Beautiful Illusion updated chapter 41&42 on pg 16 - Page 11

"No."
"Ryan told you about me, I presume?"
Oh, so this is connected to Ryan somehow. At least it was not a random serial killer. If I'm not dreaming, and this is real, at least I have some chance of getting through this. I was amazed at how logically I was thinking it through. My legal brain, I guess. Or maybe it was the Virgo brain.
I nodded. I really didn't know if Ryan had told me about this woman or not. I didn't know who she was. Literally.
"f**king bas***d."
It struck me. Was this Rochelle? I knew that it wasn't Alexis. I knew Alexis' voice. Besides, Alexis was around a little bit, not as much as before, and she was always nice. Was trying to get her life together. She even kinda had a new boyfriend, and we all went out one night. I didn't think that she would have a relapse so bad that she would kidnap me.
Again, my mind was thinking excruciatingly logically. I always wondered what kind of mindset I would have if something horrendous happened to me. I was proud of my equanimity.
"Goddamned bas***d. I had him followed, you know."
I nodded.
"f**king asshole went to Tiffany's yesterday. f**king Tiffany's! He bought you the biggest rock I've ever seen. Platinum setting, five carats. Perfect rock." She was breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating. "That should be me! He loves me, not you, you little c**t." Then she kicked me hard in my shins. I winced. She brought out a belt and wacked my thighs, which were bare. White-hot pain shot through me. I could feel tears coming to my eyes.

Then she had a knife, and she held it to my throat. "I could kill you. He doesn't need to be with you. He's not supposed to be with you. He was always supposed to be with me!" The knife was cold and sharp, the point of it digging into my skin, dangerously close to my jugular vein. At least I imagined it was my jugular vein that was beneath the point.
I sighed. My thoughts immediately went to my mother. She would be so devastated when I just never showed up anywhere, ever again. She'd never know what happened to me. I'd be like one of those missing women who were just never heard from again, whose families searched for for years, and never knew what happened to. Somehow, that thought dominated me. My mother. Of course, everybody else would be devastated as well, but none like my mother.
This would kill her.
Because I had no doubt that Rochelle would know how to get rid of my body.
"What do you want from me?" I decided it was time to bargain, to see if there was anything to say or do that would save me.
"Little c**t. I don't want a thing from you." Then, WAP, she sliced the belt on my thighs again, twice more. I screamed in pain. The woman took the knife, and sliced my forearm. Again, I screamed out in white hot pain. I could feel her run her fingers in my blood, then I heard her lick her fingers.

"Nobody knows that you're here. Nobody can hear you scream." At that, she beat me again with the belt. I started crying, the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. The survival instinct was inside of me, I just had to find it, and use it to try to get out of here.
"That mother f**ker wants to marry you. f**king Tiffany ring! Well, just wait until he finds out that you're never coming home" She laughed. "Mother f**ker will be devastated. He will feel just a fraction of the pain that I feel, that I felt when he left me."
Of course, this is Rochelle. I knew now that it was definitely her, because she referred to him leaving her.
Then she was calmer. "He was a beautiful boy, you know. Absolutely the most perfect specimen of boy that I'd ever seen. Everybody wanted him. And I had him. Me." She laughed. "God, how we could rock those sheets. We couldn't get enough of each other."
Then she said "f**king every night. God, I couldn't get enough of him."
My mind searched. Ok, now you know that this is Rochelle, what can you do? I desperately thought of what Ryan had told me about her, in an effort to find something that I could say or do to get out of there. Think, Iris, think. Did he tell you anything at all that might trip her up, or soften her up, or bring her back to reality? I didn't have a clue how I would physically get out of this, so I had to think about how I could mentally get out of it.

