The April Quibbler

Welcome to this issue of the Quibbler!!! Hope all of you had a FABULOUS April Fools Day and before the sparkle of the day dies off let me introduce you to this issue's heroes…..

As Sam is away on holiday, I take the belligerent task of addressing all of you ALONE!!! We have decided to post The Quibbler in HP Section, instead of Freewebs, from this issue onwards as it will save time for the readers and generate more comments. I know, some of the features are missing, specially Pooja's serial fan fic and HP Section News-we shall continue them from the next issue onwards. I'd specially like to thank all the members of HP who contributed as well as all of you who post your feedback!!! AND Last But Not Least… Happy April Fools' Day! Hope you enjoyed it!!!

Sub-Editor's Note-Remember the theme! I feel free to leave you to your own devices!!!!

J.K. Rowling: Innocent Muggle or Witty Witch?

For ages, we've been told by J.K. Rowling herself that the idea for Harry Potter struck her mind on the London Underground. But did it?

New & reliable sources have revealed that there does exist a real wizarding world, & J.K. Rowling is actually a witch, & also that she has been banished from the wizarding world after having revealed all the secrets in her books. Rowling, who was recently caught scaring little kids away from her house, is suspected of having an army of Heliopaths, that are great tall flaming creatures that gallop across the ground burning everything in front of them, which she uses to fire against reporters trying to ask her questions about her reality.

When asked about this Rowling replied,"Me a witch? Thats absolutely barbaric!" She might say whatever she wants to, but one day when her truth does come out, remember, you read it first in the Quibbler!

The phobic name for the fear of April Fools' Day is Aphrilophobia.
April Fools Day has many origins! One of the most popular is the French origin. The French were one of the first nations to declare January 1^st as the New Year, which was previously held on April 1^st. Thus the New Year's gifts and visits of felicitation which had been the feature of the 1st of April became associated with the first day of January, and those who disliked or did not hear about the change were fair game for those wits who amused themselves by sending mock presents and paying calls of pretended ceremony on the 1st of April and the person fooled is known as poisson d'avril.
The BBC television programme Panorama ran a famous hoax in 1957, showing the Swiss harvesting spaghetti from trees. They had claimed that the despised pest the spaghetti weevil had been eradicated. A large number of people contacted the BBC wanting to know how to cultivate their own spaghetti trees!
• In 1965, the BBC purported to conduct a trial of a new technology allowing the transmission of odor over the airwaves to all viewers. Many viewers reportedly contacted the BBC to report the trial's success!

Fred and George have a whole drawer in Filch's "punishment" cabinet all to themselves (CS8).
That the shop assistant at Weasley's Wizard Weezes, Verity, is named ironically as the word "verity" means truth!
Their inventions INCLUDE: fake wands (GF5), Weasleys' Wild-Fire Whiz-Bangs (OP28), Canary Creams (GF21), Extendable Ears (OP4), Skiving Snackboxes (OP), Headless Hat (OP24), Nosebleed Nougat (OP12, HBP6), Portable Swamp (OP29), Puking Pastilles (OP6), Ton-Tongue Toffees (GF4, GF5) , Punching telescope (HBP5)
• That Weasleys' Wizards Weezes sold Skiving Snackboxes (Nosebleed Nougat is the most popular) , bins full of trick wands , boxes of quills (Self-Inking, Spell-Checking and Smart-Answer) , Reusable hangman , Patented Daydream Charms , Muggle card and rope tricks , Edible Dark Marks , Shield Charms (hats, cloaks, gloves), Instant Darkness Powder (imported from Peru), Decoy Detonators , Joke cauldrons, "WonderWitch" products (love potions, Guaranteed ten-second pimple vanisher) Pygmy Puffs (miniature puffskeins)

F: Hey this is Gred along with my brother Feorge oh no I m fred this is george

G: Well actually griffy was supposed to be writing something good about us and she contacted us and I was so totally offended I mean she was going to present us like good innocent angels

F: But we aren't right?

G: Exactly so we gave her some of our new inventions to try on her friends and we are here instead

F: Well griffy explained that we shoud tell some points of HP ~~ so we are here

G: But we are bad at lectures .We never paid attention in school

F: We spent that time inventing things because we didn't find any use of these studies in our career

G: Exactly and I still wonder how students come alive from Binn's class

F: Yeah I would have died if I hadn't put a charm of not being able to hear nonsense voices which included Binn's voice.

G: Yeah

F: On our way here we met Harry. He is in search of horcruxes

G: He should spend time in better things.

