I know I am late. But Exams!! Now enjoy reading!!!
Chapter 10
Light comes in
We both were walking through the corridor. There was moon in the sky peeping in. It was like making two more black persons walking with us. Our shadows! I looked at my surroundings and saw there were so many rooms, all of them having a wooden number plate over it. That reminded me again that I am also one of them. I began taking slow steps. Manik must have noticed me. He followed my pace and saw me deeply indulged in my own world.
"Come nandini don't think too much. I will walk on the every path before you take a step on it just to assure its worth walking" his words poured into my ears. I think I can give him a chance. Yes I should trust him. Besides, its just beginning I cant expect him to do some magic on me with his magic wand and bring me back to normal. I should give him chance.
I increased my pace to match with his and he smiled at me. But I looked away. Smiling feels stiff to me I don't know if my smiling muscles are frozen for the time being. Though I was building a little trust on him I don't want him to know as I don't have trust on myself. I am still a bit skeptical with my own trust on me. As I have let down my parents a lot my trying to play with my life and here I am bearing its consequences. I should have controlled on my own but at that time everything seemed to have out of my control. I am nowhere to be blamed it really wasn't in my control.
We passed through all the rooms and was about to enter in to a garden.The garden was well managed the grass was cut perfectly. The edges were well managed. But I wasn't interested. It reminded me how one fine day I was impressed with nature beauty and I thought to paint it. But now this seems nothing to me more than a simple garden. I don't feel any inclination towards it.
But where is he taking me? Shall I ask manik? But what will I tell him? No! I am not able to have a normal conversation with him. it feels words are not with me anymore.
I thought now he will make me sit here in garden just to make me feel better. Which I really don't think will happen like all those typical bollywood movies! But my all thoughts came to a halt when we just walked passed by the garden. That means he didn't mean to take me to the garden, then where he wants to take me? I am anxious to know.
We again began walking to a new corridor where we can say there was a fair of various laboratories. Oh! Is he going to give me ECT again. Shit I shouldn't have trusted him. how to turn this down? I began to sweat and my hands went cold. Though I don't know how I got ECT and it didn't pain me too. But now that I know it will surely pain. I guess! I again began taking slow steps.
Manik held my hand and blinked his eyes assuring all will be okay.?But how? Whom should I tell that I don't like all this.? I am tired of having to go through all this. The doctors before manik have given me medication. So is he going to give me that? There is no way I am going to have it. I went with him being all helpless.
But to my surprise we passed all the labs and he was still walking. I felt the twitch in my stomach got released. I felt a little light with the thought of not having to go through any test. But the question is then where is he taking me?
I looked a little bit ahead to know where he actually is taking me. I saw his cabin. We reached his cabin where I saw him first. I wonder why are we here. But again he just walked passed it.where the hell he wants to take me? Now I am frustrated as I cant let out on him. He is being all the way nice with me. I tried to control my anger.
Lastly and finally he halted in front of a door and looked at me and passed a smile and like usual I looked away. I don't know why his smile makes me conscious of myself.
We entered and what I saw made me shocked, as all of the places in this mental hospital I didn't expected KITCHEN.
Yes he actually brought me in to the kitchen. I was all surprised to see it had all necessary things. Starting from a spoon to microwave to refrigerator.
"This is the kitchen used my by all staff members and friends. Whenever we are tired of work we just come here to have hot chocolate or something. Sometimes staff members have to work at night over here to examine a patient so they can help themselves over here." he said after our so long mute conversation. I wonder why it is well equipped when u only come over here to have beverages.
"Nandu...ummm... can I call you that, right?" he asked for permission. I hate it . I just hate it. When two best friends turned into two strangers. How I used to tease him with his nickname when we were kids. But look here he is asking for permission.But I was too vulnerable to answer all this. so I simply nodded.
"Go to my cabin, the door beside this and tell mukti to give you a wine glass" okay what! Is he planning to get me drunk. I doubt if he is the same doctor who just made me aware of my ailment to me. I stared at him in confusion and shock obviously.
"Don't worry , just get it and ya tell her to give you some sea pebbles from my drawer" he added. Okay again what! I mean wine and pebbles is it a new drink that I don't know. But what are pebbles for. Obivoulsy! not to drink! Then why he wants a wine glass??
"What happened get it" he said with a pan in his hand ready to put on the gas stove. What the hell is happening around. May I dreaming werid things because of aaa what was that ?ya Bipolar Disorder.
I reluctantly went to get what all he asked for. I came back within 2 or 3 minutes and found him stirring something in the same pan. I cant think anymore. I am tired let him explain when he is done.
"come here, and place some pebbles in that wine glass" I did as per his instruction
Manik's POV
Flashback
At London My home Sunday morning:
Well, it was another morning for me. I was in no hurry again. Life was awesome. I did not have to worry about the early morning lecture, shouting professors or pending assignments. As it was Sunday.
My head did not hurt even though I was sure I had got sloshed the night before, since I was on the couch and not on my bed where I should have been! I was still in the clothes I had worn the previous night to the club.
I must have passed out, I thought.
These nights of excessive drinking, blackouts and bad hangovers were becoming a routine. This is the last time I am drinking, I said to myself. I was lying. I tried to remember why I had not gone up to my bedroom and slept, but I really could not. I tried to recall the girl I had danced with the previous night, but I could not remember that clearly either. I remembered the name though. Palak. I smiled. She was pretty, and Cabir had introduced me to her.
