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"Saathiya-ye tune kya kiya"...and there he was sitting at his room's bar,listening to the song-the reality of his life while taking the shot of vodka.His eyes were wet and he was engrossed in his deep thoughts.It was not the first time- the scene,the feeling,everything was familiar.He has been used to it for the past sixteen years but he was never fed up of it.The feeling has been giving him in-explainable remembrance for the past many years of his life.His pain was enormous.He was a doctor and knew the definition of pain very well but the only medicine of his pain was not available to him for the past sixteen years.There was a reason for everything he did.The song reminded him of the beautiful past memories.The alcohol used to take him to a state of trans-a world of illusion where no one-not even Ragini was able to take herself out of his clutches.This one hour of each day became the most cherish-able time.People call him a successful handsome cardiologist but was he?He saved many hearts but about his? He is a man whose tragedies have been replaced by memories tattooed upon his soul.His inner self was completely void. Ragini took away his soul and he was comparable to a lifeless body. Although he had saved many lives,he considered himself as the most unsuccessful man as he was not able to save himself-his marriage,he was not able to spend his entire life with the lady whom he considered his inner soul-his everything.He breathed for his children,his so called family.His heart ached whenever he used to use the word "family". Actually he existed for his children but was living in the hope of getting his Ragini back in his life and he was so close to that but it was not accepted by the brutal life.Life made him hopeful and then snatched away all his happiness. He never prayed to god much.Life was never been very fair to him.He lost his parents at his early age and the only person he learned to love-his grandfather was also taken away from him.He only thanked god for one thing-his everything-Ragini,but after four years he did not know whether to thank or curse his god.Fifteen years of pain and not even twelve days of happiness.That was his life-so called successful life by other people.With each cycle,he was losing the will and hope to continue.He was shattered.Who was there to share his pain,who was even there to know,to feel his pain.He was trying to be a good father but in his heart he knew how shallow his attempt was?However hard he may have tried but he could not concentrate on anything but Ragini. He was warned by Ragini not to drink much in his earlier lively and beautiful days."Kya karoo Ragini?" he thought-"Tumne to mereko apne aap se dooor rehne ko bhi kaha tha par tum ache se jaanti hu ki tumhare kuch baatein mein chah kar bhi nahi maan sakta... Mujhe beemaar nahi dekh sakti ho na Ragini.. toh merese door kyu hui? ..Pichle soolah saalon se mein aise beemaari se suffer kar raha hoo jiski tumhare alawa koi dawa nahi hai...Naa ji sakta hoo na mar sakta hoo."
"Dad aap kal hamare saath movie aaoge?" "Nahi Aagam,mein kal busy...".and then he thought for a bit "konse movie hai...OK mein chalunga, aakhir mereko bhi apne bachon ke saath time spend karne kaa mauka milna chahiye" Aagam smiled and went away.His smile was so precious to Nachiket. It was Ragini who taught him to live but she did not teach him how to continue it without her and he has always cursed her for that.It was not hatred but the excessive feeling of loneliness,love and pain combined.He used to miss her so much.He still remembered the days when he was in love with her. To him she seemed too beautiful and extraordinary to understand why nobody was as disturbed as he was by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones. He could not understand why no one else was bewildered by the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils. He could not understand why no one else was mesmerized by the movements of her braid, the flight of her hands and the melody of her laughter. There he was alone cherishing every single one of her gestures. He never thought he would love someone so passionately, feel and understand the meaning of love so completely.Ragini taught him that. He thought-"Hum jinse bahut pyaar karte hai,nafrat bhi unhe se sabse zyada karte hai kyuki wohi log hame sabse zyada dukh pahuchate hai." He was about to get up and was getting back to the harsh reality when something different struck his mind.He was feeling different after spending two months with his Ragini. The touch of her soft hand over his chest as if placing his heart back to his place,giving his life back to him was still pleasurable.The smell of her soft,silky hair was still fresh.That hug could have let his heart beat for hundred more years.He could still feel the tears shed by Ragini for the lost years,the kiss on her forehead and that gave him a feeling of pain and happiness at the same time. Melancholy became the new merry for him.
Time did not touch her beauty at all.She was even more beautiful,her smile even more peaceful.He could not blame Ragini more-now that he knew that she still loves him a lot.He knew it from the past sixteen years but somehow he was not able to think on that ground as hating Ragini was the only way he could have possibly lived without her for so long.The fresh memories of the moments spent with her gave him new hope and happiness to continue.
His anger reduced and his attitude became sympathetic towards Ragini. He wanted to think about the whole scenario from Ragini's perspective-the sixteen years spent by her.So his thoughts continued...He did not know where he was heading.He was going to do it for the first time in sixteen years but he had to do it to stop the continuous overflowing pain and thoughts.