F: He is born 4 that ……….brave guy harry

G: But what a life he has…….all the time fighting

F: Why should he care of voldemort????? He should care of the box we gave him

G: Yeah its full of shrieking shack

F: Yeah we told him he might find them useful but if he eats it himself he'll himself shriek for hours

G: Its better if mum doesn't find out that

F: Yeah she is gone so sensitive about him

G: Harry also needs fun instead of searching horcruxes……..there are more important things than school and voldemort

F: So guys did u know why Rowling created us?

G: Well we know the reason , its because its her deepest desire to be like us !!

F: Yeah so like on our way here we phoned Rowling asking her whose going to die and she told no to us

G: Well now can u hear shrieks ? well we gave one to her saying its a toffee(she loves toffees)

Fred I can see worried faces

F: Ok guys don't worry she'll be alright in an hour …we gave her a mild one.

G: And why should u worry?? 7^th book is just finished and gone for editing.

F: George better change the topic

G: Ok ok I'll…..now there is something else also to tell

F: Yeah……well we went for a short visit to voldemort's house(well why?? That's the order business u are too little to kno that )

G: I hated it there it was so smelly……he doesn't even clean it

F: And we said that I mean The Dark lords's home is soo smelly that's bad for his reputation and he got so angry so we said that we don't like him and nor does anyone else

G: And so he tried to curse us!!

F: And we just threw a shrieking shack in snape's mouth (yeah he was there and he also had opened his mouth to curse us)

G: So snape was like shrieking (and w ehad given him the strongest one it was like revenge for giving us dreadful just because we told him that our potion went wrong 'cuz one of his greasy hair fell into our cauldron)

F: And guess what??? voldemort got scared and started crying

G: He's not scray people…….just u guys have made him by saying U KNO WHO

F: Yeah and then he asked us why we like harry and not him?

G: So I said harry has a scar + some very good friends not like voldemort's who left him when he lost power and we said he has a beautiful girlfriend unlike him

F: He kind of went really sad

G: Then his face again started turning angry and evil again

F: And so we knew that the effect of sadness weakness and inferiority emotions gas was dying and so we immediately apparrated

G: Well so now your Rowling has stopped shrieking Calm Down and Snape is still shrieking (who cares???) and Rowling said to tell u guys something

F: yeah as all of u are wondering what happened to Umbridge??????

G: Rowling told she was too useless stupid character to be added in the book and so she told us to tell

F: Well after everyone came to know what all she did to harry she was sent to like 3 nights trip

One was with Lupin . lupin made her write lines saying " I must love werewolves they are better than humans like me" and its 4ever engraved on her right hand

G: Second she was asked to go and make food for hagrid and to take a stroll in the forbidden forest

F: We would have told u what was the 3^rd trip but after all this she lost herself went for an year to mungo's hospital and is now in ministry serving as a clerk

G: Talking about Dumbledore we were really sad about that…..he was a good chap wasn't he fred?

F: Yeah he several times caught us doing things we shouldn't be but let us go on..

G: I guess he thought we would excel and make some kind of thing that would make filch love students

F: Yeah and we are working on it!!

G: But we have little hope…….its like making the earth square

F: exactly anyways its time for us to go

G: yeah

F: and now whoever says Fred and George are greatest pranksters will get a box of shrieking shack for their friends

G: be careful to what u eat!

F: Bye!

G: Bye!

Fred and George manage an Agony Aunt Column with ahem...breakthrough advice!.

Dear Fred and George,

I am in deep trouble. I mean I wanna kill this dude but he keeps escaping me. I have got his guardian killed but this guy has the key to my life. I mean I can't afford to loose because if I do, I won't be able to terrorize this world anymore. Please help me!!!

From

You-know-who

Dear You-Know-Who

Fred: I don't know who you are. I mean he says who-know-who…

George: Don't be dumb Fred it of course voldomort and he is talking about Harry!

Fred: oh! But it should have been U-NO-POO (correcting the name)

George: Anyways-dear U-NO-POO we can't help you, Harry dude is much stronger than you. But even if you have killed dumbledore we are with Harry. So Mr. Poopoo you are just a looser with a big L.

Fred: and my sis is goin' out with him so you better keep your eye off him.

Dear Fred and George,

I am practically in love with this guy, well to be more prcise Harry Potter. I used to click his pictures till I was in the second year but then my camera broke. But now he has started going out with this chick with red hair. I wanna tell Harry how much I love him. Please advise me the right way to tell him!