"Ah, well, of course. You know, I lured you here. I knew that you would figure it out. Now, you'll do whatever I tell you." She grabbed my arm. "See this needle? Black tar. I plunge this into her, and she'll not survive." Then she laughed. "Oh, but what a way to go, huh? She'll go to la la land like she'd never experienced before she dies."
"What do you want? What can I do?" Ryan asked. His voice sounded desperate, pleading.
"Tell me about the ring, Ryan."
"Uh, what do you want to know about it?"
"Describe it."
He quickly responded "Five carats, perfect diamond, perfect cut, clarity, color. Princess cut. Platinum setting."
"How boring. You really have no imagination, do you?"
"I-I-don't know what you mean?"
"Oh, I don't know. I figured you would go to the Smithsonian and buy the Hope Diamond itself."
He didn't respond to that.
"What do you need from me? I'll do anything you want, just please let her go."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
"I can think of a lot of things that I want from you."
"Ok. If you let her go, I'll give you what you want."
I had mixed emotions about this. I was happy that Ryan had come, and was apparently ready to sacrifice himself for me. But I knew what she wanted, and I wasn't happy about the sacrifice.
But Rochelle surprised me. "I don't want anything from you. Not like that. You have to want me."

Then she said something that chilled me. "All I want is for you to suffer. And I can think of no better way to make you suffer than to make you helplessly watch your precious c**t die."
I heard him scream "NO!" as I felt the plunger push something into my arm. Then an amazing feeling of euphoria like I'd never felt. I wondered if I was in heaven. It was like the moment in surgery, right before you're unconscious. Like I was floating, and nothing could touch me.
Then everything went black again.

During the week, my parents and sister came by every day, and Debbie and Richard stopped by several times as well. I also had a steady stream of people coming in - aunts, uncles, cousins, and other friends, such as Patty and Robert. Even Alexis stopped by, her new boyfriend, Todd, in tow. Everybody was considerate, though, only staying for a short time, because I found that I tired very easily.
Everything was a chore - speaking, walking, eating, getting dressed, bathing. I found that I just wanted to lie in the bed, because everything else was just too much effort, but Ryan made sure that I was as active as possible. He wouldn't let me just lay in bed. He forced me to walk, to dress for meals, and to go to rehab. He gave me sponge bubble baths every night. He also was sensitive to when I was really tired out, and let me quit when I absolutely had to.
Finally, it was time to go home. I walked slowly out the door, after getting my discharge papers. I had to admit that I was intimidated to go home, though. It had been a long time since I was home, even though it really didn't seem that long for me.
First, though, we had to pick up Maximus and Brutus, who had been staying with Daniel while I was in the hospital, because Ryan was in the hospital as much as I was.

Daniel greeted us. He was always pretty taciturn with me, but on this day, he seemed much friendlier than usual.
"It's good to see you, Iris. You're looking well."
"Thanks, Daniel," I said.
"If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."
I nodded, as Ryan went into the house to get the dogs. Daniel stood outside, standing awkwardly. Ryan came back out with the dogs, who were hyper as usual. "Thanks, bro," Ryan said, the dogs pulling him towards the car. They stopped to greet me, almost knocking me over. "Whoa," Ryan said, pulling the dogs away from me.
I started in singing one of my songs for the dogs, happy that I had my voice back. I created songs for the dogs every day, usually putting my own words into a familiar tune. Ryan smiled, obviously happy that I was getting back to normal.
Finally, we arrived back home. Ryan had already had the gym set up in the rec room downstairs. As I knew he would, he got the top of the line equipment - treadmills, Livestrong bikes, elliptical trainers, and a full circuit of weight machines that one would find in a gym. I had my exercises that I needed to do every day, and I was getting stronger and stronger.
Everything was returning back to normal, but there was still a problem. I found that I was having nightmares every night and I was anxious and depressed. Ryan was very sensitive to my moods anyhow, because we were starting to know each other so well, and he was also on the lookout for signs of PTSD. Plus, I refused to eat many of my meals, because I was afraid of getting heavy again, so I continued to lose weight.

