Chapter 15 - Samarpan Matured

Arnav parked his car and entered the restaurant he had chosen to meet khushi. It was not very popular and mainly in the opposite direction of Shantivan. Not that he and khushi had any reason to hide their meeting, it was just better this way to not give unnecessary stress to Lavanya. He was only intending to meet Khushi to get a closure after all, and he knew Lavanya would support him in it. But he didn’t want her to even think that he was still thinking of Khushi.

He stood near the large wooden doors of the restaurant instead of going towards seating area.

Soon, a white colored cab stopped in front of the restaurant and khushi stepped out from it. She had told him she would come by taxi, and he too hadn’t objected even when they both started from the same place to go to the same place.

.

For a brief second after stepping out, Khushi looked around searching for him. And the moment her eyes found him near the entrance, a small smile appeared on her lips.

Something in his chest tightened at that but he ignored that feeling. She climbed the short stairs to reach him, and he wordlessly led her inside where he had booked a table for them.

She was wearing a pista-green colored salwar suit, he noted. Simple one, like the ones she used to wear years ago and unlike those sarees he saw her wearing in Lucknow. Her eyes too had noticed his choice of attire, a full-sleeved white shirt and blue jeans. But almost at the same time they both realized they were gazing at the other and looked away.

And thankfully, exactly at the same time, a waiter appeared. “Hello, sir. Hello ma’m. What would you like to order?”

Arnav answered quickly, “A black coffee, no sugar. And mineral water bottle.”

The waiter gave him a judgy look but nodded, noting it down on his pad, and then asked, “and for your wife?”

Her mobile phone slipped from Khushi’s hand, banging against the table. Arnav looked at her shocked form, but he also had felt his own heart do a little jump hearing the word “wife”. Like something that had once been possible, something that could have been their reality…if that night had not happened.

He rebuked himself almost immediately, reminding himself he was here to get closure, not to lose himself in memories of those days and answered the waiter, “We are not a couple. She is-” What? Ex fiancé? Sister-in-law?

“Friend.” He answered after a short pause.

“Sorry sir. Sorry ma’m. I saw rings and -assumed- I am sorry.” The waiter said guiltily.

Khushi shook her head, still flustered, but assured him, “It’s fine. Ek chai for me, please.”

Arnav noted how she clutched her mangalsutra’s diamond pendant while doing so.

The awkward silence between them stretched for a few minutes. The only sounds were Khushi unnecessarily flipping through the menu card and Arnav tapping his fingers lightly on the table.

And then both of them spoke at the same time. “So?”; “So?”

Khushi chuckled, making Arnav smile too, finally easing some of the awkwardness.

Just then the waiter returned with their orders and bowing in courtesy he left them alone.

Arnav stared at the coffee cup for a few seconds, and then slowly asked, “I guess you know why I wanted to meet?”

Khushi did not lift her eyes from the steam rising from her tea, and said, “About what happened the other day on the terrace…”

He sighed. “No, Khushi. I mean not only that. I wanted to talk about something else too. About us.”

She looked up at that.

He hated how he could read her eyes so well, till now. and perhaps, will always do. Like now, she was shocked that he said “Us” and curious about what else was he wanting to talk.

He shook his head to clear his mind and refocused, “Khushi, no matter what we do, we can’t deny the fact that we will always be in each other’s lives. Through Dhruv, through Nani… and because, we also shared a past.”

He had practiced the words which was why he was able to speak without letting his voice quiver. Meanwhile, she was listening with full attention.

He continued, “Irrespective of how things ended between us, I have always wished you well, Khushi. And now that I am getting married to Lavanya, and you are married to Dhruv, I think it is wise thing to make peace with whatever happened in our pasts and have a new beginning from today.”

Khushi listened to every word that he said. It was exactly what she also planned to say. That they will always be forced to stay in each other’s lives through family, Dhruv was his brother after all, and then no matter what, she will always wish him the best.

However, now that he said it aloud, she felt a pit, a terrible hollow in her stomach. Like something was slowly slipping away from her hands and she couldn’t even name what it was. Her fingers tightened slightly around the warm cup of tea. What sorcery was her mind playing with her?

She forced herself to look up at him again. He was watching her carefully and waiting for her to say something.

She forced a smile and nodded, “I agree.”

There was no point in going over who had done what, or who had wronged whom more. It was better to let it stay buried.

And so, once that difficult part was out of their way, they finished their drinks and paid the bill.