From

Desperately in love with the boy who lived,

Dear desperate

Fred: hey that red haired chick is my sister!!!

George: well Colin I know its you. Man you sound like you are somthin'. Forget Harry and go to a camera shop!

Fred: George don't you think our sister has become very famous after going out with Harry?

George: yeh! even Katie Holmes wasn't talked about that much after she started going out with Tom Cruise.

Fred: Harry isn't as good-looking as Tom Cruise.

George: but the muggle one is!

Dear Fred and George

Hey guys I don't know why but all the wizards (the young and hot one , mind you) are crazy about some chick called Avril Lavinge. I mean I sing better than her but still all the guys are crazy about her. Help me!

From

One of the weird sisters.

Dear one,

Fred: that's not true I am your fan!

George: no kiddin' Fred Avril is a hottie plus she sings very well (showing him her poster). Look weird sister I know you used to rock before Avril came up and now you are not popular anymore, that is because you are ugly beyond anything and Fred will always be your fan. Isn't it Fred? Fred… hey Fred stop it.

Fred: sorry ( drooling at the poster).

Dear Fred and George,

I never thought I'd have to ask you for help but still you'll have to help me. I got into a wizarding school a year back. Well I guess that was the worst mistake I made. I mean after getting out of there I suffered from many physical and psychological injuries, and now nobody likes me. I mean I am not even that mean. Please help me

From

Wanna jump off a bridge.

Dear wanna jump from a bridge,

Fred: hey this one sounds like Umbridge.

George: hey you are the biggest witch what do you expect people to do with you… like you or hate you!

Fred: you know what you better jump off a bridge because you are seriously a psycho.

George: and we are enclosing dragon's **** along with this letter. Hope it smells worser than you!

😛Editor-Sam😛

😉Sub-Editor-Nutzie😉

👏Staff-Manshi, Griffy, Shriya, Praji, Aastha👏

Any breakthrough ideas for the next Quibbler? Contact Nutzie (umrao_jaan) by PM now!!!

Thank you all so much, all the people who contributed, from Manshi for her ahem...superb Advice Colume and to Aasta who sent the pix for the sigs. It was the best Quibbler I think I've worked on thanks to you guys!!! Manny, u know, we aught to continue the Advice Column giving advie to our HP members!!!! I totally love Griffy's Spotlight however much nervous you are Griff!!! And Shriya was awesome with her Spoof Article! We should include one for each Quibbler!!!hehehehe*evil grin*

xxxxxxxxxxx

Nutzie 😉

On behalf of The Quibbler....

Originally posted by: mallika_14

wooooow!!gud job!

Thanx so much Mallu!!! BTW U have the rights of first reply lolz!!!

It's Manny & Shreya-I'd faint if CC gave advice!!! 😉

& griffy... loved ur chat with my two idols
guys, do comment ....
& divya, we'll try to keep in mind ur suggestion.... all u need to do is PM nutz
but the quibbler looks great... it rocks! great job guys.... i think we're going great!

Thumbs up!


[/QUOTE]

Hiiiiiiii


I really loved griffy's article (hehe eventhough i read it be4 and even before it reached Nutz )
*evil grin*

Thank u to all those who liked Weasely's Words of Wizdumb It was co-written by my school friend Sanya and me Not Sam and me shri

It was awesome work guys keep up the good work

This one totally rocked!!! You had me laughing a load through this one!!!!
Sorry i couldnt participate but i so am gonna the next one...

I'll MAKE you!!And it's a threat!!😉😉😉

The advice column was pure genius!!!!!!!
and so was the peice by griffy!!!!
Luvya guys for making us laugh!!!!!!
and a special 🤗 to nutzie for putting this together!!!!!

I should write something too!!! But maybe in the next issue-if I have time!!!

[

Originally posted by: Anu

oh my gosh!itz awesome yaar!
Thanx Yaar! Nice to see u back!!!
too gud i love the funny letterz!loved them!too gud!sam,nutize,manshi,shriya,griffy and aastha..too gud guys!i am still laughing over the letters of fred and george!they r so dam funny!especially the you knoe hu and the witchy one..too gud!
my suggestion-make a post for feedback so that we can give our praises and suggestions!
The reason we're posting in this section Anu is for ur feedback!
well..i can ahem ahem write well..coz i am editor...can i be in the quibbler...this quibbler seems hilarious..and i am always dere to help..especially when it cumes to the funny part

Got hint ahem ahem!!! Sure will contact you as soon as da WW have decided what to do for the next Quibbler. We want it to be a mega issue!!! So ur editor in ur newsletter?