Only You
Part One ||
Phool Mehke Nahi, Kuch Gumsum Se Hai...
Jaise Roothe Hue, Kuch Ye Tumse Hai...
Khushbuyen Pighal Gayi...
Sath Tum Ab Jo Nahi...
Standing in a garden where he has had his last moments with Anika, his hands holding white orchids, he stilled emotionless. White orchids, particularly favorite flowers of his Anika took him back in the memory lanes... memory lanes where everything was beautiful unlike present reality which was nothing but bitter. Shedding tears, his eyes showed reflection of agony and prolonged pain. They say, the rain falls because sky can no longer handle its heaviness... just like tears... they fall because heart can no longer handle the pain. Feeling incapacitated to bear the pain, his legs gave up and he fell down on his knees. Clutching the flowers closer to his heart, he let out a heart helpless cry.
"Anikaaa."
"Please come back to me Anika, please come back. I know I have done enough to deserve this suffering forever, I have done more than enough of damage to you, I know I don't deserve you. I deserve punishment but please at least come back to punish me. Please come back Anika, give me one chance to explain, give me one chance to apologize...give me one chance to say sorry."
He sobbed like a kid who had lost his mother. He was longing for her. The pain of hurting her wasn't letting him breathe but he could not deny the fact that his pain was nothing in front of the pain he had caused her. The fact that he had broken her, had broken his love, had broken his Anika... and more accurately her trust, was breaking him apart.
"I am sorry Anika. Please forgive me. I did... I do and I will love you... only you. You were the first girl in my life and will be the last too. You.. You taught me the meaning of love. For me love always meant you, no one else... no one else, Anika." Looking up, staring at nothing in particular, he apologized repeatedly, confessing his love for her but what was the meaning now? She wasn't there to listen.
Bringing the flowers near his lips, he kissed them. His eyes closed, tears still spilling out. A certain relief rushed through him as if he could feel her in them. Those flowers occupied special place in his life as they were his Anika's favorite flowers. Anything which she liked, he undoubtedly loved. He never was into flowers till he had met her but once he fell for her, everything related to her, fascinated him.
"I so wish Anika you would have given me one chance... just once chance to explain. I know I didn't deserve it but still..."
He had left the words unsaid. That was regret, regret of his life which was eating him day by day. Closing his eyelids, Shivaay recalled one of their beautiful memories when his innocent lady had confessed her love for him.
"Shivaay I love you more than anything else, I love you more than anyone else, I love you two, three, four, infinity." Saying this, she buried her face in his chest leaving him to laugh open heartedly at her innocence and her cute behaviour.
"I love you too Anika. I love you too." He secured her in his arms wrapping his hands around her. He could never get tired of letting her know how much he loved her, what place she held in his life.
How much he wanted that moment to stop there, how much he wished he could always be like that, with her... with his love of life in his arms. He was feeling like the luckiest person on the planet.
But only he knew the base of their relationship was a lie... a pure lie... after knowing which he had no idea how she will react, after knowing which she might... NO... she will definitely hate him.
Shivaay tried telling her many times, but the fear... the fear of losing her never let him to do so. He was scared even with the thought of her reaction after knowing the truth. He cursed himself for the day when in one misunderstanding he started walking on the path of hurting her, destroying her, cheating her. He so wished he could go back in past and change everything but that was not possible.
How could he even think of hurting such a pure and innocent soul like her?
"She trusts me so much. God, I am hating myself now. How will she react after knowing the truth, how will I face her, will she understand? Will she forgive me?"
He smiled through his tears feeling her love confession again. Another memory caught his mind but this time, it was the macabre one... when his life had destroyed, when she left him.
Shivaay had no contact with Anika for one complete day. Her phone was switched off and when Shivaay went to her home to have a check upon her, what he found left him dumbstruck. A lock hanging on Anika's door made him restless causing him to panic. He approached her neighbors for any information about her but no one knew why she left. But then something hit his mind. Rushing to Tia he confronted her about Anika's sudden disappearance as she was the only person other than him to know about his truth.
"Tia, where is Anika?"
Tia looked unbalanced hearing Shivaay's question about Anika. She tried being normal. "Anika? How am I supposed to know where is she. What happened?"
The girl was testing the patience of already frustrated man. He pulled her roughly by her shoulders in a jerk. "Don't you dare lie to me. You think I am fool? Fool not to notice sudden changes in your behaviour? You have suddenly became possessive about me. You were trying to keep me and Anika away from each other but I ignored... assuming that I am over thinking, you are the only person who knew about my plan... about everything. Some days before I confessed about Anika not being at fault and my true love about her to you and now I had no contact with her since yesterday. Her phone is off , her home is locked and you think I am an idiot to consider this a coincidence ? You better speak truth now or else you know what I can do. Speak dammit". He shouted at her warning, pushing her to the ground.
Tia could see the fury and rage in Shivaay's eyes. She was well aware of what he could do to her. She had to narrate him everything that had happened between her and Anika. Tia held his hand desperately pleading. "Please Shivaay, maine ye sab tumhare liye kiya... Hamare liye kiya."
Jerking her hand away, he gave a disgusted look to Tia. "Hamare liye? Tum aur mai kabhi ham nahi ho sakte. I never thought you could stoop so low Tia." He marched away from there.
"I lost you Anika... I lost you." He screamed with all his almighty in his car banging his head onto car steering.
His eyes snapped open, remembering what happened before five years. Yes, it's been now five years since Anika left him. Shivaay tried everything, every damn place she could go but he couldn't find her. And from that time he everyday started coming in the garden to spend time with their memories. He was lost in himself wen his phone started ringing. Wiping his tears which had become like a routine for him, he took out his phone from his pocket. Seeing the caller ID, he instantly picked the call hoping it to be some information about Anika. "Hello. Really ? Where is she? Thank you... thank you so much".
He disconnected the call with happiness shining on face after five years. Finally he found her. With determination of getting her back he left the place rushing towards his life... Anika. He drove like a maniac from Mumbai to Shimla. On reaching the address given by his secretary, to his disappoint he found lock on the door. His face again fell down which was shining sometime before by the thought of meeting her. Cursing his luck, he turned back to leave from there.
But...
***
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
