit.

She will be reaching there by 9. I have to go before her. Today I have to pour out all that is in my heart.

Signal...Shit!! How long should I to wait I banged my hand and turned my head towards my right...

Tanu...I was irked. She was not looking at me. I kept staring at her and then I heard some loud horns and I come back to reality. The signals were green and I started driving.

Tanu...she is the reason for her leaving me. No why should I blame tanu or my little sister or anybody else for what happened. It is because of me that she left me. I am the villain not only of my life but her life too.

I married her for revenge and tortured her but she fell in love with me and when she proposed I rejected because I thought I loved tanu but still she was with me. Within a few days I realised what true love is and before I tell her what I felt for her, tanu told me she was pregnant with my child.

I did not want to leave her any more. She is going to be the mother of my child. I suppressed all my feelings and spoke to everyone that I wanted a divorce from my wife and I also want to get married to tanu as I love her.

My dadi, her mom, her dadi and everybody else except a few people were shocked and irritated with me. They tried to convince me but I was adamant.

As always she supported me this time too making me feel worse about myself. She convinced everybody that we were not made for each other and left me and accepted to sign the divorce paper. Tanu wanted to marry me before we got divorced because she did not want the news of her pregnancy to be public before wedding. I said okay and we were to get married in a week. Purab who was not happy with my decision confronted me and I couldn't lie to him and thus told him the reason for my decision. He was not able to speak anything and he left me without replying.

Every day, every minute, every second I missed her. I felt her presence everywhere I saw. I tried to take the help of alcohol for some peace but it did not have any effect. Finally the night before my wedding with tanu purab called me to meet him as he wanted to say something important to me.

I was afraid. Did anything happen to her? Its 5 days since she left me. I did not meet her after that. I did not have the guts to meet her.

I reached purab's house and bulbul opened the door. I rushed in and asked what was wrong. They were silent. Losing my patience, I yelled will you both break this silence and tell me what happened?

Jiju!! Bulbul said slowly...yup she still called me that even after divorcing her sister, she called me that

Tanu is not pregnant. She is faking.

What? I asked them shocked.

They showed me some proofs supporting what they were saying. They even told me what all she did from the beginning. Her involvement in the fake mms track, her involvement in sarla maa getting a heart attack, etc.. I was shocked.

Adding fuel to the fire they also revealed aaliya involvement in all this and how she was acting good in front of all.

I was completely broken. I felt lonely. I felt cheated. I cancelled my wedding with her and just asked her to get out from my life. She tried to convince me but I was adamant. I did not speak a word to aaliya I just looked at her. she tried to talk to me but I avoided her.

I was passing my days. I rarely met people. I was alive physically but I died the night I knew how aaliya and tanu cheated me.

Purab was the only person who stood by me at this point of time. Yesterday he met me and expressed his displeasure for my behaviour.

Come on abhi!! Get back to di...she loves you so much, he said. I know but how will I face her? What will I tell her? Tanu cheated me so I want you back in my life. I cannot face her purab. I said with my head down.

Abhi you are a rock star. You can't accept failure without even trying. He said. He finally convinced me to talk to her.

All these memories flashed as I saw tanu

I am driving to meet her now. I don't know how she will react. I don't know what I am going to talk but I know whatever it is I am going to convince her today.

I parked my car near her college and waited for her.

I saw her getting down from the bus. I gathered some courage and walked to her.

Fuggy!! Fuggy!! I called her. She looked at me. I can still see how much she loves me by the way she look at me.

You? You here? She asked surprised.

I...I want to talk to you.

Tell me ! She said looking into my eyes.

Not here. come with me. i said..she dint move'

Please..

She walked towards my car and sat inside. I drove till I found a place with some privacy. We were silent and did not speak even a word during the drive.

we got down. I was silent.

After some time she asked breaking the silence

What you wanted to talk to me? Is it regarding the divorce papers? I will sign it as soon as you send it to me. She said

No...

I breathed heavily and said.

I like you. I like you so much.

I like you so much that every minute I think of you. Its 30 days you left me and these days were the worst days of my life. It was like a paradise with you even in the jungle escaping from the corporator and with the fear of death every minute but those were better than this.

I have been living with memories of you in this one month suppressing the urge to tell you how much I like you. It is not today I liked you. I liked you since the day I first saw you. Yes, I have liked you for the past nine months of my life. The journey started differently with like being overtaken by hate.

After you leave me I used to smile like a moron when I think of you, I kept on staring at you from the corner of my eyes without your knowledge when you are going for work and returning from work like a teenager. My heart beat increased rapidly whenever you look in my direction but I used to hide from you because I could not show my face to you.