Just as I switched on the television, the door was flung wide open. It was the maid. I looked at her, and she smiled. She had the newspaper in her hand; she kept it on the table. Though the house was pretty big, I lived alone and so never had much work for her to do.
"Manik? What is in the sink?" she asked, disgusted.
"What?" I asked as I entered the kitchen.
"Come and see for yourself." She had covered her face with her pallu.
I walked up to the sink and a pungent smell hit my nose. I looked at it and it almost made me puke. It was filthy and it smelled worse than a dead rat.
"Damn it."
"Babu, you drank too much last night?" she said in a muffled tone from behind the pallu.
"I guess so."
I asked her to go and shop for vegetables; I told her I would take care of it by the time she came back. She grabbed the shopping bag and left the house as soon as possible. I stood there for a while, disgusted at what I had done. This was new. I used to black out, but I never used to puke. The drainpipe was blocked and I thought, Why don't they just make bigger drainpipes?
Because people are meant to puke in toilets, dumbass, a voice in my head said.
I did not waste any more time. I wrapped a handkerchief around my face and got to work with a plunger and that day's newspaper in my hand. Fifteen stinking minutes later, the sink sparkled and I stank.
I am never drinking again! Definitely! I said to myself as I entered the shower.
Flashback Ends
That was the end of my drinking period. I know Nandini is confused by what all is happening. But I am more shocked as she didn't asked me a single question. The girl whom I named chatter box is quiet! I felt a pang in my heart to see her in this condition but I am helpless all I could do is bring her back. I cant bring the one she is craving for.
I really wanted her to do all this as I have a purpose behind it. But still I cant take risk with gas stove. I know she can harm her. So the stirring process was done by me. Now I she can do. I carefully off the gas stove. I looked at her to say but what I saw made me again sad. She was simply staring at the glass and those pebbles. NO expression and NO reaction. I took a spatula and hold it to give her.
"Nandini, please fill this wax in the glass and give me I will hold it" yes I was heating the candlewax so that it could turn into liquid form and then to pour it in the glass. I told her that I will hold the glass because I know when she will pour the wax in the glass it will be hot which may hurt her and I cant afford that. I have promised her parents to take care of her. I will fulfill it.
She poured the wax in to glass slowly and I made sure she didn't get a single burn patch with it. Then I asked her to put a string of thread in the liquid wax. Yes I was actually making a WINE GLASS CANDLE. I just hope this turn out to be like I had expected.
Wine glass candle
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"Now put the glass in the freezer" she neither replied nor nodded. All lost in her own world. Why it has to be her god? We both sat on the dining area waiting for the glass to cool down I know she would be having difficulty in having conversation with me. But its okay, this silence is better atleast she is with me.
After 10 min I think we would have freezed so I told her to get it back on the kitchen coun\ter. She did. I was too sad with her robotic behavior with me. Like she does only what she is told to do.
"Lets go to your room now" I took a match box and held her hand and almost drag her. She was looking like a lifeless body. Now I too like her want this to end asap.
We entered her room I made her stand in the center, gave her the glass to hold. I took out a single match stick and ignited it. i then lighted the wine glass candle. Now I know words are important here so I start.
"See nandini, look around can you see your room, that was dark when we entered, is now full of light that too by the candle that YOU made." I waited for her reaction. She was eyeing the room and candle one by one. I think she is trying to understand.
" that's what I want to say. See we are here to help you. We are not against you. It is not something that you should be ashamed of. It is a simple disorder, which is curable, but but but, we cant do that without you. You need to help us too. You need to cooperate with us. Just like you did few minutes back in making this candle." I paused she was staring at me pleading to take the pain and I was more than ready for that. I know she is fighting with her inner turmoil.
"you really want to go back to what you were right.? She nodded almost immediately like a kid asking for a chocolate
"then just do as I say, I am here with you at your each step, I am not to make you do what you don't feel like, but you have do what I tell, will you do that?"I asked hoping she would now atleast trust me. She nodded with a small smile. I felt so great to see those lips atleast curving though not ear to ear but atleast changing its curve. But this is just the starting. I will make sure this curve turns into ear to ear grin.
"can I ask you something.?" She asked hesitantly. Here I was dieing to hear from her and she is asking for permission.
"You don't need to take permission, simply shoot" I boosted her.
"What happened to you after that fire and all" She pressed the most sensitive spot on my heart.
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Ummm... I don't know ye kaisa tha ek din me likha hai.!!bohot trim kiya hai is update ko. Original one was like 8 pages of MS Word. Anyway here is the update. I wrote it before Sunday but it sounded like a cooking class so I thought to rewrite it. Does it still sound like a cooking class? please do let me know.
Okay one more thing I have come up with something new:-
FOCABULARY (Forum + vocabulary)
In each update I would give you 2 words along with their meaning. If you like you can add them to your vocabulary. Even I will learn a lot new words with this. Right now I am giving a simple example:-
INFURIATE : make (someone) extremely angry and impatient.
Tell me whether should I continue with this..? you all too can give me words along with their meaning and if I found them new I will surely add them in my focabulary.
PS : Pranky I will miss you and your long comments from this update!!!
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