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The Break Up
In AC conference hall, she was sitting on the front raw seat with notes in her hand, trying to concentrate in the Foreign Exposures by Indian Corporate and Taxation Effects, it was two day International level conference held by her Institution and she was representing her company as well for her personal benefit as it was the career she wanted to make in future. After graduation, she wanted to do Master Degree in this field only, and she succeeded with her admission and even part time job in a well known company as trainee. Her professional life was speeding up and she was in love with that. Geet Handa was happy with her success and the way her life was shaping up. Everything was just perfect. She was paying attention and then, her cell vibrated, she avoided. But within a second, it vibrated again and she saw it, it was two same text messages from him. She frowned and checked.
Meet me at CCD, evening six o'clock. Sharp. I will be waiting.
She sighed and replied.
Important?
After few seconds, she received a message,
No. Not that much. Will see you later. Love you.
She typed,
Okay. Love you, too.
With that she lost in some other world, foreign exposure was not her concern or interest anymore. She was lost in him, in them. She met him before four years, on very first day of her college. She hated him. And, the feeling was mutual, he hated her as well but through common friends they met again and again and came close, within three months, they were good friends, after another three months they were close friends and after another one month, they were best friends. And after another three months, they were a 'thing' as she used to joke, they were in love, a couple, they were together. Both of them were focused on their career as he wanted to start his own business and he was already working with some company for experience.
Four years were blissful and like a beautiful journey, they never realized how it was over, until the result declared and then, they realized that it was time to part ways, she wanted something else and he wanted something else but both of them never discussed it frankly but ultimately they knew it that someday they would have to talk about it and sort it out. She knew what she wanted. She was happy in Mumbai and he wanted to establish his business in Delhi but before that he wanted to study higher in London and then, practice with some uncle in USA. It was all planned. She knew she belonged to Mumbai and she never wanted to leave her city, it was her home. She was lost in her thoughts and the loud announcement by anchor calling out her name disturbed her, it was her time for presentation. She went ahead and continued.
After it was over, everyone highly praised her and congratulate her, she was happy but the same happiness did not reached her eyes as he was not there, he was busy at work in some meeting, she always wondered, at this age he was workaholic like machine, then what would happen if he will start his own business. He could not come despite of endless fights and arguments, eventually, she knew him, and he knew her. They knew it that he would not come and she would not behave like typical girlfriend and eat his mind, she believed in space, which is what he loved about her. Her entire day passed like this, but she was edgy. As decided before, she reached there late, almost half an hour. She entered the caf and saw him, talking to someone on cell, as usual, arranging something. She looked at him for a second and realized that how much she loved him, he was attractive but before anything occupy her mind, she went ahead and took a seat in front of him, he already ordered a coffee, her not so preferred, Mochachillo and his favorite black coffee, which she hated the most. He smiled and cut the call immediately.
'Hi'
'Hey'
'How was it?'
'Great. Prefect. My boss loves me now.' She smiled, nervously.
'Oh! Danger ahead...' he tried to smile but like her, he was, too nervous.
'How was your day?'
'Don't even ask. But, for your sake, I would say, nice.'
'Thank you.'
'So?'
'So?'
There was silence for few moments as both of them are waiting for each other to say something but they were nervous. They both broke the silence, simultaneously.
'Geet...'
'Maan...'
They smiled together, for the first time in day, it was natural and spontaneous.
'Okay, you say.' She said.
'I got admission, for architecture program'
'You mean...London?'
He nodded.
'Oh my god...Maan...Are you kidding me? Wow...That's great. You...wow! I am so happy for you! You smarty pants, you know how to make your way!' she was genuinely happy.
'Are you?' he asked in doubt.
'Of course...Maan! It was your dream. That's great.'
With that he smiled but within a second his smile vanished away as he thought something.
'Geet...I...'
'Wait...I have not finished yet. My boss loved my work and he is sponsoring me for entire two years course, I will be directly working under him and in a nutshell, I got promoted without degree...' she laughed.
'That is great, baby. So next two years in Mumbai, right?'
'And you will go to London. When?'
'May be in next two weeks.'
'Oh...'
They both were silent then, she knew it, he would never say it. In between those two, he was the emotional one and she was the practical. She decided to say it then.
'Long Distance Relationship...'
'...never work, you know?' he completed her sentence.
'Yes'
'So, you mean its over and fine.'