I wanted to tell what I feel for you. I wanted to hug you tight such that there will be no space for air too between us, I wanted to hold your hand and walk. I wanted you to feel how fast my heart beats when I think of you. If all of these define love then, fuggy

I LOVE YOU; I COULDN'T HELP FALLING HEAD OVER HEELS FOR YOU'.

I didn't know it was love. I wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. I used to be childish around you not intentionally but I didn't know why. Now I know why. There were so many people around me but my focus was only towards you. It was very painful when I had to see you in tears .I felt something, some strange heartache when you proposed me but I didn't know why then. Now I know why.

As each day passed, feelings inside me too grew. I started observing you, your smile, your attitude... My feelings towards you started taking a new dimension. Each moment with you left me with drumming heartbeats. I wanted to impress you. I'll tell you this was the first time I felt like these.

I still left you because tanu lied to me she was pregnant. I did not want to leave her. I did not want my child to grow without a father. I know how it is to live without parents. I did not want my child to face all this. So even though it was heart breaking I decided to leave you and marry her but she cheated me. It was a lie that she is pregnant.

I did not have the guts to face you after that but yesterday when purab spoke to me I got back my hopes, my dreams ,my desires of spending my life with you.

Now when I am with you I have the urge to kiss you, to hold your hand, i want to... I don't know if it's right or wrong to feel all these but I want to... I want to make love to you. I want you for myself in every way. I want to tell you aloud how I feel about you

I also know you feel the same... Will you give me a second chance fuggy?

Yes, it is too much to ask for this. I wasn't supposed to ask you. But I couldn't stop myself. It's too late. My feelings have gone too far. I always took you for granted but I realised how much you mean to me. I thought my music is the most precious thing in my life as it made me what I am today, now you are more precious to me.

Will you forgive and accept me ?

I bent down to my knees..

I can see tears in her eyes. She stood still. I guess she was surprised by my confession.

She got down to me and hugged me and said

I love you!! I love you so much!!

I tightened the hug letting my tears fall of..

I missed you fuggy. I missed you so much.

We got up. I never thought you will make it so easy for me. I told her

I can never see you in pain. I love you beyond anything..

We drove back to her college. How will we convince mom? She asked me.

Leave it to me fuggy!! I will set everything and get you back I assured her as we reached her college.

I kissed her on the fore head and said

Take care and don't worry about anything I promise to make everything alright.

I waited till she walked inside her college and drove back home glad with the things all that happened.

I was not worried about anything. She accepted to return back to my life which means my dadi will return back; my happiness will return back, my music is going to return back. On the whole I am going to get back my life..

I SWEAR TO MAKE SURE SHE IS HAPPY EVERY MINUTE OF HER LIFE.

ENTRY 5

Mr. and Mrs. Chashmish

Abhi threw the papers across the bed. "Read them to me."

Pragya rolled her eyes. "And what do you say?"

He scowled at her; then he folded his hands under his chin and made a puppy-dog face, "Please?"

Pragya grinned back and started gathering the papers together. "What are these?" She sorted the papers by page number and shuffled them into a neat pile. She glanced down at the first page and then looked up at her husband quizzically, "A legal contract."

Abhi lay back on the bed, folding his arms behind his head. "A one year contract with a recording label."

She started reading through the legalese when he piped up again, "Read it to me!"

She looked up and caught his stare. "What? Again? You haven't read it yet?"

He waved his hand in the vague direction of the sheaf she was still holding, "All that mumbo-jumbo is giving me a headache. Read it out to me na chica, your voice makes even the driest legal dust sound interesting."

"Maska!" She tried to hide her flush of pleasure at the chica. The endearment invariably brought back enticing memories of the trip they had taken to a tiny village in Mexico a few months ago. Their first real vacation in two years of marriage, a belated, long overdue honeymoon.

She moved over to the head of the bed and snuggled in next to Abhi. He immediately pulled her closer and wrapped one arm around her shoulder. She put one leg over his and he pulled up the quilt, half covering them as they got into their usual pre-sleep position. He clapped his hand and the room light switched off as Pragya turned on the bedside lamp at her end. "I love this new light system. Clap and lights off, clap again and light on. Bed se nikal ne ki zaroorat hi nahin."

Pragya chuckled, "It just makes you even more lazy Rockstar." He crinkled his nose at her and she kissed it. His nose button was fascinating - unlike hers, his made him kiss her. And she was all for it. After too brief a moment, he pulled away and pointed to the sheaf of papers that now lay on her lap. She made a face at him and picked them up.