This worried Ryan.
We were at the dinner table, and Ryan had cooked up one his fabulous meals, but I pushed the food around the plate.
"Don't you like my cooking anymore, love?"
"Of course. I just am not real hungry."
"You have to eat. You're wasting away."
I shook my head. I finally felt that I looked ok, and I didn't want to gain the weight back.
"Iris, you really need to eat more. You need to keep up your strength while you're getting better and stronger." Whenever he used my name he meant business, and this time was no different.
I said nothing, just continued to pick at my food, not meeting his eyes. I could see imagine his stare boring into me, and I could kind of see it in my peripheral vision. Sure enough, when I got the guts to actually look at him, he was staring at me, narrowing his eyes when my gaze met his. He looked pissed, confused and concerned, all at once. I quickly looked away, pushed away my plate, and left the table without a word.
That night, which was happening more and more frequently, I had vivid nightmares of being tortured. I was being burned with cigarettes, slashed with knives, beaten with a belt. It was always an unknown assailant. I always thought that I was going to die. I would wake up in a cold sweat, and Ryan would get up with me to reassure me that I was safe.

Surely he knows the story. "Well, I was, uh...uh..." I looked at the doctor helplessly. "Could you please ask Ryan to come in here?"
Ryan came in and joined us. I turned to him. "Could you please explain to Dr. Halder what happened to me?
"Honey, he knows what happened to you. He just needs you to talk about it."
"Oh." But I said nothing more.
The three of us sat in silence for a few minutes. I was shaking, and I was suffering a blinding headache that suddenly came on. "I don't feel well," I said. "Do you mind if I leave?"
"Of course, you can leave at any time."
"Thanks." I made an appointment for the next day. I wanted to make the appointment for the following week, but Ryan insisted that I try to come back the next day.
Over dinner that night, with me still pushing around my food and eating small bites, I asked Ryan what happened to Rochelle.
"She's in prison, honey. She can't hurt you anymore."
I shook my head. I didn't believe that. My mind didn't allow me to believe it. I felt that Rochelle was still on the loose, and was still waiting for me to come out of the house so she could nab me again. This time, however, she would not let me live. I knew that for a fact.
"Prison? Don't you mean jail?" I asked. People were always referring to jail as prison, and prison as jail. As I was a former public defender, I was a stickler for the proper terminology.

"Yes, jail, sorry. She's awaiting trial."
"How come she isn't out on bail?"
"She's a flight risk. She owns her own private plane, and has a house in Monaco. The judge decided that nothing would stop her from taking her plane to Monaco, and never being seen or heard from again. So, he denied her bail."
I shuddered. "I'm tired. I really need to go to bed." It was 7:30 PM.
Ryan nodded. "I'll come to bed with you."
Ryan climbed into bed next to me. I laid down and tried to sleep. Ryan, for his part, wasn't tired, so he watched television in the bed next to me, plugging in his headphones so that the noise didn't bother me.
I was out within five minutes and didn't wake up the next day until noon. Ryan had long since gone to work. It was his first day back at work, and he had asked me if I was okay with that. I assured him that I was. Going into the bathroom, I found a note from him, pinned to the mirror. "I love you honey. I'm at work, but I'm thinking about you constantly." That was all that the note said.
The new appointment with Dr. Halder was that evening, after Ryan got off of work. I knew, however, that I wasn't going to make it. So, I called Dr. Halder and cancelled. The receptionist asked me if I wanted to reschedule. I told her that I didn't know when I could come back, but would let them know.

After getting off the phone, I started to panic. This was really the first time that I was alone since the incident. I called Daniel.
"Hello," Daniel said.
"Hi, this is Iris."
"What's up?"
"Could you drive me somewhere?"
"Sure, where?"
"Ryan's bank." I really had no idea what I would do when I arrived there. I only knew that I was feeling abandoned and alone, and I was scared to death.
"Iris, it's his first day back after being away for months."
I understood. "Ok, then, could you please drive me to my mother's?"
"Sure."
Daniel pulled up in five minutes, driving a new Jaguar. I hadn't seen that particular car yet.
"Is this a new car?" I asked.
"Yeah. Ryan bought it a couple of weeks ago."
I nodded. I couldn't get excited about the new car, even though I have always loved Jaguars.
I stared out the window while Daniel drove me to my parent's house. My head was splitting open again. About five minutes into the drive, I started sobbing uncontrollably.
Daniel didn't know what to do, so he stared straight ahead, watching the road, not looking at me.
"I'm so sorry," I croaked between sobs.
"Not a problem." He was obviously uncomfortable.
I cried all the way to my mom's house.
Daniel pulled up in front of the townhouse, obviously happy to be rid of me. He really didn't say anything at all to me. I guessed that he didn't really know what to say.

