Chapter 38

Kushi shivered in fear as her eyes met Arnav's rage filled eyes. Unable to withstand his heated stare, she lowered her gaze and twirled her neck little to get view of her shoulder which was enclosed in her husband's steely grip. "shhh..." She hissed as he squeezed her upper arm and making her to look back at him with widened eyes.

"What are you do..." Arnav's high pitched tone died out as soon as he saw her widen eyes filled with fear and confusion. "You were crying?!?" His tone was nowhere near to the tone he had used a second ago. It was below than audible range crammed with sudden concern after seeing her red and little swollen eyes. Kushi simply stared at him forgetting even to blink.

"Why were you crying?" his voice became hard once again; his grip on her got tightened. She shook her head vibrantly and replied in surprised tone "no!?!" She lowered her head realising that her eyes would give him clue about what she was doing for last hour and rubbed her eyes with her hand.

"Don't lie!" he warned her with deathly tone stepping back a little and freeing her upper arm. "No, Arnav. Why should I cry?!?" She asked him with all her innocence raising her head again to face him. Arnav heaved a sigh shaking his head and then directly looking into her eyes, he asked "why are you avoiding me?"

Though Kushi became tensed, she didn't allow her nervousness to overrule her. Thinking that he is angry because she was avoiding him, she tried to manage saying "actually, I am not avoiding you Arnav. It's just i am not feeling well." Closing his eyes, Arnav tried to calm himself before gritting out "stop. Lying." Kushi began to defend herself, saying "i am not lying..."

"I SAID STOP LYING DAMN IT!" the whole house shook with his voice as he fled towards Kushi raising his hand. For a minute, she thought that he was going to hit her and jerked back gluing herself more to the wall. She shut her eyelids firmly and tried to grasp fresh air hoping that it will slow down her racing heart beats. Opening her eyes, she saw him standing close to her and looking at her furiously. He had again pinned her to the wall with his one hand on wall.

Turning sideways, she noticed that his fist which he had banged on wall few minutes before was bleeding badly. "Arnav..." she panicked trying to get hold of his right wrist but he moved away from her. "What are...you doing...Arnav?" she demanded him in trembling voice as tears begin to flow down her cheeks.

"Don't you think that you have already lied to me enough times?" He fumed while she simply looked back at him flabbergasted. "From the time you came here, did you do any other thing except lying to me?" He asked her angrily shaking her shoulders with his wounded hand. Leaving her, he stepped back and tried to calm himself before spitting out what was troubling his mind for long time.

"The day, you came here, you lied to me that you wanted to take revenge on my family. You lied to me when you said you want to marry me to clear our child's name. That day, in kitchen you lied to me that you will always stay with me even if it hurts. The day i confessed my love to you, you again lied to me that everything was fine. When i asked you whether something is troubling you, every single time, you lied to me, ON MY FACE." He pointed his finger towards his face shouting last three words.

Even tears on kushi's eyes froze hearing audacity in his voice. "I remained quiet all the while. but that never means that I don't know anything. I thought you need some more time to trust me completely and to open up to me to tell truth. i kept quiet because i wanted to give our relationship a chance." Their eyes got locked for few second.

"But what a fool i was?" he moved back dramatically throwing his hands in air. "I was trying to make our relationship work like an idiot when in reality you didn't even wanted this relationship." Kushi gasped searching for his eyes and when they met, he said "Lavanya told me everything." His voice was sharp and up to the point. Kushi nodded lowering her head.

"You still think that i love Lavanya?" Kushi didn't know what was in his voice: pain or anger or disbelief. But hearing his tone, she felt uneasiness spreading throughout her body and didn't dare to look at him. "Look at me and ANSWER!" He was so close to her that Kushi could feel his hot breath on her. Opening her eyes, she replied "you may deny it. the truth is you still love Lavanya..."

