Despair & Hope - OS

In the hours that followed Daddu's sudden & severe heart attack., Shiv had been the strong member of the family.

When she would pass by she would hear Shiv's soft murmurs and his brother's quiet tears. Only Shiv could soothe Maahi as well as rest of the family. No one else could, no one else even tried.

Seeing Shiv's bravery and strength tore at Anandi's resolve. She knew what he must have been feeling that entire time. She was also sure that at a moment., at any moment, he would need someone to comfort him. She just didn't know that moment is now.

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Shiv felt miserable...waiting for any positive confirmation from the doctors attending Daddu . He could see all of his family in a corner.

His mother was holding onto Saanchi, who had fallen asleep onto her shoulder. Maahi was sitting quietly, staring into nothingness, and then there was his father... his father was gently stroking Maahi's back, and his face was tearstained. Choti maa, however... Shiv couldn't bear to look at her. Her face was etched with sorrow and grief.

He jumped slightly when he felt a cold hand gently slip into his. He turned his head, and his eyes met a pair of black, gentle eyes that are filled with concern. Even though they are sad, they are just as beautiful as they always had been. Shiv smiled gently at Anandi, and gave her hand a small, reassuring squeeze. It made him feel at ease, just knowing that she is standing right there beside him. Anandi is amazing like that.

"Aap idhar akele kya kar rahe hain...? Maa..Papa ke saath nahi baithenge..?"

Shiv shook his head to her question. He gave her hand another squeeze. There was a mixture of emotions within him now. His head is spinning because of all the emotions. He does not want to break down in front of his family.

It is late evening. Shiv hadn't even realized, or kept any track on what time it was. The time had just flown by.

"Aap sambhaliye apne aap ko...Daddu theek ho jaayenge " - He heard her whisper, followed by a sniffle.

Shiv tensed, he pulled her closer, holding her tighter to him.

"I know that", he murmured. "Everything's just... I feel weird", - he sighed.

"Aap abhi tak bahut himmat dikaye ..Shiv...abhi himmat mat haariye..."

Shiv was perplexed to hear that. He didn't consider himself to be brave. He had just done what had felt right. But hearing Anandi say that... to know that she was proud of him... gave him a rush of emotions.

When his eyes caught hers, Anandi inhaled quickly. She had never seen Shiv in such a state. His normally blazing eyes looked dull and tired, and his normally jovial features were set in a grimace.

Shiv's head drooped after only a moment as though the effort of holding his own head up was too great. Almost ghost-like, Anandi glided closer to Shiv. She placed a shaking hand on his shoulder. Again,he looked up at her in front of him. He croaked, "Anandi" , caught her waist and deftly pulled her on to his face with his strong hands firmly gripping her waist. He hid his face into the folds of her saree and he let out a sob that almost tore her heart in two. His hands left her waist and traveled along her back to pull her into a tight embrace. Anandi's arms also tightened around his head soothing his hair. Tears were streaming down Anandi's cheeks and she could feel the fabric of her blouse at her shoulder getting wet.

They remained in that position for what seemed like hours. Shiv's sobs slowly subsided and Anandi's own tears dried up, but Shiv's grip on her did not loosen for even a moment. This was the first time she had seen him cry.

He brought up a hand, to gently brush it against her cheek, and he felt relieved when she leaned into his hand and closed her eyes. She looked tired. He felt tired.

Quiet foot-steps sounded.

"Bhaiyya... Bhaabhi." - Maahi tersely greeted them. He slumped onto a chair as if he was spineless.

"Doctors keh rahe hain ...kal subah tak kuch nahi bol sakte..." His voice was lackluster and hollowed.

"Bhaiyya...Daddu toh ICCU mein hain...hum log sab idhar teherke kuch nahi kar sakte...aap sabhi ko leke ghar chale jaayiye...mein idhar rukta hoon.."

He stared out of the window and closed his eyes. He was still unable to face reality. Not yet. It all happened too quickly for him to be absorbed. He gripped the sides of his chair tightly.

"Maahi..Nahi tum idhar akele nahi rahoge...Mein bhi tumhaare saath rukunga..." - Shiv countered determinedly.

"Nahi Bhaiyya...Ghar mein sabko aapka zaroorath hain...aur waise bhi aap subah se bahut thake hue hain..aap ghar jaake thoda aaraam kijiye..kuch zaroorath ho tho ., I will call you."

Shiv Beta...Mein rukungaa ...Maahi ke saath...tum ghar Jao...aur chinta na karo...sab theek ho jaa yega..." - Bhairon Singh., who had just joined the trio...chimed in.

