Almost 15 days now and I cannot for a moment in my day stop thinking about him. I look at his videos and observe his beautiful face and body and can't believe that he doesn't exist anymore anywhere on this planet. He's not there anymore. Something dies inside me each time I see someone addressing him as 'Late Sushant Singh Rajput'. How does someone just go like that? Just how could this happen. It just doesn't make sense.
I am in the same state. I think about him constantly. I can't bear to think of his last moments alone in his room but I keep picturing it. Whether suicide or murder, both equally horrifying. So many things about the whole case don't seem to fit. I have been watching his videos and looking at his pics and the things that always strike me are his eyes and smile. Such alight and bright eyes, such an infectious smile. I can't reconcile that person with what happened. I have seen quite a few of his films and liked his performance in all of them. I always thought he was very good looking and a great dancer. He seemed to be the whole deal. I hadn't seen many of his interviews earlier but in the last 2 weeks I've been watching them and liking the personality revealed in them.
I can't explain why his death has had such an effect on me. I so wish we could turn back the clock and get him back. I have this constant ache in my heart when I think of what he must have been going thru. Cannot imagine the pain of his family if this is how I feel as a person who had no connection to him.
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
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