#4-Damsel In Distress

InToTheUnknown

@InToTheUnknown

#4- Damsel In Distress

Around 9, the same night.

Roli is finally under the soothing shower after the very long day. She lets the tiny drops of water fall all the way from the shower to her thick, lush hairs, her bright, flawless face , her lusciously moulded frame and then to the tiled floor. Her face misted with fresh water drops shining in the glow of the fluorescent bulb above is clearly distressed and confused. It has indeed been one challenging day for her and standing in the loneliness of the bathroom, she didn't bother to accept to herself that she's affected and that very much. Many a times in these two years, she had voluntarily or involuntarily fantasized about meeting Siddhant again. But in all her fantasies, she had expected him to be suffering without her, sorry and regretful for whatever he had done to her. But the reality has turned out to be different. Today as she met him, she got that nothing in his life has changed. He's still joyous and energetic as he was or even more. It was just her who was sticking to the dark past all these days. She has been enduring all the pain he gave her deep inside her, not even sharing it with anyone. That very realization is making her hate herself and what doubles up the hatred is her helplessness.

He came to her door today, interacted with her family as if nothing has happened and even went to the extra mile of taunting her before her family and then alone too. But could she do anything about it? Simply no! Instead she had to nod yes to get married to him. Could something worse than this happen to her? What put at stake now is her self-respect. She could happily bid farewell to that if she lets him marry her despite all what has happened. Well, she could have foiled his game plans all in a minute. All what was needed was a confession; about whatever that has happened in their past. But there too, she had to rethink. Once the truth was out, how would have she faced her family? She doesn't have any answer to their questions! Moreover if she had taken that daring step to expose him right there in hall, what would have happened to her family's respect? She still can't get over the regret of trusting a guy like Siddhant and giving him more importance than her family. Moreover, somewhere, she feels that all what she had to go through for that wrong choice was a punishment for the mistake. In that case, she can't even make a tiny move that will cost her her family's happiness, respect and wellbeing. Too bitter to swallow but too sweet to spit out, that's the sort of condition here.

Then goes those spine chilling encounters with Siddhant. Though she had tried to project that she's neutral, there was a storm going on inside her, each time he was proximal to her. It could be tolerated till what happened at the hall, but thinking of those two times when they were alone, her eyes automatically close, her heartbeats surge, even the cold water feels hot. The way he came close to her, touched her, let his warmth flow in to her- all had made her feel in the way she never wanted to. She can still feel his warmth flooding over her body. But his attitude pricks her; deeply. Sure, she would not have given the worth of a penny for a sorry from him, but she really wishes if he had uttered that one word. At least, she could feel good that he had understood his flaw. But again, it's even wrong to expect something like that from the great Mr. Siddhant Bharadwaj. He's the one who excepts others to apologize even when he's at fault, she thinks. The same got proved as he challenged her. But this time, I'm not gonna let him take toll on me with his tantrums, she decides. Just then, she realizes that she's been standing under the shower for long, long enough to get her sick. She quickly stands away, turns off the shower and gets the towel to mop herself.

A while later. Roli comes out of the washroom after changing in to a fresh kurti but her hair still dripping wet. The thoughts had taken so much of her attention that she forgets to dry it! She doesn't notice it and makes her way in to her room. Just as she enters, she finds Ragini sitting on her bed looking at her with an amused expression.

"Roli! How long you take at washroom? It's been nearly an hour since you've gone in! What were you doing inside, making a new bathroom or may be fixing the shower?' she questions surprised.

"woh Di...' Roli fumbles for an alibi as she walks towards her. That's when Ragini's eyes fall on the water that's dripping to the floor from Roli's long, thick, shimmering black hair.

"Areyy! What's this? You didn't dry your hair too?' she questions as she takes a close look. Roli stays quiet obviously because she can't give a clear answer. All she gives Ragini is a stupid smile.

"Now what you have to say for this? I wonder when you will grow up. Come here.' Ragini instructs like a stern teacher while Roli simply obeys. Meanwhile Ragini makes her sit on the bed and getting the towel starts drying her hair.

"Areyy Di! I'll do it. Why you...' Roli begins but Ragini cuts her instantly.

"Shhh! keep quiet and let me do what I'm doing.'

Roli doesn't make any attempts of protest. She smiles and relaxes closing her eyes forgetting everything else for a moment.   

"See, it's so wet! Roli! You really have to change this carefree attitude or we'll have to train poor Siddhant to babysit you.' Ragini teases. The name Siddhant knocks the smile off Roli's face. She doesn't want to talk about him, at least not now when she wants to relax herself and get a good night's sleep. But Ragini is quite unaware of her mindset and so goes on as she continues drying her hair.