'We don't have option, Maan. I understand, in the beginning we will stay connected and then, insecurity, time shortage, job pressure and career problems. I know. I have seen lot of my friends suffering in the name of Love and Commitment and I don't want that.'
'Oh yes! You are right, but we can be friends forever, always, right?'
'Of course. So I guess its over, the break up time.'
'I can't believe we are breaking up, Geet. I mean, we broke up or we will break up? What is our status, single again?'
'Shut up, Maan' she laughed but she very well knew that he was trying to making this whole serious situation light and fun.
'I will miss you.' She said without any hesitation.
And, he started at her for few moments, and continued,
'My one and only, Geet. I will miss you. I will try to find a girl like you.' He laughed.
'You will not find anyone like me... but still, I can help you.' She laughed.
'Okay.'
After that they talked and laughed for hours and then, at the time of leaving, she was bit emotional and she hugged him, trying to absorb as much love as she could, trying to keep his scent with her soul forever, trying to embrace her soul with him, and trying to absorb his very last embrace. He felt the same; he closed his eyes and made himself lost in her. He broke the hug, they did not say anything but smiled. And then, she left out of the blue without even looking at him once. He saw her until she disappeared in the crowd with depressed and sad eyes.
They were still in touch with each other until he left for London. And, even after that they were in touch through chats, messages and calls. They kept their promise to remain as friends forever. As they were close to each other they even tried to find girls for him and guy for her. Distance did not make any difference to them except that on New Year night they missed each other like hell as from last four years, each New Year night they spent together, arms in arms and it was for the very first time, they are not together. Time was passing rapidly, she was happy in her life and he was happy in his life.
After Six Months
She was busy at her work and the receptionist informed her that someone was waiting for her at the entrance. She was surprised because it was her work time and she knew she had no such person who would come to her office. As soon as she reached the entrance, she saw him.
He was there, in front of her. She was shocked. She could not believe her eyes more, she closed her eyes for a fraction of a second and then, opened it again. It was real, she thought. He was indeed there, he smiled at her. And, then as an overwhelming sensation came over her, she quickly ran and hugged him passionately without caring for anyone out there, and as a matter of fact, no one even cared then. He hugged him back with same passion and they felt the moment, the particular moment in which they both were frozen, they did not wanted to think much, but to feel it. After few moments, she broke the hug and then she started hitting him as they just talked before two days and he did not inform her that he was coming. And, eventually he made herself convinced that it was for surprise. He was in the city for a month and she knew very well that during this month, she would mostly remain absent in office as well as her institute and workshop. They were together after almost seven months and she needed this time to spend with him. They needed it.
***
'I missed you a lot.' He said while relaxing on the lawn. They were under open sky, witnessing numerous stars together hand in hand.
'Me, too'
'I can't live without you.'
'Maan...we had talked about that...'
'...I know but I am just saying it. Geet, we were in touch for these six months, nothing changed. You are still the same. I mean...Lets just not play hide and seek with our feelings. You know you love me...I saw it in your eyes when I was leaving and when I came that day, I felt the same, and I saw the same in your eyes. Don't hide it; we do not need to hide it, Geet. We can still work on that, its going to be fine and it will work.'
'Maan...you are here for month. And then again, I will be alone and you will be there, lets just not mess this up. We can be friends and we are. Let's just enjoy these days without thinking much. I have marriage to attend in Delhi next week and you are coming. That's my order. You meet your grandma and then, we will explore Delhi. Let's just remain friends only. I don't want complications and commitments.'
He was disappointed but he agreed to her as he knew that he had time for one month and he knew her very well, he knew that she will, eventually accept it. The rest of the month they spent was the happiest time they ever spent in long period, they enjoyed marriage, they saw Delhi together and then, they were eventually, together as Maan knew it and as she forced herself to give them another chance. She decided not to accept his offer but when she was with him, she could not control much and then, she gave in. But she was not much happy as she wanted her space, too. She was a young, independent, smart woman, she wanted her time and space and out of sudden, she beginning to feel like, he was forcing her. She wanted to free herself but could not. And, when it was time for him to leave her again, they had a big argument regarding that and they again broke up.
