Chapter 16 - Laaga chunri mein daag (Stains on my veil)

Long chapter alert!

--*--

In the years that went by after her marriage with Dhruv, Khushi had done a lot of things like giving herself completely to her marriage, trying with all her heart to build a life with him, trying her best to love him. But there was never a time when she had to pretend. With Dhruv, she had always been exactly who she was. If she was happy, she let it show. If something angered her, she let it reflect on her face. If she was miserable, she broke down in front of him without hesitation. And even on the rare occasions when she tried to hide it, he would still read her expressions and understand.

And thus, today, she needed to do one thing she hadn't done since her marriage with Dhruv. And that was pretend. She needed to pretend that she was still the same Mrs. Khushi Dhruv Malik who had left Lucknow with him a few days ago. That nothing had changed.

But inside, there was chaos.

The sinful, passionate moments with Arnav, right from when she went to hug him seeking solace, she had no right to seek, to everything that followed after throughout last 2 days. And she was not going to lie to herself that it happened under some influence. Because she knew exactly what she had done. It had not been a moment of weakness or confusion. She had walked into his embrace fully aware of what it meant.

But that didn't absolve her of the huge guilt she now carried in her heart. She had returned to their room with Arnav's touch on her body and his fragrance on her skin. Thankfully, everyone had been busy with the sangeet practice, and she had not needed to face Dhruv immediately. She would not have been able to.

Instead, she had gone straight into the bathroom and stood under the shower, letting the water fall over her, washing away the stains of her sins. The sharp streams hit her skin, but instead of calming her, they only made her more restless. She closed her eyes, trying to rub her arms, her face, as if that would reduce her guilt, trying to steady herself. But the much sought after peace didn't come. How would it?

She had promised Arnav she would go with him tomorrow. Spend a day with him, alone. And she had seen in his eyes what he looked forward to doing in that time. A shiver ran through her despite the hot water. What was this that existed between them? Was it always this, this pull, this physical... hunger that refused to fade even after years? Because it was not like she was deprived of intimacy in her marriage. And she was sure he too would have had his moments with Lavanya...or someone else before or in between.

Then why were they so desperately seeking each other? Why did everything else fade when he was near? Why did she forget that she had a husband, a life, a place where she belonged? Why was she willing to gamble Dhruv's love, his trust, everything he had given her without ever asking for anything in return? And Arnav... why was he willing to risk his own marriage for this? 3 days before his own wedding? That thought both frightened and sucked her deeper into her dilemma.

.

Devyani Singh Raizada had been satisfied after seeing Khushi and Dhruv together under her roof. Seeing Khushi and Dhruv together under the same roof, moving around each other with an ease of familiarity and comfort, had soothed a part of her that had been restless for years. The guilt of her silence, of the role she had played in shattering not just Arnav and Khushi but also Dhruv's life, had often kept her awake at nights. But now, she felt as if perhaps God had shown some kindness. Despite everything that had happened that night 5 years ago, Dhruv and Khushi seemed to have found their way back to happiness.

Still, she needed to hear it from Khushi herself. And hence, she had called Khushi in her room shortly before dinner.

Khushi knocked on the door.

"Aaiye bitiya, I was waiting for you." Devyani said warmly.

Khushi smiled and walked in, sitting beside her on the bed. "How are you, Nani ji? How is your knee pain now?" she asked, remembering faintly how Nani used to complain about it years ago.

Devyani smiled and gently caressed her face. "I am fine bitiya. Aap ka yehi pyaara swabhaav tha jisne hamesha se dil jeet liya tha (You had won my heart with your sweet nature even back then)."

Khushi lowered her gaze with a small smile.

They spoke for a few minutes about small things, the house, the wedding, Lucknow and so on. But Devyani's eyes kept returning to Khushi's face, searching for something. Finally, she asked softly, "Bitiya, will you tell me the truth?"

Khushi looked up, a little surprised, "About what Nani ji?"

"Hum bass ye jaan na chah rahe the ki aap khush hai ya nahi (I just want to know if you are happy or not). We all, including myself, have done many wrong things with you and for that we have already got punished by losing you. But I want to know if you are happy at least." Nani said, with a heavy, emotional voice.

And khushi instantly reached out to hold her hands.

But she had no answer to give. Because the answer was not simple anymore.

Her mind instantly went to Dhruv and the life they had built together, their work, their home, the comfort she had found with him over the years.

And then, just as quickly, her mind betrayed her with Arnav's thoughts.

The memory of his touch, the way she had gone to him without hesitation, the way she had forgotten everything else in that moment, the promise she had made to him for tomorrow.

"Why are you not saying anything, bitiya? Are you not happy?" Nani ji asked, concerned.