"You are not going to fall asleep half-way through, are you?"

"Just read it." And after a fraction of a heartbeat he added, "Please."

She settled in more comfortably and pushed her glasses up her nose before she read through the multiple pages of the contract. He stiffened at a few points but did not interrupt till she reached nearly the end where the terms for the year-long duration were spelt out.

"Stop. That's enough." Though his voice was soft, she could feel the tension in every muscle.

She turned to him. His face was pinched, his lips a thin line as his eyes glittered. "That garbage belongs in the trash. I am not signing this crap."

"So, negotiate. Don't throw away an opportunity like this one Abhi - they are one of the top labels-"

"They wont negotiate and their terms are unacceptable." He plucked the papers from her hands and threw them towards the trash can. Not all of them made it in. He pulled her in and hid his face in her hair, "Leave them be chica. We have better things to do."

This had been the second time in a week he had asked her to read a contract out loud. He had never done that before. But before she could ponder any further, his lips claimed hers and drove all rational thought out.

-----------------------

"Abhi! Careful!" Pragya shouted, just as he swerved to avoid the cycle. He gritted his teeth and straightened the car as the bicyclist showed them the finger as he went by. His face white, Abhi parked at the side of the road.

"Will you drive chica? I am... I am too tired." He looked straight ahead, his hands gripping the wheel.

As she drove them home, she tried to figure things out. There was something bothering Abhi, she was sure of it. But he denied it every time she asked. But he was different. Just take the driving. He was a superb driver, with impeccable control - only way he had been able to avoid the cyclist after all. But why hadn't he moved the car away earlier? It was getting dark, but even she had seen the darker silhouette of the hunched rider.

And he had stopped reading. Completely. Even his beloved magazines. And just the day before he had snapped his laptop shut as she came to sit by him. They were supposed to sift through some pictures and finalize the ones for publishing in a paper ad, but he wouldn't use his laptop even though it lay right in front of him. What had he been hiding?

He went straight up to their room once they got home. She followed soon after. When she entered the room, the overhead lights were off, only the soft glow of the lamp illuminating his form as he half lay on their bed, his back against the head-board, his eyes closed. He was pinching the bridge of his nose. Did he have a headache tonight as well? They were getting a little too frequent, weren't they?

"Abhi?" she called softly.

He opened his eyes and squinted slightly as he looked at her. And the pieces clicked into place. She started to ask him outright and then stopped. He would deny it. No, she had to get him to confess in a roundabout way.

"Do you have a headache again Abhi? Maalish kar doon?"

He shook his head. "I am fine. Come to bed."

She took a step towards him and then stopped. "Hey! We missed the movie. Do you want to watch something?"

He rubbed a hand across his eyes. "Sure. What do you want to watch?"

She walked towards their DVD stand. "Your turn to pick."

"Nah - I give you my turn. You pick. Next time, I will."

She was sure now. She picked up two DVDs with similar covers. The titles were in a medium size, not too glaringly obvious. She swirled around and held them up, one in each hand, carefully covering the picture on the cover, "Which one Abhi? Dono ki choice."

"Umm, the one in your right hand."

"Which one is that? It does not say the name in the back."

"Uh. R... Rock... Rocky?"

She put her hands down by her sides, "You can't read them, can you Abhi?"

He looked at her then and the sheer misery in his eyes made her dump the DVDs and rush over to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She sat on his lap and he hid his face in her shoulder. He did not reply, but she could feel him shake his head. She pulled back and lifted his face. Looking him in the eye, she asked, "Its ok Abhi. Eyesight does get weak as we grow older. Look at Daadi. Heck, look at me. I have been wearing glasses since I was ten. Its nothing to be ashamed of."

"But I am a rockstar Pragya. A media icon. I can't afford to look less than perfect."

She stiffened ever so slightly but it was enough. He pulled her closer and cupped her face. "Shhh. Not you. I did not mean you. You are incredibly lovely chica, enchantingly beautiful without your glasses. But with them," and he tugged her closer and placed his forehead against hers, "You rock my world. And I wouldn't have it any other way."

She sniffed, but then she sat back from him. She clapped her hands once to turn on the lights. The she held his chin and turned his face, first one way then the other. "Hmm, there is potential."

"Huh? What potential?"

"Who told you all media icons are without glasses?"

"Well, maybe they do have glasses, but-"

"Look at George Clooney" she blithely ignored him. "He looks incredibly sexy with his glasses and-"

"Hold it right there Chashmish!" He sat up straight and settled her across his thighs. "You find another man incredibly sexy'? Some one else?"

