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"I cried for hours" - SRK
Besieged by controversies at every step, Shah Rukh Khan takes time off to clear the air. Filmfare deconstructs the life and times of one of India's biggest superstarsQ. With JTHJ, you have returned to the genre of romance. Do you fear being accused of repeating yourself? 
I don't understand this. When I do romantic films, people say that I do the same stuff. And when I do other kinds of films, they tell me to stick to romantic films. In fact, I'm doing a hardcore romantic film almost after 15 years. My last romantic film was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Nowadays, either I'm flying in tights or beating up other people or searching for the President of America. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi was hardly romantic. Even Veer-Zaara had an old couple and India-Pakistan involved. JTHJ is an out and out romantic film. But the truth is – I still fulfill people's desire to see romance on screen. Though I have done it for 20 years and maybe I am beyond that age. No other guy can romance better than me. Why do they only question me about romancing heroines half my age? There are other actors too who romance young girls but no one questions them. I'm the first actor who spoke the truth about his age. I'm the only one here who doesn't mind showing the grey in his beard. I don't mind looking my age
Q.The RA.One gamble didn't pay off…
I did go a little wrong with RA.One. It made 172 crores at the box-office but still people call it a wrong film. It went wrong because it was different. I was depressed for three months after the release of the film. As a matter of fact, till date I'm depressed and upset. But around 15 days back I made up my mind to make a 300 crore film and silence everyone. It's not in anger or madness. It was nice to go wrong. But I'll convince people that a man in tights can fly in India. My family told me to sell Kolkata Knight Riders. They said it was only bringing in negativity. But I needed to win that trophy. That's why I didn't quit. I'm glad I didn't. I have finally won. The world at large lynched me year after year for four consecutive years. They completely destroyed me. They questioned my motives and integrity. It broke my children's hearts
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Q. How did you deal with so much negativity around you?
I cried myself to bed. The negativity around me made me sit in the bathroom and cry for hours. A couple of times my kids saw me crying and I didn't like it. We lost nine matches in a row. I didn't cry because we were losing. I know it's a game and we can lose. I cried because of the comments about me the next morning. I love sports and I have played under-19 cricket and know much more about cricket than most of the people passing comments on me.
Q. What effect did this stress have on you?
Earlier I used to sleep well. The greatest gift I have is that I can sleep well. I sleep only for four to five hours but even if you jumped on me then, I'd not wake up. Due to the stress, I had to sacrifice my sleep. After 9-10 hours of shooting, when I got back to my hotel room, the problem would start. I have the best luxury suite in the world, the best of alcohol and food, the best of electronic appliances… but I couldn't sleep. I'd wait to get back in front of the camera in the morning. I accept whatever I have done - the fights, beating up people at the cricket stadium. Everything. At times, stress gets the better of you. It was the stress and frustration of 11 months so obviously it found expression badly. I actually felt picked on. I thought I had entertained you guys enough not to be picked on. Can I not be questioned sometimes? The worst was when I came back home after a scuffle and told my kids I had fought. I felt cheap. The good part is that they know their father can be macho. But I felt bad when my daughter told me that she was going away to Delhi because she was scared of my anger. A father can be angry at home. But a daughter can't see her father being angryon television and fighting in public .
Q.What makes Shah Rukh Khan angry? 
Ill-mannered people make me angry. I don't get angry often but when I do, I'm dangerous and unstoppable. I come from a lower middle-class family and it just doesn't mean having less money. It also means dealing with certain kinds of people. I have beaten up people, used guns and knives and even gone to jail. Of late, I have realised that I get angry the most when my family is around. At the cricket stadium my kids were around and during the fight with Shirish Kunder, my sister Lala was with me. I'm very protective about my family. Once a man said something to my wife and I beat him black and blue. I have been given too much to be angry but anyone messing with my family will see my bad side
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