All I could do was nod. Barely. "That's sweet," I said without enthusiasm. "I'm just so tired." At that, I laid back down and fell back to sleep.
I woke up the next day at 10. Ryan was lying next to me. He was reading a book. In One Person by John Irving.
He smiled. "You're awake."
I nodded. "I don't feel well."
"Can I take you home?"
I shook my head. "I'm literally too exhausted to get out of this bed."
"Well, I'm not leaving until you come with me."
"Ok. Could you carry me?"
At that, he picked me up and carried me down the stairs. I clung to his neck, my head buried in his shoulder. He called to my mother "I'm taking her home, Charlene."
At that my mother came up to us and kissed my cheek. She addressed Ryan "Take care of her." At that, Ryan nodded and said nothing.
"Beautiful, you need to start eating. You're way too light." Ryan used to pick me up when we would horse around before everything happened. Now, I guess I weighed quite a bit less than that. "You must've lost 50 pounds."
I merely grunted. He gently put me in the car, fastening my seat belt. I immediately fell asleep in the car.
I woke up in our bed. Ryan must've carried me into the house while I was still unconscious. I had no idea what time it was, but Ryan was lying next to me, so it couldn't be too late in morning. But it was light out, so it must have been at least 7 AM. Ryan had his laptop and he was typing. When I woke up, he shut the laptop. He looked at me. "Good morning, beautiful."

I managed a small smile.
"Uh, would you like to get back into your rehabilitation exercises?"
I shook my head. All I wanted to do was lay in bed.
He nodded. I had to admit that he seemed a stranger to me now. I would imagine that it was the same for him.
Later on, I was in bed with my laptop on the Internet. Ryan was downstairs somewhere.
I suddenly realized that I was conferenced in on a chat with Ryan and Nick. He must not have known that he conferenced me. I read the chat between them.
Ry1979: I don't know what to do. I'm losing her.
St.Nick80: Bro, give her time. She went through a lot. Being kidnapped, tortured and almost dying can do that to a person, you know.
Ry1979: I know, but how do I help her?
St.Nick80: Have you tried counseling?
Ry1979: Of course. She won't go. She went one time, but had a headache and went home before the counselor could get anywhere. She won't eat, and she sleeps all the time now.
St.Nick80: Where is she now?
Ry1979: Upstairs, asleep.
St.Nick80: Just keep trying, and be patient.
Ry1979: I feel so impotent. I'm also afraid that she blames me. If she never knew me, this wouldn't have happened to her.
St.Nick80: If she does blame you, then she isn't being rational.
Ry1979: I have held back asking her to marry me until she gets better. I hope I finally get the chance.

St.Nick80: You will.
Ry1979: I love her so much. My heart is breaking.
St.Nick80: Buddy, you need a break from all of this. Why don't you come on vacation with Rielle and the girls and me? We are heading out to the Lake Como house in a week.
Ry1979: Thanks, but there's no way I can leave her. I have to protect her.
St.Nick80: Maybe she can come too.
Ry1979: Maybe. I think she's afraid to meet you, though.
St.Nick80: I don't bite. Well, except for that one time. LOL.
Ry1979: Ha ha.
St.Nick80: Seriously, man, I miss you. If you know what I mean.
Ry1979: To tell you the truth I miss you too. If you know what I mean.
St.Nick80: I've been having steamy fantasies about you lately. Wanna hear?
Ry1979: Not in the mood right now for cybersex. Maybe some other time.
St.Nick80: Sorry, just trying to take your mind off of her.
Ry1979: Impossible. She's all I think about anymore.
St.Nick80: Keep trying to get her into counseling.
Ry1979: How do I do that? She won't go.
St.Nick80: Be persistent. That's all you can do.
I stopped reading after this. I was losing him, and, worse yet, I was losing myself. I was a shell of myself. No spirit, afraid to leave the house, not eating, sleeping all the time. I realized how depressed I was.

And I knew what I had to do.