In all of Ramayan, as we follow Ram's journey vanquishing evil, it is often forgotten that back at Ayodhya, his brother awaited his return, fighting his own battles, in his own way. Those battles he fought were not of the physical kind. So it is often easy to forgot. The they were no less difficult.
Omkara will fight a similar battle I suppose and just my take on that.
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"Please tell me you did not ask Shivaay to leave., Omkara's shaky words to Jahnvi was not what she expected to hear from him on meeting him.
"Om, listen to me., Jahnvi starts to explain and he knows without needing to hear anything further that Shivaay left because of her. He reels under the impact of the truth and hears his mother calling his name. "Om, just listen please., her voice becomes urgent seeing her son's face reflect disbelief, horror, shock and then anger one after the other.
"You will not address me going forward. I am as good as dead to you, Mrs. Tej Singh Oberoi, he says, in a whisper, his formidable anger reined in with super human effort. He turns around and walks away quickly, lest he do or say something he would regret.
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He does not let himself breakdown until he reaches the sanctuary of his room. Inside his room, he lashes out, tearing the curtains apart, breaking the chairs and making his paint bottles fly. And finally, he himself breaks, violent sobs raking through him as the reality dawns on him. Shivaay is gone and it is his mother made him leave.
Suddenly, two small hands envelope his shaking self in her own. He wants to just disappear. He does not want to come to terms with what is happening around him. He hugs her back, holding on to her to save himself wishing that she could pray to her Sankarji and change reality for him.
They sit there for a long time hugging each other as tears flow. "Are they really gone?, he whispers finally, unable to believe it yet. A fresh set of tears is what he gets in reply.
Her hands push an envelope towards him, the envelope Shivaay had silently pushed into her hands before leaving. "Give this to Om., he had softly whispered to her.
Om opens it to read hastily scribbled words from Shivaay. "Dear Om, I am leaving knowing full well that I don't have to worry about our family when you are there. Promise you will do just that. I must make amends for what has happened. Please just trust me.. Om stares at the words at first uncomprehending. Then realization dawns on him.
"He has really left.
Gauri looks at her husband who stares straight ahead, his tears all dried up, his face devoid of any emotion. Then the nightmares start.
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He turns around in the darkness, fumbling, trying to find a way out. The darkness closes in on him and he feels himself suffocating. But he knows that he cannot stop. There is someplace he needs to be, he remembers that vaguely. He cannot really remember where, but he just tells himself he cannot stop. He tries to peer through the darkness but try as he might, he cannot find the light. He panics now, his breath getting shorter.
Gauri wakes up, disturbed from her light sleep and the source of her disturbance is right next to her, her husband, tossing and turning in his sleep, his face scrunched with worry. He seems to have a hard time breathing and Gauri immediately gets up. "It is ok. You are fine. You are fine., she soothes him, smoothing the frown on his forehead and running her fingers through his hair.
He gasps and wakes up suddenly, sweating profusely and she is immediately at his side, wiping his forehead, worry lines etched on her face.
"Was it a nightmare again?, she whispers, tears barely held back as she watches him take deep breaths. He simply nods once and sits upright. The next minute he rushes out, not even looking at her directly.
She waits for him to come back to her, patiently.
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It is the same ever day. He dons a mask of inscrutability and fights on to live up to his brother's faith in him. He pours himself into work, his paints and poems forgotten.
He judges himself harshly, not sparing even the smallest of his mistakes. He is grateful when he meets with hostility at home and at business. Irrationally he wants to be hurt for when he hurts he is making amends for his mother's folly.
His guilt overwhelms him and suffocates him, and the nightmares are recurring. He feels weak and powerless and yet, he puts up a facade, an act for the world to see. He battles on day after day hoping that this one would be the last and Shivaay would be back. Yet even when returns home wounded and bleeding, he goes back to the battlefield again the next day, his eyes always searching for the prodigal brother. There is no respite.
Gauri silently watches over him, never pressing him but always on a lookout. He does not have anything to tell her and she knows he will when he is ready. So, she waits, patiently.
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He meets the distrustful eyes of the Oberoi industries senior management as he takes up the role of their executive head. He realizes that they may place their votes with him but not their trust. They want his elder brother and not him.
Their distrust weighs him down when he stands in front of the board of directors and rallies for their support against Svetlana. He manages to retain the board's support with his impassioned plea, removing Svetlana from having any say in Oberoi business.
A moment for victory. But his eyes only see Shivaay's seat at the head of the table and he feels defeated. He puts on his mask again because he needs to battle on.