Yet the feeling of closing a door on a part of their lives made them linger a little longer than necessary before getting up.

.

.

They stepped out of the restaurant together. The evening air felt cooler than before and for a few seconds they simply stood near the pavement, both looking anywhere except at each other.

Khushi opened the cab app on her phone and started searching for a ride. And as Arnav watched her do it, watch her stand there like a stranger arranging her own way home when once there had been a time he would never have let her travel alone at night, he almost offered a ride home.

But then he stopped himself. It hadn’t even been a few minutes since the “closure”, damn it, he said in his mind!

Khushi meanwhile let out a small sigh, staring at the screen. There was a cab 5 minutes away, and she only needed to click on confirm.

But then, her fingers didn’t move, her heart telling her to stop, to hold the time a little longer.

Because this was it. The last time she would be alone with Arnav like this. In this lifetime!

The thought mobilized her limbs and before she could decide, she suddenly stepped forward and hugged him.

Arnav froze in shock for a second at this unexpected moment. Her hands wrapping around him.

Khushi, meanwhile, only wanted to imprint this moment. The last time, she told herself. The last time to savor his touch, his hold, the feeling of being safe in his arms. The last moment when he was still hers in some small forgotten corner of the world.

After a few moments, she felt his arms go around her waist too. his touch, the same familiar touch, engulfing her, promising her to hide her in safety from the harsh world.

But then reality crashed into her mind. She was not his. Nor was he hers. And she slowly untangled herself from him.

But Arnav didn’t lose his hold around her waist, his eyes locking into her with so many unsaid promises. His one arm remained on her waist, firm yet gentle, as if he too had forgotten for a moment what boundaries now existed between them. His other hand slowly lifted and removed a few loose strands of hair from her face.

And then he bent his head and kissed her forehead. His eyes closing automatically the moment his lips touched her skin.

Khushi felt her heart stop for a second. Her whole world seemed to pause with it.

The moment his lips kissed her forehead, it felt as if he took away something heavy she had been carrying inside her for years. As if that one simple touch magically soothed wounds she had never been able to voice. A comfort she had perhaps needed ever since she lost her baby.

Ever since she lost him.

Strange how his one chaste kiss had that power. Arnav himself didn’t know what had come over him. But when she hugged him, he had felt something inside his broken heart shift. The pain, the hurt of being abandoned by her, the bitterness of betrayal he had carried all these years had softened in that brief moment.

And he had impulsively kissed her.

The sound of a car’s honk nearby broke the fragile silence between them and brought them both out of their bubble.

And before he could stop her, Khushi turned around, hailed an auto rikshaw and left.

--*--

Khushi twisted and turned in her bed. It was good that Dhruv was not a light sleeper else, he would have woken up by now and asked the question she dreaded the most. Why are you not sleeping?

Because the answer terrified her. She was unable to sleep because of Arnav. And no, not like she thought in last 5 years, with resentment, anger or pain. But this time with longing. Of his touch, his hold.

She turned to other side again. She had promised herself she would not think about him.

But every moment brought him back. The way he looked at her in the restaurant, the way he said her name, the way he held her, the way he kissed her forehead.

What had she done? Why had she allowed herself to stand near him again, to speak to him again, to feel again? Or had anything between them even truly ended?

Her heart answered before her mind could. It had never ended. It had only been hidden, buried beneath years of hurt and silence.

And now it was awake again.

Across the house, Arnav was discovering the same cruel truth. He lay awake staring at the ceiling, one arm resting behind his head. Sleep was nowhere near him.

He had spent years convincing himself that time had made him mature. That whatever had existed between them had been destroyed beyond repair. But the moment she had stood before him again, the moment she hugged him like he was her world, every lie he had built collapsed quietly.

He could still feel her in his arms from yesterday. The memory refused to leave him.

Who was he fooling? He was not moving on from that woman in this lifetime!

.

The next morning at breakfast, he entered the dining hall with far more composure than he felt. Conversations and laughter could be heard around the long table, but none of it reached him.

His eyes searched instinctively for one woman. And when he found her, his eyes wordlessly summoned her to look at him.

And Khushi indeed looked up.

Their gazes collided with familiarity and some secrets that only two of them knew! It lasted only a second before both looked away.

He took his seat, just across from her and just when Khushi reached for a serving bowl, his hand reached for it at the same time.

