SANDHIR DARK OS: THE GIRL I MET IN TRAIN !!!

THE GIRL I MET IN TRAIN...

The train...doesn't it gives a homely feeling to a stranger...the Indian trains are like this only I believe.. the families...the kids..the people..the surrounding makes one feel so...the cries of a little girl for a cheap snack packet...the strictness of a father's for his girl's health...the intolerable intone of antakshidi group from next lock...the gossips of aunty...the "chai-chai.." ads of the small boy...the lil vibratory movement of the train...the huzzle buzzle for the seat...and so on.. may end up one to think in two ways...one either enthusiastic of being with many...or irritated of being with many...but it my case I guess both were not getting space..neither I felt enthusiastic nor irritated...i was just numb...was quite...i was just looking at the platform...i was looking at couples there... a young couple hugging each other tightly promising to call in every hour of day...i was looking at the old aged couple...the aunty scolding uncle for his carelessness...I was looking at two kids fighting for a chocolate...I was looking at the unlike ones..the live ones...the ones who were living..who were actually breathing...who were bouncing...who were living..i was looking at my past...nah don't worry if seen biologically then I was not dead..but if seen solely I was no more..i was gone...the only thing I was to do was to stare at live..crave for it..and luckily I was doing the same...surrounded with the citizens of 2^nd populated country in a train...I was just doing it with my palms resting on my toned thighs uselessly...I was just not there..i was just staring at live outside in people... craving for it..n expecting my one to come...the cool breeze blowing from the mini fan in my sweated wet hairs were giving me a physical pleasure but at the same time were seeming like the melancholic coldness of dark..of darkness... The huzzle buzzle in my surrounding was aching my ears alerting the presence of many but at the same time was making my heart feel lonely...the comfortable back of the seat was giving chills on my back through the sweated in-ironed shirt.. was giving my aching back a rest ...but the rest itself was taking away the rest from me...I was not cursing myself because I didn't even deserved it...i didn't even deserved the curse...becuz it would also get fail in front of my deeds..my mistakes...my girl...whom I had met in train...and whom I had lost also in train..but I was still in train...because it was all about the train..the girl I met in train...its all about my life...i was still looking at the live out there..finding mine to come back to me as always...just then I felt the kick..i felt the earth moving on with a kick..i felt the train starting up jerking me a lil towards the front...but I was still lost in the thoughts...the people as usual started pushing the one after other...fighting for the place...the hizra's started entering in the locks for exchanging blessings with money...the small boys with cheap snacks started promoting their items for survival...the atmosphere started heating up more in this month of may with the increasing crowd...but I was still lost looking at the life outside...finding my life..my days in them...but soon I found myself going away from the life...i felt myself moving away with the vibratory motion..with the whistle of train..with the loneliness among the crowd and sounds...I felt myself going away from my past.. my life.. those couples...and as always I kept on moving my face with the motion to have a last look at them...i as always felt my heart wrenching by seeing myself going away from the life..from the mumbai platform..in the train I had met her..my girl...my heart was getting heavier..i was as always becoming restless..as always..my fingers were moving in panick n restlessness on the dusted designed window...i felt it again as always from the past 2 months...I felt myself going and going..but suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder...i closed my eyes to calm down myself..and her cheerful voice tugged with the childishness again echoed with the momentary smile of her... "ale le le le rannu...said na just gulp it up...gulp ul biguu fattuu lestlessnesshhh..." and soon her giggles too rang in my mind...i felt the coolness setting in me then...i calmed myself and turned back to witness the TC as always with the routinely look and attitude...I just sighed a lil while looking down..and soon my ears caught his the word tugged up in haryadvi tone..."tickuttt..." I passed a faded smile by atleast knowing what was he upto..by knowing the next move of his...by knowing the next move of the nature this time unlike the last time...I took out the ticket and he as usual...check it and gave me a smirk..and blubbered out his daily dialog... "pude...?????..." and I as usual nodded my head in agreement with the faded smile flashing on my face...he kept his hand on my shoulder with a assuring smile of hope..and then moved from the lock after completing his formal duty...i again..shifted myself to the window...gazing out at the sunset...spreading the reddish rays on the earth..Indicating the danger..the darkness to come..the night to come...i kept my palm on the windows space and then placed my cold a lil sweated chin over it...with the awakened eyes...and started gazing outside..the color of the blue spiritful living sky...was what which gave me a satisfaction as she used to give me...but the color of the sunset was what which gave me..my heart a heavy feeling..increasing the restlessness..which she use to give me now...the color ...the lively color blue was turning to be a lil red...the orange-red...the orange was just weakening the spirit of the life..the color was snatching the smile of the life..of the blue sky just in the way as she had snatched when she was leaving my side...for the train...and the red overpowering the orange was killing the life...the blue color ...was taking away the life from it as she had took it from me when she left me...and the blue..the spirit of sky soon vanished..soon was killed...leaving behind the purplish shade...leaving a mark of its existence...as I m killed today..and is left with the mark..the tears which used to brust out from me at the time..just like the purple one...soon the red one also started leaving from there with a smirk...started mixing with black...and even killing the purple one...as the life along with the living heart also had started leaving me..even taking up the saline moisture from my eyes...and soon the red turned up to be black..the dark...as I m left today...the dark...i blinked up my eyes after witnessing myself..my life in the sky..as usual..and then turned to the accompanier...the passengers..who were accompanying me...or you can say were not accompanying me in actual..it was all like may be or may be not...i started looking up at the lives there but soon something caught my eyes...my mind got stuck at the moment when I saw the school teenagers travelling in the train to go back to home...a few boys and girls were going together...i went back to moment..at the moment when I met my girl in train...

