Part 17:
Aditya looked down: It's what she wanted.
Alex: You are a glutton for punishment, I knew it right there in the interrogation room.
Aditya sighed: You won't understand. She has been through worse for me.
Alex: That I do believe. Now, Adrianaaa...(he kissed this woman on both cheeks), I have someone I want you to meet. This is Aditya, a friend of Emily's. He's just visiting.
Aditya smiled politely as Adrianna looked at him in appreciation: Nice to meet you.
Imlie barged in: Adrianna, I need a favor! Can you watch Emmy for a little bit while I get the cakes ready?
Adriana: Uh, sure (She hesitated and looked at Aditya and Alex).
Imlie: Right now, cause I am running late.
Adriana, disappointed: Okay...nice to meet you, Aditya (she walked away).
Alex: Emily, why are you such a party pooper?
Imlie: I will talk to you later, don't think I don't see your little tricks. You (she glared at Aditya) come with me.
She dragged Aditya into the kitchen, out of the crowd.
Aditya: Ok, what is it? Why are you being so weird?
Imlie messed up his hair. Looked at the effect, then messed it up again.
Imlie: Gaah, it's not even helping!
Aditya: What are you doing!? Stop! (He pulled back and brushed his fingers through his hair, setting it back into place).
Imlie, annoyed: Stop flirting with my coworkers!
Aditya, shocked: I did no such thing! I was only being civil. Alex introduced me...
Imlie whispered angrily: Stop listening to Alex! He's a huge player, he's not your role model!
Aditya, warily: Now you have really gone mad, Jhalli. I was just being polite. They are your family here, I only wanted to get to know them a little.
Imlie's heart skipped a beat at the word, she hadn't heard him call her Jhalli in such a long time. Her eyes watered.
Aditya hugged her: What's wrong? Okay, I am sorry. I will keep to myself, if it makes you feel better.
Imlie hugged him back fiercely and whispered: It's not that.
Alex: I thought you two came to get the cakes. What are you "friends" doing hugging like that?
Imlie and Aditya let go immediately.
Imlie: Fine, help us with the cakes. You are such a troublemaker, Alex. I don't know who decided to put you in this line of work.
Alex: Speak for yourself!
Aditya took a step back as they bickered and went out with the cakes.
The birthday party went predictably with the cakes and treats. Emmy preferred the taste of Aditya's red velvet cake over the large chocolate one, which pleased Aditya enormously. Imlie recovered enough to avoid any more crazy antics the rest of the evening. Alex's mother came in with a very nice teddy for Emmy and everyone enjoyed themselves without further hiccups. Little did Aditya know that Imlie kept her on the women the rest of the night in case anyone tried to hit on her husband.
The next morning, Imlie dropped Emmy off at daycare and took Aditya to work. She made sure he had some pen and paper to keep busy in the locked waiting room.
Imlie: I will come back during lunch.
Aditya looked at the blank stack of paper: What is the paper for?
Imlie: I don't know...if you feel like writing anything. Books and newspapers, I cannot give you here. And this is not for confessions (she warned).
Aditya nodded.
Imlie sat down beside him: What's gotten into you? You have been very quiet since last night.
Aditya didn't meet her eyes: Nothing. Just bored, I guess.
Imlie: Look, it is not easy being removed from society like this, I know. But I promise, I am working to get you out soon. Just put up with it for a little while.
Aditya stroked her cheek and tried to smile: Don't worry so much. I am fine. Go do your work. You will find me right here when you come back.
Imlie squeezed his hand encouragingly and went to her office.
Later...
Alex: I tried, okay!? He's getting off scot-free. This is the best case scenario!
Imlie, angrily: He cannot lose his career over this! Alex, it is his identity!
Alex sighed: I am sorry. I cannot do more than this right now and neither can you.
Imlie crying: I ruined him. Oh God, I ruined him!
Alex: This is not your fault.
Imlie: Of course it is! This is what you told him last night, isn't it? That's why he's been so low. He couldn't even share with me. He signed the NDA, he should be free to go. He's not a threat to his country or us!
Alex: I don't think the department sees him as a threat per se. He just cannot go back to that profession because it is too risky for us.
Imlie buried her face in her hands, shaking: He's nothing without his profession. What will he do?
Alex: Let some time pass, we will think about reinserting him into society, it will just need higher approval.
Imlie got up and left the office.
She watched from the observation office as Aditya walked around the waiting room and looked longingly out the window. He sighed and went back to the desk, looking at the pen and paper. There was no point. He was trapped. He could not go back and he could not move forward. Imlie knew this feeling. She knew it too well what losing one's identity felt like, Aditya's career was his identity as Imlie's marriage was hers once. She had started off with no identity due to her father and then stayed in purgatory as Aditya's wife. She could not be married in her own eyes and she was not unmarried in society's eyes. It makes you feel like there will never be another sunrise.
Aditya looked up as Imlie came in through the door.
Aditya cheered up: Bit early for lunch, isn't it?
Imlie came and hugged him tight: I am sorry. I am so sorry. Alex just told me.
Aditya: Hey, it's okay. I am fine. Look. Don't cry over this. It's okay.
Imlie was bawling: I couldn't do anything.
Aditya: There are always powers bigger than us. Looks like I finally bit off more than I could chew. That's life, right? Why are you blaming yourself for this? If anything, it is my fault, not yours.
Imlie was sobbing: But you can't go into journalism and what are you if not a journalist?
Aditya: I would like to think I am a little more than my profession, thank you very much. I can write. I can find some editing work, maybe. There's no need to cry over this.