"It must have been extremely difficult for her to live and take care of her mom, nani and two children at the same time.How shattered she must have been at the time of our divorce..She must have been very lonely like me, must have cried a lot alone like me and I was not there to wipe her tears. She must have had hung on to the past memories like I did.Seems we both suffered a lot...But wait...She must have had suffered from the financial crisis a lot of time,considering the health of two old ladies in the house,education of her children. Money was never a parameter for me and but how did she manage so much?She sacrificed her career for me.I became a successful doctor,fulfilled my grandfather's dream because of her love and hard work and what did I give her-a life of misery? I knew it and never considered it...Why? Life in India is difficult for middle class people and that too for a single mom. It must have been a struggle for her to take care of Nishi from this dangerous and shameful world.She emerged from all of it,she is a great mom,great daughter...a great,strong woman. I know there were a lot of moments when she used to miss me a lot like I did,but she did not have the privilege to lock herself up in a room,separate from her children knowing that Pam will take care of them like I had.How did she do it" The feeling of pain was getting deeper. "I was greeted so well by Nishi and Arav but how did Ranveer greet her,not an ounce of respect was shown by him.How shattered she must have been.I know how much she loves her child and still I chose to be silent?! I did not bring him up well...But wait..did I really bring any of my child up..I was just a supplier of money not a good dad.She was the breadwinner,mom,dad everything for her children.She saved his son from jail,chose to be quiet to save his heart from breaking,was ready to give up on Arav for his believe to remain intact on his son. She accepted and loved Suhani a lot, broke her heart-shouted at her own son for him.She did sacrifice a lot.She warned me about Ranveer, his uncontrollable and uncultured habits but I still chose to kept quiet. My own son continued to ridicule my other son over my money and I did not notice any of it.Arav became shattered,shouted at his mom,became ill-mannered,took drastic steps mostly because of my son.Ragini is suffering because her son is in juvenile,her son's career for which she sacrificed her happiness was seeing its twilight even before seeking the dawn.How difficult it must have been for a mother. Arav could not have been at fault..I am damn sure
about Ragini's parvarish..When Suhani was a complete stranger,she loved her so much,saved
her life.I know she must have loved Arav and Nishi a lot but what did she get in return of her
love--Separation from me,disrespect from Arav, anger and mistrust from her daughter
as she came to me for her marriage and disobeyed her mother. Oh My God!!..
All of this was because of me and my son in one way or the other.She was right, I did have a protective view over Ranveer - after all I spent so much time with him.I tried but never could be a good father...especially to Arav.My wife is shattered,my son's career is at stake and here I am sitting and doing nothing.." The feeling of pain was replaced by guilt when suddenly his phone rang..."Hello!...Hello.Nachiket and she breaks down..." "Hello! ragini ...kya hua??" but he did not hear any other voice..."He was helpless...he had to call someone to know what was happening.He tried calling Ragini but she did not reply.Finally he got to know everything from Karan.He was shocked,disturbed and at the same time was thinking about Ragini's ridiculous situation. She loved her children so much,sacrificed herself for them and both of them had suicide instincts." The feeling of guilt took charge. " I have to help her now.She has been wrong at times but someone has to compromise and that would be me.As she would have wanted,I will take the first required steps.I vowed to protect her and to keep her happy for her whole life but what did I do..threw her to this brutal world to live a life in misery.I won't let it happen anymore. Whether she wanted or not, I will help Nishi and Arav to have a bright future..for her happiness,for my and our children's happiness. I won't let her suffer any more.I will be with her, I will make her mine all over again. I know Ragini is unreasonable at time but is she my Ragini? No. This brutal world,the misery, loss of hope has made her doubtful and I will remove this rust from my beautiful Ragini.I will show her all the happiness in this world.She sacrificed everything for me and I will make sure to get my old,confident Ragini back,the merry Ragini whose bright smile is lost in this forest of darkness will be rekindled. I will do it. This world is throwing stones at her castle of glass,for which she suffered a lot...I will do everything to protect it..I take a vow to convert all her miseries into happiness,her anger into her laughter,her hatred into love.I will give her so much love that even the deepest part of her soul will forget about her painful sufferings.Her Nachiket was coming with a strong will.He saw the New-york's before leaving and was confident that the next time he will visit this very airport...It will be with his Ragini!!
This is my take in the present situation of IKNMP.I want this realization from both of them.I had my personal views on many aspects and i am extremely sorry if they don't go along well with your views.Your comments and views are always welcomed!
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