[Banner Credit : Temptations.]
>> Delusions <<
Arnav was transferred to Jawahar for his job. He worked for the Municipal Corporations of Mumbai but they thought he would be more valuable in Jawahar, which was a mess.
Jawahar was undeveloped and Arnav couldn't see one building, which was more than 5 storeys. He stayed in one of these buildings in a flat the corporation provided. It was very small and clumsy. He could buy his own place ut he was the breadwinner of his family and preferred to send most of his income home so that his widowed mother and sister to stay in peace.
Arnav felt like a fish out of water in Jawahar. The people were barely educated and could only speak in Marathi. Arnav tried hard to adapt to the small town ways but it was difficult for he was born and brought up in Mumbai. He wished for someone to just cut down the trees and build tall buildings. He had no friends or relatives here. He went to work early and got an off by 2pm.
He would return to his small house down a shabby road and sit all day staring at a television set which barely worked properly. The phone connections were terrible and half the time there was no network.
He had been here for almost 3 weeks and still he made no friends. He tried to avoid any communication with the people because he felt uncomfortable around them. He hated Jawahar and everything about it.
One Friday evening when he was laying in bed he heard a knock on his door. He didn't know who it could be. No one ever knocked. He went to the door and opened it to find a girl standing there with a small bowl. "Hi, I'm Khushi." She said introducing herself. "Aap yaha naye ho?" she asked politely. Arnav looked at her simple dressing and then her face and said, "Haan, bolo?" Khushi smiled a little, he could see that this new tenant was not from Jawahar. "Mujhe thodi chawal chahiye thi-- Rice?" She said when she looked at his perplexed face. "I understand Hindi." Arnav said rolling his eyes. "Actually, I stay at an orphanage for the weekdays teaching kids, I only come here on weekends. Today I got late and I haven't been able to get my groceries, so I was hoping if you could help me?" she said in fluent English. After a very very long time Arnav had heard such fluent English. She looked educated and smart. She wore a simple salwar and her hair was tied. He couldn't help but invite her inside, "Would you just like to eat here today? I have all the ingredients and maybe you could cook something?" He asked. Khushi smiled and nodded.
They sat silently in the tiny living room for a while before she asked, "So where are you from? You don't look like you are--"Mumbai." He answered before she could finish.
"Wow, I've always wanted to go to Mumbai. Someday I will go."
Arnav was surprised that Khushi had never been to Mumbai. "My family is there. I was transferred here and I miss Mumbai terribly." He said. He was so relaxed to finally find someone he could talk to.
"Who all are there in your family?" she asked, very intrigued by him.
"My mother and an elder sister, Anjali. My father passed away 5 years back." He said.
"Oh." She said. "Par aap phir bhi lucky ho!" she said.
"Why?" he asked.
"I'm an orphan." She said.
Arnav's eyes widened. He felt sorry for her. He could understand how she felt because at this point, he was one too. It was a new place. Terrible place. And he had to stay alone. He had no one to come home too.
"Mere parents ek accident mein maare gaye. Mera ek bhai bhi tha. Mujhe Sister Tania ne bataya tha." She said.
Arnav listened to her story in awe. Khushi was glad to make a new friend too.
They spoke for a long time and while Arnav spoke about his family Khushi had started to imagine what it would be like if they were here. She didn't remember much about her family but she remembered that she and her brother used to play by the lake and throw sticks at dogs. Khushi remembered her father coming back from work everyday and giving her a small chocolate, which she would never share with her brother. Some of these memories were vividly etched into her mind and had become her fondest memories.
*
Arnav and Khushi became very good friends in the weeks to follow. Arnav would wait for the weekends when Khushi would come home and they would sit for hours just talking about everything. Khushi was interested to hear about his family because every time she did, she felt happy. Usually, Khushi was surrounded by kids who didn't have any family, but to find someone who had one intrigued her. She had already painted mental images of his mother and his sister and somewhere in her heart she wanted to meet them. Mostly she wanted a family of her own.
In their free time, Arnav and Khushi would go out for a walk or sat in the room playing ludo.
On one of their walks Arnav asked her, "Why do you still stay here? You are educated, why not find a job in some city and settle down?"
She didn't exactly have an answer but she replied, "I've not seen the world outside. Jawahar is my home and what better than to give back to the orphanage that sheltered me all these years?" she asked.
Arnav nodded. It was very noble of Khushi. "But don't you ever want to live for yourself? What about your dreams?" he asked.
"Well, I will fulfill them, someday."
*
Monsoons hit Jawahar and he rain caused floods. It was Saturday and Khushi sat beside the phone waiting for Arnav to call her. He usually called by now. Khushi paced up and down the room feeling restless. She had grown too attached to Arnav in very little time. When he didn't call until noon she went to see him herself. She knocked on the door but realised that it was open. She walked inside calling out his name. Finally, a voice came, "I am in the bedroom." Khushi went inside to find Arnav tucked inside a thick blanket. "Are you okay?" she asked.