Imlie got up and looked at him: You are not worth any less to me if you lose your career. I want you to know that.
Aditya stared at her and then wiped her eyes: I really got into a soup did time, didn't I? Reckless, even I have to admit that. It's funny though.
Imlie, fixing his hair: What is?
Aditya: It's karma. I thought about it last night. I thought about that day when I found you with mud all over your face at the wedding, you were on the ground - crying. You had just sent your family away, you had nowhere to go, and yet I just let you stay in that limbo. I didn't respect our wedding even though your mother's words were playing over and over in my head. I blocked your future because I was thinking only of myself. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I went ahead with it anyway. That's the day I went wrong. I wronged everyone that day, but mostly you. This feels like that. Like I cannot go back and I cannot see the future either. It feels hopeless, Imlie (his eyes glistened). I don't know how you ever survived it. I ruined you.
Imlie, resolved: I won't let that happen to you. I will think of something.
Aditya: No, don't you see? I deserve this. It's the universe's way of paying me back.
Imlie, stoutly: That's enough self-pity for today. Come let's go to lunch. I promise, I will think of something.
Aditya: Don't be kind to me. I wasn't kind to you.
Imlie: I can't help it.
That night...
Aditya watched Coco Melon with Emmy for four hours before his head started to hurt. Imlie was working on some case and he was to keep Emmy busy until bedtime. Eventually, Imlie came and put the child to bed.
Aditya: That music is still ringing in my head.
Imlie took a bite of her dinner: That's how I felt the time I saw it. Now I sing along with just as much enthusiasm.
Aditya smiled: It's nice to see this side of you. I think Emmy grounds you.
Imlie: Yes, she does. Given the amount of crimes I deal with, she's like a reminder that there is hope in this life.
Aditya hesitated.
Imlie: What is it?
Aditya: Is there any hope for us? Really? I don't want to push you if you really feel honestly that this is the life you want now. I don't want to come in the way of anything. I don't want to endanger your job and I have nothing going for me anyway... (He shrugged) I am a lost cause.
Imlie: I know how much your profession means to you, Aditya. I promise you, there is a way to start over. I did it, you can too. They just want you to stay here for the time being. You are not banned from ever going back. You can see your family again.
Aditya: No, it's not that. I wanted your forgiveness. I wanted to be able to see us together, but the more I see how you suffered, the less worthy of forgiveness I feel. My family will be fine. They don't see much of me now anyway. They have not changed much from their classist beliefs and I don't have time for that anymore. But I see that being with your sister was unforgivable. I see that now.
Imlie sighed: It is not easy for me, that is true. But we are in this together for better or worse. I promise, I will find you a way to get back your cause.
Aditya: And us?
Imlie bit her lip: I can't help but wonder what your relationship with her was like, you know, before the wedding. I do obsess over it because I got in the way. She was always clear that I took her perfect love away from her. Then, when I fell for you, the guilt just ate away at me for the longest time. When I left you two together, I thought I had made what amends I could between you, but now...I find myself thinking again that I ruined everything.
Aditya sighed and took her hand: We weren't in love, Imlie. If you want to know you just need to ask. I will tell you everything. I met her when I was covering a politician's speech at her college. I was a relatively junior journalist then, only three years in the profession and she was in her Master's program. I saw a woman speaking up against an invited guest and I thought, let me see if I can get a quote from her for my article. That's how it started. It was a polite friendship because our politics matched. She asked to see me after my article was published and I just kind of went along. It was a comfortable friendship for the longest time. I was not of a romantic bend and I thought, maybe this is what a relationship felt like, companionable friendship. We just kind of knew when we got to our early thirties that we have been together long enough and should give this friendship a name because our families were always asking. So it became a relationship and before we knew it, we were getting married. It really was friendship that I mistook for love because I had never felt love or passion before. Her interest in me was perhaps more keen, but I am not sure if she loved me or was just obsessed with me.
Imlie: Perhaps me getting in the way changed her love into obsession.
Aditya, thoughtfully: No, she was always like that. She was very hot and cold. Either always in agreement or always doubting whether I loved her or not. In hindsight, I see the bipolar aspects of her personality but I didn't know any woman as a girlfriend long enough to find her behavior odd. She said she was okay with me traveling to all these villages, but she would often turn up there to surprise me. Very sweetly, but it often felt like a test. I was not always comfortable with that. I know she is your sister and I shouldn't badmouth her, but I felt she was too fragile to ever disagree with, so I never communicated that I found it a bit much sometimes. That's what that relationship was like.
Imlie sighed: Well, it was love for her. And you thought it was love for you for a time too.
Aditya: I told you this before too, Imlie. I would not have lasted with her anyway. Everything was a bit...awkward. And with her mother, it was always a test in patience. You can't build a marriage on that kind of foundation. I could not keep walking on eggshells all my life.
Imlie: Thank you for telling me.
Aditya: How does that make you feel?
Imlie: It gives me more to process, I guess.
Aditya: Towards what?
Imlie: Acceptance of our circumstances. I guess I have been insecure about it. Uncomfortable at the idea that you were having a child together...
Aditya looked at her keenly: You would not be taking her place. (He sighed) Look, I cannot undo the past, Imlie. If you cannot accept it, just tell me when you are ready. I swear, I will not push you. I know that you and I were the only real deal. That is what I want to save if we can. If not, I would like to see you let go of this bracelet and move on. This is not a life, Imlie. Living while honoring just the singar alone. It should either be our relationship or nothing at all. I want to see you happy, that's all I want. Whether that be with me or not.
Bit serious, today's piece. What did you think?
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