Parents, daughters, relatives

Hello,

I was reading thru comments on 'Woman being ambitious...Is it a Crime?' post. Loads of comments on parents and the environment parents provide for their kids! Some cool thoughts! Anywho, I wanted a discussion on parents and daughters, daughters with high dreams, supportive parents, and yet parents not letting girls go off on their own to explore the world.

You know, I feel they are right when they say the world can be a big, mean place.... on the other hand, I believe in inherent innocence of all.... no matter how 'bad' a person is. What about parents being over-protective of their girls? Does it prevent girls to come into their own? Be truly independent!! I also read a few comments on how girls should fight for themselves with their own husbands, in-laws, etc. (my focus is only parents)..... but I have found it ain't easy.... especially, when you don't want to upset your parents....and there is always a feeling that girls get emotionally 'blackmailed' depending on circumstances...... parents have the kids' good in their minds, but there does come a point when thought processes diverge.... what then?😕 .... how would you convince your parents then? I don't think we can just go off without consent?? 😕😆 .. sigh, consent...wierd word....anywho, what's your definition of smothering?😛 How much can you actually sacrifice or compromise?? Sometimes, I think dreams are much more important...and there is no way I can give up, and yet eventually end up compromising....so many things.... i can do (okay, good ones....mostly career/friendship development, etc), but end up not doing mostly cause of parents😕...or maybe I make it a reason thinking it won't happen..... sometimes, I guess that can also pent up frustration, but parents must have sacrificed a lot for us, too....we might not even know how much.😕

Oh, also had a question about relatives and all..... why the heck is everybody so hung up, in their own lives.... caring the least about each other... especially in US😕? So much rivalary for no reason what so ever!! 😕

And if you got what I am trying to say.... all jumbled thoughts, mind enlightening me on the issue?😃

Eagerly waiting to hear your thoughts!😊

Persy

Hi Persy!

You definitely seem to have a lot of questions and without knowing your particular situtaion, it is very hard for someone to comment. I am an example of someone who has exactly opposite experiences as yours, so it is even harder for me, but I would hate to read your post and walk away.
whether you are ready to follow your dreams and go against your parents will depend on many factors

1. your age
2. your dream- (sounds like you would have a reasonable dream, but still)
3. is there anyone else in the family who pursued the same dream?
4. did they fail and got hurt in the process?
5. nobody has done it, while there is a certain profession your family follows and hence you are expected to do the same
6. financial situation

If you can justify the worth of your dreams and your capacity to realize them, if you can give some examples around you, it may be ossible to follow your dreams with their permission. For this, you have to have a nice and clear dialogue with them. If u grew up in a suppressed environment, i don't know how to open this dialogue.
world is indeed a harsh place especially for single women with no support, so before taking a drastic decision, consult with other elders, other peers, student counsellors..
i don;t know what more i can tell u.
Good luck dear!

Thank you for replying! I won't go against parents; I post-phone my dream. No rebuttle for their 'big mean world; girl going off'??? ...Funny thing, parents always go...do whatever you want once you are married. 😕 😆

Persy

I think mQT Di has said so good👏.. there is hardly anything left for me to say.. but as she couldn't walk away without posting, similarly this is my position.

I have a well-defined dream which I shared with papa when I was 17. I told him that this is BIG and there are BIG issues that I will have to deal as I move along that way. Thankfully my father is understanding enough to appreciate my ambitions. Now I am happy that my parents are as enthusiastic as I am about my career and my big dream 😃 But above all, you HAVE to believe in yourself 😊

There has to be a very open communication between you and your parents...friendship with parents is so valuable, rather its one of the most precious things in the world 😊 My parents have treated me like a friend through all these years. But you can always put yourself forward for friendship with them if they haven't started it yet 😊 Its always worth giving a try!!

You need to tell them why you think you are confident to achieve your dreams. Why your dream is realistic? Why this is the only thing you wish to do in life? And explain them that before or after marriage, the only thing that changes is the conversion of Miss to Mrs... You will always remain the same 😊 World is still a big mean place whether you are working woman/mom/daughter or even a homemaker. I think it will be the example of a toad living in a pond... the world is still mean out there, the difference is toad doesn't know that. Personally I would prefer to fight with that world than to remain ignorant of it. 😊

I have only one thing to say, look at this ad and have a frank discussion with your parents.

http://img57.imageshack.us/img57/4884/edugirlsjpgrb9.jpg

Wel said QT.
I think this is the beauty of our culture . IF parents are protected , they take responsibilitys too.
You can compare it with trends over here.
There is a good chance , if you discuss your dreams with them they would not only let you persue but may also help you getting your dream, provided you convince them and ofcourse if you have a logic there you would.
Otherwise as Qt said . World is really a harsh place for a single woman so don' t loose your biggest support-Your family 😊

I will post my view as a parent here though my daughter is still in the ABC stages😊. As a mother I will be supportive of her dreams. Instead of being protective about daughters we should be teaching them to be self-reliant. As parents you are always there and they can turn to you whenever they need a shoulder to share their burden but unless they first at least attempt to tackle the situations on their own they won't become strong.

I would be sad as a mother if I learn that my daughter sacrificed her dreams to make me happy. That would mean that I failed as a mother as I couldn't give her the confidence to bare her heart. Daughter should have faith in parents and it is up to parents to give them that confidence.