PART 4:
I am expressive.
Love, hate, anger, like, dislike, whatever the feeling is, I don't hide it.
Anger is the one that scares me. I have no control over my myself when I'm angry.
If that's coupled with hatred, then it gets intense, like that day when I came home and saw my father at the door, leaving the house.
He left us when I was 8 and Anjali was 6. It took us some months to understand that he won't be coming back.
My parents were not divorced but he had remarried.
I was 13 when I asked my mom to apply for divorce because I didn't wanted her to be called as first wife.
She loved him dearly and still does but she agreed with me.
Court granted him permission to meet me and Anjali but I told my mom I don't want to see him.
He keeps trying to come home and talk to us, as if nothing changed and it keeps getting on my nerves.
I argued with my mom that he doesn't love us so he doesn't need to come to meet us. mom is too good hearted as she says that's not true, he is our father and still loves us. Why would he have another family if he loved us? How can you leave someone you love?
When he didn't stop coming and my anger was increasing tenfold with his each visit, I started breaking things. whatever my hands fell on, I would break.
The force of that emotion is so strong that i cant keep it inside. It bursts out and I don't know what to do. I regret later but that's just how it is.
I came out of the house and went to the park. I punched the tree out of frustration. My mom's tears and our family memories were playing in my head when I sat there on the bench.
Kushi came looking for me.
I didn't wanted her to see my aggressive side but she was adamant.
She brought me home and tended my hand.
She was in pain seeing me hurt.
That distracted me. That distracted me quite well actually.
The scenes stop playing in my head and all I could feel was that she was sitting beside me, holding my hand. Her soft hands were strong enough to to make me forget the storm I felt a while ago.
She wanted to know what happened but I wasn't in a mood to speak.
I felt the void when she went back to her house. I wish she stayed with me.
I sprang up when she messaged me. She enquired about me and I used it an excuse to meet her. She agreed to change my bandage and little things like this makes me believe that she likes me too.
True to her words, she did take care of my hand till it healed.
Aman was angry when he saw my hand next day. I cringed when he looked at me narrowing his eyes and I braced myself for a lecture.
"Do you know how stupid it is to hurt yourself?" he said and I just rolled my eyes. "Very stupid!" Lavanya joined him and I had two people to hide from till the wound cures. Akash just sighed and Payal hugged me with a sad face. She is an adorable creature.
At home, mom and Anjali gave me silent treatment for two days and when I cajoled them at dinner, mom asked me to promise not to do something like that again. I said I'll try.
Days were passing by with the usual routines. We were busy with studies, exams, plans for further studies and just chilling out in between all these.
My relationship with Kushi was deepening. Whenever my father's matter upset me, I would go to her. She was my escape route.
She was my confidant too, as we slowly started talking about our families, our ambitions, our dreams.
I couldn't tolerate if any boy tried to come close to her. I would have broken their jaws but they were lucky as she kept them at bay, politely refusing their coffee invites and irrelevant chats.
I remembered her monthly time and had an eye for her around those dates. She would skip school and her mami took care of her but I would go frequently on silly excuses to assure myself that she is ok.
She was a simple girl but on some occasions like Eid or her birthday, she made some effort to dress up. On such days when she looked extremely beautiful, I had a hard time controlling myself.
Falling asleep was a challenge on those days, Blame my hormones!
I wanted to breathe her scent, kiss those soft lips, run my hands through her hair and hold her tender body. I wondered how would it feel to touch her velvety skin.
I stuffed my head in the pillow and forced myself to sleep.
She looks great when she leaves her hair open but I am in trouble if she ties her hair up, especially that lazy bun she makes when she is just out of shower or casually when we are studying together.
I have a particular desire to kiss her long neck and it gets hard to focus on the topic at hand. I would stutter or gulp and make an excuse to get out from there with the fear of losing control.
Just the thought of touching her pumps the blood faster through my veins.
School days were coming to end. We had worked hard for our final exams and waiting for the results.
She came to me one afternoon, with a big envelope in hand. Anjali went to school and mom was in office. I was slumped lazily on the couch and watching TV.
I sat straight and looked at her, she didn't look her usual chirpy self .
"What's that?" I asked pointing to the envelope.
She just gave it to me and sat silently beside me.
I frowned and opened it.
Earth slipped beneath my legs when I read it.
It was an application form sent by her dad, to do her bachelors in USA. Her parents wanted her to come to them and study there.
My heart sped up and was hammering in my ears as I just stared at the papers.
It never occurred to me that she can leave India and go to her parents.
She was just a transfer student, supposedly here to finish her schooling.
Now that it's done, she can choose to study anywhere. Unless...unless she wants to stay here.
But why would she stay? Studying there in America was definitely a better option than studying here.
What would I do if she left? Will we ever meet again? What if I never see her?
My heart stopped at that thought. My mind went blank. My body went numb. And at that precise moment, I understood that I was in love.
If I had to give a name to this bundle of feelings I had for her, it was love.
I was so bewildered that I forgot that she was sitting beside me.
The moment I registered her presence, I snapped my head towards her.
She was fiddling with the end of her dupatta. She looked up and our eyes met.
"Arnav, I" she started.
I interrupted her "Don't go Kushi"
She stared wide eyed and I braced myself up. It's time to express what I just realized.
Part 4 guys :)
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Cricket
Arjun
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