Salman wanted me to look like Aish, Ranbir is a brother figure -Kat

Katrina Kaif speaks softly. But, any kind of provocation, and her purr turns into a growl. When asked whether she had dumped Salman for Ranbir Kapoor as the grapevine insists, she fumed, "Who said that I ditched Salman? Salman right? You know something? You guys in the media don't give a shit to stars' problems. You must, although I know you won't give a damn to what I am saying anyway."

We would, we told her. That got her talking. "This guy, this Salman, has a very long history of relationships. Believe me, his list is longer than Aamir's." We didn't ask about the Aamir Khan part although this Khan too has had a long list of girlfriends which few in the media have written about.

Interrupting our thoughts, Kat took off after a water break. "Salman, yes Salman, wanted me to copy all his previous girlfriends. Although I am four inches taller than him anyway, he asked me to wear stilettos and look as tall as Sangeeta Bijlani all the time. After that, he instructed me, yes instructed me, to start playing women's cricket.'

Kat said that she learned how to bat but seldom scored more than five runs in local Mumbai matches which the megastar hated. "You tell me. How could I have scored more since I batted while wearing those pin-pointed shoes?" Not even Sachin Tendulkar could have done it, we assured her. She grinned.

Not for long though. "One day, he asked me to stop drinking Thums Up which I like even today because it reminded him of an uncomfortable moment during his days with Somy Ali, whom you might remember." It was a subtle hint that Salman did indeed throw Thums Up at Somy as the media had once alleged. Poor Kat, she switched to Coke.

Things started getting really serious when Salman bought her 24 pairs of grey contact lenses. "He asked me to start wearing them on a regular basis to have Aishwarya Rai eyes. Not just that, he also told me to wear them in my films and during awards functions. I refused," she left her chair as she screamed. "When he calmed down, he said that maybe I could wear them when I was there at his place so that his parents started believing that I followed his son's orders. Now, why would his parents want something like that?" Bad diplomacy, we said.

"After I wore one pair of lenses to make him happy, he asked me to insert bubble gum in my mouth so that my face looked round and I resembled Sneha Ullal, the girl he wanted to date because he believed she resembled Aish,"she revealed. She alleged that Salman also asked her to talk in Romanian accent because of his 'minor fling with some Romanian babe on the side,' 'become dark-complexioned at times,' 'practise bathroom singing like one of his previous girlfriends,' pretend to commit suicide like some unknown girlfriend of his once had, binge on onions every day and drink port wine so that her mouth smelled like somebody he used to date years ago. "That is when I decided that this thing had to stop." She had been patient, we told her.

When Kat threatened to put an end to the relationship, Salman did the unthinkable. "He brought a new girl to my house. She was wearing a batsman's pads, stilettos, grey contact lenses, holding a glass of port wine in one hand and an onion in the other while speaking in a horribly fake Romanian accent. He told me that he had decided to move on. But since he had shared a few happy memories with me, he had asked her to copy my smile, walk like me, and also learn my accent which nobody apart from me has," she growled. Crazy, we said.

Who is this new patient one, we asked her. "Don't ask me," she replied. "I have found a brother figure in Ranbir, which is comforting, and I don't want to discuss Salman's personal life." That was sweet of her, we said. She smiled.