How do you FEEL about DIVORCE?

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Posted: 11 years ago

Yes, I like being serious and address painful issues in life. 😭 It happens to good people. The only thing in his life are the loyal family and of course the kids. The kids have to pay the price for a divorce. They are the innocent ones. Please share your thoughts on what looks like to be a eye-opener. 😲

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Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

One cannot pass a general statement about divorce. Ideally it should not happen but it happens.

The reasons are due to incompability between two people. Many times one goes into a marriage in arrange marriage system and later finds out what he or she got in the package. Even if there is love marriage, issues which are not known can crop up.

Options are to continue or get divorce. One can continue for sake of the world, kids and fear of being in no relationships. Or one can decide to end. One can end it late due to society pressure or one can end quickly acting too independent.A balance analysis is needed and a reasonable threshold should be there. Beyond which one should get a divorce.

Edited by King-Anu - 11 years ago

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return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

As a single person, I don't think I'm in place to make a statement on divorce. Personally, I am ambivalent to divorce. Sometimes two people are incompatible and should not be married. A divorce maybe healthier than abusive relationships or perpetual cheating. So many times divorce is a viable and practical option for the benefit of everyone. In many cases like forced marriages or abusive spouses it serves as a legal protection and recourse.

Sadly, many people do abuse the option of divorce. Sometimes people don't want to put any effort in relationships and use divorce as a frivolous and easy way out instead of fulfilling their commitments. Divorce isn't a simple said and done thing. People should be a lot more thoughtful when choosing divorce.

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

This is really a broad topic. If there are genuine reasons for divorce, it is an acceptable option. No one is supposed to be forced to live in a state where he/she is perpetually abused.

But then what we see in the society is many couple these days are not making genuine efforts to save the marriage and they also find they have no idea how they could save the marriage also. Marriage works only as both persons understand the true purpose of why to get married. Marriage is an institution where a person enters to get an opportunity to enhance his/her capability to be more loving. Instead, if a person believes he/she will be able to receive love in the marriage, he/she could be disappointed. The opportunity for everyone in the marriage is to increase his/her capability to be more caring, compassionate, gentle, tender, understanding and loving and also how much he/she could be with his/her partner, available to his/her partner and present to his/her partner. And the effort to save the marriage has to be there unless one of the partners is abused consistently or could possibly be in a genuine danger.

At the same time, both the partners are not to pretend they are feeling no pain in the marriage also. They have to find the appropriate help to get to know why they are feeling pain. That could be in the form of professional help also. An unfortunate fact of the World is 80% of the marriage counselors also have no idea on how to help the couple who are finding difficulty in improving the quality of their marriage which itself is one reason divorces are getting more common.

In fact, I am also studying the serious issues on why there are more divorces these days. But there are many complications, one has to look into. Joint families are no more there these days. When the husband and wife are left alone, are they able to find ways by which they could get to be more comfortable with each other? How is life if the husband and wife are put up the husband's parents' home? What is the role of all the concerned persons in this situation to save the marriage? These are big questions to be answered and the topic thus becomes broad.

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Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

In the end it depends upon the issue causing dispute.

If husband is caught with someone else or wife is texting messages to former lover then decision becomes easy. Physical violence is not acceptable at any cost. Its animalistic behavior and is a solid reason for divorce as well.

However if the issue is ego, not liking families, or being forced into marriage where you not really liked someone to begin with then one can try to adjust for sake of greater benefit. Many issues are sorted out by time as well.

Constany verbal abuse is something that is in betwee. Women have tolerated it but girls of today might not tolerate it. It depends on their threshold level.

The point again is simple..Each person has different thresholds of tolerance. I am saying this threshold should be set to reasonable level where some things should be NO but then other should be given chance, time.

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791198

Suspended

Posted: 11 years ago

I've been meaning to ask someone this for a long time. Perfect time. Would you mind telling me if you are required to pay alimony to your ex-wife Erotic? Is it a reasonable amount or a lot? I am just curious to know about this from someone who has actually been married and divorced in the US.

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alina.b

@alina.b

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

I think divorce is not a bad thing.

If two people are not happy together why should they force themselves to live with the other person and be unhappy for the rest of their lives? Sometimes a husband or a wife might be responsible for the divorce because of an affair, fraud case, excessive fighting, or just not willing to change/ live together. Life is too short so its best to live life happily and the way the person wants to live.

As for the kids, if they are around fighting parents 24/7, they will have worse influence. I have many friends who have divorced parents and they are good kids not trouble kids. Yeah their parent's divorce might be a touchy issue for them. But I have friends also who's parents are married but fight all the time, the emotional effect it has on them is devastating!

It also depends on the society. I live in America where divorce is a common thing but whereas in India, divorce is not seen as a good thing but people are learning to accept it there too. Catholics have marriage counseling because divorce is a taboo in their religion. So it also depends on your environment.

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

@Shweta: I know that in USA they have the law of 'no-fault divorce.' In that case, if one of the partners chooses to divorce, the divorce is possible. The only reason both could fight in that case is for division of assets. This law was enacted so that the kids don't have to live with parents who are quarreling always. Definitely the emotional effects on the kids is very devastating when the parents quarrel always.

But there is emotional effect on the kids also when the parents divorce and even if at a time, the kids seem to be not troubling, in one way or the other, the mental trauma within the kids strike at some age and they will find they have their own problems when they choose to have relationship. There can be definitely genuine reasons for the partners to divorce and in that case the divorce can be accepted. At the same time, excessive fighting or not willing to change/live together could not be considered genuine reasons for divorce. In these situations, the divorce will seem to be temporary relief for one or both the partners. But both of them will feel very much guilty later. Some day or the other, the partners feel, 'If only I had been more tolerant.' Or both of them will go for another relationship. In the next relationship also, those two persons will find they are struggling with the same problems. This situation will have devastating effect on the separated couple..

What really helps is, when a person finds he/she is finding his/her marriage troubled, he/she has to take the opportunity to find what he/she contributes to the trouble. Because in these cases, as the relationship is a system, both the persons do something to perpetuate the quarrel and each person has to sort out himself/herself individually. Only if the person who sorted out his problems, he/she can definitely love his/her partner but the partner is not prepared to continue in the marriage, then there is meaning in the divorce.

As you say, life is definitely too short.and it is best to live happily. However what I learn is, life will become fulfilled only when I am able to live fully being able to bring out my capabilities of being caring, compassionate, gentle, tender and understanding to someone and being present and available to that person. And even though, it seems tough to be fully loving to my partner, unless I make full efforts to love her, I don't feel my life could be fulfilled.

Edited by maha2us - 11 years ago