"She will be loved"
It was exactly noon as Santo looked at the clock..she had just finished making lunch for Baa and Bapuji and Moti-ben and was now in the process of packing it for them. Baa, Bapuji and Motiben were going to Surat to meet Surekha and Virat. Hiten had gone out with Toral as usual and the kids were at school .. Maulik was with DM at the factory. Baa stood at the door as she watched Santo work hard in the kitchen.. she smiled and talked to her patiently , telling her not to exert so much and to remember that she was the 'malkin' of the house now.. Santo managed a weak smile as Baa said that, and Baa knew she was not convinced. Baa sighed deeply and walked away, praying silently for things to get going between DM and Santo ..
It was not as if things were not well between DM and Santo .. infact DM had started warming up to his chokri more than ever now..but there seemed to be some resistance from Santo's side.. Baa knew it came from her past experiences in the house and the way she was ill-treated by him, neigh, by all of them in some form or the other. A person, no matter how self-less and grounded, would always think twice before committing himself/herself so hopelessly to something.. or in this case, someone … after he/she had been treated like Santo had been .. Baa prayed that DM understand Santo's frame of mind as soon as possible..
Santo, on the other hand, was not so sure about the feelings she had harbored in herself.. she did not know what was holding her back .. maybe she did not want to know those dark reasons that stopped her from opening up in front of him nowadays.. nowadays whenever they were together, even for the smallest amount of time, she felt a intimacy and a special bond even if they did not touch…she felt his touch lingering on even if it had been ages.. maybe all she needed was some assurance.. and then some more.. she sighed as she looked at the clock on the wall as it showed 12:30..
Baa, Bapuji and Moti-ben were off to Surat leaving only Champu and Santo at home.. Santo send Champu to the village as she remembered Mongi had asked her to make some 'saag' for her and luckily, she had made 'saag' for Baa and Bapuji before they left.. she realized it was time she cooked for DM.. and cursed herself for sending Champu away and wondered if she would get everything ready in time before DM left.. today she had something special up her sleeve.. on her way across his room in the morning, she'd heard him talking to himself, lamenting the quality of Gujarati preparations nowadays.. it had been months since Santo had cooked.. leave alone for him .. she decided today would be a good day for some 'firsts'.. she smiled as she thought about his favorite Gujarati dish and set about making it for him .. he was to arrive in half an hour .. DM liked his food served hot.. she would have to wait for DM to come.. then only would she start making the chappatis.. as DM liked having freshly-made chappatis at lunch…
"Such simple needs", she mused to herself as the dish was getting prepared.. something in her heart told her that DM was going to love this dish .. like he had been waiting for this dish since a lot of time.. she made sure the dish was piping hot when DM entered the house ..
DM entered the house in a particularly bad mood.. he had come back from Mumbai just the day before and Maulik's handling of the Jamkhambadiya situation really pissed him off to no end.. how dare Maulik put himself at higher authority than the union leader of Jamkhambadiya – Kanji! He flung the suitcase on the couch angrily and crashed on the cushioned chair as Santo rushed towards him with a glass of cold water.. not even looking up at her, DM finished the water in one single gulp and told Santo to ask Champakali to set the plates for lunch .. Santo told him to freshen up ..
DM went upstairs to wash his hands and feet .. and returned downstairs to see Santo standing by the table, the food served for him .. he enquired about Champakali .. Santo told him that she had to send her to the village for some important work.. DM fiddled with his hands and then finally settled at his chair which was near Santo .. she smiled and entered the kitchen, and started making hot chappatis for him .. the entire plate was full of traditional Gujarati dishes, DM noted with a faint smile appearing and smoothening the features of his face.. and the sweet fragrance of chappatis filled the air.. making DM even happier…
In her will to make him happy,
Santo ignored the heat on the stove and flicked the hot chappatis with her hand, burning her fingers a little every time .. DM loved the food.. it being exactly the way he always liked it to be.. and the best thing was, before he asked for anything, Santo was there with it.. the meal ended with a sweet dish .. the taste of the meal lingered on DM's tongue which he smacked in delight and satisfaction as he ended the meal and proceeded to wash his hands..
By now, DM knew that the food was made by Santo .. and was also aware of the efforts she had taken for everything to be perfect for this meal .. he just did not know what to say to her.. how to thank her.. whether to thank her or not..
