' Rolling in on a burning tire
You're gonna set my house on fire
Just to show me, that you were there
And I was raised up like a snake, and you were raised to leave me bait,
That I always, always take
….Till the day you cast a shadow, that looks nothing like your own.'
There was silence everywhere. She was standing in front of her locker, alone in the room. It had been a long day…she was tired with the mental exhaustion. No matter how she had tried to ignore him all day, she couldn't push the thoughts away…his words still ringing in her ears. Sighing, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath just as a hesitant voice called … "Sharon".
He had tried to compose himself all day and speak to her, in vain. He was in his personal hell…but did not wish away his pain, his suffering being his solace. That he was suffering worse than she had. He slowly walked down the corridor till he heard a sound down the hall, made his way to the room and saw Sharon, with her back turned to him. This is it, he thought. Still unsure, he called out…
She froze, recognizing the voice in an instant, desperately wishing it wasn't real. She turned, and not looking at him, tried to make her way out, only to be blocked.
"Sharon, please…listen to me"
"Swayum, let me go"
"Shar-
"What do you want now?" she cut off…her voice filled with disdain.
"I want to apologise…" he begged…his face dripping with guilt and pain.
She huffed, with an expression of disbelief. "You want to apologise ?? For what…insulting me ?? Questioning my character in front of my friends..?? Or because you manipulated me …hurt my feelings..? Every word was like a dagger through him…he winced. She continued.. "for saying that I am some sort of cheap s**t not good enough for you…or that RDX's party was 'a missed opportunity' ?? Her voice broke as she uttered the last words…it was a memory she had cherished unconsciously, only to be taken away cruelly by the very same person.
" I am so sorry.." was all he could muster…not having the courage to meet her eyes. "I didn't mean it…you know that.."
"And I am supposed to trust you??" she said…tears welling in her eyes.
"You know I love you" he said in a whisper.
Breaking down…she said "You are just lame…that's what you are.."
Swayum you took everything….every memory…every moment that we shared…you went back on all of it!
He looked up, seeing she was clearly hurt… "Which memory Sharon…what moments..?? I was just a slimy stalker with dirty fantasies, right..? Didn't you say that..How does it matter to you..??
She looked away… "but you proved you point right...that you could get inside my head..that you affect me…so what now.."
"You feel something for me and you know that" he said as he took a step closer… "Don't." she snapped…taking a step back instantly. "Stop lying to yourself" he raised his voice.
"Fine" she said.. "ok…but what .. Swayum…? You get under my skin….You make me feel so…so exposed and ..vulnerable and I hate it.
Hurt…he said "Is that all that I make you feel??"
She looked away again…knowing where this was going.
"I also make you feel strong and secure…loved" he said, tenderly.
"give it a chance Sharon…give us a chance..I know where we are right now…but I'll put it back right, I promise.." he said…cupping her face…his voice filled with emotion.
Tears spilling down her face…she had never felt weaker..
"and then what Swayum…one day…I'll be unsure…I'll lose it and then you'll lash out! She removed his hands from her face and walked away… "I mean, how can we be…we are not even good for each other…look what you've become…I've turned a part of you into something vicous…and I've never felt so hollow and weak…and here we are…dealing with consequences!"
"If we can break it…we can make it too.." he said facing her… "We can find our way back to each other…we'll come around..we always have…"
She remained silent.
"I'll be stronger next time…I swear…"
"I don't know Swayum…maybe…maybe I need time. But right now…I know that you need to stay away for a while...we need to stay away, please. And if you respect me at all, then you will…"
She left as she said this…trying to control her sobs and knowing it was going to be a long night ahead.
He stood there, frozen…a little relieved. At least she knew.
Anupamaa
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