And Khushi forced herself to do her best to pretend again as she replied, "I am happy, Nani ji. With Dhruv ji, in my life... hum khush hain (I am happy)."

A faint smile appeared on Nani ji's lips. "Bhagwan aapko hamesha khush rakhein (stay blessed)."

Khushi smiled back.

.

.

When she returned to the guest room she and Dhruv were given, he was taking a shower. She decided to distract herself, while arranging their clothes in their bags. What reason should she give Dhruv? What should she tell him why was she going to go away for entire day tomorrow? Will he buy it? He probably will.

So lost was she in her thoughts that she shrieked in fear when she felt his arms go around her waist.

Dhruv immediately stepped back. "Khushi? What happened?"

She turned around quickly, forcing herself to steady her expression, annoyed at her own reaction. "I was just lost in thoughts... sorry."

He smiled softly and cupped her face. "I am sorry, I shouldn't have come like that. But what do I do? Ever since you mentioned about our honeymoon, I can't seem to stay away from you."

The words hit her harder than they should have. Honeymoon. How did she forget? It was her who had come up with that idea in fact. In ideal scenario, she would have laughed, teased him, responded naturally. But now she could only smile, forcing herself to stay in that moment.

But when he leaned closer, intending to kiss her, something inside her made her step back. "I... I am tired."

For a brief moment, disappointment flickered across Dhruv's face. But it was gone just as quickly, "Of course. We have all the time once this wedding is over. Take rest."

And then he stepped away without another word. He had no intention of rushing anything. Especially now when everything finally seemed to be falling into place. He had waited too long for this, had been patient for too many years to ruin it with one moment of impatience. Just few more days. 3 more days until Arnav's wedding. And after that, there would be no reason left for Khushi to look back. How he wished he could convince her to ditch this wedding and leave now itself? The thought of taking her somewhere else instead of living in Shantivan had crossed his mind. But then her own proposal for a vacation with him had calmed him. And now, he was counting days till Arnav's marriage with Lavanya.

If anything, it felt like he was waiting for that wedding more eagerly than Arnav and Lavanya themselves.

Meanwhile, that was the exact thing that scared the wits out of khushi. Arnav's marriage in 3 days. Whatever they both had been doing in past few days, whatever they planned to do tomorrow was temporary. It wouldn't happen ever again. Shouldn't, in fact.

Then why was she even letting it happen tomorrow? Shouldn't she stop it?

She should! Yes, that was the right thing to do. No matter how tempting, how irresistible Arnav's offer was, how rebellious her own heart was feeling, the plan to spend one last time together, crossing the last barrier they hadn't crossed yesterday, was wrong. It was immoral, it was adulterous. And she would not do it. Not when she had shown hope to Dhruv for a happy marriage.

She would end things with Arnav... for the infinitieth time perhaps! But this time, forever. And she will tell him the same thing tomorrow, she decided.

--*--

Arnav had arrived first for breakfast the next morning. After sharing those stolen, forbidden and yet enthralling moments with Khushi, only he knew how he had managed to keep himself away from her. The realization that they still had the same electric pull despite all the years apart, despite everything that had changed, despite the heartbreak they had put each other through, had left him restless in a way he had not felt in years and yet it was thrilling nonetheless!

Unfortunately, shortly after he had come down from the terrace, he had been dragged along by Lavanya to her friend's house for dinner, leaving him with no chance to see Khushi again that night which had only made the wait worse.

But now, he was eager to see her. To read her face. To know if last night had meant as much to her as it had to him. And more importantly, to see what excuse she had managed to give the family, to Dhruv, for going with him. One by one, everyone arrived and took their seats, but his eyes remained fixed on the staircase, a faint smile playing on his lips in anticipation.

However, the smile on his lips after seeing her, died when he saw the man beside her. Dhruv.

Arnav felt acid rise in his chest in a way he had no control over. And then as if sensing his presence, Khushi looked up at the exact same moment, letting their eyes meet. Just for a second.

But that second stretched far longer than it should have. Something unspoken passed between them, something neither of them could name and neither could deny.

And then she looked away.

However, Arnav's eyes lingered on her face, oblivious to the fact that he had not been so discreet about it this morning. Anjali had noticed it, Lavanya had noticed and mainly, Dhruv had noticed it!

Anjali's fingers stilled over her plate as she followed Arnav's gaze, the way he looked at Khushi, and that made her heart sink. Her mind went back to what she had learned just days ago. Khushi had been pregnant with Arnav's child. And even after that, he had let her go. He had not fought for her. He had not gone after her. Then what was this now?