Their fingers brushed. The contact was brief, almost accidental. Yet the effect was immediate. A quiet shock traveled up her arm, leaving goosebumps. And she looked on her side, to see if Dhruv or anyone else noticed. No one had. But why was she scared? Why did she feel as if she did something wrong?

She should not feel this way.

And yet, somewhere beneath the guilt and restraint, the feeling did not seem wrong at all.

If anything, it felt terrifyingly right.

.

.

Later that evening, the house was buzzing with music as a choreographer was called for sangeet practice. Although arnav had asked for a small, simple wedding, Lavanya had requested him for a proper sangeet ceremony and he couldn’t deny her.

And now, that was one thing he regretted the most.

Because as the choreographer explained steps to every family member, he forced Arnav to stand next to Lavanya while Khushi paired with Dhruv.

And Arnav hated it. Hated the way he had to stand and watch Khushi’s hand held by someone else.

He had to do something to stop this. Telling that he didn’t dance would not help as Lavanya would force him to do it for her.

And thus, there was only one option left. He texted Aman to call him urgently and then as Aman called the next minute, Arnav made an excuse that he had to step out to take that call.

Half work done. The next half was to get Khushi out of there. It should have been difficult. But was surprisingly easy thanks to her eyes that were already following him.

And thus, he stopped halfway through the stairs on his way to terrace, held her gaze and commanded her, ‘come with me.’

.

Khushi’s heart was beating faster as she took one step after the other. She had made an excuse of needing something from her room to leave the hall, while the choreographer suggested they practice a full family group dance.

Khushi had climbed the stairs, turned towards the room given to her and Dhruv. And then ensuring no one was noticing her, walked towards the terrace where she had seen Arnav go.

As if pulled by something she could neither name nor resist.

By the time she stepped onto the terrace, the evening air was cool against her skin.

And as soon as she stepped fully into the open area, the door closed behind her while a pair of strong arms pulled her forward.

Arnav.

Khushi gasped in surprise even when she knew he was here! He locked the door behind them with one hand still holding her.

And then he pulled her against him, his arms circling her saree-clad waist.

“Arnav…” she whispered in half protest. His touch was not repulsive, it never was, but somewhere her sanity was reminding her that this was wrong.

“Shh. Don’t say anything.” He said, “I have been going mad since yesterday, Khushi. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

The words should have pushed her away. Instead, they broke the final restraint she had been clinging to.

She relaxed against his hold. The sense of right or wrong erased from her mind.

“Me too.” she whispered.

He smiled against her shoulder.

For a long moment they simply stood there, breathing the same air, feeling the familiar warmth of each other’s presence after years of distance.

Then his hand rose slowly to her face, forcing her to look at him.

And in his eyes, she saw ocean of love, yearning for her, begging her to claim it. and she was slave to her own heart.

She instinctively leaned forward, closing her eyes, letting him do what his eyes asked her permission for.

And with that, he let his lips touch hers. The contact was soft at first, almost uncertain. But the moment she responded, every barrier they had tried to maintain dissolved.

His lips moved from her mouth to her chin, then lower towards the curve of her shoulder. All the while, his hand slid against her bare waist, pulling her closer as if afraid she might disappear.

Khushi’s fingers tightened in his shirt.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew this was wrong.

They both did.

But that knowledge had lost all power.

All that remained was the simple, undeniable truth. That they still wanted each other.

A few long, heated moments later, as she dared to look at him, his eyes dark with desire, she whispered, “This is wrong, Arnav ji.”

“Then tell me to stop.”

She shivered as she felt his eyes dare her to deny him, “I can’t.”

He smiled, caressing her bottom lip, “I am going to Agra tomorrow. For 1 day work. Come with me.”

Her eyes widened, understanding the implications of what he was asking her to, what they were getting into.

“Let’s have one last memory of us, Khushi. please, just say, yes.” He pleaded, noting the uncertainty in her eyes.

She knew what her answer should be, what it needed to be.

And yet, when he looked at her like that, when he spoke of a final moment together, she had no choice but to whisper, soft and trembling, “Yes.”

An agreement to commit a sin that somehow felt sacred.

--*--

A/N – I truly, truly hope this came out well, and conveys the emotions right. No matter how well you try to package it, cheating is cheating. So it was very difficult for me to justify it at the same time not endorse it, if that makes sense. Anyway. Things will be turning around, with all truths out next, as we are nearing climax of the story. Please stay tuned and thanks for giving your time.