t help but admire how fluidly his body moved, like a big cat, muscular and powerful, yet graceful in his movements. She looked away as Sharad jogged up the steps, not wanting him to see the love she knew was shining in her eyes. Then laughed when he stopped beside her and shook his head like a shaggy dog, water flying from his hair, splashing softly on her face. Sharad grinned boyishly, the glint in his eye giving away that he had done it on purpose. "That crooked corner of his mouth is so tempting" she thought, surprised at the how the urgent need to kiss that corner softly, to run her tongue over his lips snapped and tugged at her. It left her wanting to sink into him and just hold on as their mouths merged, tangling and teasing until they were both breathless. A quick shudder of desire caught her unawares, barely giving her time to suppress it as Sharad opened the door to the building.
Still feeling breathless when they entered her apartment, Divyanka went straight to the kitchen. Leaving a trail along the way, her shoes by the door. her purse on the credenza, her jewelry on the table. "It's like watching Gretel leave a trail of bread crumbs" Sharad thought with an indulgent smile. Wanting something to occupy her hands, and her needy thoughts of Sharad, she lifted the kettle from the gas ring. Hearing Sharad come into the kitchen had her tensing, the kettle bobbling slightly as she tried to hold it steady under the stream of water. Watching Diva, he couldn't help think of his mother, who when tense, or had something worrying on her mind, immediately went to the kitchen to make chai. "So what's on your mind Diva? I know you enjoyed dinner and seeing Umar, but underneath, I could tell something was bothering you." Without waiting for an answer, he clenched a fist in sudden tension and asked what he had been preoccupping him all evening. "Was it duf - er David? Why didn't he show up Diva?" he aksed, gritting his teeth in pent up frustration. He wanted to meet David and get it over with. He didn't like being in that dark, not knowing for certain what was going on between the two of them.
She knew the subject was going to come up sooner or later, but she still wasn't prepared when Sharad mentioned "David". "Oooh!" she squealed sharply as the kettle bumped into the faucet, spraying cold water everywhere. "Are you planning to make tea or taking a shower?" Sharad teased as Divyanka brushed at the water clinging to her face and the front of her sari. Making a face, she tossed the towel she had yanked off it's hook to mop up the water at him, scowling playfully. "Let me get the chai ready Sharad, then I'll answer all your questions" she said softly. Sighing as he left, she set the kettle over the gas flame, then fumbled with the tea cannister as she reached to take it from the cabinet. Hesitating just outside the doorway, he watched Diva for a minute. It hit him that she really was very nervous and actually, quite anxious.
His hand propped against the frame of the large window in the livingroom, Sharad stared blankly out into the darkness. Not even noticing the raindrops hitting the window and then turning into spidery legs racing down the glass. A myriad of questions slammed around in his head. Abruptly, the drumming of his heart matched beat for beat the pounding in his head when he heard the tea things rattling.
Picking up the tray with a resigned sigh, Divyanka knew she couldn't put off talking with Sharad any longer. With leaden feet and an even heavier heart, she walked into the livingroom. Setting the tray down, she offered Sharad a brief, weak smile. Grabbing any excuse to put off explaining, she fussed with serving the chai. When she thought about Sharad's reaction would be to all her lies, she felt physically ill. Pulling in a jagged breath, hoping to steady her jangled nerves, she jammed down the urge to cry. Gripping the saucer tightly, she hoped Sharad wouldn't see her hands shaking as she handed him the chai.
Pushing a hand through his hair, Sharad realized he was actually sweating! Nerves bouncing in his stomach and lodging in his throat, he took the unwanted cup of chai. Gulping it down, then wincing as it burned his tongue and throat. He scowled as he watched Divyanka serenely sip her chai. "Why isn't she nervous anymore? How can she be so damn calm?" he wondered testily. For all his need to know what was going on, he was suddenly reluctant to ask any questions. If Divyanka told him she was in a committed relationship with that - with dufus, he wasn't sure how he was going to be able to hold back the pain. "What is he waiting for?" Divyanka thought as she forced down a sip of chai, feeling as if it would choke her. Waiting silently for his questions was so nerve-racking, she was amazed she wasn't shaking in her seat. Maybe she should she just start, rather than wait for him, but the thought made the chai roll nauseatingly in her tummy.
