#3- Hidden Feelings And Helpless Decisions

InToTheUnknown

@InToTheUnknown

#3- Hidden Feelings And Helpless Decisions

A while later. Roli returns to the hall, not alone but being followed by Siddhant. He had managed to keep pace with her though she had scooted out from his arms a while ago. Roli too knew it but chose not to give him a damn. Such a creature doesn't even exist in my domain, that was her attitude.

As soon as they reached, they could figure out that all eyes in the hall are on them; all of them! They could clearly guess the reason too- anxiety to know their stand. Sunitha quickly gestures Siddhant to sit near her which he obeys in no time. Her look then falls on Roli who almost moves to sit on the couch where she had sat earlier.

"Roli!" she quickly calls making Roli confused of what it is. "Why Don't you sit here? Near Siddhant?" She asks with a smothered smile.

Holy shit!Now I have to sit beside this idiot too! Hey Matarani! I wonder on which side of bed I got up today, thinks Roli while she finds Siddhant trying hard not to let out a laugh that threatened to break out at any moment. Enjoy you dork! Enjoy seeing me so cornered, she whispers through pursed lips as she walks towards him slowly.

"Sit" urges Sunitha while Roli with no other go obeys her. She tries hard, very hard not to express her dislike on her face and she succeeds pretty much well in it. But there is one person who's measuring the depths of her thoughts with no aid - Siddhant.

Roli just keeps her head down, or say she's bowing it down to conceal her face that's red in anger and repugnance due to the effect of Sid's words a while ago and also in having forced to sit by Siddhant. She falls in to her musings again. Somewhere deep inside her, she had thought that he'd have changed a bit in his character like he had in his looks. But no! He's still the same. Unchallenged and superior. But most of all, what stings her is the fact that he had not even the tiniest bit of remorse in his talks for what he had done to her. Hearing him talk, even she could doubt if he had done anything wrong to her or was it just her illusion. Roli, you are a fool to even think that he could amend for good, she says to herself. Meanwhile Sid is still in all smiles, seemingly unaffected by all the happenings but sure that himself and Roli are being watched by every other person in the hall.

"So guys, what do you think about our decision?' Rishab enquires while Sid with a naughty smile takes a look of Roli who at once glares daggers at him and looks down in a second.

"Well, it's a yes from BOTH of us.' Sid replies with sufficient stress on the 'both' that Roli instantly looks up at him with horror in her eyes. BOTH of us? What does that mean, she thinks as her eyeballs dart back and forth rapidly. When did I agree to this messed up alliance by the way???This guy is here to ruin me, she says to herself and watches him with just aversion and hopelessness in her eyes but he isn't affected!!!

With Siddhant's reply, all faces except Roli's are beaming in extreme happiness, especially Anand's.

"Is it Roli beta?' he questions, his face shining in joy. Roli doesn't know what to say looking in to her father's eyes. All thanks to Siddhant's sharp and timely acts, she is now left with no choice than to nod her head for everything much like a doll whose remote is in his custody. Besides, the happiness in her parents' face makes it even difficult for her to take any drastic step. Knowing that she's left with no other option, she simply nods her head in positive.

"That's really really great. I told you already Rishab; our kids won't go against us.' Anand chirps in with joy. Same is the case with everyone but not Roli. Her helplessness is actually making her hate herself. Her irritation grows even more as she looks on to Siddhant's face. The satisfaction of achieving what he wanted is clearly plastered over there. She quickly looks away, suppressing the deep desire to knock off his jaw.

"Well...' she hears Rishab beginning again and looks at him curious enough to know what's next.

As even Roli and Siddhant have no objection with the relationship, we'll now go as per our earlier plans. What say Anand?' he shoots a question at Anand while he nods in positive with a big smile on his face. Now that makes Roli even inquisitive. Plans, what plans are they talking about, she wonders.

"Well, we have already discussed about the marriage and functions all. Like, now as Ragini beta is pregnant and due in less than two months, it's practically impossible to conduct the marriage anytime soon. Siddhant is our only son and Roli Anand's youngest daughter, so we don't want to hurry it either. Both of us want this marriage in the most grandiose manner. So we'll do this, we'll get them engaged in a week, that's next Sunday. About marriage, there's a perfect date four months later in December and I think that's the best time for it.   What do you all think?' Rishab questions after explaining everything.

"Fine! I think that'll be the best idea. What say Siddhant?' Laksh turns to Siddhant now.

"Anything is okay for us!' he replies taking a look of Roli. Roli is more annoyed. why does he always talk as if we share a common opinion in everything, she thinks as she seethes in anger. Sure enough, others too notice the 'us' already.