**flashback...**

I was in my school uniform..was going back to my home...from Mumbai to Pune... it seems odd na...?? but no it was like this only...I belongs to a middle class family...we don't have enough resource to spend more on me...but I had resource to spend on myself...I am having brains...yeah I had got a scholarship in the one of the brightest and costliest school of Mumbai...it was all earned by me...I was routing the track from a slow moving train while lying straightly at the edge of the real slow moving train's entrance gate with a plastic cup of tea in my palms...the hot breeze was giving the chill under my sweating and sticking school shirt...I was just living the moment with my aimful life...my sweat wet hairs were blowing along with the hot waft of may...chilling my head..giving it a cool...this mumbai's summer I tell you...it just drenches you out by yourself only...uughhh...just hate this...hey just then I noticed something on the tracks...the bag...the sand filled jute bag on the near by track...hey what's it doing there...??? Wouldn't it create a hindrance in the way of train...I wonder the passengers of the train have to suffer...umm...may be...hey ...hey...what's it now...?? Oh gosh a full speeded train is coming on that track only...oh god...what if...???...what...??...umm...did the train passed away...??...oh yeah the train passed away...!!!...the jute bag didn't even bothered the train a pinch...its hell dangerous then...and what's that now...?? Oh damn there is no sand I can figure up there on track...I can only figure up the jute fiber threads on the track...its damn freaking...it's the power of a metro...the fast moving metro... I was just thinking on the metro power just then I felt a spiritful power in a sweet voice...which got my nerves...a girl I guess...oh god may be she's too a teenager...let me have a look...i turned with a lil hesitantly ...and yes yes yes oh god actually no no no she is a girl...yes she is a girl that too in school dress...and she she she...she's just the one..the one I guess...she is a angel...but what's that..she is with someone else...with a boy giving her a side hug...are they together..oh god what if they are together...???..damn... No I can't let this happen...I have to find it...I was getting restless...but her words..her sweet voice got in my ears and gave me a relief... she was recalling the boy as brother...ankit bro ...yes they were siblings...m still in safe side...but I have to know her...who is she...? What is she...?? And from where is she...???