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He dares Svetlana to do her worst and calls her bluff about the video. She back tracks buying time and disappearing from the house. Tia and Abhay also magically disappear right after. He rightly calculates her retreat as the move of a sly fox not wanting to give up her leverage and waiting for the opportune time. But the threat is for now postponed.
He knows he has won this round and, yet he feels utterly beaten. He is unable to forget the glee and satisfaction in Svetlana's eyes at having successfully disintegrated their home. Her exit brings no change to the already broken house. So, he keeps battling on.
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He feels the accusing stares of his Choti ma as he goes to office. She reminds him that he is no Shivaay and his head bents acknowledging the fact silently. She rants and curses, spewing hatred in her love for her son, his elder brother. He silently accepts her words, not countering her once. Even Pinky is exhausted in the end. "Did you not hear a word I said?, she asks flabbergasted. He hugs her, catching her off guard and then leaves without a word.
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"If this deal goes through, we will have tided the worst., he tells his uncle softly. Shakti looks at him questioningly. "Why are you telling me this Om? I don't..
"I need your blessings, Chote papa., Om interjects before he bends down to touch his uncle's feet. For a moment he senses his uncle's hand hover over head and his heart pounds painfully. He awaits in suspense and mentally begs for forgiveness for a sin that is not his.
"My blessing is always with my children. He hears his uncle say but the hand never makes it to his head. His forgiveness does not come. He watches his uncle walk away silently and his heart bleeds a little bit more. But he battles on, awaiting his brother's return, awaiting the forgiveness he wishes he gets.
But he still goes on.
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He walks into the sick room and finds a once vibrant man on bed, not able to move a muscle. Mr. Tej Singh Oberoi is bed ridden and a paralytic needing care all day long.
"I will have the specialist come in again tomorrow., he says knowing full well that there is very little hope for recovery. He does not know why he hides the truth from the man who has given him nothing but misery, but he does every day. Atleast someone needs to be given hope he reasons.
Gauri watches him from the door and then walks in calling out to her father in law like she does every day since his heart attack. She holds her husband's hand for a fleeting moment, falling more in love with the kind man who hides behind duty and trust to do the right thing.
She knows that he fights his demons every day in order to walk into the room that houses his father and yet he does it without complaint. She sends a silent prayer to her God to give her husband the strength to fight just a little bit longer.
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It is those he loves the most who give him the unkindest cuts of all. But he battles on for the promise his brother holds him to and awaits his return.
He diligently ignores the pleading eyes of the woman who waylays him on his way to his room. He does not acknowledge Jahnvi's presence and turns a deaf ear to her pleas. He sees her walking away defeated and he feels himself crumble inside.
She has poisoned their bond in her blind love for an undeserving man and he knows that he needs to let the wound bleed until the poison bleeds out with it.
His pain is unbearable and, yet he accepts it as his punishment on her behalf and hopes that she be spared.
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"Where is Shivaay? Why have you not brought him home yet?, his frail Daadi's questions him when he goes to meet her. He just shakes his head, his heart already broken at the most recent failure in finding his brother.
"Do you even wish for him to come back Om?, the words are out of her mouth even before she realizes their meaning. The horror on his face must have shown only too well for his daadi's eyes mirror his horror.
"Om I did not mean.. I meant.. ", she mumbles pityingly, and he simply hugs her to him.
"I know Daadi. It is ok., he says comforting her.
But he walks out of her room, an extremely broken man. He cannot battle on much longer and his iron-will is at the end of its tether. He sways, his daadi's words echoing in his head.
A tiny hand winds itself around his waist and supports him before he can fall. He holds on to his wife and she just stands with him as he gathers himself. They don't speak but the silence is enough for him to compose himself. He gets ready to fight another day's battle.
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He walks into Rudy's room to find his younger brother packing his bags.
"I am going to find Bhaiyaa myself and bring him home. Rudy is frustrated and wants to go search for their brother himself.
Om stands silently until Rudra is done packing and then when he is ready, he places a file in his hand. "He was last seen at the Delhi metro station. Then, the guy said they could not find trace anything further. Maybe you can start there., he says, thrusting a heavy folder at Rudra. It contains, names, dates and detailed summary of investigative reports from different agencies he has ordered to try and find Shivaay.
Rudra takes the file and hugs Om to him. "I need to do this O.
"I know., Om manages to whisper back.
He watches Rudy walk out of the house and a moment of panic seizes him. He wants to shout to Rudy not to leave him alone. But he puts on his mask and waves him goodbye as his heart breaks into a million more pieces. He feels like a failure, unable to hold his family together. But the thought of leaving what is left of his home never occurs to him. He binds himself to his brother's promise and holds the broken home together in his own way. His eyes shine with unshed tears as he watches his other brother walk away.
