Mother and Child

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

since a lot of you encouraged me here I am with another post.

Mothers and children whether it is daughters or sons have an unique bond..I am not saying here that fathers and children don't but just talking about the mother and child part.

This relationship does not stay the same but evolves over time depending on the child's age, needs and time itself.

As a daughter growing up I had a relationship with my mom where I constantly argued with her , be it the make up she did not let me use because I was too young, because she did not let me stay out late or even simple things as the food she forced me to eat because it was good for me, or the hairstyle she wanted me to sport. This is not to say I did not love her but that was the relationship I had.

When I myself became a mother I started to do similar things as my mother did to my children and realized I was more alike with her than different. Being a mother of grown children now I realize that I now don't have much say in how they dress ..even though I hate some of the fashions that they wear and have been vocal about it, and also have not fully supported some of the choices they make . I do know one thing is that the values I have instilled in them shape the important choices they make.

Now that they are young adults I am not a very active participant in their lives but neither am I a passive onlooker I am somewhere in between and I am sure it will change more as time goes on. That is a change that I have to accept in order for me to have a beautiful relationship with them . Parents teach their children how to fly , be a wind beneath their wings so that they can soar but once they do do soar watch them but not pull them down again and always assure them that you will be ther for them when they need you. So change is the only constant here.

In this show Easwari and Dev are depicted as being the support for each other due to their poverty and a sad past . Here the mother wants to hold on to that child in a tight rein..and anytime the child moves a little far she reins him in..and uses maybe psychological and emotional ways to do the same. What is the change that Easwari is afraid of?. Is it that she will be neglected ? Forgotten, or worse yet completely shut off from Dev's life. More importantly what has Dev actually done for her to even think that way other than fall in love and get married?. This is where I feel the disconnect between what exactly are they trying to depict on this show.

The whole depiction seems haphazard to say the least where we have a Dev who seems to almost recoil and get into a Jekyll mode when it comes to his mother or his past and does not even have a civil conversation with his wife. My question is this If it is just because of poverty I don't think that is a good enough premise because we have had great people who have overcome poverty and not let it bog down and prevent them having a healthy life.

I think the creatives need to buckle down and not show drama for drama sake where we are not able to root for the hero, feel sympathy for the mother and are angry with Sona and feel a total disconnect with everything that is being shown where positivity is shown at a minuscule level drama for drama sake shown at a grand , extended level.

I know I digressed from my topic of mother and child but what I am trying to say is the relationship of mother and child may have varying degrees but one thing constant is that mother wants only the best for their child and I fail to see that shown here in Easwari depiction.

Have a wonderful day/night

Edited by gemini54 - 8 years ago

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rose4ever

@rose4ever

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

Beautiful post👏👏

You are absolutely right.The relationship between a mother & her child is unique and it changes and evolves over time.And when the change is embraced,the relationship only grows stronger.

Resistance & incapability to change means resistance to growth.If that kind of resistance exists,the relationship may suffer with time.Not to say that love will cease to exist but it might not grow stronger & people might grow apart.

Coming to the show,Ishwari is stuck in the past and unwilling to to let even Dev move forward.

There's a quote that comes to my mind-"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars.You have to let go at some point to move forward."

So to truly live,both of them will have to let go of the past instead of using it as a crutch every time.

We have seen in the show how Ishwari reminds Dev of their past every time he is happy with someone other than her and he feels guilty and upset.If that continues,there will come a time when Dev will only be able to associate his time with his mother with feelings of sadness & guilt and those may overpower the happy times spent together.Ultimately, their relationship will change for the worse.

Seeing a mother taking away her son's happiness and burdening him with never ending responsibilities is not making us sympathize with her at all.As you said, we fail to see a mother wanting the best for her child here.Its an insult to every mother out there when the makers show this as normal,healthy or beautiful.

Hope you have an amazing weekend!