Hiding her smile, she crossed her arms across her chest. "Focus Abhi. Point is, George Clooney is a media icon. He wears glasses. He has been photographed countless times in those glasses. And he looks smokin' hot in them."

He stiffened at every accolade she heaped on the movie star. "Pragya!"

She held up one hand and continued, "You will look even better than him Abhi. It's just a question of finding the perfect frame. I know this shop in Chembur that-"

"No! No Chembur shops. I have told you a million times chica, neither you nor I are going to buy things from discount stores."

She scooted up his thighs and threw her arms around his neck. "Chalega. We will go to the hippest designer store for glasses and find the perfect frame for you."

He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, the sheer vulnerability of his intense gaze had her lay her head on his quietly thudding chest. "Are you sure chica?"

"Positive."

------------------------------

The eye exam had been ... amusing. If Pragya hadn't been there, the optometrist would have thrown Abhi out of his clinic and damn any bad publicity. But she managed to get him through the exam and now they had the prescription they needed to order his glasses.

As soon as they were done, they went to the designer glass store Abhi had selected. Pragya watched as the entire store crowded him. Abhi knew how to work a crowd and he had them singing along with him in a few minutes. After the impromptu concert, the other shoppers finally left, as the store manager adroitly whisked the two of them into his office. It took over two hours but Abhi finally had a pair of frames he actually liked.

Now as he stood in front of the large dressing table mirror, Pragya came and stood next to him. "I don't know Pragya." He turned to look at her. "Even I get surprised when I see myself."

"You'll get used to it. Its your first day after all."

He nodded slightly, but still looked despondent.

"And you can read again. Even the contracts and the fine print in them." They had verified that already. "And just think, you can set your laptop's resolution back to normal, instead of extra large."

He turned to look at her, "You knew?"

She rolled her eyes, "What do you think?"

"Mmm", he turned back to mirror and caught her gaze. "So, you didn't tell me how I look. Kaisa lagta hoon main?"

She slipped one arm around his waist and rested her head on his forearm. "Smokin hot."

His eyes glittered. "Do I now? As much as George Clooney?"

Pragya chuckled into his shoulder, "George who?"

"That's my girl." Abhi shifted so they were facing each other again. "We are" and he stroked her cheek as she gazed at him, "Mr. and Mrs. Chashmish."

ENTRY 6

The Schizophrenic Fan Girl

There are three things about myself that has never changed, under no circumstances - ever - really.

1. My diminutive nature - Bulbul says she will award the prize money of all her income to anyone who can make me even slightly less submissive, let alone aggressive.

2. My love for anarkali suits (well, my husband likes to call them my collection of colourful "chatris") - I have this incessant love for them since college - it hides my kishmish-like (another of my husband's coinage) body with the long drapes and gives my body, volume.

3. My dislike for loud/shrilly/noisy things- well initially it was just loudness, I disliked it in kindergarten when the kids cried loudly - I hate to confess, but Bulbul's pre-adolescence shrilly cries, sometimes curled my bones in irritation - loud car honks - loud post breakup crying sessions of Purvi - watching TV in loud volume - but nowadays, rockstar Abhi's LOUD rock music surpasses my irritation for all things loud and noisy.

So, you must have understood by now, I am this quiet, boring, bespectacled, professor. Oh, I am also married. To the same man whose music I just cribbed about - Rockstar Abhi.

I call him Abhishek.

About him, I don't know what to say - he is very different from the annoying rockstar and his loud music that you all are fans of. I tease him sometimes, calling the rockstar his alter ego. Trust me, if you knew my Abhishek (I hope you never do, he is especially reserved for my eyes to see, and maybe daadi and Aaliya's also), you would know this for yourself. He is the most caring husband one can ask for. That doesn't mean he is not goofy or immature - he is all of that, and so much more. He is the force that holds me to the ground, the voice that breaks through my deep slumber and pulls me out of blackness, he is the reason I want to find myself. He is the force that holds me together, and he is also the forces that scatters my soul and liberates me.

My Abhishek - the drug that gives me my high and also holds me back from drifting far away. For Abhishek, every evening, I find a way back home.

***

Why can't the universe let happy people be? Why can it not stop conspiring? Well it's first conspiracy against me was making me fall head over heels for a rockstar! Hah. Like I had a chance - the impossible happened, he fell in love with me! I managed to scoop Abhishek out of him and found my abode - but no, yet again there is a conspiracy here - now the attempt is to scoop me out of Abhishek's life - that to by a fan girl? Someone go explain to that crazy woman trying to get her hands on me every other day- I don't even love the rockstar image of Abhi - he is all hers to enjoy. Just leave the man - Abhishek Prem Mehra for me, and I am more than happy.