He left from there, disheartened and almost shattered but he had to manage himself. Somewhere he knew that she was afraid of long time commitments and she had commitment phobia, it was nothing new for him, but he wanted to make her realize that there was nothing dangerous and scary about commitments and he knew reasons too, why she was afraid of commitments. They never talked but they both knew what the reason was. They were still in touch through chats, messages and calls but as per her strict guidelines of friendship. Soon they talked less and then, almost never. They talked once in a month and then, once in two months and then, on occasions like birthdays. They were not together but still somewhere deep down their heart, the feeling was still there, how much they tried to hide it or escape it but in the dark, silent, lonely night, for both of them, they used to remember each other and their golden days of last almost five years.
After One Year
She was in Delhi almost after a year and she was restless as she knew, he was coming there too. It was their common friend's marriage, he was their close common friend and they both could not say no to him. She knew he was coming but she was not nervous for him, she was nervous for herself as she did not know how would she face him. She was standing near the trails, it was night, everyone was celebrating in the music ceremony and she was standing there with a glass of wine clutched in her hand tightly. She was not alone there, soon she was accompanied by someone, and she smiled at him encouragingly. He was Aditya, working with her in the company and from last three months, they were together, dating each other. She was talking with him and then, she saw him. He was a changed man then, more charming, more like a gentleman and quite professional. It was his last year, she knew he would start his business here, and she stared at him for a second and then, she saw her. There was a lady with him; they were walking together, hand in hand. She felt awkward for a moment as she knew him. He had many girlfriends in collage but he never walked hand in hand with them, except her. She was shocked and then, she settled herself. She grabbed Aditya's hand and walked ahead to greet him with a huge smile.
He saw her walking with someone hand in hand. He was shocked as well, but he was awestruck looking at her. She was more beautiful than she ever was. She looked stunning in her light pink sari, with long wavy hairs cascading over her waist and the glow on her face and shine in her eyes when she looked at him was not escapable from his eyes. He stared at her for few moments until he realized that he was with someone else. As soon as she came near, he smiled at her and she smiled back.
'Hi...Maan!'
'Hi...You are looking great.'
'You, too'
'Well, meet my friend, Sarah. Sarah, this is Geet. My long time friend.'
She was shocked as he introduced her as his long time friend rather than best friend or even his ex-girlfriend. She smiled to hide her uneasiness.
'Hi, Sarah. Nice to meet you. Here...Meet my friend, Aditya.'
It was then, his time to get shocked. He smiled at him and they talked for few minutes and then, they were busy with others. They looked at each other in between, as if time was not enough for them, and when they were alone for sometime, he silently asked her with a smirk,
'You are looking fine, so you finally ready for commitment?'
'Thanks but he is just friend, let's see how things happen. By the way, Sarah is beautiful but no one can beat me in smile.' She said smilingly.
'So true.' He smiled as well and they talked fondly but there was something awkward between them.
They were staying in same hotel and the rest of the days passed happily and busy in marriage and it was celebration party for their friend and they were dancing with their respective partners. She looked at him, dancing with Sarah, closely. She did not felt bad but she was certainly restless as he was with Sarah but he was looking at her in an unusual way, it was making her uncomfortable. She tried to ignore him but could not. He was looking at her strangely, with some inexplicable feeling in his eyes. She was lost in his eyes, she was in Aditya's arms but she felt like she is not herself anymore, soon she realized that her eyes were getting wet and she made an excuse and left Aditya for a while, Maan immediately followed her as he got it that something was wrong with her.
She ran to the terrace to get some fresh air, and to settle her mental state, to breathe in open air for a while. He followed her, she was standing near the trails, staring at the full moon, he came ahead and looked at her, in black full party gown, and she was looking gorgeous with her open, wavy hair. He stayed there for a second and then, he called out her name, in his deep, husky voice, as she always loved,
'Geet...'
With that she turned around angrily, and snapped back,
'Why are you here? Just go away, Maan. You should not be here.'
'I just wanted to make sure if you are okay?'
'No...No...I am not okay, because you are not leaving me alone. You are just everywhere. Why are you looking at me like this? We are over and still you look at me like old times, of course I am not okay. You follow me to the terrace alone when you have your NRI girlfriend, just to make sure that I am okay, of course I am not okay. You are not giving me the space I want for Aditya and still you ask if I am okay? Of course, I am not okay. You are back and still after two break ups, you are giving me 'I-still-love-you' look and you come and ask if I am okay, of course I am not okay. You are here from last four days and you are behaving like we are a 'thing' when we are not, when I am not interested, when I am not ready. I want my space for Aditya. He wants commitment and I...I want to give myself that chance and that space but you...with you...looking at me and asking me like this...oh...Maan, please..just leave me...'