**flashback ends**

These were the quests which ran up in my mind the whole night...I was just mesmerized by her...by her looks..by her antics...by her eyes..by her voice...by the girl I met in train..and who didn't met me in train...it was the day when I met her...I was just in her from that day...I thought that she would not come in train the next day...but my luck was with me I guess...she came the next day too..not only next day but she came everyday...my curiosity in her got increased...and I started finding out about her..i tried to talk to her but his brother..ankit was always with her...but I said na I have brains..i started conversing with the ankit first...i made him my friend and I came to know about her soon...she was a student of a high classed school too...she was having brains too...it was the same case..they were also traveling to Mumbai for studies and good schooling..for scholarship..and were returning to pune for the family...i was happier than ever and yeah her name..her name it was sanyukta...sanyukta agarwal... the to be girlfriend of randhir singh shikhawat...and by taking up the chance of friendship with the ankit...I started conversing with her too..and my luck she was sweet...well ankit was well impressed by me so he didn't minded our talks...and this only worked as the key to get to know her better..soon I made her my friend...I started getting close to her...friendly and also was getting successful in making the emotional bond with her...and within some few months we got close to each other..and believe me she was more than what I had expected...she was like the sky to me the spiritful..she was my most precious thing to me...and not to forget..we started meeting not only in train hours but also in the other times too like we used to meet in pune..we used to hang out together...but nah nah don't think that I got full on her...his brother and my friend ankit was always with two of us...may be he was protective towards her one year younger sister...but he was good too...we were all best friends..and the months turned into a year..we I mean me and sanyukta came in 12^th and ankit he moved to college...and to this luck I got more time with her...and one day with lot of courage expecting a slap on my right cheek I proposed her...and to my surprise she said yes..yes yes yes..she was too in love with me...we became together..but this was unknown to ankit...we were together...we were happy our time passed like this being with each other..and time passed like this...we reached college and to luck successfully in same college...in engineering college in mumbai...and the days became bliss for me ..we got maximum time to spend with each other...we studied together..faced the crisis together..enjoyed in lives together..were in all the together...a year again passed and we came to the 2^nd one but damn ankit came to know about it...we were frightened by the circumstances but we were sure of one thing that we will be together...and yes the god was also with us ankit got convinced in a few days..all was set..we were together...I had never expected this to be..to be with all set in seriousness with the girl I met in train...and the four years of engineering also went like this..with fights...happiness..Sadness...everything..we faced a lot..we enjoyed but the thing was that we were together...and finally the day came when we were to apply in the companies...we were to set ourselves down in life...we applied in the same company..to get the job in same...to not to get away from each other...and yes I can say my luck stays with me...we got it...we got job in the same company..and we got settled in Mumbai leaving pune behind...we were living in same apartment yeah you guyz can say we were in live-in-relationship which we were sure to turn into marriage...as with support of ankit our families were half convinced...we were working in a MNC ...we were earning more than enough to fulfill the demand of our families and ourselves...but we were aiming for more... for promotion...because we had a dream...we in actual wanted to start something..something of our own which would help our family to get convinced fully...we were all ready to set it all...

And the day came..the day came which I can never forget...we were going to our hometown...to pune to convince our families...my day started by after back hugging in the kitchen..as always...she use to prepare breakfast...as I use to sleep late...huh the "lazuuu...laduuu .." me...yeah she called me that only...and I used to laugh at her way..oh god her antics I can't tell you...they every time curves up my lips in a bright smile..a such smile that anyone can count the no. of teeth in my mouth...as I back hugged her..umm disturbing her from fating the eggs...she reciprocated by filing her cute complains to the god...the "bhaggu ji"s" of hers in her still childish tone... "oh Bhaggu ji...just give this lazuu laduu some more ninnu (sleep) na...why to bother this lazuuu..."