Traditions - To Keep or Discard? - Page 5

Originally posted by: mads

diya!! so nice to reply to you here ... after a long time! 🤗

well, if you ask me, then I believe wearing a saree is not exactly a tradition, yes it looks like that in the way that is is made obligatory, but after all it it just another clothing style .. and nothing is more Indian than a saree, I think every Indian girl looks her most beautiful in a saree (and we have the perfect example of Sanaya 😳) ..and Manav right now has no clue about how comfortable or uncomfortable Chanchan is in a saree, because honestly he doesnt really know her that much..they got married pretty fast .. and ofcourse he wouldnt expect her to wear sarees when they went out on the couple of dates that they did .. he thinks its completely normal for a girl to wear a saree and has grown up in a house where he saw all the married ladies wearing a saree, plus, he has seen Chanchan's mom and her dadi wearing sarees...so he thinks it is pretty normal for a girl to switch to sarees once she gets married and believes that Chanchan already knows this .. so I dont think he is wrong in expecting Chanchan to be able to carry off a saree... and even Chanchan is fine with wearing sarees.. maybe what should change is the frequency of wearing a saree, that a saree should be worn only during pujas and ther such big occasions and otherwise it is okay to wear salwar suits..which is pretty much how normal families function..

but as far as the pallu bit is concerned, yes I think that is one tradition that you should get rid off asap.. and it would be great if they show Manav realising it ..although how, I have no clue..so for me, it would be good if either of Ranjana or Sanjana realise about the unfairness of the pallu bit .. Kaumudi wouldn't, since she is the quiet mellow type of a bahu accepting whatever comes her way..

Also another tradition that needs to be changed is that DILs sit together on a dining table with everybody .. the entire family..cannot blame Chanchan for wanting her life pre marriage translate into her post marriage, but also agree with Ranjana when she says that things are bound to change after marriage..I liked the fact that Ranjana-Sanjana started thinking there was something amiss about all the factors that they percieved to be a "norm" in this house...

Ranjana is super jealous of Chanchan right now because acc to her Chanchan has everything that she had dreamt of but couldnt have .. but I believe she would be the first one to agree with Chanchan's values and beliefs too, because in a way, she too wants to be a free bird, unlike Kaumudi and Sanjana..

Madsie 🤗 Good to see you posting here again!!!

I'll repeat what I said elsewhere ...
Different styles of dressing actually evolved because they were suited for that time and climate ... saree is the oldest known traditional dress, because it involved no stitching at all, so it actually pre-dates tailoring! It's a wonder such an ancient dress has survived so many thousands of years and it has to be because it is not only part of tradition, but because it is also comfortable and convenient clothing in the country it evolved in. So are salwar suits ...
I find myself far more comfortable in suits than in jeans or skirts when I go to India, because they are far more suited for the climate. I like jeans only in winter - in summer, I prefer wearing churidars and salwars - they cover you completely from the sun and are loose enough to be comfortable.

And that's exactly the point. Clothes should be comfortable, convenient and appropriate to the time and place. If you work in a Western style organisation, wear western clothes by all means. But currently, two days into married life in her new home, with in-laws all over the place, it is perfectly appropriate for CC to wear sarees ... or any Indian dress, actually .. On the contrary, it would be inappropriate for her to slip into jeans so soon. A few weeks or months after marriage, fine ... if she decides to start working again, also fine ...

If you visit countries like China and Japan ... one thing will strike you ... everyone is into Western clothes ... jeans, shorts, skirts, Tshirts. In countries like India, Malaysia, Indonesia, Vietnam, you still find a good number pf people wearing traditional clothes ... because they are comfortable, convenient and acceptable. And I like it that way ... a country should retain its traditional dresses ... why ape the West in this? Why are only Western clothes acceptable ?

