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What is this bond between him and me? Ever since I've known him, its been like this. Only that I could never name this feeling before. Or maybe, I didn't have the courage to. I wasn't ready to believe that I could fall in love. That too with someone as weird as him.
I was a child who never had choices. I never acknowledged the man who was responsible for my birth. Why should I, when he himself disowned me for being a girl? There was nothing missing in my life. I have been an obedient daughter to my Daadi and Ammi. To my sisters, I was the provider and a caring sister.
But to myself? This is the difficult part.
I had only one goal in life. In a world where men are driven by greed and lust, I wanted to prove myself to others, to my so called father that I am no less than a son.
But fate has a strange way of leading us straight to the path unexpected. He was my boss and I was merely an intern working for him. Most people called him crazy - a gloomy fellow who looks annoyed all the time. Heck, I myself call him a psycho. He was like a diamond, flashing different colours at different turns. Yet, I could see a raw pain in those eyes. It looks like he is trying to escape his own fate, and in the process he's locked himself up in a dark chamber.
I was used to his hatred and anger. But one day, his proximity and closeness changed my life entirely. He had his arms around me in the jungle and i could feel his breath on me which made me shiver. I looked into his eyes and his gaze pierced my soul. It was only when he told me to stay away that i came back to my senses. Why did he evoke these strange, unknown feelings in me?
I cannot help but wonder if he has alter egos. There are moments when he is so affectionate. And there are times when he turns into a beast. He pushed me away, but I refused to leave his side. Somehow I believed his love was real, his denial wasn't. He even accused me of being a gold digger, but I could sense his pain behind those words and even his accusation seemed hollow to my ears.
I'm grateful to him for giving me some perfect, dreamy memories that will last with me for a lifetime. When he told he loves me, my heart jumped with joy. But my instincts told me to wait. Something was very wrong. How can I trust this man who changes every minute? I was confused.
But I have realized that loving him has become as essential as breathing. It is the most powerful, heart-wrenching emotion I've ever known. He has taught me that it takes great courage to love.
When I am in his arms, I lose all I have and become a woman. His woman. He has left his roots deep in my soul. I know now why it is said that first love can never be forgotten. Love can obliterate every negative emotion. I believe that I can make him see the world through my eyes and teach him to let go.
Arzoo Nausheen Khan who has learnt to love, has also learnt to live.
Soul-mate (OS on Sahir) - http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4265278
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