...while hitting me on my six pack abs...I giggled at this and she pushed her elbow with more force...aah...I still remember it was hurting me ...uuggh she knew the trick..the trick to give a tight one to someone..she was trained...and after the morning first breakfast..i mean the elbow on my tummy...I moved back while holding my tummy n faking the pain.. "aahhh..."...expecting her to pamper me...and she was doing it only..as soon as my words rang in her ears...she turned up with a jolt...with the fetcher in her hand...and by looking at my condition..yeah the fake one..her eyes turned up replacing the anger with the concern...she said with her guilt filled voice in a low tone... "ran..dhir.." oh god and her word..her voice made my heart to sink up a lil..her voice was a lil chocked..damn I must have taught her the truth... but I was so lost in my guilt to make her feel so that I forgot to tell her..i was still in the faking up position...she rushed to me with concern in her eyes and started asking me in a lil panic while roaming her hands on mine to confirm was it serious or something...???...but I was mum..was just admiring her tensed up face..it was somewhere hurting me too but you know boys...i was enjoying her concern and love for me...but soon as I didn't murmured even a single word she made a pout and said while fixing her gaze to the up ..at the ceiling... in her apologizing voice ... "bhaggu ji ...surely plomishh..i won't even pinch him.." and before she could complete I burst out loud laughing at her and yeah then she got me..shit she was all turned red then...she came to me with the egg fetcher in her hand and started hitting me with it while continuously bubbling up the things like... "how dare you shikhawat...??..." ... "you..." "I wont spare you this time..." she was saying this all but I didn't stopped I was just making fun of her concern..her love...I was doing wrong...just in the way as she is laughing at me now..she is doing wrong to me now...yeah so where were we..?...yeah I was laughing not giving any head to her words but just then something caught my ears..her words... "what if something had happened with me..???...how would you feel then...??...you would be happy ha...??" and after listening to these words I stopped...I was in rage..and in rage...I caught her elbow tight and said in sarcastic tone... "yeah I would feel happy you know...I will be happy if something happens with you..ha...??..just shut your bloody damn mouth and move back to your work...now.." I shouldn't have said that...but I was not in help at time..i was in rage..i said so and left from there without even sparing her a look for getting fresh...i think she must have cried...I shouldn't have said that...after some two hours we were ready to leave..leave for pune..for our families..but she didn't even uttered a single word and nor did i...and now I just hate myself..why...why I had so much of ego in me...??...we settled ourselves in car and I drove it...and after some good 15 minutes...I stopped it...in front of the Mumbai railway station where we have met for the first...in slow moving train...where I had met my girl...and as soon as I stopped the car she looked at me with questioning look...i didn't bothered and came out from car followed by her..and went to the back to take out the luggage..she followed me and asked in her questioning plus irritated attire.. "hey..train...??? are we picking up the train...???..." and to this I replied to her in my damn egoistic voice... "yeah we are..!!... any problem...??..." and to this she replied in a questioning and non convincing way... "but why...??? You know na...trains are no more safe nowadays..its getting too crowded and we have car...!!..." I have had listened to her...but but but I wanted to go from train...why..?? why god..? it's all my mistake...to her this question this time too I replied with my male ego and stern voice... "because I wanna go from the same route from where we had met for the first...!!..." well yeah I wanted to say it in a sweet way to her..in loving way but I was egoistic..i didn't said in the way I should have said to her...actually I didn't even have said it to her...I was even stern after saying it..but she was melted..yeah as always this time too she was melted..she hugged me tight and apologized for a mistake which she had never committed...I told you all na its all my fault...but I was also not even that harsh.. as soon as she hugged me and said sorry to me...I also got calmed down and hugged her back...and soon we moved up for the station..the Mumbai railway station...hand in hand..we walked in with two luggage in our hands..pulling them..with a smile plastered on our face.. but the next thing which we witnessed replaced the smile with the forehead tensed up lines...we were late...the train was on the edge of leaving...she turned to me and said in her a lil panic but quiet normal tone... "randhir...we are late...train has left...lets go back to the car.." And to this I said...