And THAT is the point - one should wear what one wishes to wear - It should not be forced on a person.
BUT one has to see the circumstances and decide.
Currently CC is not averse to wearing Sarees ... it's appropriate for a newly married girl. She's not used to the pallu, and since that is not comfortable for her, she should be allowed to drop it - IF she wants to. HER CHOICE. If she wants to go out with Manav and wear something different, more appropriate to where they are going, again it should be her choice. If elders or more traditional visitors are present, she should dress in Indian clothes ... there is no harm. As long as clothes are comfortable and appropriate, she can wear what she wants. She can drop the pallu in the kitchen ... the men don't come in there, and if she can't handle it, it's a fire hazard, then it's stupid to insist on it there. Ideally she should dress in suits while in the kitchen, she can change into a saree when the men come home, if sarees are mandatory in front of the FIL and elder BILs. Even more ideally, there should be no dress code - as long as her clothes are decent and appropriate, she can wear what she likes.

The point is freedom of choice. But with that freedom comes responsibility ... the responsibility of making the judgement as to what is appropriate at what time.

Originally posted by: capricorn2006

Nice post Diya !

I too was happy that they moved on from the muh dikhayi fast...too much of taunting ladies is just unbearable to watch.

Umaben's plans to let down Chanchan for using the rotimaker fall flat...it was good to see her sons speaking up whatever little it was...i was so expecting them to toe their mother's line on the rotis being hard so it was a welcome change.

I find this tradition of the DILs not eating with the rest of the family much more regressive than making them wear sarees. Many women wear sarees because they are comfortable and like to wear them and it is a beautiful dress. Its only the rigid enforcement that you cannot wear anything else even if you are uncomfortable which I find wrong. But the segregated eating is just 😡.

How cute are these two ...the comfort level, the chemistry just awesome😳. Missed the 'jaan ' though...wish he says it again.Have to say the PH seems to have really worked on the romantic scenes after Anuj's entry...no doubt the actors have been great but even the execution has been really good - dialogues, background music, direction everything .

And now for the most controversial part of today's episode - Manav's reaction to Ranjana's tattling...i found it very realistic...yeah i am married 😆 . In fact if Manav had supported Chanchan at that point, i would have been surprised. Women probably become wives and DILs the day they get married, men atleast Indian men take a longer time to become husbands. For him, it was just about wearing a saree and getting used to it...nothing more. They are not into the habit of dwelling on things unless explicitly explained. For the sake of the story also, Manav has to be torn to some extent between his mom, family and Chanchan. So as long as he supports her in some of her battles i am fine.

Divide and rule starts working...Ranjana is the one who will create problems for Chanchan but when Kaumudi is back, there will be some balance in favour of Chanchan.

Is it just me or they are taking it too far with Sanjana's dumbness 😕

Hey capricorn! 😃 I made exactly the same point above ... any clothes are acceptable, as long as they are comfortable and appropriate, and the decision is made by choice, and not forced. So I'm completely okay with CC not protesting too much on that one ... though I'm sure the pallu bit will come up for discussion very soon ... Umaben has actually dug a small hole for herself there already ... she has made it clear that pallu is not her idea, it is Babuji's dictat ... so CC can argue that she can drop the pallu when the men are not at home ... let's see.

And although I was upset at Manav's reaction at first, it is actually very realistic ... men really don't think about all these things at all. Most Indian husbands don't even feel THEY have to make any changes in their lives when they get married ... they all expect the wife only to adjust. Manav will learn ... he is sensitive to Chhanchhan's feelings and he will see it for himself when she struggles. She has not complained about wearing a saree herself ... she is trying her best without a murmur ... he will see that too. Besides, like you said, if he was ideal husband already, the story would be over 😉

Am totally LOVING their chemistry ... they have settled into the romantic scenes so well! Amazing when you think Anuj is barely three weeks old in the show ... I find the direction, the photography and the general execution of the romantic scenes has improved a lot ... they seem to be paying much more attention to those. Considering that the ChanMan love story is the basis of the show, the basis of why CC even entered the BS house at all, the love story had to be strong ... am glad they are plugging all the gaps now.

But agree completely ... the part about bahus not being allowed to sit at the table and eat with the rest of the family is far more regressive and should be fought against.

Kairavi made an excellent point here ... loved the way she expressed it ...

Originally posted by: kairavi.