Edited by rose4ever - 8 years ago

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mena_k

@mena_k

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

Yes a relationship which is kept above all the other relationships of the world even above the relationship of God and his devotee is mother-child relation. The name itself brings in a sense of respect in our minds. The reason being, a mother has always been referred to as the ultimate giver. She gives everything that she has and tries for everything she does not by her will for the welfare of her child. Never a thought crosses her mind of what I want. She bears all the pain so that her child not get the slightest pain ever. Tries take away all pain that her child may have or wishes to take away all the pain that her child may have or will have in future. But when the same mother puts her self interest above the welfare and happiness of her child, she is no more an ideal mother or a mother by basic definition. When a mother feels satisfaction by giving the most excruciating pain to her child by all means she can think of, as an act of revenge, this is what goes against anything we say a mother stands for. When a mother turns blind eye to the pain visible on her child's face, when she tricks her child in doing something which is wrong, when she tries to take away every possible happiness from her child, when she becomes a hurdle in a child's mental and emotional growth, this is what a mother is not like. Sounds familiar, well these all qualities are what Ishwari stands for. She is this other kind of mother, who only thinks for herself all the time behind the faade of welfare of her family and kids. Sadly but true I never felt even an ounce of sympathy for Ishwari. I could see what's inside her from the very beginning. Hope cv's don't screw up the plot and end up doing an overnight redemption for Ishwari but be intelligent, thorough and logical in her transformation in becoming a good human being.

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siddhi.d123

@siddhi.d123

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

Beautiful post 👏 A mothers love can never be selfish but over here Ishwari's love for Dev is so selfish that I doubt he is her son or not.I am really hoping they give a proper reasoning for Ishwari's behavior which is not at all normal and I hope there is a proper growth of Ishwar's character because it is reaching new lows in every episode. I understand she cannot change in a day but the process should be logical and I hope they don't change her in a day 😊

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Push-pull

@Push-pull

Sparkler

Posted: 8 years ago

Hiyaaa.. Wonderful to see your post...👏

I am not sure I would like to define a specific rules for a specific role.. Be it mother, father, son, daughter, etc.. But yeah agree the roles are named just to define what it is for what it is... Else there is no need to name them this way... And sure everyone adds their own flavor of individuality to add charm to it.. And yeah some individuals vary and customize it to take it to different level.. As long as the variation is bringing in positivity then everyone welcomes it.. Who can again define positivity here?! Simple.. As long as there is no suffering to self and the dependent roles, the variations are good... The moment the role becomes a burden with overheads then it starts losing it's values.. And stops adding its charm for whatever it's intended for...

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

Great to see you back. Yes, you are absolutely right.

Relationship evolves as time passes and while their essence remain the same, the expectations and responsibilities change.

When a child is a toddler, a mother does everything for him/her. Then she is a parent who has to show the child right from wrong, give him values and mold him into a decent member of the society and yes, take all decisions on his behalf because he is not yet adult and hence not prepared to take decisions on his own including as you mentioned choosing their hairstyle.

When a child becomes a teenager, the parent becomes more of an advisor. They are still parenting and still in-charge. But not as much in-depth as they did for a child for example they don't make decisions on hair styles as much even though they have the final approval.

When a child becomes an adult, the parent remain the advisor, but evolve more as a friend. Now the child is capable of taking his own decisions. Parents' job now is to give them advice and suggestions so that they can have as much information and as much advantage from their experience, but now their child has the steering wheel of his own life and it's now all his.

That was what I tried to point out with my stupid diaper example. But it applies in a ridiculous sense.

If a parent insist to continue to be the same parent to an adult as he/she was to a child, that is preventing a child from living his own life which he has full right to.

Is it hard to let go? Yes.

Is it hard to cut the apron strings? Oh God, yes.

But it's necessary. Because the child will never develope completely as a complete self-sufficient human being otherwise. Parents don't live forever to guide and shelter children through life. So they should not be a crutch for them either.

Edited by tia.o - 8 years ago

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ltelidevara

@ltelidevara

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

Great post. It is always a pleasure to read the analysis done by those who experienced the emotion rather than the ones that mostly result from their thought process.

Only one point I want to say it is easy to cope up with a child moving away from the mother due to studies or marriage if the life partner is there to stand by.

The mothers will definitely feel the pain of separation more than the fathers who are practical in their out look due to their exposure and worldly knowledge. Parents together can always face the situation well because when one gets shattered the other will lend support. My mother is posessive but my father used to correct her stand by her and help her realise the situation. After his demise my mother got shattered and again started being the much concerned mother for my brother. But since my brother stays In US her whole life revolves around face time what's up and Skype.But to a great extent my father helped her in coping up with the reality.