"chai-chai..."...I blinked my eyes...hey raju..raju now the tea boy..he is regular of mine..he passed a smile to him...me too passed a smile to him..he always help me at this time to come back from my reverie ..and now also he has helped to think further...well I took the tea from him in exchange of RS.10 and a candy..he loves it...and I love his smile..it always bring up a faded smile on my face...and then I moved to the gate..the entrance of the train..on the same place where I have met her for the first...again on the day I am standing at the spot..with a plastic cup of tea in my palms..with my shirt stinking to my body and slow moving train...but the difference is that today she is not gonna come..the time has changed...on that day I was trying to understand..to calculate the power of metro and today I have understood it..it can change the color of sky..of spirit..forever..as it has changed mine at this time..my sky blue colored spiritful life has turned into black...into the dark..and its all about the metro..the train..the train which gave me my life ..my girl and also took it from me...I am again looking at the tracks...the tracks which can change the route of one's life..which has changed my life..how can I forget it...??...well its my fault..its all my fault..i shouldn't have said it..i shouldn't have done it...i shouldn't have said to her the lines in reply of her not taking up the train...

"randhir...we are late...train has left...lets go back to the car.." And to this I said while smirking at her.. "sanyukta..you are again wrong...the train hasn't left yet...it is just leaving..and we too are leaving with it..come on just run up..." And after this I witnessed her big frightened eyes..but nah I didn't paid any heed to it and started dragging her along with me...and for the next 2 minutes the thing which I could hear was only her pleads "randhir no we cant...just leave it na...we will go from car..." she was huffing and was frightened too but I was stubborn..i smirked at this and said while mocking at her.. "oh come on sanyukta...don't be frightuuu..a train cant do anything..it will not eat you up.. ...lets do it...together.." yeah I was using her trick only... the sound "uuu"...she chuckled at it and then also started running up with the spirit...it was all wrong..why I had said it..??...why I had said that..??..we rushed to the train and finally we were close to it..with luggage in our hands...and were running hand and hand...but she was right...it was not as easy as it looked like...the crowd has really increased in metros...there were many who were trying to get into the moving train..this is what we can say india...but being Indian only we were too running shamelessly to get it...and finally I got it...I entered into it along with two three more men who were also contesting to get in and then gave her my hand to come in..she smiled to it and first passed the luggage to me...which was also getting difficult due to the crowd..oh god they were pushing her...i got frightened at the time and gave her my hand to come in..but she was an Indian too..she turned back and pushed the people a lil..and then smirked and moved for me..but the thing which happened next was what which left me lonely in crowd...in the moving train...the platform was about to end and she was still struggling to come in and I was just shouting like maniacs...to hold my hand...she moved her hand towards me..but as I said it was difficult so I insisted her to come forward..soon she did..she really came very forward..such forward that the only thing next flashed was the splash of blood..scream of her and the scene of the sand vanishing after the train cross in my mind...yeah she was slipped..she was below the train...she was gone..and I I I I I was only there to stand like mum..i was not at all in the position to understand it...I was still in the moving train..my heart wasn't beating for a minute..my mind wasn't working and the things were flashing in my mind...the first meet when I had seen the bag of sand vanishing after the train cross...me calculating the metro of train...the moment's scene..me neglecting the metro power..and she vanishing after the train cross...her giggles at the first meet and her scream at the last meet...her asking me the question of being happy on something happening to her and me answering her in sarcasm...her saying no to train and me not giving heed to her pleads...everything..just everything flashed in my dead mind...and when I came back to sense..i was in red...in people...I was red in her blood...in the slow moving train...a lil away from the platform...I got my sense back..i said while ruffling my hairs... "no..sanyuu..this cant happen...I cant let you go..the lazu laduu cant let u go.." I rushed out from the slow moving train to find her...but she was nowhere...I can see I guess I was a lil away from the platform I rushed to it while huffing...feeling heavy..feeling wetness on my face..of sweat and tears...of of of I can't even explain...and then I reached there on the platform..i can see the people gathered around the track...police stopping them to move at side and the stain of blood...the blood on the track..my heart got heavier... Actually it was not only a spot...the at least area of half kilometer was abandoned to move...the blood stain on track can be seen..and I was the one to witness it from far..i was not getting her glimpse..i didn't then looked at the track ..i started looking at the platform expecting her to come up from the crowd.. I screamed her name like maniacs crying the hell out of me...but she didn't came..and those people ..that crowd was looking at me with the weird looks..were moving away from me..may be because of my blood stained body...I didn't dared to look at the track..and after searching her for next two hours..screaming like mads...crying like shit...i sat at the bench and said in my chocked voice...with my heart..out while stammering a lil.. "saann...nyuuu...llazz..uu...laad ..lad..ladu..uuu..." and then I felt something on my shoulder...a hand on my shoulder...it didn't gave me her feel but but but I I was just hoping the best...I turned up with being frightened the hell...with moist hopeful eyes while blubbering in whisper... "sanyuu..." but it was not her...it was a lady ..a old lady..a worker of the railway station..who might be was noticing me from starting...I was mum by not finding my sanyu..i moved my right hand on my head and hairs in frustration...and rested my left one on my waist...and turned to leave..to find her for some more hours...but the lady...she stopped me..she was an 40tish ...she was too crying I don't know why..and by looking at her crying..i too wanted to cry but I was still in hope...she grabbed my hand and took me near the track while I was just wondering in the route for the reason of her doing so...she stopped in front of the track...and then said while pointing her fingers towards the track...said in a whisper..in her a lil chocked voice... " sanyu..."..and I slowly..with guts turned my face towards the track...while I felt her leaving me alone...and the thing which I had witness..felt like taking away my vision from me...my sanyu was just the way vanished from the tracks as the sand has vanished from the jute bag after the train cross...i even cant explain you guyz more what I have witnessed over there..my heart stops beating while even thinking of it...I had seen her fl...fle...flesh...and and and..that it lets stop it don't ask me more...

And I just want to say that I had seen it..i had faced it..i had came across it..and I am still going through it... why we have such ego..??..such attitude...???why we don't listen to anyone...???...i have lost my girl in the metro..i had seen the power of a metro..i had challenged it..i had underestimates it in my words..and today m paying for it...i am gone..no more in this world...this was how I met and lost my girl in train...and at last want to say you all don't..just don't even think of challenging the destiny or something which doesn't have life...becuz the lifeless things can too make you lifeless...and to the Indians I want to say that stop it..stop just doing all this in railway station..as I have lost my girl...many had lost more..and its all because of our attitude..the attitude of challenging and not accepting the right way...I had done so and now facing the circumstances...it was not a accident..it was a murder...a murder of two souls..of both of us..yeah I am live..but my soul..it just screams from inside...cries to come out from this bull shit body...be alert..try to learn the truth and accept the right way..then only many like me and her would be saved in earth from dying...dying like me everyday...

Be safe