Definitley a bad tradition and worse because it makes the bahu's a class below everyone that they are expected to wait till everyone is done, I could understand if all the women including UB and Mansi ate together but this is a way of keeping th bahus on the periphery of the family - they belong to the family but don't qualify as fullt fledged members.We all know CC is going to fight against these traditions but I'm really interested to know what Manav's reaction is going to be now that it's about his wife, because i'm assuming he's had no issue with being served hand and fooe tby his bhabhis - this show has so much potential, I'm loving it.

Making the bahus eat later keeps them in their place as second class citizens ... members of the family yet not quite ... not eating together means they don't take part in the family discussions, their views and opinions are not considered, basically they are there only to serve and do the housework ...
Manav has accepted this stuatus quo with his bhabhis ... he hasn't thought about it at all. What will his reaction be with Chhanchhan? And will he see a contrast in Chhanchhan's home and start thinking about it ... or will Chhanchhan's reactions help his realisation?

There is a lot of realism in this show for sure ... I find our discussions here are getting more and more involved 😆 Everybody has a pov 😉

Originally posted by: stg1

nice post, my opinion - discard discard discard! 😛 if its just a way to subjugate ur daughter-in-laws, make them feel lesser than u and the rest of the family, make them feel they r one rung below everyone else ... DISCARD 😊

i'm including the sari wearing, the pallu covering, the eating later, everything - its all about control and power and dictating things just because u can. doesn't matter if sari's r beautiful, if the person wearing them finds it uncomfortable but has no choice then her rights have been diminished.

it starts off with small things like this and then leads to bigger and bigger things until the girl becomes what 99% of indian dramas show her to be! respect should always be there, but thats it, i feel suffocated even thinking about that kind of environment and so many of my friends have had problems due to these so called traditions ... so, discard 😛

I think the point is ... freedom of choice.

Most girls when they get married, know there will be some adjustments to make ... if they are given the freedom of choice, they will adjust themselves ... If babuji insists on the pallu, why can't the bahus drop it when he is not at home?

The eating later, I don't condone at all ... there is no place for adjustment there. Even if it included UB and Mansi, I would protest ... but this rule is only for the bahus, that is intolerable.

Let's see ... Rome was not built in a day ... and shaking these old rigid senseless traditions takes time.

Originally posted by: golpokobita

Very nice post. A balanced summary with logic and humor.

Not all traditions are bad. So long they do not undermine a particular group or class,(especially women in most cases). For example, not allowing women to sit and have meal together with other family members is prehistoric and discriminatory. I am happy that CC expressed her disapproval on that.

But asking married women to wear sarees is not a bad or discriminatory tradition. In fact, saree is not only traditional but also the signature wear of Indian women. So I won't say its a tradition to be outright discarded. But the question is whether somebody is comfortable in it.

CC is not comfortable with saree but I don't mind if she takes the challenge and manages with that. (of course without pallu over her head!). I liked the idea that she wore ready made saree and that was absolutely perfect. The problem is with UB who didn't like the short cut and wanted CC to be embarrassed.

However, regarding manav's reaction,i have a reservation. I expected him to express concern when he learnt that CC stumbled .. he should have asked if she was hurt! But I was brought back to reality. Manav is very much a real person of this society with flawed upbringing. He too would learn a lot from CC in coming days..

Exactly ... not all traditions are bad, but they have to be adjusted with convenience and comfort as well. Why not a ready made saree? Why not a rotimaker? If UB can use mod cons like mobile phones and cars for her own comfort, why deny convenience to her bahus?

Manav is learning ... he is still not ideal husband ... IS there such a thing as ideal husband? 😆 Till four weeks back, he was a Mamma's boy ... then he discovered a spine when he fell in love ... right now he doesn't know how uncomfortable CC was ... she didn't say she didn't want to wear a saree, merely that she found it difficult because it was a heavy saree ... and he understood that and was completely sympathetic. He will learn from CC as time goes on ... men grow up only after marriage, not before!

