He walked through the halls of St.Louis as if in a daze. He'd been doing that a lot lately; walking around like a zombie, that is. His eyes were bloodshot, and to a regular acquaintance it would seem that Reyaansh Singhania was working hard, given that those were his last few months in college. However, as he walked into the cafeteria, all eyes from the table far away were on him. As he slumped down in his regular seat, he immediately stiffened as Sharon Rai Prakash whispered, I need to talk to you'. The edgy note and yet the understanding tones in his best friend's voice made him wince and rub his palms on his face. Without so much as a word, he walked out, going straight to the rehearsal hall. She stood up and merely followed him, after giving everyone else a brief glance as if asking them not to follow.
She found him sitting down, his eyes focused on the floor, and yet having a faraway look. His back rested against one of the pillars and his stance was that of a defeated man. She sighed knowingly, and called out to him.
'Rey, aisa kab tak chalega?'
His eyes regained their focus and his had snapped up towards her; his best friend, someone who had known him since he was about 8 years old. Despite the fact that she knew him better than she knew herself, he chose to take the road of denial.
'I don't know what you're talking about'
'Oh dear God, Rey. I genuinely don't think that you're in your senses at this point. I mean, evidently, because if you were, you wouldn't be walking the halls as if you're a zombie; you would be eating properly and you wouldn't spend nights after nights thinking and driving yourself crazy about her well-being. And most of all, you'd think twice before taking that road with me, a road which you know I'm going to divert you from. So make that bloody U-turn so that we're on the same road in the same bloody vehicle and tell me what the hell you are planning to do about this!'
All throughout her rant, he had just closed his eyes and let his head fall back and resting against the pillar. He knew this was coming, hell he'd brought it upon himself. He wouldn't listen to a word she had been trying to say for the past week, and he refused to talk to anyone. Clearly, that was bound to have some repercussions, one of them being, Sharon Rai Prakash's sheer frustration.
Hearing her breathing even out, he began tiredly, Sharon I don't think there is anything to talk about. 'She's gone. She's gone back to New York and I couldn't do a single thing to stop her.'
Sharon's aura seemed to have dimmed a little as she saw the boy in front of her lose his never-give-up' attitude little by little each day. She sat down next to him and whispered, her maternal side taking over. 'Rey, you listen to me, and you listen to me good. Yes, she's gone but would you please stop blaming yourself? What do you think that is going to do? If anything, it's going to make you feel worse. Jo hona tha ho gaya. Didn't you say the same thing to me when Swayam was in that accident?' She could barely get the last few words out without choking but she continued on, it wasn't time to focus on that issue right now.
'I know you're beating yourself up over the fact that you took on the fight with that officer, but believe me, ek na ek din toh yeh hota hee, when someone would have realised it? Then what? Instead of living here illegally, wouldn't you rather that she came back on her own terms, without the worry that she may be called back?'
Rey looked at her and gave a sad smile, 'Sharon. Why would she come back here? Moreover, why would her university let her? One affiliation slipped through our hands, didn't it? And she didn't go back when called, so now what? Do you think she'd quit chasing her dream and come back here to fulfil ours? Are you insane?'
'Reyaansh Rahul Singhania', she began, empathising on his full name, which she'd hardly done in the past, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and she had to make sure he heard her right this time. We're talking about Kriya Ghai here. The very same Kriya who left dance because her mother wanted her to; the woman who tore up her flight tickets not caring whether she'd be expelled from her college. And what the hell do you mean our dream?' This is her dream too, Rey. She's one of us, she's family.', she stopped for a breath but continued.
'Dance has always been her top priority, and yes, you may say that she's sacrificed a lot in the process and she doesn't have to anymore, but opening a dance academy so that we can pass on our talent to others, so that we can spread dance around the world? I mean, she realised that she can help so many people with the one talent that she has, and she's not about to let it go to waste. And we both know that they won't expel her. They need her; she's the best of the best. If anything she'll convince them to give us one more chance. Sure, it sounds farfetched and crazy, but, guess what? If anyone can, it'd be her.'