***

Yesterday night, Abhishek had a concert - one more of his loud "Can you hear me? Make some more noise! I love you all!" non-sense. I knew he would be late, so I took my favourite classic, "Sense and Sensibility" to bed, and decided to call it a night.

Imagine my surprise, to wake up in the morning on a hospital bed, with Abhishek bending over me with sunken eyes and deathly weariness. Judging by his bling attire, I realized he was still wearing his concert clothes. His expression revealed that he was worried sick, and he hadn't slept one bit over the night.

"Hey honey, are you alright?" he whispered as he placed a soft kiss on my forehead. I could feel the crack in his voice.

"Abhishek, what happened?" I was surprised to see how weak my own voice was.

"It's the fan girl Tanu again" he whispered, he was shaken to the core.

"I was at home, how could she get me there?" I asked raising my hand, perplexed. But then I noticed my arm. It had angry red finger marks all over it - like I was manhandled or something. There were a few small cuts - nail scratches I think. I was surprised one more time - when did she manhandle me in my own house, and how was it that I didn't feel a thing?

"You did feel it love, but since you were in your sleep, the attack was a shock for you. Hence you don't remember a thing" said Abhishek nonchalantly. He was deep in thoughts, I am sure he was planning of various ways to punish that psycho fan girl of his - Tanu

But before I could ask more, Daadi rushed inside with Aaliya at her heels. They questioned Abhishek, how it all happened - when Abhishek narrated, I got the story.

***

Abhi was just done with the concert and had receded to the greenroom. He was taking a shower when there were erratic bangs on his washroom door.

"Open the damn door rockstar! You can't hide from me forever!" she screamed.

"Who are you?" came Abhi's cautious voice.

"Don't who-are-you me rockstar, you already know - Tanu! Your Tanu! Come out now!"

"Listen, calm down. Please sit on the couch, drink some water and wait for me. I will be out in a bit." Replied Abhi holding on to his nerves.

"Fine, come fast" came the reply.

Abhi came out of the shower wearily. He had had the confrontation quite a few times now - this girl, Tanu was very aggressive. She was suffering from schizophrenia - she was under the illusion that she was dating the rockstar. She believed that Abhi had promised her hand in marriage at some point of time in life and then ditched her for the other woman - that Pragya. She was going to kill her. Abhi couldn't love anyone other than her - Tanu.

"Calm down first" said Abhi softly

"Calm down? Why the hell should I calm down? You left me, got married to that other woman, didn't even inform me and now whenever I manage to meet you, you ask me to calm down? I know you don't care Abhi, so don't fake it." Screamed Tanu.

"Pragya, relax!" tried Abhi once more.

"P-R-A-G-Y-A. Did you just call me by that name? How dare you Abhi? Now she is everything to you? I will kill her" boomed Tanu's voice.

***

I never heard the rest of the story, the nurse came in to inform Abhishek, daadi and Aaliya that the visiting hour was over. They needed to leave. I enquired about my discharge. Abhishek gave me a tired smile and promised to take me home in the evening.

"Go get some sleep Abhishek, and don't ask for coffee before that - you need the sleep" I told him.

He smiled once more, but the weariness stopped the smile from reaching his eyes. He bent down and kissed me softly on my nose and whispered, "Take care, baby" and then they left.

I lay there wondering, what was playing in this Tanu character's mind. Not only did she share her name with my husband's super model ex-girlfriend, but it seemed like all Tanus' had a knack for trying to kill me or torture me. And with this Tanu, this wasn't the first time. If I remembered correctly (well, one can't be sure - look at me, I don't remember last night's attack on me at all!), this was the third attack that Tanu launched on me. First time, Abhishek and I were attending a film screening where Abhishek had a special appearance. It was just after he left the venue and were driving back home, a lady came on the middle of the road, and to avoid running over her, Abhishek had screeched the break, the inertia pulled me in front and my head hit the front glass - I blacked out. Later Abhishek told me, he had tried helping the girl on the road too, because she also lost balance on the road and fell over - but when he went to help her, she had screamed at him saying she was his biggest fan and he had apparently ditched her - she challenged him, that she would win him back - then she had left. Abhishek had told me this next morning when I woke up on the nursing home bed. Of course, I wasn't hurt enough to land in a nursing home - you could call it my husband's paranoia.