Her voice breaks his reverie. "You did the right thing., she tells him as she takes his hand in hers. They watch Rudy get into the car giving them a final wave. "He will bring them back., she says with confidence and gives him a small smile. He hugs her to him, something akin to hope seeding in his heart for the first time in weeks. He prays that her words come true and holds on to her conviction to keep himself afloat. He prepares himself to fight another day.
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It is the nightmare again and Om tosses and turns in his sleep, unable to escape the weight of responsibility he has come to reluctantly shoulder. A soothing hand wipes away the wrinkles on his forehead and hushes him to sleep. "Gauri.. he mumbles, unable to break out of his nightmare.
"I am right here, Omkaraji, right beside you., he hears her whisper. He clutches her hand in his sleep like a drowning man would at a log. "Shhh.., she consoles and he finally opens his eyes. The pair of eyes that look at him are filled with love and trust but are tinged with worry. He blinks trying to clear his head but fails. Her hands smooth his tangled mess of hair and she shushes softly. The kindness in her eyes is his undoing.
"Gauri, I am so tired., he mumbles. "I don't know how long I can do this anymore. I try but I feel like I failed, failed him, failed this family and failed you... A lone tear escapes him as Om verbalizes his fear for the first time since Shivaay left.
He shuts his eyes tight again, unable to meet her eyes. He is terrified to see her reaction to his failure reflect in those beautiful depths. She is the only cornerstone he has and he is afraid to lose her like he has lost his brothers in quick succession.
She simply kisses his forehead in reply. "You can never fail. Not now, not ever., he hears her whisper in his ear.
Om opens his eyes to stare into ones that still reflect overwhelming love and trust, now tinged with pain, a reflection of his own. He simply wants to cry.
He buries his face in her lap and then hugs her. He is burdened by the expectations that suffocate him, expectations he never set but ones he must live up to due to the turns of fate. Every day, he feels like a pretender, a pale shadow of the original but he puts on his mask hoping that the day would end with his brothers' return. At every failure, his insecurities at his own inadequacies threaten to swallow him alive.
It is only with her, he can be himself, secure of her love and kindness, secure that she would understand his flaws and failures, secure that she would not judge him like the others judges him at home and at office.
She runs her hand over his back rhythmically, calming him. She stays silent, inherently knowing that he needs to speak.
"I miss him, them. I feel like I let him down. Maybe if I had not gone to Germany, it may not have come to this., he finishes, finally allowing himself to voice his regret and pain. He verbalizes his overwhelming guilt, the hatred that comes along with it for himself, to her for the first time.
She rocks him gently and he lets his tears flow. She lets him talk, not interrupting. She cries along with him silently as she feels his pain and the burden of his overwhelming guilt.
"How could he leave, Gauri? We were supposed to fight this together. Did he not trust me to trust him?, he finally asks, anguished.
He is angry, she knows, at himself for failing to be there to stop her Bade bhaiyya from leaving and at Shivaay, for leaving at the words of his mother.
"He trusts you and has immense faith in you., she says. "He would never have left home if he had not had that trust. He knew you will handle everything in his absence., she says, struggling to tell him what he needs to hear.
"So he left because of me?, he asks, twisting her words to hurt himself. His eyes plead with her silently, wanting her to convince him otherwise.
"He left because believed he had to. You trust him to do the right thing?, she asks and feels his nod. "More than I trust myself., his reply is barely audible.
"Then trust him now., she tells him simply.
"What if when he comes back, he finds that his faith in me was misplaced and that I failed him., doubts still plague him.
"That can and will never happen. He will be proud, proud of you and what you have managed to do. And when they come back, she stresses the when, "When they come back, all this will seem like a bad dream., she says softly, wiping his tears like a mother would.
There is no hesitation or doubt in her voice. He looks at her face that reflects the conviction in her words. There is pride, love, concern and trust for him in there and a belief that their family will be whole again. In spite of all that is happening, he cannot but wonder at his good luck and thank destiny for sending this woman to his side. Her conviction and assurance rub off on him. He will fight because he has Shivaay's promise and faith to uphold and his wife's trust in him to do what is right. He would do anything to keep their hope alive, even if he has to fight harder.
Suddenly, he feels lighter than he has for weeks. The burden eases just a bit, letting him breathe. A physical exhaustion takes over.
"I feel like sleeping., he whispers and places his head back on her lap. His eyes flutter to a close and he falls into a deep slumber for the first time in weeks. He dreams of his family back together again and the nightmare spares him for one night.
Doubts will resurface again but for tonight, her words give him hope and some respite to face the battle again next day.
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Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