"Well, I'm sure your apprehensions about the alliance no longer exist. Siddhant is such a nice guy after all. Laksh likes him already! Even his family is so sweet. I'm sure you'll be happy there. What say?' asks Ragini as she slightly turns Roli towards her. But contrary to the happy expression she expected on Roli's face, what she finds is clear discomfort and anxiety.

"You okay dear? Why do you look so upset?' Ragini questions quickly as she cups Roli's face in an instant. Roli feels a sudden desire to cry her heart out and speak it all out to Ragini. But the concerned sister inside her doesn't let her do that. If she had wished, she would have shared it with Ragini earlier too. There were those days in her life after coming back from St. Louis which she had spent in extreme hurt and tears. There too, Ragini had asked her if she's fine. She didn't utter a word about Siddhant then because there was no benefit to it rather than making Ragini upset as well. It would have reduced the weight of her heart for sure but what use than that? She knew it won't change anything. And now, she doesn't want to share it at all, no matter for what reason. Her sister is pregnant; she's in that joyous point of life when everything must be fine for her. I can't make her sick by sharing my problems with her; solutions if any, I've to find myself, thinks Roli as she tries to wipe away the worries on her face and bring a fake smile.

"Upset? Who's upset? It's just that I'm tired. Let's talk later no? I really need some sleep now!' Roli suddenly excuses turning against Ragini while Ragini is so amused at her sister's response. She could sense that something isn't fine.

"See! My hair too dried! Now I'm super sleepy!' Roli fakes a yawn as she turns towards Ragini again, well plastering a false expression of being fine on her face. But Ragini's look freezes her on her spot.

"What's the problem?' Ragini asks coldly crossing her arms. Roli's eyes dart back and forth in nervousness. I can't let this interrogation go on for long, she thinks with bated breath for she knew if Ragini continues with her set of questions, she'll have to come out with the truth.

"What problem? There's absolutely no problem!' she pretends.

"Don't lie Roli! Spit it out now!' Ragini demands, being strict. Roli's heart thuds like crazy. Please god, don't let this happen, please, she prays and decides to use her usual trick.

"ohoo Di! You too! Jiju's right. Your pregnancy hormones are getting too much! See, I'm all fine and you're feeling I'm upset. areyy baba, I'm fine! Absolutely fine. It's just that I'm sleepy and tired after the long day. Nothing else.'

"you sure?' Ragini questions still not convinced.

"haan na! Trust me!' Roli squeals squeezing Ragini's palms softly.

"Okay then...' Ragini coos, "But if there is something, don't keep it inside yourself. Remember that your Di is always for you.' she says as she keeps a caring arm on Roli's cheek. Roli feels so touched, so much that she wanted to hug her sister tight, but all she does is to smile holding Ragini's palm over face.

"Then...You sleep, I'll see you tomorrow. Good night.' Ragini says with a loving tap on her cheek feeling that it's good to leave Roli alone.

"Good night Di!' Roli wishes back as she wants to end the conversation somehow. No more return to the Siddhant topic now! She walks up to the door with Ragini and stays at the doorstep holding the half closed door as Ragini gets out.

"Sleep now.' Ragini says as she smiles while Roli nods. She closes the door as Ragini walks away and quickly leans on the door closing her eyes tight.

"Sorry Di! I'm very sorry for lying to you again. I remember lying to you like this when I came back from St. Louis. Then and now, I'm helpless! Hey Matarani! How much I've to bear for this one wrong choice in my life named Siddhant?' she weeps to herself with her eyes moist, but trying hard not to let her tears stream across her cheeks.

Meanwhile, Ragini walks through the corridor absentmindedly. Why do I feel that Roli is upset for some reason, thinks her. Yes, Roli said there's nothing like that, but there is something, something that keeps telling her that all isn't well. That's when she hears her phone ringing. She quickly looks in to the display giving break to her thoughts. Her lips curl to a small smile as she finds the name 'Laksh' on the screen.

"hello.' she begins in a low voice still having the effect of the jumble of thoughts inside her in it.

On the other side, Laksh feels a sudden drop in his wife's tone. The distance between them, as Ragini is at her home due to her pregnancy and himself at his was already worrying him and now the unenergetic tone in her voice startles him a bit.

"You alright Ragini? Is there something you wish to tell me?' he quickly asks not hiding his curiosity. Ragini is puzzled. Why is he asking like this, she thinks.

"What happened Laksh? Why are you asking me like that?' she questions back.

"Your voice. That says.' he replies in a low voice. Ragini is quiet for a moment. How did he get to know that I'm upset sitting far away from me, she thinks. But, she feels that he's the best person she can confide in about her worries. May be, he'll help her figure out if her thoughts are genuine.

"Laksh, Roli...' she begins.

"Roli? What happened to Roli?' Laksh puzzles back not able to connect the ends of what she is saying.