Today epsoide was really good the week started off with a band I personally didn't mind Manav mistake at all today I fell it was normal I seen that happens before guy married morden girl and want them in saree after marrige I find Ranjana more irritating than UB to be honest she seems very jealous of CC like Marthan is of Manav.

Originally posted by: princessunara

oops i have to write written update..but hehe first this n then i will get to it lol 😆

nice summing up as always!!! totally agree with everything!! ⭐️

hehe i was also very happy with the short Muh dikayi scene!! do u think a full 3 days of cribbing made some difference to the editing? I have a feeling it did!! We saw much more in the SBS/SBB itself! very good they r listening in this case!! 🤣

rofl i loved that next one too about the roti maker!! haha.. anyway I wish CC brings up the subject of eating together when Manav is there..
And it might be a lot more fun if he himself drags her to sit beside him to eat lol 😆

lol i loved UB's expression haha when she realized that the beloved son has returned to his wife!! hehe.. seems she is particularly not interested to postpone the suhagraat anymore!! 😆
anyway the moment the mirror scene happened I remembered u!! it was very sweet loved it...😳

umm.. ok now I wrote an entire cribbing post cz I was ROYALLY pissed off with the man for the sari comment.
And before that in front of his bhabhi he told those things to his new wife!
I am so disappointed and furious! left a sour taste in my mouth after all the sweetness before..honestly it marred all the happy parts for me...i might be an extreme case but seriously upset with the guy for this..🥱

aha now precap.. she does tell her its ok.. and i bet this is where the promo comes where the fight happens.
And then CC will offer to wear it permanently just to stop the fight and then the fire happens.. which will be a good wake up call to the entire household!

the topic is ideal!👍🏼 - specially cz of this thing i am anticipating. the traditions if it would hurt her, in fact would practically get her killed...how can it be justified?
r they gonna let it repeat another time and take a risk with her safety or will they discard the tradition and give priority to her well being..

looking forward to it..

ps: just realized something!! ok married ladies this is to u!! so hehe i am unmarried..yet to even have a boyfriend..so lol i might be overreacting cz according to many of u who are actually experienced, MEN ARE OBTUSE... hehe ok will apply that theory! thanks a lot!! the scene made me so angry it spoiled every lovely thing that came before!! now I can look at it from this POV and enjoy the rest 😳

Sunara ... 🤗 Your last point first ... YES, men are OBTUSE ... they need things to be spelled out for them ... so will Manav, but once spelled out, I think he will be supportive. He needs training to be a good husband 😉 ... he's only seen his dad and brothers ... brothers listen to UB all the time, so does his dad ... so he doesn't have many good examples to follow. But he loves his Chhanchhan madly ... if he sees her trying to adjust, that's when he will start noticing the negatives in his house ... the same way as when he saw her family and saw the difference between the openness and warmth there, and the cold formality in his own house.

I think CC will refuse Umaben offer to wear salwars because the other bahus are so upset about it ... then the fire will happen and Umaben will have to give in ... hopefully she will give in for ALL of them, so that will make her plan backfire again, because RS get the freedom from the sarees, because of Chhanchhan ... 😛

I want the eating together part to be addressed too ... that is as upsetting as the forcible wearing of sarees and pallus, especially when sleeping ... Their bedrooms are their own private affair, what the bahus wear inside their own rooms should not be of concern to anyone except their own husbands. I wish Manav would start working, come home late and insist that CC sit next to him while he's eating ... the rest of the family should finish and go to their own rooms. But again, it will be CC who will bring about the changes, not Manav ... let's see how she does it ...

And I was very glad they didn't dwell on the munh dikhayi either and kept it short and sweet ... I hate these scenes of new brides being humiliated in their new homes on their very first day.