"Maahi Bhaiyya theek keh rahe hai ., Shiv ... Hum ghar chalenge sab ko saath lekar...zaroorath padne se hum turanth aa sakte hain...aur Baapusa rahenge., Maahi Bhaiyya ke saath."

Shiv listened to his voice of reason. Yes., there is nothing he can do staying over here. Also., his family may need his presence at home.

The dining room of KB was still empty at ten o'clock. A gloomy aura surrounded the usually vivid and cheerful room.

Every body retired to their own rooms., as soon as they entered the haveli.

A tear dropped onto Shiv's cheek as he entered the room. He did not feel hungry, eccentrically. In his mind, he could still see Daddu's laughing face. It haunted him in a way.

He stood staring blankly into the night through the window. , with waves of sadness crashing over him and nothing to stop them. He found himself utterly unable to think positively about the situation.

A hand gripped his shoulder. His mind snapped open and through his dizzy vision he saw it was just Anandi.

"Mein aap ke liye thoda khana leke aayi...kuch khaa lijiye..." - She said in a gentle tone.

"Bhook nahi..," He mumbled.

"Shiv...aapko kuch toh khaana padega..aap subah se kuch nahi khaaye...naashta bhi nahi kiya..!!!"

"No worries Anandi...mujhe bilkul khaane ka man nahi hai.." He told her solemnly, remembering the early morning happenings.. These things were true ... he had no appetite at all, and he didn't feel like looking at food any time soon.

"Shiv...pls thora toh khaa lijiye.." - She pressed .

"Ek din khaana nahi khaane se mujhe kuch nahi hoga..Anandi " - He argued weakly.

She almost looked like she wanted to laugh, but a second later her smile was sad. She took his hand. He let her.

Finally, he managed to look her in the eye. She was gazing at him intently, but it was purely sympathetic ... there was nothing accusing or expectant in her stare.

He came to a satisfied conclusion that she does not want to press him further on this issue any more.

"Sabhi ne dinner kiya...?" - He asked her slowly.

"Haa..thora khaaye the sabne...bahut force karne ke baad...bas aap hi mere baath nahi maan rahe hai..." - She sighed.

"Aur tumne...?"

She immead started looking at her feet...

"Aap nahi khaayenge aur mein khaoongi...?"

"Anandi...itna ziddi mat bano..chalo pehle tum kuch khalo..baad mein bhook lagne se mein khaloonga...aajao..tumhe mere haath se khilata hoon..."

He dragged her towards the table where she had laid down the plate and got ready to feed her.

She took a bite from him., and she herself offered a bite to him., which he could not refuse., looking at her concern filled eyes.

After they exchanged few bites., All Shiv could manage was a loud sniff as he held back tears. The dread and sorrow threatened to engulf him again. It was as though he was in danger of drowning in grief.

Anandi, still holding on to his hand, pulled him to the bed, and sat down next to him. All at once he had flung herself into her arms and completely broke down. Anandi tried to comfort him, but it was all she could do to stop herself imitating him.

"Shiv...Shhh...sab theek hoga..aap bilkul mat dariye."

As she watched him weep, she wanted nothing more than to succumb to the burning, hollow feeling in her heart. She wanted nothing more than to be able to smile again, to have the heavy weight lifted off his chest. But for now, she felt like following his lead and breaking down.

'No' she thought. She needed to be strong for him.

She turned Shiv around so that she was now facing him, and pulled him close. She rubbed his back for a while, until he calmed down and leaned up against her. After a while she spoke.

"Shiv''

"Yeah?" - he loved the way she said his name. It felt calming.

She put her small warm hand on his head. He looked at her. Her eyes were reflecting his own sorrow. She took her other hand and gently wiped his tears away. She didn't say anything, there was nothing to be said really. And Shiv was glad. He didn't need words, only her. Forever.

She slowly lied back pulling him with her.

"Koi baath nahi Shiv...aapko hamesha strong hone ki zaroorath nahi...mein hoon aapke saath...har imtihaan mein"

She couldn't even imagine what he must be going through. She wanted to do or say something, she wanted to take his pain away. But she knew she couldn't. So the only thing left for her to do was just simply be there.

He lied next to her. Anandi put his head on her chest and wrapped her arms around him, stroking his hair. He once again remembered Daddu, laughing and nagging him., he remembered seeing him now in lying in a helpless state with tubes all around and inside him .

He is sobbing now, he wrapped his arms around her. He knew that he should feel embarrassed to cry in front of her but she didn't say anything. She just kept running her fingers through his hair.

She had never seen him like that. So broken, so vulnerable. She felt helpless. After a while the exhaustion found him and he fell asleep still with his arms clutched around her. Anandi was never so tired in her entire life but somehow she couldn't sleep. She kept reliving the incidents since early that morning over and over again. She hadn't been even crying yet. She thought that maybe she was still shocked and she still couldn't quite understand what had happened.

