"Priya Sood is incapable of raising her daughter on her own"
"She is not financially stable to do so."
"She's a prison convict. How can she raise her kid to be an ethical human being?"
"Priya Sood.... She... Pihu Sood... Family.... Murder... inept.. Ram Kapoor should have full custody"
The muffled voices grow louder by every second. I clasp my palms tightly to my ears. Through the cracks in my fingers the voices find a way to yet reach me. The voices escalate to an even higher volume. I shut my eyes close. Wetness envelopes, my palms. My eyes burst open and I glance at my hand. I look at the red substance on my palms in horror. Administrating the oozing blood from my ears I shriek louder than ever trying to overpower these nasty voices.
I wake up with a jerk. Rubbing my chest I try to calm my racing breaths, my palpitating heart. I take in deep breaths and wipe the sweat beads off my forehead.
It's been a year since we fought for Pihu. It's been a year since I've heard about him. Nightmares haunt me. We could've been beautiful like flowing gold. Maybe our love was a masterpiece until I tore it all up. I am guilty for destroying us Mr Kapoor. I'm sorry for that. But I don't regret it. I'm selfish. I need my daughter to get through the shitshow that my life is. I am selfish enough to keep her with me even if it's her losing out on things that are rightfully hers. I'm sorry Mr Kapoor but if given another chance I would've made the same dreary decisions.
My throat feels dry. I get out of bed to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. As I get out of my room. I see Krish sitting on the living room couch. His eyes are red. And wait. I hear him sniffing. He's crying. I've known Krish for years now. Yet, I've never seen him cry once. A mix of concern and panic take over me as my feet gallop towards him on their own accord.
I sit down next to him on the sofa on rub him arm. He looks at me with teary, blood shot eyes. As if unable to match gazes he immediately looks away. I rub his arm harder and make him face me by cupping his cheek. "Kyu hua Krish?"
He opens his mouth and closes it the very next instant. Tears flow down my cheeks and a fresh set makes way into his eyes. "Please Krish." I coax him "Look me in the eye and please tell me how you feel"
He intertwines my hand with his and wiping tears off says, "Priya, Ram was found dead in his New Zealand house today"
I barely register his words. I feel a sharp ache in my chest. I feel my insides twisting and knotting together. I suddenly find this urge to throw up. But I don't. I feel blank. My vision gets clouded and I try to snatch my hand away from his but he holds on tighter. I look at him with my face stoic as ever.
"How did this happen?" He sighs and embraces me sideways. I latch onto him too. "He overdosed on some pills."
I want to react. I want to slap, punch, kick myself. I want to yell, scream till my lungs give up. Cry till I cry my soul out through my tears. I want to mourn him.
But I don't.
My body doesn't move an inch. My face remains blank. Only tears flow down my cheek. His arms tighten around me and I snuggle more into him, looking for warmth and assurance but all I feel is shame along with remorse.
"We killed him" I say.
"Priya NO!" His voice already many octaves higher than his usual tone. "We.. we didn't.. we just-" i interrupt him, "we just took his will to live away from him."
I feel him stiffen under my touch. "I met him a day before the court's decision. He told me how he had lost everything except Pihu. He told me we could start afresh. He told me he needed us. He pleaded me to let go. We could both have her. I didn't believe him. I didn't want to believe him"
My voice is cracking now. My body feels numb. Maybe he senses it. He pulls me closer. I'm grateful for that.
"He was going to win the case remember? You knew, I knew, our lawyer too knew. That's when he told the judge how we're getting married and how we're the better set of parents for Pihu. And to seal the deal, he disclosed to the judge Mr. Kapoor's recent fancy. Alcohol. And how he'd switch between girlfriends because money is everything. Both of which were pieces of information you found out and I approved to be used; against him. Believe it or not Krish, we killed Ram Kapoor."
I finish only to burst out crying the next minute. We hold on to each other. Our life depends on this hug now. He's too started sobbing.
I don't know for how long we cry like that. When I'm done, i disentangle myself from him and rest my head on his shoulder.
Silence takes over. We sit there quietly for some time. Letting out a shaky breath he speaks up, "I met him after the court announced it's decision. He asked me for a promise that I couldn't give him at that time." He takes a pause and breathes "He asked me to be good to both his girls."
Unable to control myself longer, I begin to sob again. His love transformed me into something beautiful while mine made him a pool of darkness instead.
Energy drains out of my body. As my eyelids close shut. The last muffled thing I hear before sleep overtakes me is "Ram, I promise to be very good to your girls."
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With shaking hands I grab the box of sleeping pills from my side table. For the past year, these have been the sole source of peace to me. I've tried therapy, I've tried forgiving, I've tried all that shit. Nothing helps anymore. No medicines other than these work anymore.
My heart, my mind, my body and I are all done.
I've nothing to look forward to for tomorrow. No one is dependent on me anymore. No one needs me anymore. My existence is irrelevant.
I dream of them sometimes. Pihu is sitting on a tire swing supported by a tree. She's wearing a while frock and her hair is tied up in a small pony so I can see her beautiful face. Shivina is behind her. She's helping Pihu on the swing. She's in white too. Priya stands at a distance from them. They're surrounded by golden paddy fields. Priya is looking straight at me. She smiles. I take huge strides towards them but as soon as I'm about to reach them, everything goes hazy before disappearing completely and I collapse into darkness.
The dream this broken reverie cuts me open exactly like a broken promise does. My hands are shakier now and my vision is clouded. I throw the lid of the medicine box away. I need to forget this dream right now. I look into the tiny box. There are a bit too many medicines that I can count right now. I turn the box upside down and empty it's contents in my mouth.
For a second, everything stops and I feel peace. Suddenly I'm teleported to the paddy fields once again. I'm in an all white attire. I see all three of them. Pihu and Shivina as as always are busy among one another while Priya looks at me and smiles. Like every other time, I rush towards them. I cross the line I drew in my imagination where everything disappears. Hot tears run down my face and Pihu looks up at me for the very first time. She runs in my direction. Shivi follows in her footsteps. They come and hug me tight. I pull them closer and squish them harder. I need to confirm this is no dream. No one disappears. No darkness takes over. I glance over at Priya who too has tears in her eyes. I forward my hand signalling her to come.
Smiling through tears she gallops towards us and hugs me from the side. I kiss her hair.
This image too starts fading away. But this time, instead of darkness, a bright, white light takes over. This dream is my sole abditory and I wish to remain here, forever.
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You were my life but life is far away from fair.
-Billie Eyelish
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I already know this one will barely get any positive feedback. But ram and priya are a genuine no for m now. Their relationship has become so toxic now that's it's more of a splinter in their toes than anything lol.
Priya is making her kid suffer due to her own selfish reasons right now and it's not okay. Even if she allows krish in her life Pihu can lead hers normally. But Priya won't do so because she wants her daughter to think highly of her.
Arjun
Cricket
Indian Mythology