"Ahaa! So 'us' already? See Ragini, they've already started to take decisions together. Hmm, not bad!' Laksh teases while everyone else joins him in it. While Sid is in all smiles, Roli is immersed in thoughts again. The silly talks don't seem to affect her. Four months; it's a good long time amidst which she can do something and escape from this terrible snare that this jerk has set in for her. But...the engagement; what can she do about it? There's just one week to it. Even if she tries to do something, she's not sure if that will help her succeed or make things even worse. Hey Matarani, help me find a way out of this, she prays silently. That's when she feels a gentle touch on her palm. She quickly looks down in to the couch where she had kept her palm and finds Siddhant's palm over hers, enveloping it. It annoys her almost instantly and she looks up only to find him sitting quite emotionlessly as if nothing has happened. But watching closely, she could spot his lips curled to a tiny, a very tiny smile. His eyes turn to meet hers while she glares at him, signaling him to leave her. But that just helps in tightening his hold! She tries her best to free her hand from his hold without expressing it on her face while he tries his bit to not give in. Just then, Siddhant notices Sunitha turning to Roli and quickly leaving Roli's hand, sits up straight. Roli, though initially surprised of why he left her hand just like that when he was actually trying his best to not give in, soon gets it but feels relived.

Meanwhile Sunitha gets up and reaches her with a small bag in her hands. Roli slowly gets up, wondering of what it could be while Sunitha momentarily gropes in the bag and pulls out couple of exquisite bangles from it. Roli is dazed for a moment but then gets it as Sunitha holds her tender hands and slips one bangle each to each of them.

"To begin with, this might seem very old fashioned. But you see Roli, these bangles; these were passed to me by Siddhant's grandma as a gift when I entered Bharadwaj house for the first time after marriage. In fact, it's more than two centuries old and has been passed from one generation to other, amongst the daughter in laws of the Bharadwaj family. I've preserved it for whole thirty years and now it's time to pass it to you. This is for you beta.' Sunitha says as she holds Roli's hands and admires the bangles. Roli feels something inside her churning as she does that. She takes a close look of the bangles with her and the twinkle of happiness in Sunitha's kind pair of eyes; she had gifted it to her with a lot of love, in fact it is the heritage of a family. Had things gone all fine, had Siddhant been a little more serious about her and their relationship, this might have been one of the happiest moments of her life. But alas! His wrong ways have left her with no courage, no interest to even dream about being his wife and the daughter in law of his family. She's inwardly sorry for putting these innocent people, her and his parents through all these when she can't accept this relationship wholeheartedly, but again, she can't do anything at the moment. By all means, she's tied down, all thanks to Siddhant.

"You like them beta?' she hears Sunitha asking her waking her up from her trance. She quickly tries smiling to hide her confusions from everyone.

"haan, haan aunty. Of course. They're beautiful.' she comments with her head bowed down.

"That's great. But say what; I would love it more if you could call me Mom rather than this aunty. What do you think? hmm?' Sunitha questions lifting Roli's face by her chin. Roli don't know what to say. One side, she wants to end all these dramas at one stroke but on the other side she understands that Sunitha is just a loving mother who's already warm to her son's fiancee. She can't be like Siddhant; she can't break anyone who like her wholeheartedly. So she simply nods in positive, trying to smile. Sunitha is well so happy and kisses on her forehead while Roli stays still under her hold. Her eyes fall on Siddhant looking at the scene with a tiny smile and a serene expression on his face. I can never forgive you for involving our families in to this Siddhant, NEVER! she says in her mind while remaining neutral outside.

Much later in the wash of the dining room. Roli is about to turn after wiping her hands with the towel on the hanger while everybody else are still in the dining, helping themselves with the delicious lunch. Just then-

"Hellooo Ms. pretty!' she hears a familiar voice as she softly dashes with someone from behind. She turns her head behind being almost sure of who it is by the voice itself and finds the same person whom she didn't want to see at all- obviously; Siddhant Bharadwaj. Roli swiftly turns to go, her face down but it clearly showing that she doesn't want to have a talk with him.

"Roli!' he stops her blocking her path while she looks up at him angrily.

"Move!' she demands with the same straight face.

"Not possible!' he says in a determinant tone while Roli, not paying heeds to his words tries moving away towards his right. He blocks her as he did earlier and same happens as she tries to move to his left. Now this drives Roli really mad. This jerk is dancing over my head when I'm tolerating everything, she thinks and looks up straight at him, this time head on in to his eyes.

"Patience has a limit. Better understand that.' she says in a low voice, but the tone enough grave to convey all the emotions associated with it- Anger, disgust , hurt and much more. Sid smiles and moves closer to her trapping her between his arms and the wall of partition near the wash, without touching her but creating a larger effect with it. Roli is startled for a moment. 2 years. Whole 2 years have passed since she ever felt him this close, his eyes boring in to hers. The familiar proximity creates an unpleasant whipping effect in her stomach. Keep the proximity away, what's haunting her like crazy is his eyes. She can't deny it; but he got the deepest pair of eyes she had ever seen. That had a lot; make that a lot. Whenever his eyes fell on her, it seemed that he's not looking on to her, but like his eyes are boring deep inside in to her, in to her soul. It seemed that he understands what's in her mind even without a word from her. But the very next moment, she asks to herself. Has he ever understood her, her feelings or even if he understood, did it matter to him? The answer is a big no. The realization makes her draw her eyes away from his in just a matter of microseconds. Deep, painful memories from the past gush in to her memory and she tries going out of his hold, while Siddhant doesn't seem to be affected.