He strode back looking lost as if he had lost his last reason to live. "But not more than me. In fact you don't love anyone more than me. Though pia is tuff competitor, I am the winner." She finished with sad smile, once again, losing in front of his true love. She had lied to him so many times as she didn't want to hurt him. But how can she lie to him when she knows it's the thing that actually hurts him.

Their eyes held each other and even before Kushi could realise, Arnav cupped her face with his hands. "Kushi, if you are doing this in guilt of what arjun and i did to Lavanya, then please don't do it. You don't have to feel guilt. We will make Lavanya life better. We will find someone who will take care of her. I will make sure that she is happy till her last breath. I owe her at least that much. But you please don't do this to me; to us; to our child." He pleaded her brokenly.

Kushi shook her head sobbing heavily with her gaze fixed to floor. He removed his hand from her face. "I am not doing this for her Arnav." she sobbed more while he looked at her perplexed. "I can't stay here Arnav. It hurts, Arnav. It badly hurts. I can understand you love me more than anything? But your love alone is not enough, Arnav."

Arnav stood rooted to his spot as she began to pour her heart out. "i am not able to forget past. How can i, when seeing you every time reminds me about it? i tried lot to make it work by thinking you love a lot and everything will be fine in few months. But after so many months i still feel same pain, Arnav. When I think about the way you confessed to me, the next moment what comes to my mind is the way how you coldly said 'nothing personal, Kushi' in front of my dad."

"Do you know that i literally yelled at mom during my last conversation with her? I yelled because she supported you! I couldn't even apologize to her for it." she said letting out her misfortune. "i am so sorry, Kushi." he tried to soothe her but she refused his support. If one thing Kushi was known for was her stubbornness. She had already made her mind and no one can change it. "i have already forgave you, Arnav. But I can't forget it. I am going to leave. "

"You can't just leave Kushi. I won't allow you." He raised his voice suspecting that she was again lying to him. No doubt she was still in pain but he was sure she doing it only for lavanya's sake and she is saying these things to make him feel guilty and accept whatever she says. Where was the Kushi who cried in his arms talking about his mom and where was this Kushi who was talking mechanically about her mom.

It was his love which makes her vulnerable and says things which she never wants to say. But his anger always gave her confidence. "Why can't I leave? Remember, it was you who had promised that i can walk out of this relationship whenever I want." She challenged him before saying "I need a break, Arnav. i have to get hell out of here."

"Go Kushi but come back to me. i will wait for you even it takes years." He replied to her with equal stubbornness. She said "You will wait for eternity! What about Lavanya? She still loves you Arnav?" there he got her. She is doing this for Lavanya, now he had no doubt about it. She continued "if we two are together, all three of would suffer. You said you will find guy for Lavanya. But one can take care of her like you can. Trust me Arnav, it is the best thing for you!"

Arnav heaved sigh. She is making it difficult. He thought of hurting her with her own words. "i know what is best for me. i don't need your advice. Actually who are you to decide it for me, Kushi? Who gave you that right? In fact you have lost all your rights on me the minute you thought of walking out of this relation." He said thinking she will hurt hearing that. Jealousy works.

"Fine. Marry her or don't marry her. I don't care. I will leave this place in two months. In fact that is right because you don't deserve her love in fact anybody's love." She said to him sadistically. Arnav had lost it with her words. He shouted "then leave now Kushi! What's the difference it's going to make if you leave now or two months after? You want to get out of this hell, right? Just leave! Even I had enough of you and your stubbornness. Just...just GET LOST!" he turned to other side and ripped his first two buttons feeling suffocated.

She looked at him as fresh tears filled her dried eyes. Arnav began to rub his forehead as it felt heavy. He noticed his bleeding hand and was little surprised when he couldn't feel pain. This physical pain was nothing compared to his heart ache. he could clearly see that she was trying to sacrifice here. that was her nature. he knew it. but what was troubling him was how can she take it so lightly? if her love was true she could never do this so easily.

When he turned back after few minutes, she was gone. His eyes searched for her before he whispered her name. "kushi."