DM walked over to the table to see Santo clearing up his dish.. he stopped her and helped her with the dish.. but she shooed him away, telling him that she'll clear it up .. some of the food from DM's plate had ended up on the table and in the process of clearing the plate, Santo was now picking up the food herself, making DM extremely uncomfortable that Santo was doing such a job .. something was not right.. he knew that.. he walked up to her and firmly signaled her to stop .. to let Champakali do all the cleaning..
"This is not your job..", he told her firmly ..
She looked at him with tears in her eyes.. he had done it again, she thought to herself.. everytime she had tried to please him, everytime he distanced her from himself.. and today he had done the same thing .. she was just doing what a wife did when her husband finished her meal .. and he had done it again.. by telling her it was not her job, he had, in a moment, ruined all her efforts at making him happy.. she left the plate .. washed her hands hurriedly and ran up the stairs.. leaving DM in a daze..
"Why oh why..?", he thought to himself .. DM could not fathom why he was so bad at words.. nothing appropriate ever struck him when he talked to Santo.. he either ended up sounding patronizing or much too impatient and inconsiderate.. he folded his arms around him, sighing deeply.. about how to correct the situation.. obviously things were going hay-wire.. and to make things worse, he was equally worse at making her happy .. knowingly and both unknowingly, little tears of frustration welled up in DM's eyes.. he did not know why and how all this was happening.. he just wanted things to be alright.. for the person, who he knew, loved him with all her soul ..
DM looked up at the direction of Santo's room and slowly made his way up the stairs, mentally thinking about things he was going to say to her and how .. with each step that he took forward..
He reached her door and noticed it was unlocked.. he still knocked.. Santo haughtily told him "I don't want to talk to you.. I don't want to see you.." .. even she did not believe she was saying all this .. but something in her could not stop herself from venting out all these emotions inside her.. tears now openly streaming down her face..
DM knocked again.. wishing for a different response..but she repeated her statements vehemently.. DM sighed and pushed open the door .. finding Santo in front of the mirror, her face visible to him .. he could see her teary eyes.. tears streaming down her face.. she was angry at him for coming inside.. but her eyes sensed that his eyes were moist too.. was she dreaming? Was this really happening? Could she see that 'hint' of love and consideration in his eyes.. oh how long she had waited for a moment like this.. with her husband..with her 'husband' ..
He gently closed the door behind him and walked towards her approaching her from the back.. Santo was still angry, but melting with every second.. she did not want to! She made up her mind and turned to leave the room .. but his hand stopped her.. his hand now grabbed her wrist gently.. she closed her eyes, battling the tears, wiping them roughly with her free hand.. he came closer to her.. without saying a word.. the hiccups after the tears were troubling Santo know.. even if she wanted to, she could not have been able to say anything.. DM, on the other hand, was experiencing a big lump in his own throat- choked by his own emotions.. he lifted her hand.. bringing it closer to him and noticed that the tips of her fingers were all red.. they were burnt because she handled the stove without tongs when she was making chapattis for him .. he sighed again .. and a wall inside Santo's heart broke..
He softly kissed the back of her fingers, pressing her hand to his mouth.. holding her waist by the other hand.. holding her back .. pulling her towards him .. trying to , that is.. Santo was still mad at him .. she resisted..He continued kissing her fingers ..
"You burn your fingers for me.. just so that I can have hot chapattis to eat? Why?"..his own voice breaking as his heart answered his own questions.. Santo was trembling..
"Why do you do all this for me? Why do you want to see me so happy? Why, when I have never given you a single moment of happiness! Why?" .. DM's soul cursed him for keeping this woman so unhappy.. this woman who deserved all the happiness and care in the world.. he turned her around… his 'why' resounding throughout the room..
She shook off his hands angrily ..
"Because you are my husband..that's why!" .. Santo cried at her fake answer.. and just wanted to run away from this man .. who was hurting her so much .. he held her again, firmer this time..
"Why?" …
She looked into his eyes.. and she saw what she feared .. she saw the most unexpected, she saw what she dreaded, yes she saw those little tears in his eyes.. threatening to flow ..
"Because.."
His gaze compelled her to look at him and answer him .. his eyes pleaded..
She fell at his feet ..hugging them ..
"Because I love you .. because I am that crazy woman who loves you .. who loves you knowing well you will never come to love her.. because I crazy love you.. that's WHY .."
She sobbed .. hugging his feet.. DM totally stunned by her answer even though he knew what the answer would be..
"She will be loved…" , he thought to herself as he bent down to hold her trembling little body in his protective shield of arms..
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