"Siddhant. I said move away. I swear I'm gonna scream on top of my lungs if you aren't doing that. I'm gonna tell everything to everyone.'

"Oh really?' Sid smirks at her threat and moves even closer to her worrying her even more. "Then come on, Do it. Do it Roli. Let everyone know what was between us. Say it loud and clear to everyone. Come on.' he demands while Roli looks nervous. He smirks again.

"Wait. Are you scared? No worries then, I can do it for you. Uncl...'

Roli nods a quick no and her hand almost reaches to cover up his mouth. Their eyes bore in to each others even without the break of a blink. Completely involuntary the action was that, as soon as she realizes it, Roli quickly downs her hand and looks away from him. Sid smiles and watches her trying to be normal.

"look at me.' he demands but she doesn't budge and keeps her head down. He doesn't think twice before forcing her to look in to his eyes by grabbing her chin. Roli is visibly irritated by his act and tries shoving his hand off in which she succeeds, obviously just because he wanted to give in. he looks in to her eyes while Roli too keeps an eye contact, not ready to be weak in front of him.

"You know it Roli, I like it when people listen to me. Or else I get them to do that by my own ways. Be it by hook or crook.'

"Of course, I know it.' begins Roli with a sarcastic grin. "You had done that all along. That's not a new story. I...' she's stopped as Sid's right index finger instantly presses on to her pink, petal like lips. Roli's words are stopped like they're chained up. She can't just think of anything other than his warm touch, let alone talk.

"I said listen.' Sid emphasizes.

"I know I'm affecting you...' he begins as he inches closer to her making her dark eyes go wide. All she can see is his penetrating and alluring orbs filled with some strange emotion that she can't read.

"My presence...my touch...' he continues while stroking the mole on her left cheek with his thumb. Roli just closes her eyes under his touch rather than protesting. He's probably right; he's affecting her, very much indeed.

"Even my breath and fragrance...' he goes on as he lets his hot breathe and addictive scent seep in to her senses as he moves his face all the way from her right shoulder to her ear lobe. "...are all affecting you. You're just hiding that Roli. Just hiding.'

With this Roli comes to the reality and pushes him off with considerable force. She looks away as she tries to stop her eyes from going moist.

"Again hiding! okay! But think, to whom are you hiding? To me who had known you inside out? Well okay, try. But be sure Roli, if I've decided that I will marry you, I'll make that happen. Don't even think that you can stop it.' Roli glares at him while he remains unaffected.

"And let secrets remain as secrets. Coz if you spill the beans over them yourself, I assure you that won't do any good than bad. So look before you leap.' he finishes off, adjusts his blazer and walks away, of course giving her a challenging glance. Roli stands like rooted to the floor, her mind stirring in myriad thoughts and a lone tear escaping from her eye.

Much later in the evening. Roli stands the balcony and watches over as the Bharadwaj family gets in to their cars to leave. She can see Siddhant in the pavement in the lawn, near his car, talking to her father cheerfully. Her parents and relatives are also down, sending away the guests. She was also supposed to be there, but all thanks to the excuse of a headache she made, Sunitha asked her to take rest rather than being so formal in sending them off. But even after that, she couldn't hold herself from coming to the terrace; is it because she wanted some fresh air or is it anything else, she herself didn't know.

Just then, her heart freezes as she finds Siddhant's look fixed in her direction. She wonders if he's actually looking at her and moves a little to the left of the balcony, only to find his eyes following her. So he's looking at me only, she thinks. She pretends to be looking away when her eyes are actually around him studying his actions. Sid smiles wide, understanding what she's doing. He looks around and finding his parents and her relatives happily indulged with each other, bats an eye at her. Roli's eyes go wide in surprise and turning it to shock; he blows a kiss along for her. Her jaw drops and she tensely looks around to see if anyone has noticed his silly act. But no! No one is watching them over. She heaves a sigh of relief and watches him still smiling at her stroking his chin covered with a patch of well grown beard. She tries hard but couldn't stop her heart from admiring how heavenly he looked that way. But of course, the same heart had borne a lot of agony because of him and recalling all that, it doesn't take her long to turn against him and walk in to her room of course giving him a look that could burn him to ashes. Siddhant still watches the way she went thinking something, and then looks away sighing.

In no time the cars move out of the Dwivedi compound one by one. Siddhant is the last one to leave and his eyes automatically shifts to the balcony as he drives off. It's empty. He just sighs and then concentrates on driving rather than on anything else that would eat up his brain. Inside her room, Roli writhes, unable to bear the weight of her hidden feelings and the helpless decision of marrying Siddhant.