A Widow or Widower

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g.sreedurga

@g.sreedurga

Explorer

Posted: 7 years ago

Hello all,

I have seen that this notion of 'bachha needs mom so you marry' of Bhanushali parivaar is highly supported. Let's consider a widow/widower A. Now after the spouse's death, A has two choices:

1. A wants to move on in his/her life. Wants to remarry. He/She thinks parents are needed for their kids or may think they need love and wants to try to fall in love all over again. Now, this is not a mistake at all. There are many examples in real life like that. Move on. Very good. All they need is a supportive and impartial second spouse. Else they may land in troubles.

2. A can't imagine himself/herself to be addressed as a spouse of someone else. They emotionally submitted themselves so much to their dead spouse that they do not wish to come out of it. They want to make their children as their prime focus, also see their dead spouse in them, be an independent strong loving person and a supportive parent to the child. It is also completely justified. There are many examples like that too in real life.

They are free to choose whatever option their heart is ready for. I do agree, living without one of the parents is very difficult. But its just a game of destiny. It brings stronger bond with the single parent. We can't judge that their life is not proper. I have seen many people of single moms, divorcees or widows. Trust me. These people are mentally so consumed with the past that they don't want to invest emotionally in other person. They are emotionally exhausted and tired. They see their children as everything and the child is their only source of happiness. The feeling of seeing their spouse in the child, be both mom and papa for the child and give their best to child gives them a lot of mental peace. It needs lot of mental strength, love towards spouse and undeterred dedication towards children.

If Parth wants to choose the second option, I don't see why it is such a big problem. That too with such a big joint family, it should not be a problem at all. There are enough people to take care and love Tunnu. There are thousands of people who are actually grown up by nana/nani or dada/dadi more than parents. Even in my case, my nani is like mom after mom to me. I get all that love and concern I get from my mom. But even if Parth wishes to remarry himself, its not a mistake too. I don't see the need of forcing him in the name of baby.

And another doubt for Bhanushali family. I wonder why didn't they remarry Poini. Sejal and Suyog did not need a papa? Its not mentioned how many years back Poini became a widow. But I remember Poini saying once that Sejal has been the only ray of her happiness since too many years. Ramnik says Sejal and Jagruti are the same for him. Then why can't Tunnu be the same for Forum and Suyog? Because Poini is bahu and Parth is son?

The entire family is thinking Teni can only bring happiness to Parth etc etc. Trust me. No. If Parth is still unable to emotionally detach himself from Shor, the marriage isn't going to yield him or Teni any happiness. Teni is not the person who can make him happy. Tunnu is the person who can pull Parth out of sorrow. Being with Tunnu, taking care of him just like how Shorvori would do if she's alive, earning for him, saying stories about Shor to him, playing with him, seeing him smile - All these are the things which would gradually make him happily smile again. (If tunnu is girl, replace all hims with hers. I just told casually). If he marries Teni and cannot give her the happiness and love a husband must give, it will be more of a emotional burden and guilt to Parth. Teni is not realizing now but she won't be happy either. After a point in life, she herself would feel used. She would feel the need of the spouse type love. She will be left emotionally deserted. I hope someone understands this.

My point is, Teni and family should stop forcing Parth or blackmailing him. Give him time. This is just 2-3 months since the tragedy. If he wants to slide to Option 1, fine, execute it. If he wants to stay in Option 2, good, so be it. Forcing is only going to yield worse results.

Edited by g.sreedurga - 7 years ago

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Famishah

@Famishah

Voyager

Posted: 7 years ago

one of the brilliant post in this forum and i love to mention how neutral it was! and still hit a home run.

Edited by Famishah - 7 years ago

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g.sreedurga

@g.sreedurga

Explorer

Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: Famishah
one of the brilliant post in this forum and i love to mention how neutral it was! and still hit a home run.

Thank you so much! :D

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Rashmi

@goofyCat

Sparkler

Posted: 7 years ago

Very well put!! And the example of Poyni that you gave is kinda eye opener. Bhanushalis didn't have problems back then when Poyni's kids were raised without their father, but are now creating a ruckus as if Tunnu won't be able to survive without Teni.

The thing is that they never accepted Shorvori wholeheartedly. And even now their love for Teni is for the reason that they feared of loosing the baby initially when she blackmailed them, and now they are in a hurry to erase Shorvori's memories from Parth's mind and they have a readymade candidate for the position of their DIL. They were never bothered about Parth's feelings so they aren't showing any sensitivity about his feelings now as well.

I said almost similar things on one other post. If Parth feels that he will never be able to replace Shorvori with anyone else in his life, he should not marry anyone. Because that won't give any happiness to anyone. In fact, that will put him more into guilt and depression. And for sure, Teni- despite all her goodness- is not the person who can emotionally support him as wife.

edited to add, Teni isn't matured enough to understand how she is complicating her future, she is just too obsessed for Parth. I think only Parth is in the position to tell her all this clearly. But then he is too emotionally weak and burdened by her favours currently. Still I hope he clarifies it firmly, in case situation demands it.

Edited by _goofyCat_ - 7 years ago

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cygnet9

@cygnet9

Sparkler

Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: _goofyCat_
Very well put!! And the example of Poyni that you gave is kinda eye opener. Bhanushalis didn't have problems back then when Poyni's kids were raised without their father, but are now creating a ruckus as if Tunnu won't be able to survive without Teni.

The thing is that they never accepted Shorvori wholeheartedly. And even now their love for Teni is for the reason that they feared of loosing the baby initially when she blackmailed them, and now they are in a hurry to erase Shorvori's memories from Parth's mind and they have a readymade candidate for the position of their DIL. They were never bothered about Parth's feelings so they aren't showing any sensitivity about his feelings now as well.

I said almost similar things on one other post. If Parth feels that he will never be able to replace Shorvori with anyone else in his life, he should not marry anyone. Because that won't give any happiness to anyone. In fact, that will put him more into guilt and depression. And for sure, Teni- despite all her goodness- is not the person who can emotionally support him as wife.

edited to add, Teni isn't matured enough to understand how she is complicating her future, she is just too obsessed for Parth. I think only Parth is in the position to tell her all this clearly. But then he is too emotionally weak and burdened by her favours currently. Still I hope he clarifies it firmly, in case situation demands it.

@ bold yes Parth only can tell and clarify Teni what her position is. It is not that he did not tell her, but Teni took it other way. She though if Shoorwari is out from the picture then it will be ok for Parth.

And one more thing CV's and Writers if these people show some sensible track then we all can for sure witness Parth's firm clarification to Teni😆

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A Widow or Widower

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