Iswari unfortunately lacks that kind of support as she is a widow. I refuse to accept Mamaji's contribution towards this as he can never fill the void created by the death of her husband.

I also reject the daughters as the emotional supporters here because Neha Ria and Nicky are too busy with their own life.Neha has marital problems,Ria is a working girl,can not spare that much time and Nicky is the youngest and busy with her studies.

So unfortunately Iswari alone has to deal with her fears insecurities and situational changes. I have seen this reluctance to share syndrome mostly in single mothers around in my circle. They will eventually realise but they need more time to reach that stage.

Iswari can never change within one week of Dev's marriage . She has to fight her devils called insecurities single handedly without much support from either Dev or Sona.

Dev lives in delusion always overlooks the existing problems,would always like to believe everything is fine with his mother.

Sona right now is so self absorbed that she turns a blind eye to everything though she has the smartness to gauze through people's minds.Right now she is enjoying her new found bliss. When she can not feel Saurav's feelings how could she feel for Iswari's trauma?

I would like to take the example of the scene where both Iswari and Sona waits for Dev.There is a war of words there though not a war in real sense. Sona says Iswari can go and take rest whereas she will receive Dev not that day only but every day.

I am married in a joint family.My husband comes late from work. My mother in law used to wait in the dining cum Drawing room as is her habit. I also used to wait but not along with her.I used to be in my bed room reading a book or writing something. My husband will come and greet her then he will come to me then we used to go down.It continued for four years.

After that long period my mother in law got confidence that I can feed her son properly and entrusted me the duty. Yes I felt bad but I can't help it.My husband told me his mother needs time to come to terms with it. But afterwards she changed considerably and life became normal for us.

So I feel Iswari needs to be given space,time and concern. I feel for her because I can identify with her pain through my mother's and mother in law 's life.

I know I am the odd one out here as I speak for Iswari. It's OK. I pray for her peace and happiness.

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amaypranay

@amaypranay

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 8 years ago

Beautiful post 👏

I feel the same with me and my Mom.. We stay far apart from each other .. It surely doesn't matter distance is only by word that separates us...
we
Thanks to social media even that part is sorted out for us:)

In Ishwari and Dev's case is not only because of Drama I feel... Of course it's being exxaturated because it's a drama, they have shown a very dark.. Disturbed past that they share! In which they were each other's support system, Dev has a knife in his cupboard, there is definitely some more secrets that have to come out of the closet! It's not normal behavior!

On a sep note: I have seen MIL's who can't share their Son with their DIL's -degrees vary! They get insecure , possessive, interfering .. And the worst part is when on the dining table.. Their full consentration is what their Son is eating first, and then look at rest.. It's a habit they have, I have seen them sulk when they don't get their way.. They expect him to leave everything and attend to their needs .. If not they are verbose in letting him know that he's not giving enough time to them... Believe me I have seen what they are showing to some extent!

We have to wait and watch how the tables will turn here, Dev is too debted to his mother, deep down he feels she is reason he is all that he is today.. Because she reminds him about it.. Not like like a Duty she had but it's of choices she had to make...Ishwari is the one who is stuck in the past.. Dev is trying hard to move on, but she doesn't let him..

Sorry for my rant... 😊

Edited by amaypranay - 8 years ago

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dsr11

@dsr11

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 8 years ago

Nice post. Eeshwari wants the best for Dev as long as it's in her best interests. Her brand of love separated one child from the rest of her children. While the chosen child feels guilty for getting special treatment, the deprived children feel resentment for neglect. She is not a normal mother. She is narcissistic, because she only wants Dev to be recognized as the owner of Eeshwari communications and Eeshwar Bhakt. It's good if a mother expects her children to love her, respect her and take care of her. But it's never good if she expects that to be her exclusive right.

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baijubavra

@baijubavra

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: dsr11
Nice post. Eeshwari wants the best for Dev as long as it's in her best interests. Her brand of love separated one child from the rest of her children. While the chosen child feels guilty for getting special treatment, the deprived children feel resentment for neglect. She is not a normal mother. She is narcissistic, because she only wants Dev to be recognized as the owner of Eeshwari communications and Eeshwar Bhakt. It's good if a mother expects her children to love her, respect her and take care of her. But it's never good if she expects that to be her exclusive right.

Awesome post ! 👏

This is called "divide and Rule" !

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