FF - If Only I Could (Updt 24-35) Pg 16-18 - Page 7

Chapter 11

An early morning rise and Tara was out of the room. She goes to the gazebo and carries out her yoga routine for a good one hour. Her Sasuma notices her...lying flat on the floor in a corpse position and smiles to herself sarcastically. Scoffs and goes off on her morning jog.

She waves to Baba, and comes running to where he stood. After taking his blessings, she told him about her yoga routine which was required for her dance. Then tells him she would now prepare some nice Sunday breakfast for him.

Tara walked into the room still in her exercise gear, whilst Mrityunjay had just finished his shower and was rubbing his wet hair, wearing tracks and a white vest. The whiff of his aftershave filled the room...it did strange things to her insides...

Damn did have to catch her in her favourite clothes! Her Tees and flares and sweaty as ever!

He looked towards the bathroom, those Tees shaped her ...but those pants...ridiculous..

She rushed into the bathroom, showered and changed quickly. He was gone...

She rushed back into the kitchen and with of course guidance from her mother Tara and Meethi quickly prepared Chole Batture.

Tara heard her father-in-law call out, "Tara Bahu nashta kidhar hai aap ka?"

"Layi"

She rushes to the breakfast table, with a tray of hot Bhatooras and Chole! She stops in her tracks...Mrityunjay too was at the table with him.

"Today is Sunday...so I am going to enjoy this breakfast...wow...Chole!" rubbing his hands in glee!

She only serves Baba. "Aur Mrityunjay ke liye?" he questions her.

"I don't want any. Will just have some black coffee and toast"

"Nonsense Mrityunjay...even the doctor said you can have anything that you feel like, so come on just have one." and places a bhatoora in Mrityunjay's plate. "Serve him some Chole Tara Bahu."

Reluctantly she serves him a small bowl of the Chole. He can ignore it if he wants to. And then leaves from there only to return with a pot of black coffee.

She pours him the coffee to notice he had eaten up the bhatoora and cleared the chole. So the man enjoyed it!

"Kaise the chole Mritunjay? Ache naa! Are Tara Bahu what happened to your elbow? I forgot to ask you in the morning?"

Tara hesitates, "Oh...I slipped and fell in the puddle of rain water outside yesterday...It's nothing...just a small graze."

"Good you attended to it...sometimes even little wounds can create big problems" She recollected that moment...He coughed and looked up to her saying, "Thanks for the coffee."

She almost opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself.

Mid-morning her phone rang. She was in the kitchen. It was Bunty. "Faltu I would like to come and see you. I am leaving tomorrow."

"Ok come, kitne baje?"

"Open the door then Faltu, I am already outside your house...Itna badi haveli Faltu."

"Kya...you are standing outside the house. Wait...rukko... I will be there."

Delighted sh edashed to the entrance of the house to welcome Bunty in.

They enter the study only to find Baba, Nirmala and Mrityunjay seated there. All eyes were on Bunty and her, when he said aloud, "Faltu so nice to see you after a long time, missing you already re."

Bunty notices everyone, comes forward, greets them and touches the feet of Baba, Nirmala, and goes to Mrityunjay, greets him, with laughter-filled eyes says, "Jijaji how are you now? Tara's vrat and pooja did bring results naah?"

The boy was really cute and from what he was told by his Father a very bright one."'Yes, how have you been young man?"

"Good Jijaji, sorry could not come to see you earlier...have been busy sorting things out."

Nirmala walks out of there...Bunty continues whilst Tara looks surprised to see Bunty so comfortable with Mrityunjay.

"Uncle and Jijaji firstly I would like to thank you both for doing this for me. I don't think I could ever repay you back."

Mrityunjay, "Yes you can."

Tara's eyes widen, now what was this man upto! "Kaise Jiju?"

"By graduating with honors." Bunty replies with full conviction, "I promise you that Jiju I will"

Mrityunjay continues, "And whilst studying have a little bit of fun too. They are going to be the best years of your life."

"Yes I am excited, it's been a dream I never thought would happen. But my Faltu pagal sister opened the doors for me...and I am going to miss her the most."