She said in one short breath and then, stopped to take some more breaths but did not say anything; in fact, she sighed deep and again turned back, and started staring at the moon. He was dumbfounded by her quick reaction but he knew she had touched his nerve, he was confused and angry. He swiftly pulled her back, and forcefully made her turned around,
'What do you think? I am doing this to annoy you...I want to do this? Of course not, even I want to be with someone else who can trust me and commit to herself and as well as me, unlike you...What do you think? I want to follow you, Geet? Why would I when I know you are not interested...I know we are over but I can't control if I see you restless or worried...For god sake, Geet! We have been together for last six years, I know you...And what do you think? I want you back? I know you are not ready...And you know something, Geet?'
He stopped for a moment and without waiting for her reaction, he started again,
'You can never trust anyone, no one in this world, you know why? Because you don't trust yourself, you can't commit to anyone because you are not committed to yourself. You can never give Aditya or me second chance because you are not even giving yourself a second chance, You can never trust anyone...because Geet, you don't trust your life and that is the fact whether you accept it or not. I am not sad or angry for me because we are not together but I am angry for yourself because I know you...You will keep on doing this until you know from your heart what you want.'
She was shocked, in all these years he never ever said such thing to her. They both knew that she had commitment phobia, he never pressured her for anything but when she realized what he was thinking about her, and she was upset.
'Go, Maan. Go. I need space'
'How many times will we break up, man?' he asked frustratingly.
'Bye. You will never call me again. Goodbye.'
'What? Not even a call?' he asked confusingly.
'No messages. No calls. No chat. Just nothing, Maan. I don't want to be friends. Bye.'
'God...' he sighed.
With that she was about to leave and he grabbed her hand, as he did not believe what she just said,
'Never?'
'Never.'
And he came forward slowly and brushed his lips against hers, slowly. She tried to protest but he stopped her,
'A Break up kiss...'
And she gave in; she kissed him back, passionately. Eventually, she found herself lost in his wide arms for a while and she felt a lone tear from her eyes, slipped down her cheeks and absorbed into his black coat. Before he realized anything, she broke the hug, and ran away. He looked at her, disappointed. After she left he stood there alone for sometime, staring at the moon for ages, until Sarah called him and he realized a pinch of reality. He sighed deep and left the place with heavy heart.
***
They parted their ways once again, but this time forever as she decided but then she was the one who missed him badly. She broke up with Aditya in next two weeks after they broke up as she knew what she wanted and it was time. She wanted time. Three months has passed and in these three months she missed him like she never did, she remembered their days together, how he used to make her smile when she was pissed off, how he proposed her thrice and how he was her perfect friend, her best friend, her everything. She was alone and only then she realized how much he mattered, she knew that she was incomplete without him, she found out that she was not afraid from commitments but she was afraid from herself and her past, from her parents.
It was raining heavily for the very first time in Mumbai. Her favorite season of rains just started and she was sitting on the floor by window, trying to save herself from getting wet and then, she, suddenly pulled out her hands in rain, she started playing with the raindrops wetting her hands, she slowly, moved out little and let the raindrops make her face wet a little, she stretched out her arms in rain, and then she was drenching in rain and then, it was the particular moment when she realized that she was ready, she was ready for him, she was ready for them. She never missed him like she was missing then in rain and she was in past how they used to enjoy rains, how they used to have hot coffee in freezing rains and his one simple touch would give her thrills down the spine, it was the feeling she never ever felt by anyone else in the world, a part of her was always reserved for him. She quickly wiped away the single tear that managed to slipped down her cheeks, even in the rain, she felt like the rain was not drenching her but the feeling -his warm feeling was drenching her and she could not take it more. She took her cell and called him, but he was not answering, she knew it he would but she was confused why he was not. She did not even know where he was, in London or Delhi but this specific moment she did not wanted to loose it. She just wanted to share this feeling and asking for forgiveness. She called again but he did not answered and then, she remembered their common friend and she called him, and when she was talking to her friend, a wide smile crossed her face and she was happier than ever.
