I lost my Kesar and it's my fault - Part 2

Gulaal shocked, dry tears, stands there is despair...

She gradually falls to her knees and picks up the letters, stands up and starts reading them one by one. Her eyes once again overwhelming with tears "Kesar never got justice I can't imagine how he spent these 10 years, if it was so hard for me i can't imagine what my Kesar went through and today i just broke his heart"
"I can't always live for others, I'm a person too i make mistakes just like Kesar the only difference is that Kesar always got punished for him mistakes and I never except losing Vasant and keeping Kesar in the dark. I don't understand my feelings at all, i'm so confused right now. What's right and what's wrong I don't know what to do. Why am i so attatched yet so far apart from Kesar. He's always trying to come close to my heart yet i've pushed him so far that i feel like i've lost him forever. I lost my Kesar forever..

Gulaal looks on gazing at her reflection in the mirror, sort of ashamed "i feel like today Vasant is really angry and upset with me, what do i do?" Gulaal bursts into tears.

Kesar walks by her room shaking, hurt his mind is not in the right state of mind he says " Gulaal just remember I did everything I could to make everything better between you and my Gulaal, that Gulaal who loved me the most, the one i believed blindly, whatever you said was right and everyone else wrong. But all you ever did was push me so far off that you pushed me onto someone else. Things will never be the same Gulaal and that's a hole in my heart that will just get deeper as my life goes on"

Gulaal halts for a second feeling as if something is pulling her, she looks at the door and lost in her thoughts "who am i trying to convince, Kesar will never come back"

Kesar stops to open the door but withdraws " No, I can't do this right now, I'll break down even more I can't take this hurt anymore. This is worse than dying, letting her go makes me feel so weak and helpless as i feel like killing myself but no Gulaal I'm giving you exactly what you wanted. I have no right on you, you wanted me to marry Talli and thats exactly what i'm doing. I'm going so far away from you that not even God can bring me back. This is what you wanted right Gulaal?" Kesar said this in a slight quite tone that he himself did not realise he was talking.

Gulaal looks at the door goes to open it but stops "what am i hearing?, it's all in my head" I can't do anything now. Kesar might love Talli later, but my love for him will be buried in the depths of my heart. Kesar is who i lived for, maybe in another life time Kesar, i'm always with you. He will keep Talli happy and this is Talli's dream. Everything has come too far for me to have any say. I've created this mess and i'll have to pay the consequences of losing Kesar. I was tooo late. Why didn't I realise before? She collapses. Kesar hears and rushes open the door, he sees Gulaal on the floor, tears flowing down his cheeks, he bursts out crying picks her up gently and lays her on the bed and says "why gulaal, why? Just like yesterday i'm still helpless. Everybody moved on in life yet I stand still in the place i was yesterday, confused with no answers. You were the only thing right in my life and now you took that away from me too. He gently kisses her forehead and leaves "whatever you say will be right Gulaal because your my Gulaal, you always was and always will be no matter where i go or what i say" He puts the blanket on her and leaves.

Gulaal wakes up unsure tears in her eyes still thinking what happened, i don't remember sleeping on my bed, she bursts out crying " TODAY'S THE DAY i've lost him but i have to put on a face for my family for Kesar i must make Kesar realised he doesnt deserve me"
Talli obviously had no say to the wedding as Kesar himself proposed, Kesar lifeless as ever getting ready, Gulaal getting ready in her beautiful chania choli, her bindi,her long hair out just how kesar liked it..she walks past his room and slowly glances in, tears just flew out through her eyes the pain she was in and all she could say was "it's all my faults"
All the families downstairs as the wedding starts the pandit saying his mantra's Kesar's hurtful face tears almost reaching his eyes avoiding all eye contact with Gulaal, Tallli just sitting there as if she has no choice of her own.

Gulaal recalling EVERY SINGLE MOMENT she spent with Kesar "tu meri ho Gulaal" , Gulaal's mine, I'll love you more than anyone Kesar, Kesar's mine, I trust you more than Vasant ba, If anyone says anything about Gulaal i'll kill them brutually" she recalls all these moments. Her heart is racing "what's happening to me? NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING NOW, i don't know what to do, Kesar's mine, how can I give him away, noo Kesar mera hai sirf mera, I made such a big mistake" all that was going through her head was "KESAR KESAR KESUDAA KESARR KESARRR IS MINEE"

and suddenly she screams "STOPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" AND bursts out crying collapsing to the floor. The whole family seems to be in shock.


Part 3 coming up

seeing after what today's episode will be like i'll try get some ideas :)

thanks for reading guys

much love

reema xx

I really love your post...👍🏼...Pls continue...😊

wonderful post...

Lovely! .

Originally posted by: kajenARfanatic

Lovely! .

But could you please insert a link to the first part? 😊

Thank you everyone means a lot x

heres the link for part 1 http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=1703868