For a brief moment, she felt the urge to confront him right there. To ask him what right he had. But she stopped herself. Because first this was neither the time nor the place. And second, she herself had played a part in their separation. Well, she wouldn't have done so if she knew about the baby, but then it didn't change the fact that she was the starting point of that destruction.

.

And then there was Dhruv. He had noticed the way Arnav's eyes kept finding Khushi, and more importantly, the way Khushi seemed unsettled every single time it happened. And he felt irritated.

And thus, as any husband, any lover possessive about his woman (and perhaps a tad bit insecure) would do, he, without any warning, reached out, took Khushi's hand in his, and in front of everyone, lifted it to his lips and placed a kiss on her palm.

There was nothing wrong in what he did. Nothing inappropriate, nothing that crossed any line. If anything, it was a simple gesture of affection between a husband and wife.

And yet, he knew exactly what he was doing!

He felt her fingers stiffen in his hold, saw the slight gasp she failed to suppress, noticed the discomfort she tried to hide. A part of him registered it, questioned it even. But the sight that followed made everything else irrelevant.

Because he saw with satisfaction how Arnav's face paled and the color had drained from it. And that was enough.

On the other hand, the sudden kiss, sudden PDA, had startled Khushi. She turned to look at him, confusion evident in her eyes, but Dhruv only gave her a small smile, tightening his hold just a fraction, as if reinforcing a claim.

"Wow, I didn't know Dhruv bhai is so romantic!" Payal exclaimed, genuinely delighted. She had always been Khushi's well-wisher and had silently hoped to see her happy. Ever since Khushi had returned to Delhi, to Shantivan, Payal had wanted to ask her if she had truly found love again with Dhruv, but she never had the courage. But what she saw today felt like an answer in itself.

Dhruv smirked and replied, "I wasn't before, but my wife changed me. What can I say?"

Khushi tried to maintain her smile, but her heart was thudding loudly in her chest. She knew exactly how Arnav would be feeling hearing this. She needed to tell him, sooner rather than later, that she had changed her mind. That whatever had happened between them in the last two days... could not continue.

However, luck did not seem to be on her side today.

Because just then, Nani ji spoke, "I am happy to hear that you and Khushi bitiya are happy together, Dhruv bitwa. Aur ab hum aap ko kahi jane nahi denge, you must stay here in this house, with all of us."

Everyone was surprised hearing Nani's words, and looked at Dhruv and Khushi, waiting to hear what they would say.

Anjali and Lavanya, in particular, were curious as well as nervous about the affirmative reply from Dhruv or Khushi's side.

Arnav, on the other hand, was not looking at anyone else. His eyes were fixed on Khushi, intense, almost demanding, as if daring her to respond, to deny, to say something that would make sense of everything.

And although khushi didn't see it, Dhruv did which was why he chose his next words very carefully. "No Nani, we can't stay because we have other plans." he began and Khushi looked at him, realizing what he was going to say, and silently pleaded with him to stop there, but he either did not notice or chose to ignore it. "After this wedding, Khushi and I are going for a mini-honeymoon. Bali, most probably. Actually, it was her wish, and I am more than happy to fulfil it."

Khushi closed her eyes for a brief second, feeling dread wash over her. She did not need to look to know what Arnav must be feeling at this moment.

"That's a great idea, Dhruv bhai!" Akash said approvingly.

"Haan bitwa, you and Khushi really deserve to spend some time together." Nani ji added, unaware of the storm her words were feeding.

But Dhruv was not done. Now that he was sure Arnav was getting affected by what he was saying, disclosing, he continued, "Ji Nani. In fact, I might as well share this with all of you. Khushi's amma has been after us for a while now. She keeps saying it's time we think about expanding our family too. And I think she's right. We are ready now."

And then, deliberately, he looked at Arnav.

As he had expected, Arnav's grip on his glass tightened for a fraction of a second before he abruptly pushed his chair back. "I have an important call." And then without waiting for a response, he walked away.

The sound of his retreating footsteps echoed far louder than it should have.

Anjali felt her heart sinking further. Khushi planning a family with Dhruv, moving forward, building a life. Perhaps this was how it was meant to be. But then why did it feel so...wrong?

Khushi, meanwhile, could barely focus on anything after that. Dhruv's words, Arnav's reaction, it all felt tangled beyond her control. She felt angry at Dhruv, especially disclosing about starting a family with him as if they had already been discussing that. And then, she felt scared about how Arnav would have taken it.

She needed to speak to Arnav. She had to ensure he didn't misunderstand her and then hoped that he would forgive her for whatever she had started in past few days.

.

.

Khushi searched for him in the entire house. She needed to speak with him urgently. Calling him was pointless, because she knew he would not pick up. And that was when she noticed him from the window, striding towards the garden at the back of Shantivan, his anger visible even from a distance.