So she was called Faltu! Apt...Pagal better still!

Tara's glistened with tears, she choked saying, "Mere room mein chal batati hoon tujhe...pagal kaha." She smacked him...

Mrityunjay was surprised to see the closeness shared between the siblings. He could never remember such moments in his life. An outsider in his own home.

Tara takes his hand to lead him away, but Bunty turns back to Mrityunjay and hugs him, overwhelmed by what he had done for him, "Thank you thank you Jijaji, I promise I will not disappoint you no matter what." Neither Adi nor Vasu had ever hugged him. Such display of affection was something he wasn't prepared for. He placed his hand on the boy's head, ruffled his hair and then put his arm around the boy's shoulders saying, "I know you won't...All the very best, now your mother and Faltu sister is not around to do things for you. You have to learn to be a man and take care of yourself whilst making the right decisions...and yes you can call and talk to me whenever you feel like. This is my number." Bunty hugs him again and leaves with Tara tagging him along. Did he just call her Faltu too?

Mrityunjay watched the brother, sister climb the stairs. He took an instant liking to the boy...there was a kind of innocence in him a rare quality in the youth. What made him tell Bunty to keep in touch knowing he wasn't going to be around!

Baba watched Mrityunjay come back to life in these few moments. He felt a tightness in his chest. And said to himself, "Oh God...please make these moments of joy permanent in his life."

It was a good two hours...neither Tara nor Bunty had come down. He had finished his lunch and was waiting to rest. Fine he would go up...

He stood outside the room and hears sounds of laughter and giggles from the inside. He enters...to see Tara and Bunty engrossed in a cushion throwing match. They both straighten up. "Sorry" in tandem. Tara quickly gathers the cushions and straightens up the room.

Bunty gave an apologetic look. "Sorry Jijaji I could not help but smack Faltu before I leave...I am going to miss all the fun we used to have. She is crazy but the best sister in the world...Faltu has done everything for me all my life."

"Tara Di and Jijaji I promise you both I will make you proud one day."

She hugs her little brother, "Come on now Mum will be waiting back at home...lets have lunch."

Mrityunjay shakes his hand, "Bye Bunty and Take Care...and here this is for you from Baba."

'What is this?"

"You will need it...keep it as a parting gift." Bunty shakes his head, hands the envelope back to him, "No Jijaji you have done enough for me...I don't need anything more."

Tara was glad Bunty acted in the right way. She was proud of her little brother. But Mrityunjay objected again, "Now Bunty, it's the first time I have given you something...it would hurt me should you refuse...would you not have demanded things from your older brother?" Tara had her eyes cast down...was he trying in some way to impress her or something?

Bunty had no answer..."Thank you Jiju...and yes please take care of my crazy sister...and Faltu if you happened to fight with Jiju you can take out your anger in front of my picture that I gave you...don't fight like a goon or cat with him."

Tara looked up to see Mrityunjay staring at her. "Bunty I don't fight for no reason...you know that."

Mrityunjay spoke up, "Go on now and finish lunch...your sister must be hungry too."

She held her little brother's hand and got him out of there before he spilled the beans of her ever famous fights on the streets!

He felt tired...so rested...his thoughts went back to Bunty. The boy really adored his sister. He could see the admiration and love in his eyes for Tara. Funny that he bonded with the boy in just the first meeting. What made him to do what he did? What was the point in giving Bunty his number?

Baba had updated him that his parole was extended for another month on medical grounds...and there was an upcoming court hearing too...he sighed...

She came into the room at dinner time as he had asked for his meals to be brought him.

She went about her business of serving him and said, "You shouldn't have done that."

He answered, "Yes you are right, I should not have given Bunty my number...what is the point."

"I am talking about the money in the envelope, it wasn't necessary. Who knows what next you expect of me."

"First and foremost that is none of your business, it stays between me & Bunty...you are not part of that deal...and secondly he is right in calling you Faltu...because you do have Faltu ideas in that head of yours."

She pointed a finger at him and snapped, "Listen, don't ever call me by that name again...only Bunty has the right to do so."