Finally working up her courage, Divyanka started to say "Sharad", then stopped abruptly when Sharad said her name, "Diva". Then he stopped just as abruptly, clearing his throat nervously. Both just stared, not sure if they should continue or wait for the other to begin again. Sharad exploded suddenly. "Dammit Diva, how could you get involved with that, that idi-, er Dav-id!", furious and unable to hold back any longer. He jumped up from the chair, pacing back and forth, grumbling to himself. She had never seen Sharad so furious and agitated before, goggling at him like a goldfish pressing it's face against the side of the fish bowl.
Sharad's angry pacing brought back the image of that sleek, powerful cat she had envisioned him as earlier. And for a split second she forgot all the furor, fascinated by the way the muscles of his thighs stretched and bunched with each smooth stride. But then she noticed the clenched fists and the stiff posture of his shoulders and her focus was back, fully. He turned to stare out into the darkness beyond the window, not wanting Divyanka to see his pain. "Diva, are you just going to sit there, mute and staring? Talk! Explain to me how the hell this happened? When this happened. I was only gone a few short weeks, dammit!", his words seeming to bounce off the glass. Fury masking the pain that was slowly squeezing his chest.
Wanting to just blurt it all out Divyanka opened her mouth to explain. But instead all that emerged was a soundless sob as big fat tears rolled slowly over her cheeks, plopping onto her shaking hands. Stricken by the enormity of what she had done, and not knowing where or how to begin, she just stared at Sharad's rigid back. She wanted to run, to hide, but knew she couldn't. She had already done that, hidding behind all those lies in the first place. "No more!" she thought, "I have to tell him the truth, now." With a hiccuped cough, she reached out a hand, knowing she couldn't actually touch Sharad, but needing to feel a connection.
"Sharad", his name a soft sigh, "sit down. Please." When he turned he saw her eyes shiny and wet with tears, and the forlorn look on her face. How could he deny her entreaty? It wasn't possible, no matter how upset he was with Diva. But rather than sit back in the chair, he sat beside her, he needed to be close to her, to feel that connection. "For God's sake Diva, just tell me!" he said. Startled by Sharad's exclamation Divyanka blurted out "I, you see, oh God, there, there is no David Sharad!" her voice trailing off to a whisper.
Stunned, Sharad couldn't speak, let alone think. His brain felt sluggish, as if his thoughts were swimming in a dense fog. "What the hell are you saying Diva? I don't understand", puzzlement clouding his tone. Then the fog cleared as her words finally penetrated and sunk in. He felt like he had been pole-axed from behind. The fury began to bubble and rise, a red haze filming his eyes, his entire body clenching as he slowly stood. Then it boiled over, all over her. "You lied to me Diva?" each word snapped out very carefully and precisely, his words hitting her like shards of glass, slicing into her deeply and leaving her bleeding, inside.
"Please" she whimpered, "please, let me explain." "Explain what Divyanka?" his voice as cold and forbidding as his stance beside her. Divyanka shuddered, not only at his formality, but at the ice beginning to encase her. "We've been friends for years, yet without a thought, or a care as to how I would feel, you deceived me. And for what? How could you do that to me?" "I don't know" she wailed, unable to think coherently in the face of his justified, but bitter outrage. "You - don't - know?" he enunciated forcefully. "Is that all you can say to me - you don't know? For God's sake Divyanka, why would you make up an imaginary boyfriend?" He bent down and shook her shouting "tell me God Dammit, tell me!" "Sharad, please, you're hurting me" she choked out through the tears clogging her throat.
Sharad let of go of her shoulders, rocking Divyanka back against the couch, astounded at himself that he could actually hurt her. Taking a step back, then another, and another still, Sharad had no words left, only pain. Hot, burning, searing, molten pain. Scraping a hand roughly through his hair, and grimacing at the pull on his scalp, he glowered at her. The look was so cold, so grim that Divyanka felt the ice that had been creeping in finally seal over her. Sweeping a harsh, stony look over her, he growled very softly "I'll never forgive you for this Diva." She stood, not knowing what she intended to do, or say. But then he turned towards the door, and with one last savage look, he left. Slamming the door behind him with a finality that Divyanka knew she would never forget.
Instead of going after Sharad, Divyanka crumpled to the floor, weeping softly, shaking uncontrollably. The cool tiles only adding to the shivering deep inside her as Sharad's words echoed over and over - "I'll never forgive you Diva. I'll never forgive you." Desolate and lost, frozen with despair, she curled in a protective ball, her arms holding her knees tightly to her chest. Sharad would never forgive and she would never forgive herself, for hurting irrevocably the only man she would truly ever love.
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Shukriya! gg~
[[ please pardon my errors 😳 ]]
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