She rushed outside and caught his hand just as he was about to hurt himself in his frustration. “What the hell Khushi!” he snapped, jerking his hand back.

“We need to talk, Arnav ji. Please.” she said, despite the tremor underneath.

“I have nothing to say to you! Did you hear me? I was stupid enough to let you play with me. Twice in the same life! But how did I forget what you are capable of doing? Cheating on people!” he scoffed.

Hearing his accusations, putting all blame only on her, broke whatever restraint she had left. “How can you accuse me, Arnavji? I wasn’t the only one involved in this! If I was cheating on my husband, weren’t you doing the same with your fiancé?”

That effectively silenced him. The anger on his face faltered for a moment and she too steadied herself, her breath slowing as they both tried to process what lay ahead of them and what was the right thing to do.

After a few moments, Arnav finally spoke, his voice no longer raised. “I didn’t know you were planning a baby with Dhruv. This is not something small, Khushi.” he continued, his gaze fixed somewhere past her. “And I don’t want to put myself in the middle of something like that. I- *ahem* I thought- well, I don’t know what I thought. But I didn’t think about all this…maybe I should have. However, it is better if we stop right here… I mean the Agra plan; I don’t want to do it now.”

For a moment, she simply looked at him. And then, taking a breath, she said softly, “I was going to tell you the same thing.”

He looked at her in surprise.

She nodded, gathering her thoughts before speaking. “I had already made up my mind to tell you that we shouldn’t go.” she began, her tone more composed than before. “Whatever is happening between us… it isn’t right. And I spent a lot of time thinking about this, Arnavji. It’s true, that there was a time when I wanted to spend my life with you. But that was not meant to be…Maybe it will be in the next lifetime.” She paused, searching his eyes for understanding. “But in this life, we’re both bound to other people. We made commitments, and we need to respect them. We should forget about what happened last night…”

Something changed in his expression then. It was neither relief nor anger. It was realization. Accepting life, and making right choice, finally.

Khushi continued, “However, before that you need to know something. I did not plan to play with you or Dhruv ji. What he said at the breakfast table…about our-baby- it was not something I agreed to. Yes, I had suggested a vacation but that- was before- before you-and-uh-I got involved that way.” She stammered while saying that and lastly, looked away feeling vulnerable in giving her explanation, “You have to believe me Arnav ji. Please.”

And Arnav did. He could see she wasn’t lying.

But before either of them could say anything more, a faint sound behind them made Khushi turn.

And there stood Dhruv. For a moment, his expression was impossible to decipher. And then without saying anything, he simply turned around and left. There was no doubt that he had overheard their discussion.

“Dhruv ji, wait!” Khushi called out, panic rising in her voice.

But he didn’t stop.

.

.

The rest of the day passed in a restless haze for both Arnav and Khushi. Dhruv had been gone the entire day, and no one knew where he was. The worst part was that neither Arnav nor Khushi could say anything, could not reveal what might have driven him away. So, when Nani or Anjali asked about him, it was a tough task to make excuses.

Khushi tried calling him again and again, but there was no response.

However, as evening turned into night, her unease only grew and everyone started noticing his absence. Worse thing was, it was the night of Arnav-Lavanya's sangeet, so the house was filled with music and celebration.

And just as the first performance of the night was about to start, loud honking was heard from outside. Naturally, everyone’s attention went towards the main door.

And then walked in Dhruv…unsteady on his feet. His steps uneven, the faint smell of alcohol seemed to arrive even before he did.

But Khushi’s face lit up in instinctive relief the moment she saw him. Without thinking, she hurried towards him, finally relieved after hours of unrest.

However, what she saw made her steps falter and then stop completely.

Because he was not alone.

A woman stepped in right behind him from the entrance, her hand still resting lightly on his arm as if she had just been supporting him. Her clothes were bold, leaving very little to imagine, her presence entirely out of place in the dignified setting of the Raizada house.

Khushi stood frozen where she was. Her eyes moved from Dhruv to the woman and then back again, as if her mind was refusing to process what she was seeing.

Around them, the entire hall had gone silent as the guests exchanged glances.

--*--

Precap - Arnav's face was contorted with anger as he advanced towards Dhruv. “You proved to be like your mother, Dhruv! How could you do this to your wife, you immoral man!”

“NO!!! YOU proved to be like your mother, Arnav! A homewrecker, just like she was!” Dhruv’s outburst sent shockwaves through the room. Nani and Anjali, unable to bear the truth was revealed like this, nearly collapsed from the shock.

--*--

A/N – This was a very long and heavy chapter, I know. It has been as intense to write as it might feel to read, but I am also cherishing this challenging theme. I hope you all are finding at least a small amount of literary joy while reading it.