The Little Tigress that she was...huffing in anger...when she placed those hands on her waist like that it did something to him, the fabric of her top stretching against her chest...could not understand she wasn't supposed to make such movements in front of man!...he had to stop from letting his thoughts wander...

"And yes I have spoken to Baba I will move out of this room to the guest room. With me practising my singing and dance, it would create a hindrance to you. Though if you need me just call me, I am a couple of rooms away. "

"Fine...though I would not be using this room too. I'll be at the outhouse."

"Well the doctor has said you need to be indoors with the weather going bad, so I think it's for the best if I move out...anyways I am just a guest here for a few more months."

He looked up at her...she had her back to him. His voice cracked "Yeah so am I...I might be dead before you are gone."

She turned at his crude remark on himself...she searched his sombre face...the statement pricked her. He spoke so easily about death...like as if he had accepted his fate. She had no reply..

Continued...

Chapter 12

Next day Tara went about her business of getting her room arranged. She made sure there was enough space to practise her dance sessions. She could now sing and dance to her heart's content yet when she lay down on her pillow that night ...all she did was toss and turn...loneliness sweeping over her...

Baba wasn't too happy with this new arrangement, but then thought despite them living in a room all they did was argue. Maybe distance would make the heart grow fonder.

Mrityunjay found her things gone. His table was clear of the idols. The wardrobe all cleared of her stuff...it was back to its old self...stark and bare of color and clutter. He felt the silence surround him...he looked around...he embraced the isolation once again...but remained restless all night long...got up and read a bit hoping that would bring in sleep...looked for warm water...the thermos was not around. No he would not call for her...he would make do without it. He flung the cushion off his bed in frustration...pumped the pillows and tried to catch some sleep...

Tara and her dance teacher had decided that her dance sessions would be carried out under the gazebo in the open. Only singing classes would be conducted in the confines of her room.

A daily routine was followed, she would serve Baba and him breakfast. Her dance sessions took place in the morning for 2 hours and in the early evening her singing sessions. Though she saw him every morning seated on the breakfast table along with Baba...she stayed clear of him as much as she could during the rest of the day.

Sometimes when serving a meal, their hands brushed, and she would be the one to withdraw it from his touch.

He eyes took in every move of hers, the way she brushed her hair to one side or plaited it. The chime of her bangles...her large brown eyes that softened every time she spoke to Baba.

"Tara Bahu can you get us both cups of masala waali chai of yours?

"Ji Baba...aap jaye...mein lekar aati hun."

"Not for me please"

"Fine"

Tara was about to enter the living room when she overheard their conversations. Aditya was in argument with his Father over a plot of land.

Aditya insisted, "Dad why can't we just uproot the school. It's just a small school. Pay them off and get hold of our land. It's the perfect place for a bar and restaurant."

"No I am not doing it."

"Dad this is ridiculous...I don't understand why so much sympathy towards a mere school."

She entered whilst Mrityunjay spoke up, "Aditya Baba is right. How can you call any school just merely a school? It's an education centre. In fact we should be donating the whole land to the school, even the part that is not being used by them...it would be a perfect playground for the children."

'"Bhaiya why do you interfere in our discussions...you are not even part of this family."

Jayraj raised his voice, "Because he has the right to and has more sense than you and your mother...Tara Bahu...come come I have been waiting for your malai marke waali chai?"

Tara heard every word and it all took her by surprise...why was she appalled by Adi's insulting remarks?

She served Baba his tea whilst Aditya walked out in a huff. Tara then placed a cup of coffee next to where Mrityunjay sat, saying softly, "Your coffee."

He looked up into those large brown eyes...how did she know he would love a cup of coffee? She looked back at him waiting for his acknowledgment. He would now snap for sure thought Tara.

But Mrityunjay lifted the cup to his lips, sipped it and looked at her saying, "Thanks...strong but bitter." Tara's eyes widened and nostrils flared.

Baba smiled to himself seeing their banter...was there mischief in Mrityunjay's eyes when he said 'strong and bitter.'

Baba added, "Mrityunjay you like your coffee that way isn't it?"

"Yes Baba..it's perfect." without looking at Tara.