On the other way, he was in the city for work, and he was feeling like home coming, he knew she was here but as he promised himself and her as well that he would leave her and give her space, he was not even trying to call her. He just finished his work and leaving and all of a sudden, he stepped out the office and started walking on the rain endlessly. He liked it; the only thing about rain he ever loved was he shared it with her. Rain was her favorite season and he loved rain because she loved it. He was walking and walking, avoiding all calls, and just drenching himself in the rain. And he remembered how in last three months, he life turned upside down, he dated a girl and she, herself told him that he was not hers, Sarah knew it in one look that Maan was never hers, he belonged to Geet. He came to India to establish his own business and he succeeded, he had everything he wanted but still, he was empty because she was not with her. He knew it that someday she would come back, he knew it that she loved him a lot but what she needed was time and he gave her the time but in that period, he found about himself that he was not only in love with her but she was part of his soul. He soon realized that they both were incomplete without each other but he was not sure how she would react and then, he chose not to inform her at all. He knew very well that the moment she will realize it she would run into his arms, and he was just waiting for that moment, because he again, did not want to force her for anything. He wanted her to come on her own, when she would be ready for lifetime. He was lost in his thoughts, standing in front of the huge, stormy, gigantic sea in the rain, it was beautiful, he thought. And, he heard the sweetest voice ever,
'I think you should not get yourself wet.'
And he turned around; there she was, in front of him. He smiled. She smiled. She slowly started to move ahead,
'You did not inform me you were coming?'
'You said goodbye, remember?' he asked.
'I know but since when you started obeying my orders? You were never that kind.'
'I know...Distance made it.' He shrugged.
'Long Distance Relationship sucks. It never works.' He added.
'I know...Maan...' And she stopped for a moment, saw his angelic face for a while and then again, continued,
'I am sorry and I think I love you...yes I mean, I know I love you...'
'Oh? Is that so? For how many times you told me this and how many times we broke up and how many times we had this little 'thing' between us?' he smiled.
'I don't know and I don't even care...all I know is that, I love you and I am ready. I am so sorry, I was mean but now I know what I want, from my heart. I know who completes me...it's you. You must be mad at me and you should be mad at me, you have each and every right but Maan...I want reaction, I missed you...not that I never missed you in total three break ups of us and in these six years and about Eight hundred and Eleven small, silly fights we had but last time, it was like I lost my own soul, my own identity. Now I know who I am, you complete me and without you, I am just mess...I...'
'...enough Geet! I know what you mean, I know. I am not like your father. Trust me, I am not going to leave you. Ever. I am not going to leave you like your father left your mother, I will stay and I will fight but never ever run away. Not everyone is like your father, I am not going to have extra marital affair and even I will ever have, I will allow you to kill me.' He smiled and caressed her face and looked straight into her eyes with love and admiration.
She smiled through tears; he was touching her innermost fears, her very own soul.
'I love you, Geet and I know we have this little ego problems and we fight over silly issue, I hate almost all your choices and you hate my black coffee and I hate you for shopping like freak but then, I learned not to walk away but fight. You complete me, and I know I will never leave you and I will never ever let you leave me until I am One Hundred years old...and smelly. Even after three complete failure kind of break ups, I still believe that you and I can make best pair in the world. All I know is that we are together, screw London, screw Delhi...I have you and it will work fine as it always does when you are with me. All I know is that we both love each other and as it had always done for me, love will find a way.' He said and touched his forehead against hers.
'And yes, Geet...Please start crying in front of me now. I know you are not as strong as you show off.' He said in husky voice, with his eyes closed.
'Maan...' she could only say this as she was taken back by his magical words, and his understanding as how he knew her so well and her reason for not trusting anyone, her very own soul. She was, no ways, going to let him leave her until the universe would vanish.
'Shh...Don't spoil my moment.' He said and quickly brushed his lips against hers and sealed her lips. She gave in. And she hugged him, in happiness, in togetherness, in celebration.
And, then they made up, for last time ever, forever.
***
After few moments, they were walking in the rain, holding hand in hands, and sipping hot coffee.
'What about Sarah?' she asked confusingly.
'Oh...she is just a close friend and besides...she always knew that it was you.' He said naturally.
'What do you mean by just a close friend? I am your close friend. In fact, I am your best friend and I was ... I am ... I will be your best friend, no Sarah - Farah between us. You understand Mr. Maan Singh Khurana. I am your best friend.' She hit him lightly and playfully with her small fists in his broad chest and he just grabbed her hands and smiled at her, giving her the most charming look ever, he just smiled and smiled and eventually, she smiled, too.
They knew who were who.
They were together.
They made up, finally. For, eternity.