Arnav shook his head. "Jawahar has finally succeeded in making me sick. The rain is terrible and I hate it." He said.
"Aap doctor ke paas gaye?" she asked. He nodded. He showed her the pills the doctor gave him.
Khushi took charge of everything. She took care of Arnav. He had caugh the flu but Khushi didn't care if it caught on to her. She wanted to look after him and Arnav let her. He missed his mother and her warmth and affection when he was ill. Khushi did everything in her power to make Arnav comfortable. She spent all her time sitting next to Arnav and reading to him or talking to him. She made him healthy food and made sure his fever was in check. She was happy because it was the first time in his life that she felt needed. She had someone to come home to now. Arnav had become family for her. She didn't know if she loved him or anything but she sure did look for family in Arnav. She even missed a week of work to make sure Arnav wasn't alone.
In that week when Arnav was ill, Khushi and Arnav came very close to each other. Khushi would help Arnav change and he would harmlessly flirt with her once in a while. She was shy away and then Arnav would lift her off her feet and spin her around. Khushi didn't understand what was happening to her. Her feelings for Arnav were strengthening and she felt utter happiness like she had never felt before. Her heartbeat fastened when she was close to him. She wanted to be with him all the time and she just wanted to see him smile.
She nursed him like his mother would or even better actually. She kept asking him how he felt every half an hour and with so much care, Arnav recovered very soon. He couldn't thank Khushi enough. And whenever he did Khushi felt bad. She didn't do it as a favour to Arnav. He was very grateful to her. Arnav was finally fit.
Arnav went back to work but this time, he just couldn't tolerate it. He was completely sick of the town. He despised everything about Jawahar and had had enough. He applied for a transfer but was rejected. He then spoke to his mother in the week and decided to quit. He didn't want to stay here any longer. It was boring here and he frankly thought he could get a better job which paid better in Mumbai.
When Khushi came back in the weekend she came over to ask if Arnav was doing alright when she saw him packing.
"Aap kahin ja rahe ho?" She asked.
"I'm going home." He said with a big smile. He was finally going back. He was so relieved. He felt sick here.
"Achha? Aur wapas kab aoge?" Khushi was happy that Arnav would get to go home for a few days but she was sad that he would leave her.
"I am going Khushi, forever."
Those words pierced Khushi's heart and it pained. But then she remembered Arnav's words about her moving to Mumbai.
"Will you take me with you?" she asked looking into his eyes with hope. He looked at her innocent doe eyes and inched closer to her. He burst out laughing. "You are joking right? What will you do in Mumbai?"
Khushi couldn't place his reaction. It overwhelmed her in a way she couldn't express. Right, She thought, What will I do in Mumbai?
She looked at him one more time and suddenly she felt as though she had never actually known him.
Arnav realised that something was wrong.
"You were joking right? I mean, you said you wanted to stay here, why would you come to Mumbai?" He asked perplexed.
"I was joking." She said as she rushed back to her flat. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she realised what a big mistake she had made. She had not known what a family is, she had not known what love was and it was for the best. She was an orphan, she had no right to throw herself onto someone else. She was no one and she was always be that.
More than anything, she couldn't get over Arnav's laugh. She had expected him to be delighted and say yes but instead that laugh, which rang in her ears all night. She kept thinking about how everything got so messed up. Why did she ever accept his offer for dinner?
The next morning before leaving Arnav came to visit Khushi. He couldn't decipher her reaction last night and just thought of avoiding it. Anyway, she had her own life here.
"Thank you so much Khushi, you have been very very kind to me and I will never forget you." He said.
"Welcome." Khushi said not looking up from the floor. Her eyes were swollen and she was very upset. She was trying to bottle it within her.
"I even met the new guy taking my place at the corporation, I've told him to take care of you. He'll get you groceries and drop you off at work on Mondays," he smiled.
Khushi narrowed her eyes. She couldn't believe this. Was she a charity case? He had just transferred her to some other guy coming the next day.
"I don't need anyone Arnav." She gulped. "Main yaha akeli thi aur hamesha rahungi. Mujhe kisi ki zarurat nahi." She said as she slammed the door shut.
Arnav picked up his bags and with a hundred questions in his heart left the building. He didn't quite understand why Khushi reacted this way. After weeks of talking to her he still didn't understand why she flipped out at him. As he reached the station he wondered whether he should just go back and get Khushi with him. She was alone anyway. But then something stopped him, maybe logic or something, he thought. And who knew where she would be?
Khushi on the other hand broke down. For her Arnav wasn't just a person who she could depend on. He was family. The family she never had. She believed his mother and sister to be a part of their family too but maybe he didn't consider her a part of his. She knew she wouldn't be able to leave - for just that one hope - that he would come back for her.
"We Cling with both arms to false hope, refusing to believe the weightiest proofs against it, embracing it with all our strength. In the end it escapes, ripping our veins and draining our hearts blood; until, regaining consciousness, we rush to fall into snares of delusion all over again."
- Rabindranath Tagore.
Cricket
Arjun
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