Tara was taken aback with his praise and a tingling sensation of her ears, yet did not show it and was leaving hen Baba asked, "So Tara Bahu how are your classes going on?"

Vasu walks in and interrupts the conversation. "Baba I need some money, its Mufti day today."

Tara happy to see Vasu dressed so differently in a neon yellow Indian ensemble remarks, "Vasu you are looking lovely...how nice."

Vasu snaps back at her in a bored and sarcastic tone, "What would you know what is good or bad...I mean anything at all about fashion?"

Jayraj, "Vasu!"

Mrityunjay remarks, "Now Vasu I would not like my sister talking to anyone like that, does not suit you."

Jayraj asks her to apologize. Tara interrupts, "No its okay Baba...Vasu is right, Nandu too has chided me many a times on my dressing sense."

Tara instead smiled and turned to Vasu, "Vasu next time I shall come to you for help, What say? ...you can help me out with choosing and selecting my outfits...hmmm."

Vasu in true teenage style, turned her face away giving a bored look and said,"Whatever!"

Vasu leaves and Tara is about to leave when Baba continues probing about the classes.

"Theek chal raha hai Baba." she was embarrassed talking about it in front of him. Why did Baba have to start this conversation now.

Now here was a perfect chance of praising his dear Bahu in front of his son."I met your dance teacher the other day, she had all praise for you...calling you an accomplished dancer, and a natural...where did you learn before."

"Oh Baba I have been learning dance and singing since the age of five or six at school and then was taking professional classes at age 12. But then stopped when Papa died...everything changed. Now just taking up from where I left ...Baba I have to go...my teacher will be here any minute."

She did not want to continue any further, not when he was giving ear to every word she said...so hurriedly walked away from there.

Mrityunjay had his head down not wanting to give away his train of thoughts.

He got up to leave when he heard his step-mom taunt Tara about her dance and singing. And he heard Tara reply, "Sasuma, you know dance is the perfect form of exercise, you must try it too you know." Gosh she sure had guts to talk like that to his step-mom, he walked up to his room...yes he would sketch a little. How much longer did he have to stay indoors...maybe a few more days then he would venture back into his personal abode. This confinement in the room was as good as the stark prison.

Pulling out his drawing pad he began to sketch. Most of the time he would bring out his emotions on paper. His pain, his anger, his damning situation. But today the artist in him...felt a different kind of urge...he felt a weird feeling...the need to sketch a complete woman...a warm feeling crept through him...he closed his eyes and he saw her vision...the conflict within him began...should he make her his imaginary muse or should he not? It was just his artistry instinct...he wasn't going to connect with her or something...oh forget it! Frustrated with himself he threw the pencil across the room. He held his head in his hands and closed his eyes...he envisioned her standing in front of him with hands on her hips and fire in her eyes.

Mrityunjay flung the shawl off his shoulders, opened the windows and looked out...and his eyes fell on the dancing form under the gazebo...there she was a tiny little bird...flitting feet, the swinging plait, the tilt of her hips, the fluid body movement. He had drawn the curtains before and seen her dance...he had watched and turned away...but today...he did not know what made him just do it...Mrityunjay got out his camera, zoomed out and captured every move every turn he could of Tara.

He turned away from the window and closed his eyes, threw the camera on the bed. Why did he do such a stupid thing? Paced the room, ran his fingers through his hair...looked at the camera lying on his bed, picked it up again...and rushed out of there going straight into the dark room.

She wasn't coming here anyways...she would never know...it was only for his sketching purpose...he got on to the task of developing the pictures... Funny he got impatient to get them developed.

He stared at the photographs in his hand. She made a beautiful dancer...he could not capture the emotions on her face, but her moves and tilt of her supple body he did. He felt a tightness in his chest...a kind of guilt...these pictures did not belong to him...he had no right over them, he flung the pictures around the room...this was wrong...he invaded her private moments...he needed to ask her about it...no...he would forget about the whole thing...just a matter of time before he went back into prison...Death was waiting around the corner...why look at Life then?...this torture of seeing Life and knowing it wasn't going to be his ever...why did he get these urges to want to Live and this point...he pulled at his hair...banged his head against the wall repeatedly and cried out...opening his eyes fell on the pictures of her strewn on the floor. He gathered them, heaved a heavy sigh of apprehension...looked away... and then dumped them into the drawer...this wait was worse than death...wish it would come earlier and end this wretchedness once and for all!