"Laksh, I don't know why, but I feel that there's something that's worrying her.' opens up Ragini.

"More clear. I can't get a thing from the tit bits you give.' Laksh demands.

Ragini nods and takes her sweet time to explain to him about what happened in Roli's room and the conversation they had a while ago. Laksh listens to every bit of it with keen interest and when Ragini is done , he sighs.

"Ragini, Roli is right, it's your pregnancy hormones again.'

"Laksh?' Ragini squeals in protest.

"Or else what do we call this Ragini? ya, it might be true that Roli took long time in washroom, she forgot to dry her hair, her face was gloomy and when you asked about it she replied that she's just tired and wanna get some sleep. BUT...it doesn't mean she's worried for something. Instead it matches more with this idea that she could be actually tired. Just imagine, it was indeed a long day for her. How do you think she can't be tired?' Laksh questions.

"But Laksh...' Ragini is still not fully convinced. Don't know why, but she can't just accept that the reason behind Roli's absurd behavior is only her tiredness. From deep within, a voice keeps telling her that there's something more to it and that something really big.

"Ragini, know what's the root of these doubts of yours?' The apprehensions Roli had shown towards this alliance. But Ragini, see, it's natural. It's just that Roli isn't mentally prepared for this. It happened with us too, right? Remember how difficult it was for you to even face me during our initial days? But are we the same, no right? Similarly, Roli and Siddhant will also discover love in their relationship very soon. To the best of my knowledge, Siddhant is a nice guy and I'm sure he'll be able to handle everything. So don't worry about that. There is nothing like you think. It's just your over anxiety which is common in pregnancy. But don't stress yourself. Know it right, it's not good for our baby.' Laksh says with a voice full of concern and somewhere, his soothing words and justifications manages to have a positive effect on Ragini.

"Maybe you're right.' Ragini says concluding that she's over-thinking.

"There you go,' Laksh is much more relived now. "Leave all that and tell me this. Had your...Uh oh!' he stops midway.

"What happened? Ragini questions furrowing her eyebrows.

"The Goa client I told you about the other day, he is calling. Looks like I'll have to hang up now.'

"That's okay.' says Ragini. "You attend his call. We can talk later. I'm going to room anyway.'

"Okay. Five minutes and I'm calling you back.' Laksh says like an excuse.

"Areyy, take your own time! I'm fine too, so don't worry. And no more of talks now, or else you're gonna miss your client.' Ragini says in a fake serious tone.

"Okay baby, now bye!'

"Bye!' Ragini wishes back before hanging up. As she's done, her musings resume obviously. May be Laksh is right. Whatever he said makes sense, actually more than her worries. So she chooses to give her worries the explanation that both Roli and Laksh gave- the anxiety due to hormonal changes of pregnancy. Alongside, she deeply wishes and prays for Roli's wellbeing as well. But of course, she's quite unaware that her worries are actually for real and her sister is stuck in an ordeal.

Meanwhile, inside Roli's room. Roli twists and twirls in the bed as she tries to get the much needed sleep. Whenever she tries to sleep, it's just those fleeting moments of the past coming before her eyes. It's been long, so long since she had ever experienced this. Keep away those rare dreams sometimes in the break of dawn, she rarely thought about Siddhant these days. It was a voluntary effort from her side to forget him, the way he looked, the way he walked, the way he smelled... She had promised herself that she won't let another tear drop from her eyes for someone like him who had walked away without caring a bit about her feelings. But the events of just a day changed everything. The wounds that she had subdued inside herself have got cut opened now and they have started to choke her from within. She sits up on the bed with heavy breath and draws her knees to her chest as she tries to get rid of the seemingly perpetual memories but they keep surfacing inside her. A struggle to hold back the torrent of emotions fails miserably. Roli's determination that had helped her to handle the situation before Siddhant fades away. Overwhelmed with the need to let out the sea of emotions inside her, Roli muffles her mouth with her palms and breaks in to a fit of tears. She lets it all out by that. Hot tears spill over face, her nose reddens, her head throbs but she doesn't stop. This has to happen. Keep it inside her heart, she could go mad and so a clear up is necessary.   Sometimes nothing like tears reduces the weight of an aching heart and so this time she doesn't stop herself.   Sure enough, it's not for Siddhant, but for herself, to pacify and mend her broken heart.

Much later. Roli's eyes are still bloodshot from all the tears. She rests her head on her pillow, jabbing a pair of earphones in her ears. The soothing magic of an Arijit Singh melody eases her a bit as she tries to relax herself and sleep. The volume is in the peak too, which almost makes her feel that the song is being sung inside her head. The surging emotions inside her lowers. She dissolves herself to the feel of the song until she reaches a state of euphoria and not so late from then, she drifts off to sleep.