Then another time, Abhishek was returning home from an endorsement's success party, she met him outside our residence gate, she tried to compel him to accept her back in his life, when Abhishek refused, she had threatened to kill herself - Abhishek had taken her to the hospital himself that time, and the doctor's had confirmed his doubt - she was schizophrenic indeed. I was of course shocked beyond my wits when I woke up next morning with a splitting headache and he told me this.

I had insisted that for his safety, Abhishek should inform the cops, but he argued against it.

"No honey, it's a disease. She can't help it. The cops will stress her out, she doesn't need more stress right now in life."

Abhishek's leniency was both pleasing and annoying to me that time. Pleasing because, it showed how amazing a human being he was - this girl here was making life difficult for him - and here he was going out of the way to keep her away from trouble - It also annoyed me because, this character was inherent to Abhishek, not the rockstar - only I was privileged to receive this behaviour - Tanu was prying into our private life - Abhi was turning into Abhishek for her - I didn't like it. Of course I sympathise with her state, but I hate this Tanu too. And for whatever reason, I do not remember her face at all! It's like I never met her!

However, this time's incident is different - it isn't Abhishek, I am attacked - Abhishek wouldn't take this lightly. I knew for sure, his patience with Tanu will be gone now.

***

Abhishek kept his promise. I was discharged in the evening. He brought me home and made me lie down in the middle of the bed, with all his love and care. He made me take my medicines and kissed my forehead and asked me to sleep. I suspected being treated to sedatives, because I could feel drowsiness takeover - Abhishek sat by the bedside stroking my hair - his soft murmurs of "I love you so much baby", "You're going to be fine soon", "I won't let her take you" soothed me, and soon I drifted off to sleep.

***

I could hear muffled voices from faraway. It sounded like Abhishek, he was talking to someone - by the voice, was it Purab? Yes it was him. They were saying something.

"...yes bhai, I heard. Then she was trying to come home to find Pragya di? Then?"

"Purab, I called her Pragya by mistake, and that shot like a catalyst, she was trying to come home, I pulled her back with all my might - after struggling for a bit, she never gave in, but then in frustration I screamed out - Pragya please, come back to me, I am your Abhishek - she stopped fidgeting and calmed for a moment and then collapsed. I took her to the hospital."

"It was a close call bhai, they media could have had a hint today, everyone saw Pragya di entering your greenroom in a fit of anger in a pair of shorts and tank tops today"

"You handle that part Purab. I am more worried about her - this was a third attack in a month - the doctor had said the medication was working, she was likely to retract - but every time it scales up - at this rate, there are chances she will permanently change to Tanu - moreover, how can I keep making excuses? She keeps telling me, she doesn't remember Tanu's face from the first incident - how will she? I had braked because there was a cat on the road not a woman- her head had hit the glass and she blacked out, when she was in her senses, she was speaking that non-sense. Then she passed out again. Of course, later I told her, it was a lady I almost hit on the road, and who claimed she was Tanu, it was actually all her doing - then again Purab what if she gets suspicious - I don't know how to protect her from herself Purab" he was close to tears.

"Bhai don't worry. It's not late, she is positively reacting to medication."

"Purab, I don't want to lose my fuggy to my fan girl Tanu- EVER" he sounded deeply pained.

I wanted to open my eyes for Abhishek and ask him what he was saying - but the effect of the sedatives were strong, I couldn't move my muscles by an inch even - I tries opening my eyes, but my eyelids were heavy - I think all the attempt at waking up tired me - I could feel sleep taking over again. I wanted to talk to Abhishek about this - I hoped I would remember this conversation when I woke up - was it even real? Or is this an ugly bout of sleep paralysis? Whatever, I didn't care. Right now, I just wanted to tell Abhishek something - but I knew I couldn't beat the drugs. It was getting black again.

***

Abhi and Purab heard a soft moan, and both moved close to Pragya.

"Abhisshhe-jussscalmebymaname-willcomoutof-allabysfru" she mumbled and passed out again.

(Abhishek, just call me by my name, I will come out of all abysses for you)

ENTRY 7

My beautiful Bride

Pragya stood in front of the full sized mirror in a White wedding dress playing with her fingers. Bulbul came from behind her and held her hands, "Why are you so nervous di? Its not like you are getting married for the first time, it's the second time around with the same man." and she went into a laughing fit. "Shut up Bulbul! I can't believe I actually agreed to this, marrying Abhishek for the second time. I feel like a fool." Pragya sighed as the beautician fixed a veil on her head. "Oh come on di, be a sport. It has been three years to your marriage today and after everything you and Jeeju have been through this is something you both deserve and this is Jeeju's gift to you. And even you have to agree this is so romantic." Pragya smiled despite herself. She knew why he was doing this, it was his way of apologising for everything that happened in their marriage. She had seen him doing so much out of guilt even when she had forgiven him a long time ago. It was as if he found it hard to forgive himself. Maybe this will be the end of it, she hoped; she could barely see him suffer like that anymore.