He laid down on the settee, shutting his eyes...embracing the darkness around him...

Tara had got to know from Joseph that he hadn't eaten lunch and was not in his room too all day.

She had knocked on the door of the dark room late afternoon, only to be told, "I am fine just leave me alone." She walked away from there not knowing what to do...he did not like her intruding...anyways now he did not need her...but wasn't she wanting the same time...be away from him...out of his sight...without a care, they why did his reply make her feel so...so...unwanted like. She huffed grumbling to herself, "Now he does not even want to see my face, selfish man...who cares...forget him."

She went back into her room and would start her singing riyaz. Her music instructor would be here soon...

That afternoon her instructor had scolded her, where is your attention, what is distracting...we both are alone here.

She had shut her eyes and tried to concentrate...but those words just kept playing on her mind, "leave me alone"

"Kuch bhi nahi Guruji"

"Kya hua Tara...tumhara dhyaan kahi aur hai...chalo phir se..gao..."

She apologized...excused herself saying she had a terrible headache since morning... The instructor left before time.

Tara shut the door after her and was angry with herself. Why was she feeling so dejected? Damn...plugged her headphones on and playing a racy number...anything to just her mind of things...

Later that evening Mrityunjay returned back to his room and asked for his evening meal to be sent up.

Baba had come up asking him if everything was alright. He assured his Dad he was and that he needed to get out in the open before he would turn mad sitting indoors. Jayraj agreed but ensured that he come home for his meals and he would spend the nights at home.

They had then discussed about the upcoming court hearing date, where he too would have to be present.

After Baba left Mrityunjay stared at the ceiling with his hands folded behind his head...the court date was here...in a couple of days...Baba sounded positive...he was not willing to dwell on hope...most probably he would not return home and would be put back in prison...another two more days...that's it...better this way...his misery would end soon.

He took a sleeping pill, that the doctor had prescribed on his persistence...could not handle this anxiety and depression anymore he had told the Doctor.

to be continued

Chapter 13

They met next day morning at the breakfast table...she ignored him...well he ignored her last night, so she was doing exactly what he said, 'to leave him alone!"

"Good Morning," Mrityunjay wished Tara. She mumbled something...and ignored him, busy serving breakfast to Baba. They were just the three of them around.

"Tara Bahu baitho...sit...join us."

She sat at the table facing Baba to her left, Mrityunjay was seated to her right. She did not bother looking to her right. But he had to since Baba was seated to his left...

"Can you pass me the fruit bowl?" He addressed her. She picked it up and dropped it close to his side. ...what happened to her now? What did he do that she seems mad at him?

"Thanks." she ignored it...Baba, "Aap hume Chess khelna sikhao aur mein aap ko Dhol bajana?"

Mrityunjay coughed...Baba and Dhol! She sure was crazy and would turn all of them as well.

Baba, "Dhol!" "yeah why not Baba...don't you want to learn something very different...which is fun and noisy."

"What is Life without noise, fun and laughter?"

"Haah yeh toh aap ne sahi kaha."

"Aur Dhol...where will you get it from?"

"Don't worry about that...I will..."

"Baba I shall take leave...Baba..Bab...I am leaving."

"Huh!...oh! okay Mrityunjay."

Baba seemed very excited about the whole thing...silly...just because He was a grumpy Old Joe did not mean everyone around him had to behave like him.

Baba left for the day...and Tara decided to help out Meethi in the kitchen since she wasn't keeping too well. Her dance teacher too wasn't coming in today.

Tara pushing Meethi out of the kitchen decided she would cook something for lunch today...but of course with the help of her mother...

With mobile on one ear, hands busy pulling out boxes of ingredients, with a pan placed on a burning gas stove...Tara went about her business of following instructions..holding the open box of oil...in her mad rush to get to the ingredients on the opposite counter..down went the can of oil on the floor...all around her...