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Shiv woke up. The room was still dark. He rolled over in the bed, and suddenly he realized Anandi wasn't there. With panic he sat up and looked around. With relief he noticed her next to the window staring outside. She had her back turned to him. He slowly stood up and walked towards her.

"Anandi."- was the only thing he could think of. She gazed at him giving a small smile. She looked tired, big circles under her eyes.

"Tum soye nahi."- it was not a question.

"neend nahi aa rahi thi"- she whispered.

"You need your sleep, Anandi."

"Mein theek hoon."- her voice was impassive.

"No, you're not. None of us are. Come here." He pulled her in his embrace kissing the top of her head. . She placed her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I love you. You know that?" - Shiv murmured.

"haan...mujhe maaloom hain"- she managed to say. Those three words meant the world for her. She was already his, she knew she belonged with him. Forever.

"Shiv..," she whispered, one hand weaving through his hair.

Shiv pulled back and slowly released his grip on Anandi. He looked at her, eyes pleading, and softly said, "'Anandi , I miss Daddu."

There was nothing she could do that would ease Shiv's pain. So she did the only thing that she could do. She looked into his eyes, quickly stood on her tip toes and pressed her lips to his. Shiv initially stiffened and then snaked his arms back around her waist. Anandi sighed;

This kiss was different. It was patient and kind. It was tender and sweet. It was earth-shattering and comforting at the same time. It was desperate and hesitant. Everything she felt for Shiv in that moment and everything he felt for her was placed in this kiss.

"I love you too."- her voice was filled with tenderness he didn't know it could exist. - And suddenly they felt warmer. They felt like there still was a little hope somewhere in the darkness that surrounded them. And maybe that 'somewhere' was right there in their arms.

And in the darkness of the night and in the uncertainty of the next day, there were still two souls believing that maybe tomorrow everything will be alright .

Shiv and Anandi drifted to sleep not knowing what would come next but knowing that whatever it is they are going to face it together.

Anandi awoke the next morning and groggily rubbed her eyes. She turned her head slightly and saw that Shiv was sprawled next to her with his hand still resting on her waist. A small smile played on her lips . She nuzzled her head back into his chest and took his hand with her own.

She leaned against his hard chest, her cheek resting against a soft brown shirt. The world was still rolling around her, but his strong arms pressing under her back comforted her. She moved slightly to look up at his chin and cheek, rough dark stubble covering the soft skin...drinking in the sight of his face unguarded in sleep, no worries, no stress. She ran her fingers gently down his face, feeling tears come to her eyes. She let herself relax back into him, closing her eyes.

A hot light was pulsing against her eyelids, making it hard to stay asleep. She wanted to turn away, ignore the light, but she knew it was time to wake up.

The sunlight flashed onto her again and Anandi turned to look out the window, watching the golden sun wash over the spring grass, illuminate the garden. She felt the warmth of a ray of hope in her heart.

Suddenly Shiv' phone rang.

Shiv woke up with a jolt and said a hurried Hello in to the phone'as he quickly pulled himself up to sit.

"Bhaiyya ...Daddu ko hosh aagaya..Doctors bol rahe hain ki ab who khatre se baahar hain...aur kaha hai., Daddu Madhubala aur Nargis ke baare mein pooch rahe hain...!!!! " - An exited voice of Maahi with oodles of mirth reverberated on the other end.

Maahi ...That's Great !!!...mein abhi aa raha hoon... - Shiv Sighed loud with relief etching on every feature of his.

He gave a big smile to expectant Anandi, wrapping his arms around her to pull her into his lap, burying his face in her hair. He rocked her in his arms and she sunk against him, breathing his scent.

She asked him still ., though she could guess that it is a very good news.

Kya Baat hai Shiv ... Kya bola Maahi Bhaiyya ne...? - genuinely curious to know the details.

Shiv gave a laugh and held her tighter.

"Daddu is fine ...Anandi...he will be back with us in no time..." - he spoke caught up in the happiness of the moment.

Tears came to her eyes again, the reality of what she had just heard really hitting home. She could not help the genuine smile that burst past her lips as she quickly wiped her eyes.

She heard movement from the far side of the room and pulled herself away from Shiv to turn her head. The family was standing at the doorway, likely roused from the news from Maahi.

Maa., Papa., CM., Saanchi were standing and smiling back at them with wide grins. Anandi felt momentarily embarrassed, remembering she was sitting in Shiv's lap, but quickly realized she didn't care. She smiled back at the family, her family, and knew that although it wasn't completely over, they would all be fine, in no time.