Abhi had brought Pragya, Bulbul and Purab to Los Angeles as he had a concert here. Then one day all four of them were invited to Abhi's concert manager's wedding, it was a small ceremony but the endless smile on Pragya's face got Abhi thinking. He asked her if she'd like to marry him again, she was confused at first then suddenly the seriousness on his face made her agree. It was as if he wanted it more for himself then for her and suddenly she couldn't refuse anymore. So here she stood here in a ridiculously expensive outfit with only Purab and Bulbul as family on the day of her anniversary, all ready to get married to the love of her life once again, but this time it wasn't destiny or the love of their families making them do it, it was the love they felt for each other that did.

"Mrs Mehra? Oops, Miss Arora its time." Said Judy, the wedding planner. She couldn't control it. It was not everyday day that a celebrity came to her asking her if she could plan his wedding with his wife.

Pragya stood behind the huge doors that led to the hall behind Bulbul as the bride for the second time but this time she wasn't scared for her life ahead but happy, content like a bride should be. "Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all." She smiled to herself. Then the doors opened and Bulbul walked in followed by Pragya. She looked around the hall amazed, it really looked beautiful and then she looked up and saw him.

Heart beats fast

Colours and promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I'm afraid

To fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt

Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

There he stood in a tuxedo appearing nervous yet looking deliciously handsome. She looked at him properly and suddenly she felt herself smile. He stood there looking at her like any woman wanted, hoped and prayed to be looked at. The love and passion shining through his eyes was something that made her heart stop.

I have died every day

Waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

She walked up to the podium, eyes connected to his and hearts beating in sync. As she reached the stairs he gave her his hand. She looked at him and took hold of his hand as he helped her up. They stood in front of each other looking at each other as if the world didn't exist. "Shall we start?" The priest asked breaking their connection. Abhi nervously cleared his throat, suddenly shy getting caught staring at his wife. "Of course" he smiled and then turned his attention to Pragya.

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything

Take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath,

Every hour has come to this

One step closer

The priest started the ceremony, all else was a blur. The only words that reached her ears were "Pragya Arora, do you take Abhishek Prem Mehra to be your husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish always." She looked up at him to see him looking at her with all the love in the world in his eyes and without even a conscious effort said, "I do."

I have died every day

Waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

"Abhishek Prem Mehra, do you take Pragya Arora to be your wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish always." Before she could even look up at him, she heard him say, "I do." He spoke the words so softly in that husky voice so filled with emotions that she felt her eyes water.

And all along I believed

I would find you

Time has brought

Your heart to me

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

One step closer

"By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride." Abhi looked at his newly wed 3 year old wife and smiled before slowly lifting her veil that now showed her angelic face glowing like a shining star and he knew, that now he could probably forgive himself. He looked at her lips and then her eyes looking for something, and then she just tilted her chin and closed her eyes. He slowly bent his head down and pecked her lips. She smiled when she opened her eyes and almost laughed when he whispered into her ears, "Baaki room me jaake ache se ye ceremony puri karenge Fuggi."

One step closer

I have died every day

Waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid,

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

Later they found themselves in the middle of a hall where they were to do their first dance as a married couple, memories of old times floated in their head making them smile through the dance.

Speeches were made, food was served, people were dancing, singing and laughing all at the same time but the bride and the groom were too engrossed in each other to even look at anyone else. Soon the party was over and all the guests left for home, even Purab and Bulbul, leaving the couple alone to celebrate their first night as man and wife.

And all along I believed

I would find you

Time has brought

Your heart to me

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

After the reception he carried her to their suite where they spent the most beautiful night of their lives. Love and passion so high that they could not even breathe for a moment without being in the other's embrace. Exhausted they lay in each other's arms just taking in the other's scent. Abhi made Pragya look at him and said, "My beautiful bride." Pragya smiled at him and he pecked her lips. "Sleep, we are leaving to Paris tomorrow." Abhi said. "Paris?" "A honeymoon, after all we are newlyweds." Pragya laughed and he felt his heart expand with all the love he felt for her at that moment. Suddenly he felt, life was going to be so beautiful now.

ENTRY 8

My Life

There was a time when I hated her. I hated whatever she did. I just couldn't stand her. I wanted her out of my life.

