Posted:
You said it all, in clear, harsh and explicit terms..how she had failed you. Every word a surgical cut, professional, cool, letting her bleed...every expression a nightmare, she will never forget for the rest of her life.
Yes, she killed it for you..didn't she?? Forever and ever ...right?? Then why did words fail you when you wanted her to leave?? Why couldn't you ask her to get out of your life using your ruthless words as weapons?? Why not throw her out with the venom she deserves, show her the door with hatred...why that simple hand gesture, the grand one...requesting her to leave you alone, silently!! Why grant her the dignity of silence, why cover her ignoble exit with your blanket of quietness?? Why the final restraint?? Why the tight control on your emotions when you had the sweet chance to drive your knife further in?? Was your throat too tight with tears, your tongue too tied up with grief...cause you knew you can never, ever, ask her to leave you alone!! Whatever had transpired, you were still holding on to her, clinging on to her. You just didn't have the courage to let her go...finally...forever and ever in your words!!
In spite of everything, all that she has done, all that you have said...words didn't come...words demanding her departure from your life. And that betrayed your cold indifference!! You might always now wear that callous mask on your face, the fact remains, you just didn't want to see her leave. That momentary forlorn look on your face, when she turned and walked away, slowly away from your life..said it all!! All your sense screaming in that instant, and you fighting against all, resisting the urge to stop her, cause you can't simply can't see her walk away...
So, she left...the light of your life..and you appreciate the dark now, but this one act of avoidance or cowardice simply states...a ray of hope remains!!
Whatever it was that stopped you, won't stop you for long...those words you locked away somewhere...the loving, pleading words will find their way. They will break through every wall you build, every boundary you mark and one fine day, you will ask her to stay back. There will be a day that you will learn to forgive and forget her mistakes, big and small, cause she belongs to you, you will learn that nothing..nothing is worth losing her...and you will learn that forever is a big word...
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