She looked imploringly into his face, looking for any signs that he had processed anything she had said. When he didn't give anything away, she sighed and got up. Her work here was done, and now it was up to him to make the most of what she had accounted. 'Rey, I'm going back to the cafeteria. I know you need some time to dwell on this. Take as much time as you need, but please, think about what I've said. It's for the best. And weren't you the one who told me once that umeed par toh duniya kaayam hai?' So just wait it out, and while you're at it, eat and get some sleep, please?'
He couldn't do anything but simply nod at her and stare at her retreating back as she left the room. And once again, he was left deserted with his thoughts, and her memories. They refused to abandon him, causing everything to seem like a chaotic mess. He let his head fall to his palms as his arms rested on his knees. He looked like the picture of pure desolation.
Kriya Ghai; the one woman who had meant so much to him, that it hurt. Sharon had asked him to get some sleep. How was he to do that, when every time he closed his eyes, her tear stained face haunted him? How was he to sleep, knowing that he had lost her once more? How was he to live with himself knowing how much he loved her, and that he had let her go?
He shook his head and stood up, walking morosely to the CD player, turning it on, and willing himself to dance to any song that played. He nearly laughed out with disbelief and felt his vision getting blurry when the first notes hit his ears.
'Dil, sambhal ja zara, phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu,
Dil, yahin ruk ja zara, phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu'
He remembered his heart having skipped a beat as he saw her standing there, mask in hand, a vision in white, as he stood there numb, not believing his eyes. He knew their story was incomplete, and he was afraid to finish it. He was afraid to take that chance again; letting her hurt him again. The tears were streaming down his face freely now, as his arms were raised above his head, wishing for a prayer, a wish; and his legs gave way and he fell to the ground. Wasn't he the one who had promised Swayam that he would control his feelings to such an extent, that he wouldn't fall for her? He couldn'tfall for her. Not again. He was devastated once more and she was nowhere in sight. He had tried relentlessly to stop himself from falling for her, but he couldn't help it. It was like his fate was sealed as soon as he saw her in that club on New Year's Eve, many moons ago. He was drawn to her like a moth to a flame, and no matter how hard he'd tried to fly away', so to speak, he couldn't. He cared for her more than he did for himself, and when she smiled, his lips curved upwards automatically. He wanted to protect her, cherish her, and tell her that he was a stupid moron who refused to give in to his feelings that had overpowered him years ago.
He knew she wasn't coming back. He truly believed what he'd told Sharon, and yet, upon hearing her words about keeping hope and faith alive he couldn't help but feel a tiny glimmer rise in his chest, replacing and slowly taking over the constant ache he'd had since she had left him. He knew he shouldn't hope; he knew that thinking about her over and over wasn't going to help his already fragile state. He shut his eyes and whispered out the last few words of the song, not wanting to give up, as the last set of tears made their way down his cheeks. He was Reyaansh Singhania dammit! And he never gave up on something that he loved; something that was so close to his heart.
Dil, sambhal ja zara, phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu,
Dil, yahin ruk ja zara, phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu'
No matter how strong he felt, no matter how much he berated himself to stay strong and not lose hope, it didn't change the fact that he was heartbroken. He had been, twice and by the same woman. He knew the circumstances were always stacked up against their togetherness and they really couldn't be helped but what if?' Those two words haunted him every time he entered his empty house, even more so as he made his way to the guest room where she had spent a few days, recovering.
Maybe she would come back, some day. What if he was lucky the third time? If only. He sighed and picked himself up from the floor once more, wiping his tears. And as the last rays of the descending sun filtered through the room, they drove the point home, of what he'd lost. But there was always hope for a new dawn, the rays of the sun never disappointing and peeking out of the clouds, reminding him that every day brought about a new possibility.
All he had to do was take the chance.
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And that's a wrap! Let me know what you think! Reviews are like cookies, I love 'em! :)
-Raina
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