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Aaj ka Take 5 posted from the dimaag of the clueless and the conphoosed. Matlab - me. You see - I missed several episodes thanks to kaam wala musafiring, and am now attempting to review a sabun where story started out for Jalandhar but ended up in Bandar. So maafi if any blooperiyas show up inadvertently. 😕
Waisey - it appears that the romantic tenshun between bitwa and Amma is heating up nicely, and its only been a week so far. Good going - bitiya Gul! Always nice to see equals battling it out on screen before rabba ve'ing. 👏👏
Kya boli? Romantic tenshun supposed to be between bitwa and BITIYA? 😲 Umm...wokay then. Maafi - I been musafiring.
1. We're connected. Dil Se.
Episode opens with sidekick airtime - for both bitwa and bitiya. You see - differences highlight karey ka padi. 😉 He's messy, she's obsessively clean. He likes bland baby food shipped directly from Gerber headquarters, she's got the mirchi tolerance of a stoned lumberjack. He likes to wear vests created from chameleon skins, she likes to wear off-shoulder blouses that are about 5 inches away from wardrobe malfunction.
But they are destined to be together for all eternity - because Rabba ve is playing every 5 seconds, and the music director wants his cut for each use.
Close out opening act with bitwa again mumbling about revenge, mayhem and more revenge. Cut to bitiya and behenas searching the bed for any remaining mirchis to shove up wardrobe stylist's ass - while Amma looks on approvingly.
2. Act 2: His vs Hers
Phaimilies, that is. Time to establish backstory for bitwa's bhai, and what's been happening to him since he got tossed out of a train 16 years ago.
Bitwa's bhai is a you-tuber, which his adopted Abba isn't too happy about. But adopted Ammi is completely onboard - so long as no luchhi-lafangi ladkiyaan get their evil, manipulative hooks into her baby while he's out earning his daily bread 😡 (junior bitwa - you ain't getting hitched in this lifetime, buster )
Basically - Abba, Ammi and junior bitwa be a happy wala phaimily - so you just know that a sh^&load of grief is headed their way. Oo ka hai na - happy phaimilies be bad for sabun ratings.
Over in mahant mansion - Amma is directing that the phaimily shall henceforth subsist on bread and water only, on bitiya's recommendation. But hey - it be whole grain bread, organic wala. Bitiya's aunts aren't too happy - the old digestive system needs additional roughage, dammit! 😡😡 So they proceed to poison Amma's brain against bitiya - maybe bitwa is her internet wala boyfriend? No dice - Amma's sticking with bitiya, for now.
Bitiya's sisters attempt to bolster her flagging spirits, with the sisters bonding by picking lice out of each other's heads. But the precious moment is ruined by the mention of some posters (??? Maafi - I been musafiring), and bitwa - who is apparently a musician, a math whiz and moneyed to boot. Background provided courtesy middle bitiya - she sports yellow eyeshadow today, accompanied by a dog collar with bells attached. She obviously won the grand prize in the let's-piss-off-wardrobe-maiiya contest.
3. Bitwa and Amma - S.I.T.T.I.N.G in a tree. Whattay phuntastic chemistry! ⭐️⭐️
Bitwa has stormed into mahant mansion dragging some poor sap by the ear - said sap apparently being responsible for these mysterious posters that have caused more badnaami for bitiya. Apparently they show bitiya "in flagrante delicto" with bitwa, which probably translates to yet another trip-fall-catch-rabbave. Bitwa and Amma have one of those civilized face-offs where the subtext carries more weight than the actual conversation.
Side note - maybe its the five-year hiatus, but bitwa needs to up his game in these scenes or he's going to get roasted by Amma's magnificence. He sounded flat - like he OD'd on Prozac before the shot (You've got what it takes - bitwa, you just need to pull out that much missed ASR wala screen presence from wherever it got buried after Season 1 👍🏼)
Despite Amma's corny line about bitiyas being jewelry and not to be displayed outside the home (stock prices of every desi jeweler just took a nose dive - what's the point of buying bling if you can't show it off?) - Amma overpowers every scene she is in.
Bitwa is obviously playing some nefarious double game - his sly look at bitiya and background rabba ve indicate as much. Waisey, someone needs to teach bitwa how to wink properly - instead of looking mischevious, he looked like he was trying to dislodge a dust mote in his eye. Maybe it was the use of slo-mo in that shot, but something was gadbad - Nand Kisore.
4. Of blackmail and bird cages
Jiji threesome (Senior) discusses the day's events when another box arrives. This time - 'tis a demand for 50 lakhs and a bird cage. Cage being the bat signal used to signify acceptance of blackmail attempt. And here I be conphoosed again (maafi - I been musafiring) - IS BITWA THE SENDER OF THESE BOXES OR NOT? 😳
If he isn't - then how does he know what message it contained, and what the cage is intended to signify? And if he is sending these missives - why does he persist in referring to himself in the third person like an extra from Seinfeld (George is hungry! George likes spicy chicken! George is getting upset! 😡)
5. Precap
More color assult on the eyes, this time in shades of blue, green and other colors not officially sanctioned for this earth by Mahadev. Bitwa yanks bitiya close in full view of her phaimily, Amma's jewelry metaphor be damned.
And a couple final notes before I wrap...
a) Bitiya's wardrobe W*F'ery - and the rest of her female relatives as well. No wonder Amma believes jewelry needs to be kept under lock and key - I'd be embarrassed to display stuff like this too.
b) Bitwa's trousers during face-off today - obviously let out at the hips to accommodate adult diapers. If not, and I just unfairly maligned him - then bitwa and the rest of the cast needs to have a serious, come-to-Jesus chat with stylist that involves vague references to supaari.
Aaj ke liye - itna-ich. Rabba Ve! 😃
Anupamaa
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