Damn...Ma...I shall call you back...rukho...tell gir gaya..."Oh gosh...careful Tara...standing there in a pool of oil...she turned bent close enough to place the can on the closest counter...and moved to walk in a pool of oil...when she felt herself falling ...and going for a toss...hey bhagwan Nooo...her left hand dropped the phone...almost about to fall...when she felt a pair of large hands around her waist...her left hand clung tightly to whatever support she found ...his trousers...she felt her back braced against his chest...he commanded softly against her neck, "Take off your sandals"...she could feel the pressure of his arm around her midriff against her breasts...at his mercy she obeyed...still leaning against his hard body...and then in one smooth movement...like he were picking a doll...he scooped her out of the pool of oil and places her down at the other in one... they had never been in such close proximity to each other, he growled, his voice heavier than before, "Haven't you messed up enough, you are pulling my pants down now?... she looks...oh Gosh!... her hand was still clinging on to the side his thigh trousers..she jerked it off him abruptly...looked for her dupatta which lay soaked in oil on the floor... ...she straightened her kameez,...fidgeting her fingers...dared not look at him...this was embarrassing...her cheeks and whole body burned...

Mrityunjay had to cover up, he spoke up, "Aren't you supposed to be practising dance? What are you doing here? Where is Meethi and Madhav and all?"

No choice...she turned...he notices...the effect of what just happened... her flushed cheeks...her glazed eyes...her heaving chest... She gulps hard...stammering..lost for words...trying to catch her breath..."Woh...woh...I thought of cooking ...woh woh Meethi is not too well" averting her gaze from his..she tries to move, he raises his hand and shouts, "Stay where you are before you create further mess..I'll get hold of Joseph or someone."...and then he was gone suddenly...

Tara sighed held her hand on her chest...Phew!...sweaty hands...no man had ever held her the way he did...she touched her cheeks...what was happening to her...his touch affected her so badly... she thinks thank goodness he seemed pretty cool to her...like as if nothing happened...yeah but of course how could a woman affect him! Stupid of her to think it would!

Mrityunjay rushed out of the house for some fresh air...he barked at Joseph for not being around the house..."get into the kitchen." and then walked up to his shack...got hold of the reins of his mare and rode into the wilderness...stopped for breath...came down from the horse and sat ...the ride did not change a thing...thoughts of her just did not vanish away...she felt so right against him...when he slid his arm against her tiny midriff, her softness rested against his arm...her nails digging into his thigh...her body leaning against his...Damn!...he picked up a stone and flung it hard and far... he had no right to feel this way...but he could not deny it anymore or run away from this stark reality...Yes He was totally and physically attracted to Tara! She aroused in him feelings he never felt before...

But it was not just the attraction, he somehow felt something more...care? ...How could this possibly have happened. He had met so many women, beautiful, tall leggy ones, before this bad phase..With his Father's name tag there was never a dearth for them, a couple of them openly showed their interest, but he respected women too much to indulge in frivolous relationships. A strong believer in Eternity with his woman or not at all.

Enough!...what eternity was he thinking of now...

He hated being judgemental...yet what was with this chit of a girl? A loud, brazen spitfire of a child-like woman...the first to rub him the wrong way...yet he felt drawn to her...the bloody joke was he was even married to her...he consoled himself...what was the big deal...he got attracted...it could be natural under the circumstances...living in such close proximity...so what...okay fine...he would just stay clear of her as much as he could...a dying man had no right to feel anything. very soon he would be dead and gone and forgotten anyways!...He had no right to hope...he shut his eyes...forcing himself to think of the dark prison walls..his inmates, the cold floor he had slept on...this was reality...he sighed...feeling a shooting pain inside of him...

Tomorrow was the court hearing...another wasted day...he did want to really go through this again and be disappointed...nothing made sense...all a waste of time...damn, he kicked the mud around him hard...looked at the empty vastness around him and lingered around waiting for his best friend - The Darkness to come...

That night he returned very late when the whole household had fallen asleep...ate dinner, popped a pill and went off to bed.

to be continued..