Originally posted by: mads

diya!! so nice to reply to you here ... after a long time! 🤗

well, if you ask me, then I believe wearing a saree is not exactly a tradition, yes it looks like that in the way that is is made obligatory, but after all it it just another clothing style .. and nothing is more Indian than a saree, I think every Indian girl looks her most beautiful in a saree (and we have the perfect example of Sanaya 😳) ..and Manav right now has no clue about how comfortable or uncomfortable Chanchan is in a saree, because honestly he doesnt really know her that much..they got married pretty fast .. and ofcourse he wouldnt expect her to wear sarees when they went out on the couple of dates that they did .. he thinks its completely normal for a girl to wear a saree and has grown up in a house where he saw all the married ladies wearing a saree, plus, he has seen Chanchan's mom and her dadi wearing sarees...so he thinks it is pretty normal for a girl to switch to sarees once she gets married and believes that Chanchan already knows this .. so I dont think he is wrong in expecting Chanchan to be able to carry off a saree... and even Chanchan is fine with wearing sarees.. maybe what should change is the frequency of wearing a saree, that a saree should be worn only during pujas and ther such big occasions and otherwise it is okay to wear salwar suits..which is pretty much how normal families function..

but as far as the pallu bit is concerned, yes I think that is one tradition that you should get rid off asap.. and it would be great if they show Manav realising it ..although how, I have no clue..so for me, it would be good if either of Ranjana or Sanjana realise about the unfairness of the pallu bit .. Kaumudi wouldn't, since she is the quiet mellow type of a bahu accepting whatever comes her way..

Also another tradition that needs to be changed is that DILs sit together on a dining table with everybody .. the entire family..cannot blame Chanchan for wanting her life pre marriage translate into her post marriage, but also agree with Ranjana when she says that things are bound to change after marriage..I liked the fact that Ranjana-Sanjana started thinking there was something amiss about all the factors that they percieved to be a "norm" in this house...

Ranjana is super jealous of Chanchan right now because acc to her Chanchan has everything that she had dreamt of but couldnt have .. but I believe she would be the first one to agree with Chanchan's values and beliefs too, because in a way, she too wants to be a free bird, unlike Kaumudi and Sanjana..

Hmm...all have to adapt...but for me...I will not wear a saree all the time, when I do I will not cover my head and by no means will I ever touch anyone's feet. My mother does not like my thinking, but that's that. I intend to let this be known to my future in laws and of course the boy I marry. I don't live in India so it should be easier but we do have relatives that are orthodox UB like. And then there is always that love factor that always throws a wrench in everything. 😆

Originally posted by: bkamber

Hmm...all have to adapt...but for me...I will not wear a saree all the time, when I do I will not cover my head and by no means will I ever touch anyone's feet. My mother does not like my thinking, but that's that. I intend to let this be known to my future in laws and of course the boy I marry. I don't live in India so it should be easier but we do have relatives that are orthodox UB like. And then there is always that love factor that always throws a wrench in everything. 😆

Again, it depends on one's thinking, and one's choice ... I have no problem wearing sarees, but I won't wear it daily, I do love wearing them as formal wear, they are the ultimate formal wear for me, much better than any gowns ... I never put the pallu except when I am sitting in a temple or in a puja ... I have no problem whatsoever in touching the feet of elders ... most elders don't even expect it these days and are so touched when I do that they invariably stop me halfway and I get their blessings. My point is, if I'm not forced and it's not hurting me, why not?
If it doesn't matter to you, then why not ... if you're dead against it as a matter of principle, then stick to your principles and say so.

And my husband is crazy ... he doesn't bother about anything, if I complained about anything, he would say, why are you doing it if you don't want to? 😆 But I have been married many years ... he's well trained 😆

Originally posted by: showviewer

You raise a very interesting point about Ranjana, she maybe jealous of Chhanchhan, but she also likes the idea of being free and more control of her life and that could persuade her to work with Chhanchhan more than the other two bahus.

I also liked that Ranjana and Sanjana were considering what Chhanchhan said about the family eating together.

True ... Ranjana is more rebellious than either Kaumudi or Sanjana ... she is like Manthan in that sense. I could see both RS thinking about eating with the family ... Ranjana would love to sit alone with ehr husband for sure, she already moans about the lack of romance in her life. So if she gets freedom from some of the rules because of Chhanchhan, she would be happy.

The problem is Umaben is making sure only CC gets the freedom ... to prevent exactly that bonding from happening. Now how CC makes it work differently, will be worth watching.