AN: Hi everyone. Srija here, back on the forum after a very long time. I recently re-watched the etire first season of IPKKND (probably for the fourteenth time) and felt inspired to write again after almost 5 years.
So this is set after the 'almost kiss' diwali, Khushi is back home, dazed and confused; Arnav has announced his engagement with Lavanya ; and Khushi is pressured into agreeing to get engaged with Shyam. This is where this Three shot takes off. Hope you like it.
AN2: This work of fiction is a work of my creative process, so please respect my copyright over this original content.
THE DIWALI OF DECISIONS
Khushi's Conundrum...
‘Who was this broken woman staring back at her?’ As if on instinct she turned back, hoping to find someone behind her. She was alone. She looked into the mirror again, and a pale face with hazel-brown eyes looked back at her. She had scrubbed her face clean of the little make-up she had applied for the Diwali party, but a thin line of slightly faded kohl still framed her eyes. People often said she had beautiful eyes, and even the extreme tiredness within and the slight shadows underneath couldn’t mar their sublime beauty. Only, the mirth was gone.
Payal shifted in her sleep and the rustle of her blanket pulled Khushi back to her reality. She moved to her side of the bed and checked to see if her sister was comfortably wrapped and warm. She was. The bed looked cozy and she was tired, but she decided against getting in… she knew sleep wouldn’t come easy, a lot had happened and she needed to take stock of the day. She needed jalebis.
She dimmed the lights of her room and moved to the kitchen. Some twenty minutes later she was sitting on the stairs in their backyard, a cup of scalding hot tea and a small platter of jalebis by her. The red saree she had worn to the party at Shantivan was loosely hanging from one of the ropes tied across the yard. She had looked pretty in it… no, she looked beautiful… his eyes had conveyed that to her.
He had been kind to her these past few days,charming even. He didn’t scream at her when she broke his favorite vase,instead, he took the blame and even assuaged her guilt by claiming it was just fine… nothing special. He also paid the hospital bills for her Babuji's treatment, without her ever asking for any help. She also knew how difficult it was for him to be emotionally available, and yet he had been there, for her. The Lad governor was slowly turning into her Rajkumar, and that metamorphosis had terrified her… and maybe even excited her? The acceptance of this excitement had been nudging at her and she had closed her heart to it… well, she had honestly tried to, but some of it had seeped in.
She realized she had been fingering the payal on her right ankle all this while, and she was reminded of his hands there, his touch… so innocent and yet the most intimate one of her life. She had felt his fingers linger, a fraction of a second longer than absolutely necessary, and she shivered, again. She wanted to know why he had it? Why he had held on to it? But Arnav Singh Raizada didn’t answer questions, especially not those asked by a woman of her ‘aukaat’. She wondered if he had thought of her aukaat when he had looked into her eyes… when he had taken those first steps towards her? She shivered at the mere memory of the moment.
As the cool November air hit her, the shivers intensified. She pulled her dupatta tight around her form. Why didn’t she say anything? Why didn’t she ask him to stop? He would have, she knew that. She had wanted to, she told herself, only when their eyes had met, she glimpsed something in his… No, it wasn’t love. She had seen desire… Unmasked, unhinged and raw desire. It should have scared her, it should have snapped her out of that timeless bubble and back to three-dimensional reality, only… Only she knew his eyes were simply mirroring hers’. She was hesitant and terrified. She had gripped her saree in hopes of getting a grip on herself. But all she could hear was heartbeats… Hers? His? She couldn’t say. And the flutter at the very core of her being had consumed her. So, when his fingers caressed her face, she had leaned into his touch. And when she felt his breath on her lips, she had waited…
‘Waited for what Khushi? What were you waiting for?’ She hesitated. Accepting the truth, even to herself, would make her wantonness too real, and the Lucknow in Khushi wouldn’t allow that. But she couldn’t hide anymore, not when in her heart she knew, that had she not clutched her saree and restrained herself, she would have reached for him… She had wanted his kiss.
The realization shook her. She stood up and started pacing along the corridor, the concern for the discomfort of her family members fast asleep in the adjoining rooms, suddenly forgotten. What was she doing? What did it all mean? He had said it didn’t mean anything… that she shouldn’t dream beyond her means. What had she expected him to say? Was it even possible to name their relationship? Could their momentary loss of judgement qualify as a relationship at all, even a nameless one? No, a relationship was what he now had with Lavanya ji, they were engaged to be married, as was she with Shyam ji. Both Lavanya ji and Shyam ji had only ever shown her kindness and this is how she was showing her gratitude? By betraying their trust! When did she become this despicable a human? How could she let that fleeting moment of passion blind her to every other relationship in her life? This had to stop, right away.
Well, he was engaged to Lavanya ji and everyone in the family had happily accepted their relationship, so her work there was done.It was simple then, she would just never step a foot inside Shantivan, ever again. Problem solved, right? Only, their recent history would say otherwise…It didn’t matter how far or fast she runs in the opposite direction; she would eventually find herself in his arms. She couldn’t risk it, not anymore, there was too much at stake. And then there was the question of Shyam ji. He was a decent man and deserved someone truthful and honest and loving, and regardless of how hard she tried, she couldn’t see herself ever feeling anything for him…ever loving him, like a wife should her husband.
The last few months had passed-by in a flash, from her Jiji’s broken heart to her father’s paralysis, so much had happened. When did she find the time to weave this web? How could she let everything get so messy? Will she ever be able to sort everything out?
Midnight blue had given way to a much lighter shade and even that was now rimmed by a slight orange, as the first rays of morning light were attempting to pierce through the veil of darkness. Her decision made, she headed back inside. Khushi knew what she had to do…
AN: Thanks for reading this. Please do let me know what you thought of the story. The second part of the three shot will be uploaded in the next couple of days.
Love,
Srija
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
320