We got married! I married the girl who I hated the most. I married her for revenge, tortured her, yet she saved me from every problem, difficulty. Be it Daadi's scolding, or her family's "khaane ka aatyachaar". Oh sorry. Not "aatyachaar, it's "pyaar". Or from the drinking and driving accident police case or from dying. She has saved me from every problem.

I tried so hard. So hard, to understand her but always failed. And then there were misunderstandings. Our marriage too was because of a mere misunderstanding. Once this was cleared, other misunderstandings were created. Either by Tanu or Aliya or just happened. But the point was, she never ever misunderstood me. It was always me. It was always me who misunderstood her.

And then one night, she did the most unexpected. She said what I hadn't even thought of it in my dreams. She shared her feelings with me. She proposed me. She told me how much she loved me and what love was for her. For her love is not something to you want to live with, for her love is something which you cannot live without. And since her proposal I had started to feel awkward in her presence. So awkward that in front of her I get tongue-tied. I plan to tell something to her but then due to my nervousness I mess up everything and I blabber something else making both of us even more awkward.

Then on Bulbul's engagement day, she got kidnapped and I went to save her. All alone. Without police force. Ah! I was this rockstar who went to save his wife! I told myself that I went to save her because I had promised Daadi, but I guess it wasn't true. I myself hoped nothing happened to her and I brought her back safe and sound. And in the end, I got shot. And I don't regret it. She had done so much for me, and I hadn't done anything in return. In some corner of my heart, I had a guilty feeling. Not that I haven't done anything for her, but that I have wronged her in so many ways. The corporator had aimed at her, and she was all ready to die. But how could I have let her?

After I was shot, there was a time when I wasn't breathing. And she had to do what doctors usually recommend, mouth to mouth respiration. She did, and I had started breathing. It was like she had given me a second life. But after we returned back home, there was yet another misunderstanding. I hadn't known about the CPR but then Tanu told me about it and she had "misunderstood" a CPR to be a kiss. I had been told that she had kissed me. And as expected I lost my temper and blasted off at her, without giving her a proper chance of explaining. But thankfully, Purab immediately had cleared the misunderstanding and I had apologized to her.

On Bulbul's mehandi, we got the news that Bulbul met with an accident and when we reached the hospital the doctor had informed us that she was critical. That day I saw the other side of her. She had broken down. She was sitting all alone and questioning God. I had always told her that God didn't exist and if he did then why did he leave our side when we needed him the most. But she always had her own answers.

A few days later, Bulbul was discharged and everything was going fine. A few incidents had made me realize something different about her. I was going to have a serious discussion with her about our future. About our marriage. But then again life became all complicated.

Tanu! She told me that she was pregnant. She was faking it. I knew it. Here I was going to break up with her and there she comes up yet with another plan.

"Abhi, What do you mean by Am I sure? Of course I'm sure. I am pregnant. And you have to talk to your Daadi about your divorce with her and our marriage."

That's when we heard something break outside the room, when I went and checked, I saw a vase broken lying on the floor beside the door. And when I checked to see if anyone was there, I couldn't see anyone but had a thought, What if she had heard it all? And to my shock she had.

When I entered our room, I saw her sleeping on the couch, so I decided to talk about it tomorrow and went and slept on the bed. After a while I heard soft footsteps and turned to see, that Pragya wasn't there. I got up and checked the whole house, she wasn't anywhere.

I tried dialing her number but it was not reachable. I had started to worry.

Right now, I didn't know what was happening. Everything had happened so fast. The only thing I knew was, I was scared. Scared to lose someone so close to me. Someone whom I wouldn't be able to live without. And if something happened to her, I would never forgive myself. Never ever in my life. That's when a thought came to my mind, I hadn't told anyone about this. How would I tell them? But that was something that least mattered to me now. What mattered to me the most at the moment was what the doctor had to say about her.

Here, I was pacing back and forth outside the O.T.

She had met with an accident. The police had informed me just a couple of hours ago that she was walking on the road and she hadn't seen a truck coming from behind her and...

The doctor before going inside for the operation told me, "Mr.Mehra, Her situation is very critical. I fear we wouldn't be able to save her but we will try our best."

The last time I saw her was before she was taken inside the O.T. She was constantly mumbling "Abhishekh". She looked so pale. I didn't want to leave her hand and wanted to go inside and I had requested the doctors but then had explained it to me that they couldn't allow me to enter.

Finally after 4 hours which seemed to be like years to me, I saw the doctor come out of the O.T, I hoped that what his face expressed wasn't what he had to say. But to my shock it was. My worst fear of losing someone so special, so very close to me came true. I had lost her. Lost her forever.